Zackls Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I am currently living in the England, I have been in a long distance relationship with my american boyfriend for about a year now. for the first 6 months everything was fine we would talk often and i would feel like we was close, but 6 months in he was diagnosed of depression. idk what to do... I love him but i can't help him, being in the relationship makes me feel down because no matter what effort i put in i still feel like he is far away. some times I have waited over a 2 weeks just for a replie to a text. what do i do, i feel like staying in the relationship isn't healthy for me but i feel awful because i want to help him, should i end the relationship?
Karin2rinkashi Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I am currently living in the England, I have been in a long distance relationship with my american boyfriend for about a year now. for the first 6 months everything was fine we would talk often and i would feel like we was close, but 6 months in he was diagnosed of depression. idk what to do... I love him but i can't help him, being in the relationship makes me feel down because no matter what effort i put in i still feel like he is far away. some times I have waited over a 2 weeks just for a replie to a text. what do i do, i feel like staying in the relationship isn't healthy for me but i feel awful because i want to help him, should i end the relationship? 2 weeks for a reply of a text? Damn.... Sounds bad.... honestly... You can let him know why you are ending it. You can still help him while not being in a relationship. Once his back to normal, and if he also wants to, you guys can try it another time. Doesn't sound like any major red flag issues. So, this is fixable, needs some doing on both of yours part. I would say, tell him what you are thinking, and go with your gut.
Author Zackls Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 Yeah I have told him how I have felt, Multiple times. he has said he will make things better and that he will get in touch more but every time he says this it gets worse. I have ended it now but I just feel bad, is it bad for leaving him due to his depression? like i can't cope with it, it gets me down. idk if i'm just being selfish.
Karin2rinkashi Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) Yeah I have told him how I have felt, Multiple times. he has said he will make things better and that he will get in touch more but every time he says this it gets worse. I have ended it now but I just feel bad, is it bad for leaving him due to his depression? like i can't cope with it, it gets me down. idk if i'm just being selfish. It would be "bad" for you to leave him because of his depression and STRAIGHT get into another relationship/fling. But, you didn't JUST leave. You TRIED, gave him chances, talked to him. That is what we call commitment. But in the end, you need to do what is good for you, and what makes you happy. I have actually had many arguments with a few other people on this website because i always stress on commitment. While some people will tell you to JUST GET UP AND LEAVE on the sight of trouble. You example is a perfect scenario of what i advocate. You DIDN'T just get up and leave on the first sign of trouble, you didn't just line up guys months before deciding, you didn't set plan B, because you fought for plan A. Now, after you have actually put in EFFORT to fix it, it is completely fair for you to walk away... or end it. Of course, you can stay around him, be a support. SOME people might even stay in a relationship and try to fix it. But that depends on every individual. That is very subjective, and cannot be rated as BAD or GOOD. I think you have done all you could, and you are in the "right" (subjective) to end it. Be there for him, help him, communicate with him him, if YOU want to. There is always a tomorrow! None of you cheated, or abused, or all the RED FLAGS you know... What is happening to you is LIFE. Deal with it according to what YOU think is the best way... I hope my perspective helps! Edited April 10, 2015 by Karin2rinkashi
ExpatInItaly Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I am currently living in the England, I have been in a long distance relationship with my american boyfriend for about a year now. for the first 6 months everything was fine we would talk often and i would feel like we was close, but 6 months in he was diagnosed of depression. idk what to do... I love him but i can't help him, being in the relationship makes me feel down because no matter what effort i put in i still feel like he is far away. some times I have waited over a 2 weeks just for a replie to a text. what do i do, i feel like staying in the relationship isn't healthy for me but i feel awful because i want to help him, should i end the relationship? A question, as it's not clear from your post above: have you met in person? And no, you are not wrong to end it. Now is clearly not a good time for him. You can be a supportive friend, because that's essentially what you are anyway. Going long periods with no contact simply isn't sustainable.
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 You are an LDR GF, not his hands on local doctor. You can't "save" him. I suggest you let him go but make sure there is someone to monitor him like a friend or local relative
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