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Fourth Date

SycamoreCircle

By SycamoreCircle
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Diezel Established Member

Diezel

Posted
Posted
I told her, "Sometimes I think you don't see me for who I am. I'm unsuccessful. You have a career."

 

Being unsuccessful has nothing to do with JUST finances.

 

Saying that you are being unsuccessful can be translated to "I am a failure."

If you don't see that yet, then you REALLY shouldn't date. Most women will NOT want to hear that, specially early on.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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I'm not sure I understand you. Yes, I was telling her my concerns for the two of us. She seems very set on it. I told her, "Sometimes I think you don't see me for who I am. I'm unsuccessful. You have a career."

 

That's just who I am. I don't lie to people. I'm not an ambitious guy. I'm not trying to make more money every year or climb any sort of ladder. It's just not how I was raised. I'm content.

 

She doesn't care "who you are", she just wants a relationship. She dismissed your comment about being unsuccessful because it's not important to her. She'll have you even if you don't work and she has to support you to keep you.

 

What she should have said was something like "if we ever got to the point where we want a serious relationship with each other and care deeply enough, the fact that you are not as career oriented as I am would not be a factor to me." Not, "oh, that's OK, I have money".

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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Point noted about telling women I'm unsuccessful.

 

And the Kardashian stuff is really neither here nor there.

 

I guess I just have a feeling that this woman is wanting to wear me like a sport-suit.

 

She's very much thinking in terms of "we."

 

But she is really good to me. She touches me. She offered to scratch my back last night. Did that feel good!

 

Because sex isn't an issue yet, should I just coast a little bit longer?

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
Point noted about telling women I'm unsuccessful.

 

And the Kardashian stuff is really neither here nor there.

 

I guess I just have a feeling that this woman is wanting to wear me like a sport-suit.

 

She's very much thinking in terms of "we."

 

But she is really good to me. She touches me. She offered to scratch my back last night. Did that feel good!

 

Because sex isn't an issue yet, should I just coast a little bit longer?

 

But she is really good to me. She touches me. She offered to scratch my back last night. Did that feel good!

 

Seriously, now you sound like the one who is trying to "latch on". That's more like a puppy . . . "ooo, scratch my belly :)"

 

Touching you and scratching your back means she is good to you? You can coast a little while, of course, but watch out . . . slow this down. One date a week for a while and a couple of calls in between.

 

I guess I just have a feeling that this woman is wanting to wear me like a sport-suit.

 

You have that feeling because she does want that. Referring to the two of you as "we" already is not good either.

Gary S Established Member

Gary S

Posted
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Even though he told her he's unsuccessful, she still wants him. Love supersedes everything. Like I said, she's falling hard. This is a good thing.

 

OP, I know you have had 4 dates with this lady, but how long have you been dating her?

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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Four dates, that's it.

 

We met online. Will that convince you she's moving too quickly?

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Syberia Established Member

Syberia

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That's not something we can answer. The question is, is she moving too quickly for you?

 

She's very much thinking in terms of "we."

 

But she is really good to me. She touches me. She offered to scratch my back last night. Did that feel good!

 

Because sex isn't an issue yet, should I just coast a little bit longer?

Do you see this going anywhere, or are you just "coasting" because she makes you feel good at the moment, and hasn't tried to force sex yet? If it's the latter, that sounds like a male version of friend-zoning, and it isn't cool.

Edited by Syberia
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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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Yes, but I feel partly responsible. I did some stupid stuff. I deactivated my OKC account after I saw that she deactivated hers, and I told her about it.

 

I texted her "I will never lie to you" and "I think about you a lot."

 

Was I lying? No. But I moved way too quickly. I accept that I'm at fault.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Yes, but I feel partly responsible. I did some stupid stuff. I deactivated my OKC account after I saw that she deactivated hers, and I told her about it.

 

I texted her "I will never lie to you" and "I think about you a lot."

 

Was I lying? No. But I moved way too quickly. I accept that I'm at fault.

 

So you said those things even though she is not to your licking?

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fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
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I'm still cracking up over the fact that she claims to be the Virgin Mary type that waits "months". Yet she is making out with you in your bed on date four. Her actions aren't exactly congruent are they?

 

If she really does like to wait months for sex, she'd want dates to be in public. That and her scolding/demanding behavior makes it seem like something is up with her.

Hope Shimmers Established Member

Hope Shimmers

Posted
Posted
Yes, but I feel partly responsible. I did some stupid stuff. I deactivated my OKC account after I saw that she deactivated hers, and I told her about it.

 

I texted her "I will never lie to you" and "I think about you a lot."

 

Was I lying? No. But I moved way too quickly. I accept that I'm at fault.

 

I don't think you are at fault. Maybe you moved a little too fast in the beginning, but you corrected that.

 

I just broke things off with a guy after the 4th date (we had the 5th one planned) because he was doing similar things as this woman. WAY too many red flags! She is scolding you after 4 dates? What is she going to be like in a relationship?

 

It's been 4 dates. Just call her on the phone and say you don't think it's going to work out. She might *think* you two are in a relationship, but she is the one who is "cray-cray" if that is the case. Four dates is four dates.

 

Next....

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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So you said those things even though she is not to your licking?
Hoping you meant liking there:p

 

Here's how it went down:

 

After my first date with her, I felt very positive about things. I started to act very gushy and texted those things to her.

 

The second date is when it all started to come apart. That was our bridge date. She looked so big! Maybe it's because it was daylight. I started to compare her to my ex. There were all the rushed "this date is so great" things on her part. I had already booked us for the ever-serious date three---my fault, I accept. Date two was actually something she pushed for. She said she couldn't wait a whole week to see me.

 

By date three, I was seriously on the fence. After date three, I backed off considerably.

 

Date four is where she scolded me.

BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

Posted
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Even though he told her he's unsuccessful, she still wants him. Love supersedes everything. Like I said, she's falling hard. This is a good thing.

OP, I know you have had 4 dates with this lady, but how long have you been dating her?

 

 

Aaah Gary....the quintessential romantic!:D I have visions of you wearing a Cupid's costume with your bow and arrow aimed at the OP's butt lol

 

 

.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Hoping you meant liking there:p

 

Here's how it went down:

 

After my first date with her, I felt very positive about things. I started to act very gushy and texted those things to her.

 

The second date is when it all started to come apart. That was our bridge date. She looked so big! Maybe it's because it was daylight. I started to compare her to my ex. There were all the rushed "this date is so great" things on her part. I had already booked us for the ever-serious date three---my fault, I accept. Date two was actually something she pushed for. She said she couldn't wait a whole week to see me.

 

By date three, I was seriously on the fence. After date three, I backed off considerably.

 

Date four is where she scolded me.

 

Date two was actually something she pushed for. She said she couldn't wait a whole week to see me.

 

This situation gets worse every time you post. She's not gonna let this go without some drama. Get it over with. Get off the fence. Fall on the side that is away from her. I'm sorry, but I can't give the benefit of any doubt here.

 

Has she been calling and/or texting you since the last time you were with her?

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

Posted
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She's been very busy today. We exchanged a few texts. She asked for emotional support for something that was going down at her workplace. I ham-handedly gave it to her.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

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I don't like the sounds of this, honestly. Too many cons, not enough pros.

 

I agree with those who say you should probably cut it off now.

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Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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Aaah Gary....the quintessential romantic!:D I have visions of you wearing a Cupid's costume with your bow and arrow aimed at the OP's butt lol

 

 

.

 

- You know me too well. I do have a romantic side.... on steroids :love:

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
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The second date is when it all started to come apart. That was our bridge date. She looked so big! Maybe it's because it was daylight. I started to compare her to my ex.

 

If a man thought this about me I would hope that he would just end it instead of sticking it out in some sort of strange wishy washy limbo. Never a good thing!

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Gary S Established Member

Gary S

Posted
Posted

 

The second date is when it all started to come apart. That was our bridge date. She looked so big! Maybe it's because it was daylight. .

 

- Never commit until you see them in the light of day! They always look better at closing time in the bar, because the lights are low, lol

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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- Never commit until you see them in the light of day! They always look better at closing time in the bar, because the lights are low, lol

 

Yeah, a 2 at 10 and a 10 at 2 :)

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Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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^^^ good one! :laugh:

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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If you are going to break it off, the best way is to let them think it's their own idea. I'd tell her you met another woman, or your ex came back.

 

He could tell this one he was married and she'd be ok with it . . . it's a man and he paid attention to her.

Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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He could tell this one he was married and she'd be ok with it . . . it's a man and he paid attention to her.

 

- Perhaps.

 

But I have a program for that too! He could pull out the big guns and say he works as a hit man for the Mafia, and has a communicable disease!

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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- Perhaps.

 

But I have a program for that too! He could pull out the big guns and say he works as a hit man for the Mafia, and has a communicable disease!

 

She'd buy him another gun and a box of rubbers. But he won't need the rubbers for a while because of her virtue and wanting to wait until she knows and trusts the man . . . yet she would marry this man tomorrow if he asked her!

Gary S Established Member

Gary S

Posted
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^^^ I.... why you.... er.....

 

......................wait for it...............

 

..............I got nothin' :laugh:

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