mortensorchid Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I turned 40 at Christmas, I don't look nor do I act like it. But I realize a few things about myself now which I think I knew before. People tell me (as I'm sure some reading this would also say) that you shouldn't be negative otherwise it won't happen for you. But I'm at a point in life now where I realized I missed my window to have kids, and I also seem to have missed the window to be with anyone. Life is certainly not over for me (or anyone else) at 40, in fact I feel very good about myself. But I realize I am not one of those people who should be with someone in a traditional situation when I thought I was at some point. Men stick around for about a year and a half / two years and then they leave, then hook up with the next bimbo who comes along and try to make it work with them. I've dated a lot of guys in my lifetime, from white collar, college educated men to blue collar, working class guys and they are all the same: they want someone lesser than they are - someone who has less charisma, less personality, and will be dependent or care for them first rather than a woman who has a lot to offer, which I do. Or they want trashy girls (strippers and the like) who will excite them in the sack and no where else. I'm on the knife edge tonight. I just wanted to vent. 1
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I turned 40 at Christmas, I don't look nor do I act like it. But I realize a few things about myself now which I think I knew before. People tell me (as I'm sure some reading this would also say) that you shouldn't be negative otherwise it won't happen for you. But I'm at a point in life now where I realized I missed my window to have kids, and I also seem to have missed the window to be with anyone. Life is certainly not over for me (or anyone else) at 40, in fact I feel very good about myself. But I realize I am not one of those people who should be with someone in a traditional situation when I thought I was at some point. Men stick around for about a year and a half / two years and then they leave, then hook up with the next bimbo who comes along and try to make it work with them. I've dated a lot of guys in my lifetime, from white collar, college educated men to blue collar, working class guys and they are all the same: they want someone lesser than they are - someone who has less charisma, less personality, and will be dependent or care for them first rather than a woman who has a lot to offer, which I do. Or they want trashy girls (strippers and the like) who will excite them in the sack and no where else. I'm on the knife edge tonight. I just wanted to vent. The part of your post I've highlighted in bold is NOT true. There are decent and emotionally secure guys out there who are looking to have a monogamous relationship with someone your age - you just have to run into them. This is what dating is for. Some women go through almost their entire lifetime before finding that one guy that they click with, who they're attracted to and who is secure enough within themselves to enter into a relationship with a woman who has the same (or more) charisma and personality as they do and who has a lot to offer. Making sweeping generalizations of all men won't help you with your mission. It's good for you to vent about this though; might help you to sort out your feelings regarding this period of your life and to help you realize that dating is - for all intents and purposes - a numbers game. The more guys you meet, the more chance you have of finding the one who will accept you for who you are and that will possess the physical and character traits you're looking for. .
PegNosePete Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I also seem to have missed the window to be with anyone. Rubbish, my gf was 40 when I met her. Men stick around for about a year and a half / two years and then they leave, then hook up with the next bimbo who comes along and try to make it work with them. No we don't. Not the decent ones, anyway. they are all the same: they want someone lesser than they are - someone who has less charisma, less personality, and will be dependent or care for them first rather than a woman who has a lot to offer, which I do. Or they want trashy girls (strippers and the like) who will excite them in the sack and no where else. That's no way to talk about your father and/or mother. Or are they somehow exempt from your "all men" generalization? If they are exempt then why can't others be? Just because you didn't meet them yet doesn't mean they aren't out there. 2
Toodaloo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Honey My sister in law was 41 when she got together with my brother... She had a really bum deal of it with men, to the point where she ended up putting together her exes furniture for his new child... Now all of a sudden she is very happy, she has an absolutely gorgeous daughter (yes I am bias but hey she is my niece!). She is living the dream... There is no such thing as a "window"... Go and have fun. I know it looks grim at the moment (I really know how grim it looks...) but the minute you let it get to you is the minute you give up hope. Who gives a toss anyway if you are single and don't have kids? Surely your life has more purpose than to just be a brood mare? If not then I strongly suggest you get your backside into gear get out there and find a purpose pronto! I know if I die with out ever being married or reproducing that actually my life will have been worth it for all the positive changes, both big and small I have made to peoples lives. Some have died already some I have yet to meet... I have purpose. I have a reason for being here. 1
Mrin Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 If it is any consolation to you I found love like I never knew existed at 42. Back to children - I'm a guy so I don't have any direct knowledge of what you're going through. But I have a lot of single no kids female friends in their 40's and beyond. One of them once told me that when she reached That Age and realized that kids were not going to be in her future she was crushed. But the way she dealt with it was to essentially declare a three month mourning period for the child she would never have. And she treated it like it was mourning - fully confronting it. Feeling the emotion of a loss of something that never was. She gave herself space to mourn. And at the end of it she emerged in a better state. Anyhow, just a thought to try on. Best of luck! Mrin 2
SawtoothMars Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I turned 40 at Christmas, I don't look nor do I act like it. But I realize a few things about myself now which I think I knew before. People tell me (as I'm sure some reading this would also say) that you shouldn't be negative otherwise it won't happen for you. But I'm at a point in life now where I realized I missed my window to have kids, and I also seem to have missed the window to be with anyone. Life is certainly not over for me (or anyone else) at 40, in fact I feel very good about myself. But I realize I am not one of those people who should be with someone in a traditional situation when I thought I was at some point. Men stick around for about a year and a half / two years and then they leave, then hook up with the next bimbo who comes along and try to make it work with them. I've dated a lot of guys in my lifetime, from white collar, college educated men to blue collar, working class guys and they are all the same: they want someone lesser than they are - someone who has less charisma, less personality, and will be dependent or care for them first rather than a woman who has a lot to offer, which I do. Or they want trashy girls (strippers and the like) who will excite them in the sack and no where else. I'm on the knife edge tonight. I just wanted to vent. If you have any serious desire for a child... get to a damn sperm bank in the near future! It seems like two thirds of the kids out there don't have an active father around anyways. Otherwise... go buy a vibrator and about 12 cats. To my opinion kids are hard work... but if you don't have them... what the hell are you alive for?
blackcat777 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 To my opinion kids are hard work... but if you don't have them... what the hell are you alive for? ^Ouch. There's more to life than reproduction and not everyone can reproduce. Sometimes people die young. Obviously, reproduction is biology's largest goal after survival, but humans are so much more complex than just biological animals. We're mental, emotional, spiritual creatures. It's a challenge to reconcile biology with the social complexities created by civilization (just look at the other thread about millenials, debt, the marriage age shifting, etc.). Everyone has to confront mortality at some point. I think the prospect of not having children is a way of confronting that. (I had the experience after a massive head injury in a car accident.) Some people find immortality through their contributions to society, to their legacy, to art, to creative works left behind. Everything will ultimately be for naught when the sun burns out. What then? What of the people who neglect their children and treat them badly? Nothing is so cut and dry.
GorillaTheater Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 but if you don't have them... what the hell are you alive for? You've gotta be kidding me. I've reproduced like a f*cking xerox machine, but if you tell me that that's my only useful function, then you're more full of crap than most. And OP, my wife had our last child at 42. The birth went flawlessly and everybody is healthy. Don't count yourself out just yet. 2
smackie9 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Don't have a kid just for the sake of filling a void because men are not sticking around. Either your picker is off or there is something you are doing that is making these men not want to spend their life with you. Time to review, do some soul searching.
xxoo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 they want someone lesser than they are - someone who has less charisma, less personality, and will be dependent or care for them first rather than a woman who has a lot to offer, which I do. Or they want trashy girls (strippers and the like) who will excite them in the sack and no where else. Forget the men you've dated for a moment. What about the couples you know? Don't you know any really cool women married to great guys? Women with charisma and personality?
Ruby Slippers Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Hey, mortensorchid. I've commented to you before that I think your negative outlook is your biggest stumbling block. The good news is that you have the power to change your outlook. In fact, it's one of the few things in life anybody has the power to change. I come from a troubled upbringing that has caused a lot of problems, both material and emotional. But in spite of that, for the most part I've maintained a positive attitude and am known for it. I turn 39 this summer, and I definitely relate to the feelings of worry about the window for having kids. But I'm choosing to let the worry go, get into the flow, and let whatever happens happen. I have friends over 40 who don't want kids and are living happy lives with lots of fun with men and success in their careers and personal lives. I also know women who had kids in their 40s and even 50s. I had a deprived childhood, and my life has been an ongoing effort to nurture my potential in ways my parents never did. So I realize that if I don't have children to nurture, I'll direct all that time, energy, and resources into nurturing myself and the people I'm close to, which could be a wonderful fate! You definitely haven't missed the window to have a great relationship. I know lots of people who didn't find their mate until their 40s, 50s, or even later. People all over this board tell stories about finding love later in life. I've invested a lot of my time into learning how to be happy in what can sometimes be a chaotic, unjust, unfair world. Here are some of the resources I've found most helpful: Great advice for living in the moment. This woman is very over the top, but I've gotten a lot of useful inspiration from her ideas. I play these audio recordings while I'm cleaning house and the like. She's also pretty out there, but has some great ideas. I hope things improve for you. What I have learned is that when you're determined to be happier and live a better life, you do.
Recommended Posts