Dating a fantastic guy who now has admitted has an STD!

[kendahke]

Note the parts of your post that I've highlighted in bold. It is those reasons why some people "complain" about not being told right away when they're dating someone - they DON'T want to contract a sexually transmitted DISEASE!

 

Surely you can understand why most people are afraid of acquiring an incurable disease from someone and why they would panic if that person didn't tell them about it from the get-go. But at the same time, I can understand why the person who has an STD would feel afraid and very hesitant about spilling those beans when they're dating.

 

It would be helpful for all involved to understand the points of view from the perspective of the infected person AND from the person who does NOT want to EVER get infected. It's a slippery slope to navigate through; and I admire and respect people who are HONEST with others about their STD right out of the gate.

 

 

.

 

Is your objection to not being told based on an entitlement to develop feelings for a person you just met as soon as possible and this information interferes with your plans for that person? The first few dates/weeks are for getting to know one another. If you decide after a first meeting that you really don't like that person, what does them disclosing a medical condition to you prove since you're already checked out?

 

IMO, this disclosure need not be made until it's abundantly clear to both parties that the seeds of romance are about to be telecasted; which means sex has not taken place at all and risk of infection is non existent. At this point in time, the uninfected person hasn't been infected; yeah, their like for this person may have intensified, but that isn't a health issue and certainly, they aren't owed a relationship just because they like someone. At this point, the worst that can happen is that they have to start over in their dating quest.

 

This guy in this thread did the honorable thing. He told OP long before they were horizontal in a bed with their pants on the floor. Had he not said anything and then afterwards did an "oh, by the way...", then yes she has reason to be livid, not to mention an actionable case for a lawsuit.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Is your objection to not being told based on an entitlement to develop feelings for a person you just met as soon as possible and this information interferes with your plans for that person? The first few dates/weeks are for getting to know one another. If you decide after a first meeting that you really don't like that person, what does them disclosing a medical condition to you prove since you're already checked out?

 

IMO, this disclosure need not be made until it's abundantly clear to both parties that the seeds of romance are about to be telecasted; which means sex has not taken place at all and risk of infection is non existent. At this point in time, the uninfected person hasn't been infected; yeah, their like for this person may have intensified, but that isn't a health issue and certainly, they aren't owed a relationship just because they like someone. At this point, the worst that can happen is that they have to start over in their dating quest.

 

This guy in this thread did the honorable thing. He told OP long before they were horizontal in a bed with their pants on the floor. Had he not said anything and then afterwards did an "oh, by the way...", then yes she has reason to be livid, not to mention an actionable case for a lawsuit.

 

It depends on the jurisdiction though, many municipalities don't classify Herpes under the laws that make it illegal to knowingly pass diseases (like HIV) to another person.

 

Even if it was illegal though, he would have to admit to it afterwards and she would have to somehow prove that HE gave it to her. When up to 80% of the population has a form of Herpes it would probably get laughed out of court.

[kendahke]

It depends on the jurisdiction though, many municipalities don't classify Herpes under the laws that make it illegal to knowingly pass diseases (like HIV) to another person.

 

Even if it was illegal though, he would have to admit to it afterwards and she would have to somehow prove that HE gave it to her. When up to 80% of the population has a form of Herpes it would probably get laughed out of court.

 

If one's health was clean and they had the test results from their doctor before they had sex with the new partner, then that's all the proof needed. Most smart people do get themselves checked out in this area when entering into new relationships so they know what they're bringing to the table, figuratively and literally.

 

 

http://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/transmitting-std-criminal-laws-penalties.htm

 

Intentional or Reckless

 

You can be convicted of the criminal transmission of an STD only if you cause someone else to be infected intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly. For example, if you have been diagnosed with an STD and later engage in sexual relations with someone else without telling that person you have the disease, you can be convicted of this crime if that person becomes infected. (A 2013 Georgia case dealt with this kind of scenario.)

 

Consent

 

Many states have laws that allow for people with an STD to knowingly engage in sexual contact without fear of prosecution if they tell the other person about the presence of the disease. As long as the other person consents to the relationship, the person with the STD is not guilty of criminal transmission, even if the other person is eventually infected.

 

However, laws in other states do not allow for the informed consent exception, and it's possible to be convicted of criminal transmission of an STD in these states even when the other person knows of the presence of the disease and consents to the sexual contact. In practice, however, because prosecutors have discretion when choosing which cases to prosecute, they may choose not to bring charges in cases where adults knowingly consented to sexual relations.

Edited April 14, 2015 by kendahke

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

If one's health was clean and they had the test results from their doctor before they had sex with the new partner, then that's all the proof needed. Most smart people do get themselves checked out in this area when entering into new relationships so they know what they're bringing to the table, figuratively and literally.

 

Yes but you need to prove that you didn't have sexual contact with another person. It's a he said / she said situation, and too many people have herpes where it would be impossible to convict the person beyond a reasonable doubt.

 

Now HIV on the other hand is rare enough where if they can prove that YOU had sex with the other person, that there is a probable cause that it came from you.

[Gaeta]

Then the question is what is considered an STD by the law.

 

I know a woman that got infected with genital hsv-1 by receiving oral sex. It represents about 40% of new genital herpes cases. The doctor that saw her told her the medical field don't even consider it an STD anymore.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Also, they would have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you were the individual that transmitted the disease. A good lawyer would make any herpes transmission case go away.

[Gaeta]

I don't think people grasp how spread this is. There are 75 million people carrying hsv-2 in US. Can you imagine if it was easy to sue each other.

 

Also, before the pharmaceutical came into play, hsv was not considered an std. It was considered just an annoying rash down there that came and go. It's only with the arrival of the pharmaceutical that it became something shameful. It was the big pharm industry only way to sell their meds as hsv was not dangerous and had no incidence on health, they needed to play the shame card to sell their product.

[smackie9]

It's all a matter of one's opinion. Me I would avoid anyone who has it. I take pride in taking care of myself, the less health issues the better, especially now that I'm going into my 50's. I wouldn't take any chances. But that is just me. Everyone just needs to get the facts, educate themselves then decide from there.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

This thread is exactly why I don't get tested for it I'd rather just be blissfully ignorant and not have to morally compromise myself by not telling people if I have it. So far so good I think though.

[Gaeta]

This thread is exactly why I don't get tested for it I'd rather just be blissfully ignorant and not have to morally compromise myself by not telling people if I have it. So far so good I think though.

 

OMG that is so bad ! but yes ignorance is bliss. If I had never asked my doctor to do a full screening, and it was for the heck of it no particular reasons, I would have never known I carry this.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

OMG that is so bad ! but yes ignorance is bliss. If I had never asked my doctor to do a full screening, and it was for the heck of it no particular reasons, I would have never known I carry this.

 

Well I'm pretty sure I don't have it, but still...

 

If you do get it, and find out. Then you have to tell future sex partners -- Most people will treat you like a Leper and want nothing to do with you. There's nothing you can do to cure it, and most people show no symptoms so what's the point in even knowing.

[Justanaverageguy]

This thread is exactly why I don't get tested for it I'd rather just be blissfully ignorant and not have to morally compromise myself by not telling people if I have it. So far so good I think though.

 

Sorry that attitude is just straight up scary. Seriously .... makes my skin crawl. Deliberate ignorance is no better then deliberate damage. Your kidding yourself if you think you are not morally compromising yourself with that attitude. What is the logic exactly ..... that if you deliberately avoid getting testing then it somehow doesn't count if you infect someone ? So similarly if I look the other way while I drive across a pedestrian crossing it doesn't matter if I happen run over a few children ? I didn't know they were there so not my fault ?

 

If you are sexually active get tested man. Seriously.

[Hawaii51]

If there is schtuff growing/living/randomly manifesting or itching/ or otherwise awkward on your genitalia. You can count me out, cause I don't. The moment I do, maybe I'll shoot you a photo.

 

And it would be a real test of my spirituality if someone gave me an STD.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOnQZ8BEmB4

Edited April 14, 2015 by Hawaii51

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Sorry that attitude is just straight up scary. Seriously .... makes my skin crawl. Deliberate ignorance is no better then deliberate damage. Your kidding yourself if you think you are not morally compromising yourself with that attitude. What is the logic exactly ..... that if you deliberately avoid getting testing then it somehow doesn't count if you infect someone ? So similarly if I look the other way while I drive across a pedestrian crossing it doesn't matter if I happen run over a few children ? I didn't know they were there so not my fault ?

 

If you are sexually active get tested man. Seriously.

 

I do get tested regularly for everything else including HIV.

 

Why get tested for something that up to 80% of the population has in one form or another, most people don't KNOW they have it or show symtpoms, and is uncurable? Please tell me?

 

Knowing you have it just means you face negative social stigma from everyone and they'll treat you like a dirty leper. The sad thing is those same people probably have it but don't know! Lol. Most STD tests don't even check for it anymore, only some do.

[Gaeta]

Knowing you have it just means you face negative social stigma from everyone and they'll treat you like a dirty leper.

 

No they won't, I have had more sex partners after my diagnosis than before. I have been killing myself repeating this on here each time there is a thread about hsv.

 

But, I am not an American, maybe that is why don't feel or live with the stigma you are talking about.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

No they won't, I have had more sex partners after my diagnosis than before. I have been killing myself repeating this on here each time there is a thread about hsv.

 

But, I am not an American, maybe that is why don't feel or live with the stigma you are talking about.

 

I think age is a big factor too. Older people seem to be generally more accepting of it, people who are in their 20s/30s think it's the bubonic plague.

 

I guess probably because if you make it to old age without getting it you're considered lucky lol. Condoms don't fully prevent it, and even if you're careful and don't get intimate with people who have sores - they can still shed the virus and give it to you.

Edited April 14, 2015 by barcode88

[Dork Vader]

Well, I *know* that I won't get an HPV or HSV sexually transmitted disease, because I'm not out having casual sex with everyone I date, like other people choose to do. I haven't been having sexual relations with ANYONE, period - I'm also NOT dating right now...and even when I decide to start dating again, I'm smart enough not to have sex with anyone for a looonggg time. I'm sure you're SO relieved that I won't be contracting whatever STD you have. Your feeble (and pathetic) attempt at trying to make me feel guilty for my dating preferences was an absolute fail.

 

 

To the OP: I'm so sorry that this guy bailed out on you, when you were sweet and kind enough to accept him into your life even though he's infected with an STD. Unfortunately, this is what happens in dating sometimes. You'll never know why he bailed, but nonetheless, he DID. He may have done so for YOUR benefit, or because he was frightened that you two were heading toward relationship-territory. I mean, at this point, it doesn't matter WHY he dumped you. What matters is, he DID dump you, and he let you know the VERY next day...after you two had an awesome time on your date. He BLINDSIDED you. Just be grateful that he did this to you now, and not a few weeks from now when you would've been even MORE head over heels with him.

 

Take this time to grieve over what you thought was developing with this guy...and then move on with your life, okay? You'll be okay. ~ *hugs* ~

 

 

.

 

Ignorange is bliss and karma is a wonderful thing.

 

If you've had 5 partners you've likely been exposed to at least 1 strain of HPV. Estimates state that more then 25% of sexually active people carry HSV 1 or 2. Some estimates put that number as high as 33%. No condoms won't protect you against HSV 1 that is transmitted orally and you can get it simply from sharing a drink with a person that has a lesion or kissing them. You can also get HSV if you have sex with a person that has a lesion and you make contact with that lesion. Condoms do not protect entirely against this.

 

More people have HSV-1 then you realize it's insanely common.

 

Unless you abstain from sex and kissing entirely you can and will likely get exposed to an STD at some point.

 

Have you ever had Chicken pox? That is a herpes virus. Granted it's not an STD but it is a herpes virus.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Ignorange is bliss and karma is a wonderful thing.

 

If you've had 5 partners you've likely been exposed to at least 1 strain of HPV. Estimates state that more then 25% of sexually active people carry HSV 1 or 2. Some estimates put that number as high as 33%. No condoms won't protect you against HSV 1 that is transmitted orally and you can get it simply from sharing a drink with a person that has a lesion or kissing them. You can also get HSV if you have sex with a person that has a lesion and you make contact with that lesion. Condoms do not protect entirely against this.

 

More people have HSV-1 then you realize it's insanely common.

 

Unless you abstain from sex and kissing entirely you can and will likely get exposed to an STD at some point.

 

Have you ever had Chicken pox? That is a herpes virus. Granted it's not an STD but it is a herpes virus.

 

Many people with HSV1/2 don't even get symptoms, and apparently the virus can shed even when you're not having an outbreak.

[kissmybooty]

The gift that keeps on giving to future partners and potential children? No thankyou

[Revolver]

The gift that never goes away

[lovesickgirl]

Well on the bright side I don't have to worry about how to protect my vagaina from any herpe attacks from my could of been new partner? Ha

 

 

 

Still wear a condom regardless

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

If there is schtuff growing/living/randomly manifesting or itching/ or otherwise awkward on your genitalia. You can count me out, cause I don't. The moment I do, maybe I'll shoot you a photo.

 

And it would be a real test of my spirituality if someone gave me an STD.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOnQZ8BEmB4

 

Careful where you tread, Hawaii51. Some people here will castigate you and 'hope' that you don't ever 'get infected' with HSV or HPV, because, you know, it's such a popular STD and 'almost everyone' has it. You're not allowed to NOT want to date anyone who has an STD, because that would be treating them like a 'leper' and would hurt their chances of having a sexual relationship with a healthy, non-infected person that they may fall head over heels with and may be able to live a happy life with.

 

Came back here to peruse through the thread and saw your post. Just wanted to warn you about the possible crucifixion you might face with your honesty with regard to this topic. But I'm sure you were already aware of that before you even submitted your post.

 

 

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[Gaeta]

I don't wish this on anybody. I fully understand someone not wanting to deal with the risk. I respect anyone verbalizing it's a deal breaker to them.

 

What I find ignorant and arrogant is people thinking it can't happen to them, ever, and this virus is only a problem for people having casual sex. it's not. You don't need to have casual sex to get this, you need to have sex once.

 

I think some of you don't realize how useless and hurtful some of your comments can be. The gift that keeps on giving? Really? You think you are being original by saying that, as if we didn't hear it a million times already.

 

Tomorrow when you head to work look around and 1 person out of 4 carries this virus. 1 out of 4 of your colleagues, and 1 out of 4 of your family. If you talk like this in front of them you can be sure they will never come to you for comfort. Your best friend may have it, but your attitude is so judgmental and narrow minded who would want to go toward you for encouragement.

 

When I say in a public forum I have this I always get messages in private from other members telling me how they find me brave and they wish they could handle it the way I do. Because yes, even here 1 member out of 4 carries it. And the way some of you talk on here, it does not make it an environment to open up and talk about it.

[TheGuard13]

Yeah, the idea that you can't get an STD if you don't have casual sex is absurd. Your partner/s history matters, too. And they don't have to have been promiscuous to have gotten something, they just need to have been with someone who happens to have it. I'm sure that when an outbreak happens its not pleasant for a while. But I've seen and heard enough to know that its not the end of the world, either.

[kissmybooty]

My response was solely to the first post I did not have the time to read through other responses. So just my personal opinion of what I would do if I was in the OPs position.