Fourth Date

[SycamoreCircle]

Did you not escalate to sex because deep down something feels off?

She doesn't have sex with men until months in or until she trusts. I totally respect that. I admire her for that.

[Redhead14]

Don't you think in person would be better? She came all the way out to my place in Brooklyn last night. I think it would be considerate for me to go out to her.

 

Redhead: can you expand your last post? I don't understand your meaning.

 

By no contact I mean, don't respond to her calls and/or texts in any way. She may not let go of you easily and continue to hound and pester you. These types of women don't handle the rejection very well. You may get lucky and not have this problem, but I just want you to be prepared.

 

It would be better in person, but given the fact that she "scolded" you in the beginning, you may be faced with a barrage of emotional spewage. If you do it in person, do it in a public place and hopefully, she will keep her composure. And, if you can, have her leave fifrst. Start to head out and tell her you have to go to the men's room or make a phone call or something. Don't go out the door with her.

[Gaeta]

Don't you think in person would be better? She came all the way out to my place in Brooklyn last night. I think it would be considerate for me to go out to her.

 

Redhead: can you expand your last post? I don't understand your meaning.

 

As you wish but be ready for a scene.

[Gary S]

If you are going to break it off, the best way is to let them think it's their own idea. I'd tell her you met another woman, or your ex came back.

[Redhead14]

She doesn't have sex with men until months in or until she trusts. I totally respect that. I admire her for that.

 

Yes, it's admirable if that's the truth of the matter. I'd suspect body-image problems more than virtue. In fact, I'd bet she has significant self-esteem issues and thus the need for looking so high-end all the time. She came to your apartment dressed to the 9s for an at-home date?

[Gary S]

Or cut contact as redhead suggests.

 

Yeah, if you handle it wrong, be prepared for her to reject you back - hard.

[SycamoreCircle]

Wow, some of your comments are putting all of this in perspective for me. She watches The Real Housewives and wears high-priced designer clothing. She incorporates the vocal mannerisms of the Kardashians and belittles past lovers. She scolds men while still in the courting phase.

 

I don't know.

 

Am I being unfair?

 

I told her last night that I worry she doesn't really see me for who I am. "I'm unsuccessful."

 

I make my own money, she said.

 

I'm a very good looking guy and I'm very kind. I wonder if that's what all this is.

 

Confused...

[Gary S]

^^^^I think you are jumping to conclusions, he does not know her well, they have only met 4 times.

[SycamoreCircle]

Or cut contact as redhead suggests.

 

Yeah, if you handle it wrong, be prepared for her to reject you back - hard.

After what my ex said and did, I can manage any acid attack.

[GorillaTheater]

She incorporates the vocal mannerisms of the Kardashians

 

Jesus. Of all the reasons to kick someone to the kerb, this may be one of the most valid.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Last night was our fourth date. She came over to my place, I made dinner, we made out in my bed.

 

She was annoyed when she came over. I knew why. Upfront I said, "Look, I know I've pulled back considerably. I'm scared."

 

She scolded me for dropping some of our texts. "That's not even something I would tolerate with friends." She has a very strong sense of boundaries. She told me that to do something like what I did and not communicate it was a form of game-playing and that she does not have time for it. I apologized. I tried to articulate what I was feeling. I just don't know if I can LOVE her. I didn't tell her that, though. I do still think about my ex. This new interest has all the qualities of a woman who is ripe for mature LOVE and I feel like a stumbling mess.

 

I told her that I would not do this again. It put our fears aside and we had a nice night. But when she left, the fear came back for me. She's texting me now for emotional support and I just feel like I've been chosen and I'm getting roped into something I'm not cut out for.

 

On the other hand, this woman knows exactly what she wants and is not afraid to communicate it. Honestly, I feel like I'm treating this woman the way my ex treated me. Oh, the distribution of baggage!!! It feels good being with her, but I don't know if I can see myself doing everything for this woman. And I think that's what she deserves!

 

 

Um...okay. She "scolded" you about you pulling back a bit...and this is only your FOURTH date together? Holy crap. You could tell (and it was visible) that she was "annoyed" when she came over. She scolded you and you apologized. Because you're a good person who has had his heart shredded, you do want to treat this woman right and you feel that she deserves it - which she probably does...

 

But, in my opinion, she's moving things with you a wee bit too fast. Not only that, consider this: If she's already acting "annoyed" with you after only knowing you for a short time, "scolding" you and being very vocal about it by saying "ain't nobody got time for that!" with regard to you making the "huge" mistake of not communicating with her that you're feeling hesitant about all of this, gushing over every little activity and "milestone" that you guys have together - just visualize what it's going to be like once you're actually *IN* a RELATIONSHIP with her!

 

What also tipped me off about your situation is the fact that, you STILL think about your ex. The ex who BROKE your heart into tiny itty bitty little pieces. If you're not at the stage of indifference with regard to your ex and you're still thinking about her - then you're NOT over her yet. And what that means is: it's more than possible that this woman (or ANY woman you date) is a REBOUND.

 

 

 

There's one other thing. I feel like a heel for mentioning it. But it's LoveShack and either you bare all and face the cold hard light of day or continue in a sort of deception.

 

She's bigger than I thought she was! Her pics on OKC show off a curvaceous, hourglass figure. I didn't really notice it on our first date. She mentioned to me that she gained a lot of weight during a really rough period she was going through some months back but lost it. That hourglass is really more box-like, which I find unattractive. I mean, I'm a big guy. But she's bigger than me. And I think she was wearing a girdle last night. She's a gorgeous woman, nonetheless. I would just prefer someone a little slimmer---if for the sake of easier sex.

 

I'm drawing a giant target over myself for all sentient LS'ers to maul.

 

I know that she is watching what she eats. But she works a lot and doesn't seem to have time for out and out exercise.

 

It's possible that - even though she's watching her portions and what she eats - she may NOT lose the extra fat around her waist; and, the way her body looks to you now may end up being the way she'll always look...permanently. If you don't mind that, and if you don't try to suggest to her that she exercise more, then her physical appearance will be something you'll have to accept, live with and have sex with.

 

Why would you think anyone on here would "maul" you because of what you wrote? For most people, health/fitness/physical attractiveness is important - and is one of the first things that attract them to a person they want to date!

 

This is why I've been exercising for a while and have been eating more healthy foods and juicing; because I love the way my body looks now, how much healthier I feel and how much more energy I have! I also feel more confident with the way I look in clothing (and um, out of clothing lol) and this translates to how I relate to any guy that I'm attracted to. Also, I'm only attracted to guys who are in shape (he doesn't have to be ripped) or who are almost on their way to being in shape. So, don't feel like a "heel" because you're attracted to a "smaller" and/or more shapelier woman.

 

 

.

[SycamoreCircle]

Jesus. Of all the reasons to kick someone to the kerb, this may be one of the most valid.

Ha. Thanks for the much needed levity.

[Redhead14]

Wow, some of your comments are putting all of this in perspective for me. She watches The Real Housewives and wears high-priced designer clothing. She incorporates the vocal mannerisms of the Kardashians and belittles past lovers. She scolds men while still in the courting phase.

 

I don't know.

 

Am I being unfair?

 

I told her last night that I worry she doesn't really see me for who I am. "I'm unsuccessful."

 

I make my own money, she said.

 

I'm a very good looking guy and I'm very kind. I wonder if that's what all this is.

 

Confused...

 

Go back to your gut.

 

She incorporates the vocal mannerisms of the Kardashians and belittles past lovers

 

This kind of behavior suggests wearing a "false front". Giving the appearance of someone who is confident, successful, etc. to cover up emotional deficits.

 

Take her out for a drink, tell her you've enjoyed spending time with her but that you two are not a good match PERIOD.

 

OR, take some more time to get to know her and keep dating other women since you two are being intimate. Make sure she understands that you are seeing other women and she is free to date other men. I think she'd freak if you said you were going to date others though. It's your call, but . . .

[Gary S]

 

I'm a very good looking guy and I'm very kind. I wonder if that's what all this is.

 

Confused...

 

- That's exactly what it's all about, it's about love... she is falling for you, hard.

[fitnessfan365]

She doesn't have sex with men until months in or until she trusts. I totally respect that. I admire her for that.

 

Haha.. She's full of crap man. A woman that likes to wait "months" for sex is not going to want to be alone with a guy in his bed on the fourth date. She'd want to keep the dates in public. Her actions are contradicting what she says. Something tells me that she picked up on you hesitating and then tried to turn that in her favor by claiming to be a Virgin Mary type. If you'd tried harder to seduce her, you would have had her knocking off your head board.

 

She honestly seems like she's trouble so I'd lose her. The instant a woman I barely knew started making demands and scolding me, I'd send her packing.

[Diezel]

I told her last night that I worry she doesn't really see me for who I am. "I'm unsuccessful."

 

You really told her that you are unsuccessful?

 

If so, you are by far, not ready to be dating anyone.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

by no contact i mean, don't respond to her calls and/or texts in any way. She may not let go of you easily and continue to hound and pester you. these types of women don't handle the rejection very well. You may get lucky and not have this problem, but i just want you to be prepared.

 

It would be better in person, but given the fact that she "scolded" you in the beginning, you may be faced with a barrage of emotional spewage. if you do it in person, do it in a public place and hopefully, she will keep her composure. and, if you can, have her leave fifrst. Start to head out and tell her you have to go to the men's room or make a phone call or something. Don't go out the door with her.

 

 

^^^

This.

 

 

.

[losangelena]

FWIW, I would not like it if a guy took me out first and then broke up with me. After four dates, the phone is fine.

 

I would also not like it if a guy who had a problem with my body stuck around for longer than he wanted. I don't feel like anyone's settling.

[Carm]

I don't think I would do it in person, after 4 dates do you really owe someone a face to face ending especially with someone who will most likely cause a scene.

 

 

Seriously, like a Kardashian?

 

 

Phone is fine.

[fitnessfan365]

I would also not like it if a guy who had a problem with my body stuck around for longer than he wanted. I don't feel like anyone's settling.

 

With your lean facial features and neckline/shoulder design I doubt any guy would have an issue with your body woman.

[SycamoreCircle]

You really told her that you are unsuccessful?

 

If so, you are by far, not ready to be dating anyone.

I'm not sure I understand you. Yes, I was telling her my concerns for the two of us. She seems very set on it. I told her, "Sometimes I think you don't see me for who I am. I'm unsuccessful. You have a career."

 

That's just who I am. I don't lie to people. I'm not an ambitious guy. I'm not trying to make more money every year or climb any sort of ladder. It's just not how I was raised. I'm content.

[SycamoreCircle]

I don't think I would do it in person, after 4 dates do you really owe someone a face to face ending especially with someone who will most likely cause a scene.

 

 

Seriously, like a Kardashian?

 

 

Phone is fine.

Kardashian-lite, OK? She spares me the vocal fry. But last night she said "cray.":o Maybe I'm also projecting---she's Armenian.

[Carm]

I'm not sure I understand you. Yes, I was telling her my concerns for the two of us. She seems very set on it. I told her, "Sometimes I think you don't see me for who I am. I'm unsuccessful. You have a career."

 

That's just who I am. I don't lie to people. I'm not an ambitious guy. I'm not trying to make more money every year or climb any sort of ladder. It's just not how I was raised. I'm content.

 

 

I'm a girl and to be honest, I don't think that I would like it for a man that I was getting involved with said that to me. Whether it's true or not. It's not about you being honest or lying. It's a feeling that you have about yourself and it comes off wrong. Change how you think in regards to that.

 

 

Also, success is defined by your own terms. If you feel content, that means you are successful. You know what I mean?

[Carm]

Kardashian-lite, OK? She spares me the vocal fry. But last night she said "cray.":o Maybe I'm also projecting---she's Armenian.

 

 

 

Anything Kardashian is a huge turn off for me, lite or not. Eek.

[losangelena]

Kardashian-lite, OK? She spares me the vocal fry. But last night she said "cray.":o Maybe I'm also projecting---she's Armenian.

 

Are you sure she's not saying that kind of stuff ironically? I say sh*t like "cray-cray" all the time, but I do so in a playful, ironic, non-serious way (I have a masters degree, for crying out loud!).

 

Dunno ... I haven't met anyone yet, romantic or otherwise, who doesn't take me seriously because of it.