Kayaker88 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 So 3 weeks ago my BF of 14 months recieved a letter in the mail stating he was being sued in small claims court, he became very distant with me and I tried very hard to give him advice and encouragement and to let him know that i wasn't going anywhere. a week goes by and he tells me he's helping his EX move some of her stuff to houston, which is 12 hours away. ok no problem, even though i was uncomfortable with it. Cue the move, he stops talking to me and comes back 3 days late from moving her, confesses to me that he was unfaithful and that it wasn't something he planned. he moved out that very day, back into his parents. He told me he feels that he doesn't deserve me, that he relies on me too much, financially and that i did too much for him. as his GF i cleaned up after him, i wanted him to live in a clean house and i never complained about it. i make at least twice as much money as he does, and i'm working towards buying a house on my own. we would always take turns paying or dates etc. i never meant to demasculate him in any way and have said as much. i have forgiven both him and the ex for thier infidelity, i want to move beyond that and i want him back, alough i would certainly want her out of the picture. when he initially broke up with me he said that he felt more of a spark with her than me, but now he says that he didn't know how good he had it and is incredibly remorseful. his entire family has said that i'm waaay out of his league and tell him he royally screwed up by dumping me, they don't know about the cheating. it has been two weeks since we broke up and he tells me he doesn't want to close the door on us, but needs time. I am hopeful, but I don't want to be heartbroken again. the ex is still in town and won't be completing her move until another 5 weeks. he and i have hung out as friends and he's even tried putting the moves on me, but i stopped him because i want him to choose with a clear conscience and i don't want to be the friends with benefits girl. any time we talk about us, he says he doesn't want to hurt either me or the ex by choosing one over the other and that he needs time. He says his heart hurts but idk if it's for cheating on me or because the ex is moving. i don't know if i'm being played as the back up girl for the EX or not. I want to be with him very much, but i'm not the type to share and i will not forgive a second time even though i'm willing to wipe the slate clean for the first. i dont know what to do, i want him but i don't know why he needs time when it seems like it to me that niether of us wants to let go. please help
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 If he was still so into an EX that he'd help her move 12 hours & have sex with her, cheating on you while there, you at best were a rebound because he's still hung up on her. It would have been better had he broken up with you before he slept with her but I give him some small measure of credit for ending it with you upon his return. You do deserve better not about the money or the cleaning up but the ethics. The other stuff adds to this. It seems to me that you were more like mommy then GF. Let him go grow up. Meanwhile, after you grieve his departure, concentrate on finding a mate who is more on your life level. So to answer your Q, no I do not think you are justly waiting. I do think you are wasting your time with this one. 2
PegNosePete Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 i want to move beyond that and i want him back So he cheated on you, didn't contact you for 3 days afterwards, and started to blame you for all of his actions. And you want him back? Are you insane??? Seriously if you think this guy is good relationship material then you need your head read. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Sounds to me like he's already checked out of your relationship, but is keeping you hanging on. All his excuses and wishy-washiness are signs to me that you should just let him go. If he's not 100% comitted to you two being together, then what's the point? There needs to be an equal amount of interest in any relationship to make it work, and he's just not there. He's probably not going to give you a straight answer, so you're going to have to decide. Personally, someone who stayed with an ex for three days and cheated on me would be gone. If it happened one time, its one thing, but to deliberately be away for that long is more than just an accident. I'd kick him to the curb and go NC. At least stop hanging out with him as friends. Who wants a friend who would do that sort of thing to them anyway?
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