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Fourth Date

SycamoreCircle

By SycamoreCircle
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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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Last night was our fourth date. She came over to my place, I made dinner, we made out in my bed.

 

She was annoyed when she came over. I knew why. Upfront I said, "Look, I know I've pulled back considerably. I'm scared."

 

She scolded me for dropping some of our texts. "That's not even something I would tolerate with friends." She has a very strong sense of boundaries. She told me that to do something like what I did and not communicate it was a form of game-playing and that she does not have time for it. I apologized. I tried to articulate what I was feeling. I just don't know if I can LOVE her. I didn't tell her that, though. I do still think about my ex. This new interest has all the qualities of a woman who is ripe for mature LOVE and I feel like a stumbling mess.

 

I told her that I would not do this again. It put our fears aside and we had a nice night. But when she left, the fear came back for me. She's texting me now for emotional support and I just feel like I've been chosen and I'm getting roped into something I'm not cut out for.

 

On the other hand, this woman knows exactly what she wants and is not afraid to communicate it. Honestly, I feel like I'm treating this woman the way my ex treated me. Oh, the distribution of baggage!!! It feels good being with her, but I don't know if I can see myself doing everything for this woman. And I think that's what she deserves!

Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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Wow, she is really into you! Scolding you for not giving her enough emotional support. That's a great sign she's falling hard for you. Enjoy!

 

It's a really, really great problem to have!

DivorcedDad123 Established Member

DivorcedDad123

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What do you mean by "doing everything for this woman" ?

Is this a burden you're placing on yourself, or is she expecting you to do everything?

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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What do you mean by "doing everything for this woman" ?

Is this a burden you're placing on yourself, or is she expecting you to do everything?

Well, before the pillars came tumbling down on my last relationship(the one which brought me to LS a year ago), I would have done anything for my girlfriend. And I could tell anyone that.

 

This new woman has loads of family members and friends that she's close to. The deeper this goes, the more I'm going to have to be submitted for approval. Are my feelings strong enough to endure that kind of scrutiny? I just don't know.

 

There's one other thing. I feel like a heel for mentioning it. But it's LoveShack and either you bare all and face the cold hard light of day or continue in a sort of deception.

 

She's bigger than I thought she was! Her pics on OKC show off a curvaceous, hourglass figure. I didn't really notice it on our first date. She mentioned to me that she gained a lot of weight during a really rough period she was going through some months back but lost it. That hourglass is really more box-like, which I find unattractive. I mean, I'm a big guy. But she's bigger than me. And I think she was wearing a girdle last night. She's a gorgeous woman, nonetheless. I would just prefer someone a little slimmer---if for the sake of easier sex.

 

I'm drawing a giant target over myself for all sentient LS'ers to maul.

 

I know that she is watching what she eats. But she works a lot and doesn't seem to have time for out and out exercise.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
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Last night was our fourth date. She came over to my place, I made dinner, we made out in my bed.

 

She was annoyed when she came over. I knew why. Upfront I said, "Look, I know I've pulled back considerably. I'm scared."

 

She scolded me for dropping some of our texts. "That's not even something I would tolerate with friends." She has a very strong sense of boundaries. She told me that to do something like what I did and not communicate it was a form of game-playing and that she does not have time for it. I apologized. I tried to articulate what I was feeling. I just don't know if I can LOVE her. I didn't tell her that, though. I do still think about my ex. This new interest has all the qualities of a woman who is ripe for mature LOVE and I feel like a stumbling mess.

 

I told her that I would not do this again. It put our fears aside and we had a nice night. But when she left, the fear came back for me. She's texting me now for emotional support and I just feel like I've been chosen and I'm getting roped into something I'm not cut out for.

 

On the other hand, this woman knows exactly what she wants and is not afraid to communicate it. Honestly, I feel like I'm treating this woman the way my ex treated me. Oh, the distribution of baggage!!! It feels good being with her, but I don't know if I can see myself doing everything for this woman. And I think that's what she deserves!

 

Wow, 4 dates and she's carrying on like that! It's not you, it's her. It would be ok for her to communicate to you that she wished you would be better at communicating but not this way. She sounds like a spoiled brat.

 

I just feel like I've been chosen -- she's this attached and emotional after 4 dates! She just wants an instant relationship.

 

I just don't know if I can LOVE - how could you know after 4 dates, really?

 

I'd tell her that she appears to want more than you do and wish her well.

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Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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To encourage her, you can always exercise with her. I go on walks, runs, gym dates a lot.

 

I don't think it's a big deal though, you are not going anywhere, I think you are hooked also :love:

 

Nobody is perfect. Are you perfect?

DivorcedDad123 Established Member

DivorcedDad123

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The size thing would be a turnoff for me as well. Not gonna bash you for that. You like what you like.

After only 4 dates ,you and she have no obligation. If you're not liking what you're seeing so far, just walk away and wish her the best.

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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Wow, 4 dates and she's carrying on like that! It's not you, it's her. It would be ok for her to communicate to you that she wished you would be better at communicating but not this way. She sounds like a spoiled brat.

 

I just feel like I've been chosen -- she's this attached and emotional after 4 dates! She just wants an instant relationship.

 

I just don't know if I can LOVE - how could you know after 4 dates, really?

 

I'd tell her that she appears to want more than you do and wish her well.

Oh, Redhead---thank you so much! And you're a woman, I presume. I thought I was just being a prick, but this girl really is muscling me into a relationship.

 

She also says things that just seem premature. For example, one of our dates we met at the Brooklyn Bridge and walked across it. She kept saying the whole time, "this is just the best day..." "thank you for such a great date"---ALL WE WERE DOING WAS WALKING ACROSS A FµCKING BRIDGE. She wanted the entire date to be spontaneous. But as soon as we got across the bridge, she said "where are we walking to?" and "OK, do you want to _______?" and looking at her phone she said "wow, we made the bridge in 30 minutes!" What does any of that have to do with spontaneity?

 

Also, as I've mentioned in another post, she's an uptown girl and dresses in a way that reflects that. The other day she told me she was going shopping. Last night she shows up at my apartment with her new duds looking like a female version of me!

Carm Established Member

Carm

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I agree with Redhead. It seems like she wants an instant relationship. I can't believe that 4 dates in she's scolding you.

 

 

What caught my attention is you saying that you still think about your ex.

 

 

I know for me it took me a few years to get over my ex and until such time it's difficult to have an open heart.

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Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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Posted (edited)
She also says things that just seem premature. For example, one of our dates we met at the Brooklyn Bridge and walked across it. She kept saying the whole time, "this is just the best day..." "thank you for such a great date"---ALL WE WERE DOING WAS WALKING ACROSS A FµCKING BRIDGE.

 

- That's because she is too happy to be there with you, which is oh so right! I have women thank me all the time for a great date, they say they are looking forward to our next adventure... when all I did was take them to dinner! It's because they like me! This is a good thing.

Edited by Gary S
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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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I agree with Redhead. It seems like she wants an instant relationship. I can't believe that 4 dates in she's scolding you.

 

 

What caught my attention is you saying that you still think about your ex.

 

 

I know for me it took me a few years to get over my ex and until such time it's difficult to have an open heart.

Thanks, Carm. I've always been more Love-seeking than Sex-seeking. I guess the grim reality is that unless I can adjust to more thrill-seeking women, I probably shouldn't be tangling myself up with women for a while.

 

Yes, she scolded me. She said that I started off one way and changed things without telling her. And she's right. I came off very strong, very romantic in the beginning. Then I realized I just wasn't ready to move this quickly and pulled back a little.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Oh, Redhead---thank you so much! And you're a woman, I presume. I thought I was just being a prick, but this girl really is muscling me into a relationship.

 

She also says things that just seem premature. For example, one of our dates we met at the Brooklyn Bridge and walked across it. She kept saying the whole time, "this is just the best day..." "thank you for such a great date"---ALL WE WERE DOING WAS WALKING ACROSS A FµCKING BRIDGE. She wanted the entire date to be spontaneous. But as soon as we got across the bridge, she said "where are we walking to?" and "OK, do you want to _______?" and looking at her phone she said "wow, we made the bridge in 30 minutes!" What does any of that have to do with spontaneity?

 

Also, as I've mentioned in another post, she's an uptown girl and dresses in a way that reflects that. The other day she told me she was going shopping. Last night she shows up at my apartment with her new duds looking like a female version of me!

 

Yes, I'm a woman :) and you're not a prick! She's desperate to have someone. And, trying way too hard. That being said, though, I bet you're a good one to have :) But trust, me, she's not gonna be good for you. She's over the top.

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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- That's because she is too happy to be there with you, which is oh so right! I have women thank me all the time for a great date, they say they are looking forward to our next adventure... when all I did was take them to dinner! It's because they like me! This is a good thing.
I understand what you're saying, Gary, but imagine going to a movie with someone and all through the movie they're saying, "This is the greatest movie I've ever seen. My God, what an amazing movie! This movie is so unbelievably good." Eventually, you're just like---how can they be enjoying it so much and commenting on it at the same time???
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Thanks, Carm. I've always been more Love-seeking than Sex-seeking. I guess the grim reality is that unless I can adjust to more thrill-seeking women, I probably shouldn't be tangling myself up with women for a while.

 

Yes, she scolded me. She said that I started off one way and changed things without telling her. And she's right. I came off very strong, very romantic in the beginning. Then I realized I just wasn't ready to move this quickly and pulled back a little.

 

You were wise to do that. Your gut was telling you something. A saavy, confident woman wouldn't a) latch on to you like this after 4 dates and b) would not have focused on a couple of missed texts and c) wouldn't even be thinking about you that much between dates yet because, hopefully, she's busy with other things in her life.

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DivorcedDad123 Established Member

DivorcedDad123

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""This is the greatest movie I've ever seen. My God, what an amazing movie! This movie is so unbelievably good."

 

Wonder if she does this during sex? That could be a plus in her favor. :D

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fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

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Wow, 4 dates and she's carrying on like that! It's not you, it's her. It would be ok for her to communicate to you that she wished you would be better at communicating but not this way. She sounds like a spoiled brat.

 

I just feel like I've been chosen -- she's this attached and emotional after 4 dates! She just wants an instant relationship.

 

I just don't know if I can LOVE - how could you know after 4 dates, really?

 

I'd tell her that she appears to want more than you do and wish her well.

 

Could not have said it better myself. This is what I was thinking as well. When people come on that strong, that fast they're more into the idea of being in a relationship then they are into you. When someone is into you, they're more comfortable to let it happen at you own place.

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Carm Established Member

Carm

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Yes, she scolded me. She said that I started off one way and changed things without telling her. And she's right. I came off very strong, very romantic in the beginning. Then I realized I just wasn't ready to move this quickly and pulled back a little.

 

 

 

Assuming that you were still not thinking about your ex, play the story to the end.

 

 

She had no right to scold you even if you started off one way and changed. Four dates in, imagine what a nag she will down the road. I'd pull the plug.

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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Could not have said it better myself. This is what I was thinking as well. When people come on that strong, that fast they're more into the idea of being in a relationship then they are into you. When someone is into you, they're more comfortable to let it happen at you own place.
Yes, and I think I'm an easy target in the sense that I have a very individual style of dress and lifestyle. Plus, I'm a romantic sort of person, a dreamer. It would make sense that someone might look at me and begin to formulate large unrealistic ideas about me. My other post on this woman was titled Unreal.

 

She also was praising the way I French kissed her last night. And talked about how bad a kisser an ex was! Again, idealization and its opposite devaluation---both characteristics of narcissism. She's not into me, she's into herself with me.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Too many wrongs won't give you a positive end result. I would end it there if I were you.

 

* She is not physically as you expected

 

* She is over doing it and making you feel trapped

 

* She is not special enough to you to make you forget about your ex for a moment.

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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OK, so what would be the bravest, most honest and straight-forward way of breaking things off with her?

 

Here is what happened so far:

 

-E-mail correspondence.

 

-Date 1: Met in person. 4-hour date. Made out heavily.

 

-Date 2: Went wandering through Brooklyn. Had lunch and dinner together. Made out. Snuggled.

 

-Date 3: Took her to the Orchid Show at NY Botanic Garden.

 

-Date 4: Cooked for her at my place. Made out in my bed.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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OK, so what would be the bravest, most honest and straight-forward way of breaking things off with her?

 

By phone.......

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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By the way, when you tell her you're moving on, go no contact. She will haunt you . . . I'd bet money you'll need to block her number because of that. Just sayin' . . .

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Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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The scolding is not bad, it was a positive thing, showing her interest in the man. Some of you guys need to get your heads out of your you know what.

 

But hey, if he's not ready for all this or does not like her, I get it.

 

Like I always say, welcome to the cat-and-mouse game.

fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

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-Date 4: Cooked for her at my place. Made out in my bed.

 

Did you not escalate to sex because deep down something feels off?

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SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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By phone.......
Don't you think in person would be better? She came all the way out to my place in Brooklyn last night. I think it would be considerate for me to go out to her.

 

Redhead: can you expand your last post? I don't understand your meaning.

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