It's been 3 months

[Cambria]

It's been just under 3 months since he left me and I am still struggling. All of my belongings, an entire apartment of stuff, are packed away in a storage unit while My two cats and I are renting a tiny room at a friends house. Just 3 months ago I was happily in love with the man I thought I was going to marry. We were living in a nice apartment where we had built a life together and made a home together. And in this home we often invited our "friend" for dinner and games and movies. This "friend" that he apparently spent a lot of time with in our apartment while I was working. The "friend" he moved in with hours after telling me he didn't love me anymore (much to my surprise). The "friend" he is now creating a new life with. A life I am no longer a part of with friends who no longer want to see me. I struggle with this reality each and every day. It hasn't gotten easier but I am getting better at hiding my pain and emotions. I mean let's face it, nobody wants to be around a girl who is mopy and sad all the time. So I hide it and put on a fake smile and pretend everything is alright while I'm dying inside. 3 months have passed and I still can't grasp the fact that he is gone and the love of my life doesn't love me anymore. It hurts so much.

 

His family has me over for dinner and to spend the evening with them once a week. They don't want me to go away even though it seems customary to breakup with the family along with the ex. They know him for a cheater and are absolutely devastated. They've made it perfectly clear that the home wrecking whore he left me for is never welcome in their home and they want nothing to do with her. I love his family. I'm a daughter to his parents and a sister to his siblings. I can't find it in my heart to leave them, in fact I think I've grown even closer to them since he left me. They were there for me when it all went down and they have continued to be there for me. They are my family now. I'm sure he resents me for it. Before initiating no contact I had asked him if he wanted me to stop seeing them and he said "you can have them". And the way he said it....it was so hurtful as if he didn't even care about them. Perhaps he was just angry that they didn't approve of what he had done to me.

 

Anyway, I'm not sure what the point of this post is. I am grieving the loss of him and I still miss him so much. Despite the terrible things he did to me I still love him and I hate that I love him. I know that eventually I will get better but I am not coping as well as I want to. I can't shake the feeling that he was the one for me and it's all ruined now. I'll never be able to trust another person again. No trust for a lover and no trust for a friend. He was good and decent, and in the blink of an eye he became a cheater a liar and a coward. I'll never be able to trust or open myself up to another person. God help me.

[Emma1234]

Three months isn't very long at all, especially when you lived together, had a future together AND were treated in that way.

 

Give it more time, start building up the life you want without him and before you know it you will realise you haven't thought about him for a few days, then it'll turn into a few weeks and finally he'll just be that idiot from the past who hurts you and who you're glad is out of your life.

 

I PROMISE it'll get better. Give it time

[Ruby65]

Agreed -- it WILL get better, but you need to give yourself more time.

 

I wouldn't expect a happy ending for him and his cheating co-conspirator.... remember what they say: if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. I have a feeling your ex will get what's coming to him soon enough.

 

Love your sweet cats, be with your friends, surround yourself with people who love and support you. I really wouldn't continue to see your ex's family past a certain point, as I think that will probably end up doing more harm to your healing than good.

 

It's natural to feel like you've lost your one chance.... that you'll never be able to love or trust again. But luckily this never turns out to be the case! In time you'll be healed and ready to start a life with someone much better.

 

Hard to imagine, but one day you're going to look back and be grateful to have gotten free of this cheater! You deserve SO MUCH more.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

Keep posting!

[ApexTitanium]

I know exactly how you feel, basically the same for me except I'm a guy and it was the girl that left.

And I spend everyday in deep sadness and feeling like I wasn't worth it. Keep your head up though, it can only get better from here.

[Haerts]

It never happened to me to break up with someone being so long with them, but I've been through a few heartaches, including one that took me over 3 months to get over. PS: I only got to stay with the guy for a month. Nowadays when I look at it, when I see pictures of him, or when I see him anywhere and I talk to him, the only thing I can think of is: oh God, WHY DID I WASTE 3 MONTHS OF MY LIFE SAD AS F**K FOR SOMEONE LIKE HIM?

 

It's normal to feel sad when you're in love with someone and they're no longer yours. I know the feeling. I know how it feels like to go outside, look at everyone and think that all of them are not worth it, because the one you want is not there for you.

 

My suggestion is: start forcing yourself out of this situation. Excersize if you aren't doing that already, save some money maybe for a trip, maybe for some shopping? Find a new hobby, make some new friends, or call your friends to go out for a fun night, or even go by yourself if you feel like it. Don't sit there waiting for the pain to magically go away. You have to work on it for it to go away... and maybe you don't want that ut, you should stop seeing his family too. It's only going to hurt you more and more. Also, it's his family. Not yours. He will ALWAYS have a connection with them. You won't. Eventually things will start getting better forb you and I'm sure you won't go the rest of your days seeing your ex's family every week.

 

Start working on moving on. Easier said than done, I know, I've been there. But that's how it will get better for you.

 

And: he's NOT the love of your life. If he was, he'd be there right now with you, not with some chick who will probably cheat on him (and he'll cheat on her) and have a miserable life with - and I'm not saying that to make you feel better, it seems like that happens quite often with people like him. Just a matter of time.

 

Find your happiness!

[Cambria]

Thank you all for the kind words. It means a lot to me that you took the time to respond. As for his family...they are also my family. I don't think they will give me up even if I tried to let them go. I know it's not typical, but they've actually helped me a lot in the last few months. I'll continue to see them regularly but if I feel that it is prolonging my grief then I will pull back.