turningpoint Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) Is it possible for someone to be in love, but deny it? The heart says yes, but the head says no. I have a friend who is giving off every sign he loves me but according to him he does not even like me romantically, not even a little bit. We've known each other for a year and he definitely did like me the first 2 months we knew each other. Things were confusing and we decided to just be friends. However, it's been a year, I'm crazy about the guy and think we should give it a shot at dating. 1. He says I'm very beautiful and we've had sex several times in the last 2 months (we've stopped because it causes confusion). The sex was great and lots of physical chemistry. 2. He loves being around me. Matter of fact he wrote me a lengthy message just last week, saying how amazing I am, how wonderful we are together, how he can't imagine his life without me, etc. 3. We plan trips together. We spend hours together (last Sunday I was at his place hanging out with him one on one for 9 hours straight), and we get along great. A few of our mutual friends think we are going out. One of our mutual friends just told me a week ago that they strongly believe he likes me but is denying it. I just don't know what to think. If the guy doesn't hear from me for several days, he's checking on me. He lies to me and acts like he doesn't ask out or approach other women. I know this is a lie, but he told me just last week that he isn't asking out other women or anything. The guy is practically wrapped around my fingers. If I ask for something or want something, he's on it. But he told me 3 weeks ago that he's missing the romantic attraction, but then the next day he tells me that even if he had feelings for me, strong feelings, he would deny it because he's freaked out and can't admit them to me until he's 100% sure that he can handle a relationship with me! The only reason I think he could be in denial is he tells me often that this is very real and scary to him. He told me just last week that he's never felt this emotionally open/vulnerable with someone before and it is easy to not accept that. He often tells me to give him time so that he can sort all this out. Thoughts? Edited April 10, 2015 by turningpoint
Toodaloo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Well my thoughts are that he really likes you but he just doesn't want to be with you long term. What I think you should do? Walk away and ignore him as much as possible, get on with your own life and enjoy flirting with other men while you get over him. He is just using you at the moment. Time to make that stop. 2
BluEyeL Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Well my thoughts are that he really likes you but he just doesn't want to be with you long term. What I think you should do? Walk away and ignore him as much as possible, get on with your own life and enjoy flirting with other men while you get over him. He is just using you at the moment. Time to make that stop. What she said. He likes you, but doesn't want a relationship with you. Just the attention, sex and ego stroke. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Is it possible for someone to be in love, but deny it? The heart says yes, but the head says no. I have a friend who is giving off every sign he loves me but according to him he does not even like me romantically, not even a little bit. We've known each other for a year and he definitely did like me the first 2 months we knew each other. Things were confusing and we decided to just be friends. However, it's been a year, I'm crazy about the guy and think we should give it a shot at dating. 1. He says I'm very beautiful and we've had sex several times in the last 2 months (we've stopped because it causes confusion). The sex was great and lots of physical chemistry. 2. He loves being around me. Matter of fact he wrote me a lengthy message just last week, saying how amazing I am, how wonderful we are together, how he can't imagine his life without me, etc. 3. We plan trips together. We spend hours together (last Sunday I was at his place hanging out with him one on one for 9 hours straight), and we get along great. A few of our mutual friends think we are going out. One of our mutual friends just told me a week ago that they strongly believe he likes me but is denying it. I just don't know what to think. If the guy doesn't hear from me for several days, he's checking on me. He lies to me and acts like he doesn't ask out or approach other women. I know this is a lie, but he told me just last week that he isn't asking out other women or anything. . If I ask for something or want something, he's on it. But he told me 3 weeks ago that he's missing the romantic attraction, but then the next day he tells me that even if he had feelings for me, strong feelings, he would deny it because he's freaked out and can't admit them to me until he's 100% sure that he can handle a relationship with me! The only reason I think he could be in denial is he tells me often that this is very real and scary to him. He told me just last week that he's never felt this emotionally open/vulnerable with someone before and it is easy to not accept that. He often tells me to give him time so that he can sort all this out. Thoughts? The first 3 statements below, contradict the last one . . . 1) but according to him he does not even like me romantically 2) He lies to me and acts like he doesn't ask out or approach other women. I know this is a lie, 3) But he told me 3 weeks ago that he's missing the romantic attraction 4) I have a friend who is giving off every sign he loves me "The guy is practically wrapped around my fingers" -- I think it's the other way around. You're wrapped around his fingers. He is keeping you on a string because he hasn't found someone "better" yet. He's says he needs time to figure things out. Give it to him. Give him a ton of space. Say something like "I've been enjoying our time together but I am looking for a committed, stable relationship with someone. I am having a difficult time being kept in "limbo" with you". Tell his to take some time to figure things out for himself and ask for a period of no contact or at least limited contact. If you go limited contact, keep the communication light and supportive. Do not discuss the relationship until the time limit has passed. If he's still unsure, I'd move on. until he's 100% sure that he can handle a relationship with me! - How long are you will to wait until he's 100% sure? And, no one can be 100% sure, you can come pretty close but but they have to be willing to focus on that one person -- and, he's not because he's still approaching other women. 4
Gary S Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 If you two were going to have a relationship, it would have happened the first two months. Obviously it's not a match, you two have problems. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 It almost sounds like a FWB Relationship except where he stopped having sex with you.... So maybe he just wants to be close friends? I dunno... It sounds like he's in love with you to me, but maybe not. 1
Author turningpoint Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 The first 3 statements below, contradict the last one . . . 1) but according to him he does not even like me romantically 2) He lies to me and acts like he doesn't ask out or approach other women. I know this is a lie, 3) But he told me 3 weeks ago that he's missing the romantic attraction 4) I have a friend who is giving off every sign he loves me "The guy is practically wrapped around my fingers" -- I think it's the other way around. You're wrapped around his fingers. He is keeping you on a string because he hasn't found someone "better" yet. He's says he needs time to figure things out. Give it to him. Give him a ton of space. Say something like "I've been enjoying our time together but I am looking for a committed, stable relationship with someone. I am having a difficult time being kept in "limbo" with you". Tell his to take some time to figure things out for himself and ask for a period of no contact or at least limited contact. If you go limited contact, keep the communication light and supportive. Do not discuss the relationship until the time limit has passed. If he's still unsure, I'd move on. until he's 100% sure that he can handle a relationship with me! - How long are you will to wait until he's 100% sure? And, no one can be 100% sure, you can come pretty close but but they have to be willing to focus on that one person -- and, he's not because he's still approaching other women. Okay I'll work on giving him space. Maybe that's all he needs. I do think we are both wrapped around each other's fingers. The story of our friendship is complicated. We met when I moved halfway across the world to a new country (the country I'm living in now). So although we had just met, it wasn't an ideal time to date. I had no friends, was dealing with homesickness, adjusting and wondering WTF I had just done moving here! I've lived here a year and he knows I want to move back to the States at some point. He has told me several times he wants to move to the States in a year just to work for 6 months to a year (he's never even been) and has said it is because of me. He's already done the work of looking into visas and applying for jobs. He's mentioned many times that he cannot imagine life without me. I have actively dated other guys and he never asked about it, but that's when the sleeping together started, shortly after I was dating other people. These just seems like actions of a guy who is pretty invested. Anyway, you are probably right. I've never given him space since the day we met. We went a few weeks without talking, months ago, but that was it.
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