pasteurization Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Hi Everyone-- I've been in NC almost 2 months now, and have been experiencing the widest mood swings imaginable. Some days I'll wake up and it will be like I'm completely back to normal-- I even think that I could easily call the ex and talk with her about her boyfriend and not be disturbed in the slightest. Then the next day, it will be massive anxiety and fear of even thinking about her. I'm sure that this is common, and I'd love to hear how other people here have experienced this sort of thing, how they have dealt with it, and how (hopefully) it diminishes over time. Thanks--
LooperDooper Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Damn, kudos to this question. I had a very strong happy couple of weeks but lately it's been day on, day off. From the huge amount of reflecting I've been doing, I came with a possible explanation that we (or maybe just me) try to hide and convince ourselves that this is the best thing for us. But then when we have a bad day in general, we tend to lose that hope or that sight of the better future and fall back on all the bad things that are happening to us. I would also like some insight onto this. I understand we can have the occasional bad day, but for me it's becoming more common. 1
Riptide91 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Hi Everyone-- I've been in NC almost 2 months now, and have been experiencing the widest mood swings imaginable. Some days I'll wake up and it will be like I'm completely back to normal-- I even think that I could easily call the ex and talk with her about her boyfriend and not be disturbed in the slightest. Then the next day, it will be massive anxiety and fear of even thinking about her. I'm sure that this is common, and I'd love to hear how other people here have experienced this sort of thing, how they have dealt with it, and how (hopefully) it diminishes over time. Thanks-- Eh common isn't a word I'd use because everyone is different, but yes, I was, kind of am, the same way. Mine has gotten to the point to where I don't think about her as much anymore because it's like my mind is so f-ing sick of her. Like it bothers me to think about her because I know it's so far gone and over. One thing I wanted to mention about what you said was out of the two mood swings you listed, they both have something in common, her. They both have to do with thinking about her, so add another: you. Think about you all day. Think about future plans, about your hobbies, about your career, your school, your responsibilities, hell just think about anything that has to do with YOU and YOUR life, not her and HERS. It'll get better with time, I promise. Keep strong. 3
hunk Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 My way of dealing with it has just been to feel it. I know this doesn't really help, but it's what's helped for me. It's sort of like exposure therapy. If i wake up and I know it's gonna be a **** day, i'll just feel it and kind of intentionally make it worse. I'll see things that remind me of her and allow myself to feel rubbish. Lately i've been thinking about a particular face she used to make, and instead of breaking down over it I kind of just let the thought swirl around in my head, pay attention to it and accept it, and then it goes. I'll think about her talking to a guy she's interested in, i'll play it all through my head, i'll think about her getting nervous and excited around him, texting him and not even remembering i'm alive. I'll force myself to think about her dating other guys and sleeping with them, laughing with them and falling in love with them. Then I realize that's the worst it can get. That's basically the lowest depth of a bad day during a breakup, for me anyway. Eventually you get used to it and bored of it, and it starts to fade. I've tried distracting and suppressing the thoughts, but it never works. They'll come back. You've just got to let the worst of what your mind is conjuring up consume you and realize it won't kill you and that's the worst you're gonna feel. Eventually you'll be bored with it. My ex before this one was the one who brought me to this site, she completely messed me up - i thought I was never going to recover. I never thought I could feel so horrible, my moods were ridiculous to the point i was scared to leave the house. Now, I can see her on a night out, she is absolutely drop dead stunning, even more attractive than when we were dating, and I can literally sit around and laugh with her and talk crap like we used to and feel nothing but a faint fondness. She is in a serious relationship and i'm actually HAPPY for her, because I made her very miserable and messed her up for a long time, and now she is genuinely happy and i can actually see it in her. But anyway, yeah, moodswings are completely normal. My advice would be to just go with them and accept however you feel each day. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) ^^hunk nailed it. I also do the "exposure therapy" or whatever, just let the thoughts go until I'm sick of them. I write them down too, if I find myself having the same one over and over and kind of work through it and find out what's REALLY bothering me. I try to relate them to me as much as possible "Why am I bothered now with the thought that he'll never come back, when I know I'm better off?" Instead of "Oh no! He's never coming back!" Turning it back on me helps keep my focus on my recovery and off what he's doing. But ups and downs are absolutely normal. It sucks to have a low day when you feel you've been doing really well, but I find that means you're getting better. Almost like part of you panics and throws all kinds of sh*t your way to keep from moving out of the comfortable status quo. Same with dreams. I find that if I'm dreaming a lot about him that I'm doing something right, because I usually have a big epiphany around that time. Almost like my brain is pointing out one more little thing to work through... But hang in there. Time is working for you, and you'll have more and more good days. ETA: Damn, I'm having a bad, low day too, as it happens. Accidentally stumbled across a picture of my ex and it had me crying hard for about 15 minutes. *sigh* Well, at least I'm in good company, right? Edited April 10, 2015 by ZiggyZoo 1
Author pasteurization Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) Thanks everyone-- Yeah, pictures are the worst. My phone and computer are full of them, and I dread the thought of going through and deleting or archiving all of them. I may ask a friend to do it for me. I ran across a picture as well a couple of days ago, and only got a glimpse, but I couldn't believe how much it set me back. Almost as if her face had faded in my mind, and then there it was again in full detail. I'm also having a tough time even finding anyone I want to date now that I'm out there again. I look at the online sites, and am just depressed at what I find. I'm sure it can't be that they are all so bad, but my brain keeps saying that I let the only good one out there slip away and everyone else pales in comparison. I know that I should probably wait longer and that I'm not ready and all that, but I do feel better going out and getting away from my own head, even if I'm not in a completely right frame of mind for it. I just hope I can see things more clearly soon. Edited April 10, 2015 by pasteurization
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