darkbloom Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Many of you probably know me on these forums or have seen my posts. I have received several requests to post this story. I have written and rewritten it several times but always chicken out when it comes to posting it. I have decided that I am going to break the story up into pieces and post a piece each week. First to not overwhelm you and second because I feel like I can’t leave you hanging after this much anticipation. This is something I have never shared with anyone in full. Not even my family. Please be as harsh with me as you see fit. I needed to hear it back then and I still need to hear it now. To reaffirm that I am doing the right thing. I gave fake names to everyone in this story so as not to refer to the ex as He-who-must-not-be-named through the entirety of this thread. Anthony and I met back in 2010. I was the deciding vote on him coming to work with my team. At first, we had kind of a rivalry because he was extremely cocky about his new position and made it very clear that he intended to get promoted past me. I do not know how best to describe the connection we had except maybe a spark. When we were within three feet of each other we could both feel it. Anthony at this time was in a strange place. All of his friends had moved away for college and his last serious girlfriend had cheated on him in a very public way. She had sex with some random dude on a couch at a house party with a group of kids he had gone to high school with watching. (Ironic foreshadowing) He still lived at home and spent most of his time there when he was not at work or at school. I had recently been left by my not-boyfriend named Mike. Mike and I were not boyfriend/girlfriend but we were more than friends. We also worked together at my previous job. My relationship with Mike meant that we spent nearly everyday together and were pretty much inseparable. But we NEVER had a conversation about what we were. I was 17 and he was 20 when we first started whatever it is that we were doing. One day, Mike stopped showing up for work. He stopped responding to my phone calls and texts and had deleted me off of social media. To this day, I do not know what caused Mike to break up our relationship with no explanation or conversation. He did passive aggressively tweet about me on twitter for over 6 months after the non-breakup. But never with an explanation. I bring all of this up because I think we were both emotionally f-cked from the start. I had developed a really close bond with another girl at work named Christine. She and I started inviting Anthony to hang out with us after work because we were having a really hard time dealing with our boss Jay. Jay started abusing drugs at work and making our day to day life miserable. We work in a very small environment of about 7 people in a place that is open 7 days a week. The hierarchy went Jay, then me, then Christine, then Anthony. The three of us used to go out and drink together after work because we could not stand Jay. We also worked with two others named Kathy and Alex that play crucial roles later on. Anthony started texting me everyday. Mostly work related at first but then more personal as we became closer friends. He then started inviting me over to his house to hang out without Christine. I did not think much of this other than I liked hanging with Anthony. Eventually, Anthony and I started hooking up. After several months, I started to develop feelings for Anthony. We had never really discussed or had the “What Are We” conversation before other than to say that we should probably keep what we were doing quiet and out of work. Hoping to avoid the situation I got in with Mike, I finally decided to talk to Anthony about my feelings and to figure out where this was going. I told him that I either needed a commitment from him or we needed to stop what we were doing. He told me that he did not want a relationship. I accepted his answer but told him that I couldn’t talk to him or hang out with him until I didn’t have any feelings anymore. I left his house after that conversation and stopped contacting him. He called me the next day and said that he had never felt worse than after I had left his house and the thought of never talking to me again and that he wanted to try out the relationship. Thus, started the madness. We also kept the relationship secret from everyone to keep our jobs. The first eight months of the relationship were great. We had little fights here and there but they were usually about work. I grew extremely attached to him at this point and we spent all of our time together. Everything went sour in December. Our work environment turned extremely toxic. Although no one at work knew that we were dating, both Anthony and I were threatened separately with termination if we did not stop ‘fraternizing.’ At the same time, I was going through several personal issues. After they threatened Anthony, he did not discuss anything with me. He turned into sketch city. I was going through an extremely rough time and he wasn’t there for me during any of it. This caused our first major fight. He was out partying while I was getting into altercations with my brother and my father. I think I built up some resentment towards him because he wasn’t there when I needed him and I think he was scared of getting fired so he put some distance between us. January and the beginning of February were very unstable. I would say that he an I were just going through the motions. Work was still emotionally draining both of us and we were on uneven ground. On Valentine’s Day, a large group of our mutual friends decided they were going to go out. Anthony invited out one of his friends who had been stood up on VDay by her date. I left the bars early and took a cab back to Anthony’s house because I had to be up early for work. I heard people come in an hour or so later. They were trying to be quiet but they were not in the way that only drunk people can. I got up to get a glass of water out of kitchen and found Anthony on the couch with the friend he had invited out hooking up. I went back to Anthony’s room and started packing my ****. He came in and tried to calm me down. This turned into a huge fight at the house in front of several of our mutual friends who still had no idea that we were dating. I have never been one for physical violence but had Christine not intervened, I would have hit him. We ended up sleeping in his bed with me at one edge and him at another as I was too drunk to drive home. I got up early the next morning and left without saying goodbye. If only it had ended there. 1
Author darkbloom Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 Please continue I am emotionally exhausted from writing that. When my will to live comes back, I will post the rest. Thank you for reading it.
seminoles84 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Can we get age reference here? Y'all sound like you might be pretty young? Just curious.
Karin2rinkashi Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Many of you probably know me on these forums or have seen my posts. I have received several requests to post this story. I have written and rewritten it several times but always chicken out when it comes to posting it. I have decided that I am going to break the story up into pieces and post a piece each week. First to not overwhelm you and second because I feel like I can’t leave you hanging after this much anticipation. This is something I have never shared with anyone in full. Not even my family. Please be as harsh with me as you see fit. I needed to hear it back then and I still need to hear it now. To reaffirm that I am doing the right thing. I gave fake names to everyone in this story so as not to refer to the ex as He-who-must-not-be-named through the entirety of this thread. Anthony and I met back in 2010. I was the deciding vote on him coming to work with my team. At first, we had kind of a rivalry because he was extremely cocky about his new position and made it very clear that he intended to get promoted past me. I do not know how best to describe the connection we had except maybe a spark. When we were within three feet of each other we could both feel it. Anthony at this time was in a strange place. All of his friends had moved away for college and his last serious girlfriend had cheated on him in a very public way. She had sex with some random dude on a couch at a house party with a group of kids he had gone to high school with watching. (Ironic foreshadowing) He still lived at home and spent most of his time there when he was not at work or at school. I had recently been left by my not-boyfriend named Mike. Mike and I were not boyfriend/girlfriend but we were more than friends. We also worked together at my previous job. My relationship with Mike meant that we spent nearly everyday together and were pretty much inseparable. But we NEVER had a conversation about what we were. I was 17 and he was 20 when we first started whatever it is that we were doing. One day, Mike stopped showing up for work. He stopped responding to my phone calls and texts and had deleted me off of social media. To this day, I do not know what caused Mike to break up our relationship with no explanation or conversation. He did passive aggressively tweet about me on twitter for over 6 months after the non-breakup. But never with an explanation. I bring all of this up because I think we were both emotionally f-cked from the start. I had developed a really close bond with another girl at work named Christine. She and I started inviting Anthony to hang out with us after work because we were having a really hard time dealing with our boss Jay. Jay started abusing drugs at work and making our day to day life miserable. We work in a very small environment of about 7 people in a place that is open 7 days a week. The hierarchy went Jay, then me, then Christine, then Anthony. The three of us used to go out and drink together after work because we could not stand Jay. We also worked with two others named Kathy and Alex that play crucial roles later on. Anthony started texting me everyday. Mostly work related at first but then more personal as we became closer friends. He then started inviting me over to his house to hang out without Christine. I did not think much of this other than I liked hanging with Anthony. Eventually, Anthony and I started hooking up. After several months, I started to develop feelings for Anthony. We had never really discussed or had the “What Are We” conversation before other than to say that we should probably keep what we were doing quiet and out of work. Hoping to avoid the situation I got in with Mike, I finally decided to talk to Anthony about my feelings and to figure out where this was going. I told him that I either needed a commitment from him or we needed to stop what we were doing. He told me that he did not want a relationship. I accepted his answer but told him that I couldn’t talk to him or hang out with him until I didn’t have any feelings anymore. I left his house after that conversation and stopped contacting him. He called me the next day and said that he had never felt worse than after I had left his house and the thought of never talking to me again and that he wanted to try out the relationship. Thus, started the madness. We also kept the relationship secret from everyone to keep our jobs. The first eight months of the relationship were great. We had little fights here and there but they were usually about work. I grew extremely attached to him at this point and we spent all of our time together. Everything went sour in December. Our work environment turned extremely toxic. Although no one at work knew that we were dating, both Anthony and I were threatened separately with termination if we did not stop ‘fraternizing.’ At the same time, I was going through several personal issues. After they threatened Anthony, he did not discuss anything with me. He turned into sketch city. I was going through an extremely rough time and he wasn’t there for me during any of it. This caused our first major fight. He was out partying while I was getting into altercations with my brother and my father. I think I built up some resentment towards him because he wasn’t there when I needed him and I think he was scared of getting fired so he put some distance between us. January and the beginning of February were very unstable. I would say that he an I were just going through the motions. Work was still emotionally draining both of us and we were on uneven ground. On Valentine’s Day, a large group of our mutual friends decided they were going to go out. Anthony invited out one of his friends who had been stood up on VDay by her date. I left the bars early and took a cab back to Anthony’s house because I had to be up early for work. I heard people come in an hour or so later. They were trying to be quiet but they were not in the way that only drunk people can. I got up to get a glass of water out of kitchen and found Anthony on the couch with the friend he had invited out hooking up. I went back to Anthony’s room and started packing my ****. He came in and tried to calm me down. This turned into a huge fight at the house in front of several of our mutual friends who still had no idea that we were dating. I have never been one for physical violence but had Christine not intervened, I would have hit him. We ended up sleeping in his bed with me at one edge and him at another as I was too drunk to drive home. I got up early the next morning and left without saying goodbye. If only it had ended there. Looking forward to the next one... But can we start naming these parts? 1) A lost hope 2) The Girlfriend Strikes Back 3) Return of the Boyfriend 4) The Conflict awakens Something like that? 3
ZiggyZoo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Good for you for sharing. I know you've struggled with whether or not to do so. It's a scary thing, telling your story, and I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to do so.
na49 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I think that you having the strength to share this story says something about how far you've come. He must have been pretty good at calming you down (or was just manipulative). He got you to sleep in the same bed as him after he was fooling around with another girl.
Author darkbloom Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 Can we get age reference here? Y'all sound like you might be pretty young? Just curious. We were both 21 at the start of this story. And 25 at the end of it.
Author darkbloom Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 I think that you having the strength to share this story says something about how far you've come. He must have been pretty good at calming you down (or was just manipulative). He got you to sleep in the same bed as him after he was fooling around with another girl. Bingo. He was one of the only things that calmed my anxiety down. I cried the whole night. How humiliating right?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Wow... There's a number of red flags that you either did not see or chose to ignore at the time. While I appreciate your commitment to post a part per week, and look forward to the next, I do not think that is a commitment you should make. You've already stated that you're emotionally exhausted from writing this so don't put out part 2 until you are ready (and want to). 1
Author darkbloom Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 Wow... There's a number of red flags that you either did not see or chose to ignore at the time. While I appreciate your commitment to post a part per week, and look forward to the next, I do not think that is a commitment you should make. You've already stated that you're emotionally exhausted from writing this so don't put out part 2 until you are ready (and want to). There are so many red flags. I chose to ignore them. I am ashamed of this story. That's why its exhausting. I'm trying to be honest.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 There are so many red flags. I chose to ignore them. I am ashamed of this story. That's why its exhausting. I'm trying to be honest. Smart people are capable of making bad decisions. Nothing to be ashamed of it's just something to learn from.
dvx Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Keep your head up and try to keep the faith And pray for better days Better days, better days, heyyy! Better days.. got me thinkin bout better days...
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 There are so many red flags. I chose to ignore them. I am ashamed of this story. That's why its exhausting. I'm trying to be honest. Don't be ashamed, be proud and don't be afraid own that fact, Your recognition, even in hindsight, is liberating and keeps your mind intact! Don't be so quick to judge yourself, continue to be honest and kind, There's a reason it's a well known saying that "love is often blind". Now please continue to write your story, I'm finding myself dying to know, Exactly how things played out, even if it's rough to share your workflow, I'm a man who often "needs to know" so suspense is often torturous to me, I'm sure there's plenty of people like that who will be quick to agree!
Riptide91 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 darkbloom, thank you for sharing. That must have been really hard to come out and find him with that girl. I feel for you. However, I have a feeling that once you're done sharing your story it will feel like a weight has been lifted and you can move on. At least, that is what I felt like and I only hope the best for you. Please share the rest with us when you're ready. Also, please do not be ashamed of yourself or your story. We do some pretty crazy things for the people we love, we are not going to judge you by any means.
Author darkbloom Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Keep your head up and try to keep the faith And pray for better days Better days, better days, heyyy! Better days.. got me thinkin bout better days... Baby please don't cry,Gotta keep your head up even when the road is hard, never give up. You gotta find a way to survive because they win when your soul dies. 2
Author darkbloom Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Don't be ashamed, be proud and don't be afraid own that fact, Your recognition, even in hindsight, is liberating and keeps your mind intact! Don't be so quick to judge yourself, continue to be honest and kind, There's a reason it's a well known saying that "love is often blind". Now please continue to write your story, I'm finding myself dying to know, Exactly how things played out, even if it's rough to share your workflow, I'm a man who often "needs to know" so suspense is often torturous to me, I'm sure there's plenty of people like that who will be quick to agree! Thank you for that! I judge myself because I am a smart girl that made poor decisions. I have all of this insight now, why couldn't I have had it in the four years that this relationship played out? And why the hell do I still miss him? I am working on part 2 right now. Stay tuned! I will try not to keep you waiting too long.
Author darkbloom Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 darkbloom, thank you for sharing. That must have been really hard to come out and find him with that girl. I feel for you. However, I have a feeling that once you're done sharing your story it will feel like a weight has been lifted and you can move on. At least, that is what I felt like and I only hope the best for you. Please share the rest with us when you're ready. Also, please do not be ashamed of yourself or your story. We do some pretty crazy things for the people we love, we are not going to judge you by any means. I will probably feel a lot better. I've been holding this story in for a long time. It's therapeutic to write but I still kick myself for being such a moron. If only we could control who we fall in love with. 1
Author darkbloom Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Looking forward to the next one... But can we start naming these parts? 1) A lost hope 2) The Girlfriend Strikes Back 3) Return of the Boyfriend 4) The Conflict awakens Something like that? I am putting you permanently in charge of the names of these sagas. You give to me and I will rename my posts. Deal?
Author darkbloom Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Smart people are capable of making bad decisions. Nothing to be ashamed of it's just something to learn from. They are very capable. I generally make very good decisions with my life though. I literally have nothing in my life to be ashamed of except for this relationship. This sh-tshow has caused me more angst, tears, and heartache than everything else in my life put together. Because I let it. That's the hardest part to deal with.
Author darkbloom Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 go on ........ I'm working on it. Patience young grasshopper.
Author darkbloom Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 And the Saga continues. Or sh-tshow. Or humiliation. Take your pick. If you haven't yet, read the first post in this thread or you will have no idea what the hell I am talking about. The pronoun 'he' refers to Anthony in the context below. ------ The day after Valentine’s Day, he blew up my phone at work. He apologized repeatedly through text and called asking to meet up after work. I reluctantly agreed. He took me to a park after I got off work. We sat down and talked about everything. About the mess that was December and about the girl. He told me that he was extremely drunk and he just wasn’t thinking and that we had been struggling for awhile with his depression. I was still very upset but we decided to see if we could work out our issues. That (as you all know) did not work. I turned into a person that I am not. I was so paranoid that he would do it again that I became controlling and slightly possessive. We would get into these gnarly fights that would leave both of us emotionally exhausted. One night in March, we met up for dinner at one of our favorite dinner spots. We were eating dinner like normal and he told me that he thought we should break up. I knew deep down that this was coming. Still, loneliness or desperation caused me to try to talk him into keeping the relationship. I started crying in the restaurant as did he. The poor wait staff at this place had no idea what to do with us. We moved outside to continue our conversation. I begged. I pleaded. I threw up from crying so hard. He remained firm that he wanted to break up but wanted to remain friends. I told him that there is no way I could do that. We sat in silence for awhile because he kept saying that he couldn’t live without me in his life but he could not do this relationship anymore. He also said he felt forced into the relationship since I asked him to make a decision. I told him that it was completely unfair to say that he was forced into it as I was doing what was right to protect myself and my feelings. Everyone has a choice and he is an adult. After I left, I went LC. We still worked together which was pretty uncomfortable because we worked together alone for 8 hours at a time. I kept our conversations strictly on work and did not talk with him about anything outside of the business. I could tell her was miserable. He texted me a few times about how he missed me which I did not respond to. This LC went on for about a month. In late April, I got fired from the job we worked at. I knew it was coming but he did not. I got my stuff and had to walk past him when I left. He gave me this panicked look and tried to ask me questions as I was escorted out of the building. He immediately went to his phone and texted me asking about what was going on. I responded that I had been fired. He called me as soon as he was able to take a break and we talked about what had happened. He suggested we meet up after he got off. I had a job interview the same day that I got fired since I knew that my termination was coming. It was at a business directly upstairs from the one I was fired at. I got the job. When we met up, he apologized for all of the things that had been going on at work. He told me he missed me and I told him the same thing. I stated my case that we still could not be friends but maybe it would be more successful to have a relationship now that we didn’t work together. We talked about his issues and my issues and that if we were going to try again we would have to work out the problems. He seemed hesitant (I should start marking the red flags because you all know where this story is going.) The relationship started back up but it was about 30 times more intense than the first time around. He seemed to be trying harder to make me happy and going out of his way to be affectionate and nice to me. He started holding my hand in public and making fairly public gestures at my new work. I also backed off a lot and really worked on not being controlling since that really isn’t who I am. He seemed to respond better to this. After a few months, there started to be some red flags that caused me concern. He started hiding his phone screen from me when he would answer texts. (God, I know that is a HUGE red flag. HUGE) And when he would normally text me at night, he started saying that his phone died. (RED. F*CKING. FLAG.) I would see him in the morning playing on his phone while waiting to go into work. I was on my way to my new place since we worked upstairs and I would be mad because he had not texted me back from the previous night. (Another red flag, I know). But I assumed because he was trying so hard that I had to trust him, right? Wrong.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 I should start marking the red flags because you all know where this story is going. You can use part of my signature if you want.
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