introverted1 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Guys are just carrier for HPV right? Going down on a girl isn't a health risk for us (like cancer)? Just curious. There has been an increase in throat cancer in both genders, which is thought to be the result of HPV transmission. Men are just as vulnerable as women, maybe more so. HPV and Throat/Oral Cancer FAQ - The Mount Sinai Hospital
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) Ah ****, everyone likes O so much though? What to do ._. Dental dams don't look too fun. EDIT: Apparently those forms of throat cancer are highly treatable though at least, and low risk of mortality. Edited April 10, 2015 by barcode88
Author lovesickgirl Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 I caught the HPV virus from my ex bf of 3 years, it turned out he was cheating on me with another gal. When I told him I had the virus he made me feel it was my fault and I caught it from someone else but I know the truth now. The worst part was when I had my procedure to remove it he decided that was an inconvenience for him and demanded "space" till I figured my **** out. Later to find he was staying with the other girl during my recovery. Yes...I kicked his ass to the curb. I havent had sex in almost 6 months (by choice) cause I do believe in love and want it to be with someone I TRUST vs some boy who wants his cake and eat it too. I'm not writing off my new guy just yet, I definitely have a lot of questions to bring up. I guess at the time when he told me I didnt know WHAT the appropriate questions I should be asking were considering I never researched the virus I just know the basics of it. 2
lana-banana Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) I caught the HPV virus from my ex bf of 3 years, it turned out he was cheating on me with another gal. When I told him I had the virus he made me feel it was my fault and I caught it from someone else but I know the truth now. The worst part was when I had my procedure to remove it he decided that was an inconvenience for him and demanded "space" till I figured my **** out. Later to find he was staying with the other girl during my recovery. Yes...I kicked his ass to the curb. What a jerk. There's no test for HPV in men so he didn't know he had it, but still: what a jerk. No loss on your part for sure. Also, I hope you waited 3 or so years after first having sex to get your pap smear. Edited April 10, 2015 by lana-banana
Blade96 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Fact is, MOST people carry herpes in them. They're called cold sores. and even cold sores can get to the genitals if people are not careful with them. I wouldn't wanna judge a guy just becuse he has it, It looks like OP doesn't want to either, and is just wanting some dos and don't. if I heard someone say I don't want this guy cause he got herpes I'd be very tempted to ask them if they';ve ever had a cold sore. and then say You have it yourself, you two faced double standard playing hypocrite. 3
Omei Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) Omei, Let's break down a month... A typical month has 4-5 weeks Which is 30ish days He told me after 14 days. I could never be that ****ing brave to tell something THAT personal to anyone in less than a month let alone someone I have a crush on. That's a lot of wasted days and a lot of wasted emotions only to likely be dumped at the end because for most lets face it, it is a deal breaker. It's not about being brave. Its about being upfront. We all view things differently I am the type to lay everything on the table esp things that could potentially cause a discontinue for example I tell every person I date I smoke green before we even meet that way if they don't want that in a partner they don't need to waste their time with me (that is my big uh oh and I am sensitive about it because of judgment and stereotype), and I can find someone who will, if I had hiv or herpes I would do the same thing now or later makes no difference if its a deal breaker for them they wont be with you, I rather save myself the heartache. Rejected at first meeting is a less sting than being rejected once you care for someone. That's just how I feel Good on you for giving this guy a chance, I commend you and if i liked a guy I would prob weigh pro's and cons too not just dump him. But if a guy would let me go on for 14 days without this mention and let me fall for him no I wouldn't weigh the good and bad anymore id just leave and that's just how I am Edited April 10, 2015 by Omei 1
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 There are dating site specifically for those who have herpes, so no one has to struggle with the rejection or play games. 2
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Guys are just carrier for HPV right? Going down on a girl isn't a health risk for us (like cancer)? Just curious. No and yes it is..... How common is oral HPV? Studies in the U.S. have found that about 7% of people have oral HPV. But only 1% of people have the type of oral HPV that is found in oropharyngeal cancers (HPV type 16). Oral HPV is about three times more common in men than in women. Barcode you need to do some reading....here's a link. HPV Infection in Men: Symptoms, Treatments, Causes
shvrk Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Well, a non-infected person would want to be told from the get-go so that they haven't had time to develop feelings for the other person- which could make ending things with them more difficult and could affect them making that decision. Who says that after one month of dating that a person wouldn't have possibly developed strong feelings or emotional attachment to the infected person? That timetable may work for you and you yourself may not be the type to develop feelings for another person in that amount of time, but not everyone's feelings are the same. You seem to brush off a person's possible "hurt feelings" as no big deal because you think they'll "get away with just a bruised feeling" and then they'll get over it. That may be so; but a lot of people don't want to have to go through that possibility of feeling hurt and torn just because that will make the infected person's obligation of disclosing this information easier for themselves. However, I totally get what you're saying - and if it were me that had an STD, I'd probably feel the same way you do; although I would disclose that info on a first meet or date to get it out of the way, because, I feel it's just fair to let the other person know what they could be getting themselves into and to allow them to make an informed decision as to whether they'd want to move forward with me or to move on. Even though telling a person from the get-go would, no doubt, be extremely DIFFICULT and would make every and any first meet or date a nerve-wracking and self-esteem deflating experience for the infected person, it's something that I feel they should do. It's something that I would do, because in addition to it being fair to the other person, I'd do it right away for MYSELF as well...so that *I* wouldn't possibly develop strong feelings for the other person during those 30 days, only to have to disclose this important info to them at that time and then have them end things with me. If it were me, I'd want to disclose something this private and important right away BEFORE I started to possibly develop strong feelings and attraction for the other person. However, since I'm not in your shoes, I can only imagine what being in your position would feel like and having to deal with it while dating. You have to deal with this in a way that's beneficial for you and that makes you feel better about it - so long as you're honest with whoever you date, it's no one's decision to make but YOUR own. . Sooo many people are closed minded to the fact that someone would have herpes... I waited... and my boyfriend did his research and then decided it is not such a big deal... luckily he was so into me at the time because if he wasn't who know what could have happened. He doesn't even care at this point. 4
Echo74 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I met a guy a month ago and we hit off great, he treats me with respect, we have a lot of fun together. After a couple weeks of seeing each other I decided to go home with him one night and there he admitted he had herpes. I felt like a bomb went off. I like him a lot but I've always been so careful with my body and am terrified of catching anything. I guess what my question is how does one have a HEALTHY sex life with a partner with herpes? What are the do's and dont's? Not to sound weird but I can be pornstar status in the sheets (and just about anywhere if given the opportunity) and I just cant imagine how to be safe from catching it myself.... Thanks. I had a serious relationship for three years with a guy who had herpes. We actually dated for nine months before we had sex, he was REALLY patient! Anyway, he got it from someone who did NOT tell him that she had it, he was very upset at that but was always considerate of me. He was always conscious of how "it" felt down there because he said he had a "tingling" feeling there. When that was the case, we refrained and I never contracted it. If he's a great guy, you should discuss it more with him because it is preventable. 2
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Sooo many people are closed minded to the fact that someone would have herpes... I waited... and my boyfriend did his research and then decided it is not such a big deal... luckily he was so into me at the time because if he wasn't who know what could have happened. He doesn't even care at this point. It's not that I'm "close minded", Shvrk. My post illustrates that I'm sympathetic to those who have it and how it must feel for them to have to go through the daunting task of having to tell everyone they date. Just because I choose not to date someone with an STD, it doesn't make me a bad person, a close minded person or a mean person. It's just a dating preference that I have, just as I have other dating preferences. And just because I wouldn't date a guy with an STD, there are many women who would date him and enter into a relationship with him - just as your current boyfriend chose to be in a relationship with you, despite your status. . 2
lop98 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I wish life had proved to be as simple as writing off another person you have established some sort of bond with based on something like 'I get bumps in one part of my body', if it's that simplistic for some people and they can meet someone and obviously not know and get to know them and feel affection and sometimes love for them and then find out and still say 'oops sorry I'm not looking for this characteristic in my ideal partner', well, awesome for them. Talk about knowing how to make quality... business. I went through this, got involved with someone who had it. He told me and I said 'oooh I am so sorry for you!' and did attempt to grab all feelings, move on and forget. I was not going to jeopardize the only thing I have going for me (health?) over someone that may or may not be there for me in 5 years, as I still continue to deal with freakin outbreaks. Well time passed and that procedure of moving on wasn't that easy. We slept together. And we didn't speak for the next two days as I bawled my eyes out out of remorse, knowing it was a big mistake. I got tested and nothing. Months later, saw him again and ended up slipping back into his arms, every time more and more aware of what I was doing and how much I was willing to risk it, taking good precautions but knowing nothing guaranteed not getting it. Anyway, things ended... for actual red flags, not some contagious condition. I have gotten tested afterwards and nothing ever came up. Maybe it will in some 10 or 1 years but would I blame him? nah. After so many nights and days of deep paranoia, going on almost every single link google showed, I know how it works and know the risk is constant, but would I mind if I really loved someone? nope, life is too short to f*ck up your health but also too short to let quality people go over something that's literally on the surface (some people are f*cked up in worse ways you can't even tell lol)... 1
shvrk Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 It's not that I'm "close minded", Shvrk. My post illustrates that I'm sympathetic to those who have it and how it must feel for them to have to go through the daunting task of having to tell everyone they date. Just because I choose not to date someone with an STD, it doesn't make me a bad person, a close minded person or a mean person. It's just a dating preference that I have, just as I have other dating preferences. And just because I wouldn't date a guy with an STD, there are many women who would date him and enter into a relationship with him - just as your current boyfriend chose to be in a relationship with you, despite your status. . My apologies. I do see that you were sympathetic and I appreciate that. I suppose your post hit a soft spot where there are people that would openly joke about STD's and so on... they were the closed minded people I was thinking of. I understand where you are coming from, however. Before I had one I was the same way. 1
regine_phalange Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 He's being considerate about your health and this is nice of him. It's not easy to disclose such a thing. I also had active HPV in the past. Now I haven't shown any symptoms for 2+ years, but I still disclose it; I'm all for honesty, plus I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I did, the psychological distress is a lot greater than the physical one. If you decide to back off he'll understand because he'll be prepared. But if you really like him you can visit a doctor together and take some advice before making a decision.
Dork Vader Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Well I have herpes. I know for a fact I have HSV-2. I have had 1 definite outbreak and that was nearly a year ago. Unless someone has it please do not listen to them. There is a ton of inaccurate information about HSV. HSV is extremely common. Some estimate that over 25% of sexually active adults have HSV-1 or HSV-2. It's not as bad as you've been taught. The vast majority of those who have HSV-1 and/or HSV-2 do not know they have it. The outbreaks they get or had were so mild they were not noticed. The blood test is fairly inconclusive and useless. I got tested every year and never tested positive for it. Yet my doctor told me it could have been in my system for over 5 years! If the virus is not shedding or the person is not having an outbreak they likely won't test positive. He may never get another outbreak. I've known I've had HSV for almost a year and only have had 1 outbreak. I might have had one other but I'm not sure. He can take Valtrex, if he talks to his doctor they can put him on it. This can reduce the risk of transmission. Condoms can help reduce the risk of you contracting HSV. Other safe sex practices can help reduce the risk as well. Do not have sex while is having outbreak or thinks he might be having one. From what I've read and understand the virus can only be transmitted about 7 days before an outbreak and 7 days after the outbreak. It can also be transmitted when the virus sheds. The frequency of shedding depends on numerous factors and we can not give you estimates on it. Make sure he maintains a healthy life style and eats a healthy diet. A strong immune system will help lower the risk. Make sure he has a good way to deal with stress. Stress is a huge factor in outbreaks it's what caused my first outbreak. There is no full proof way to guarantee 100% that you will not get herpes from him. It is going to be a RISK no matter what you do. If the condom breaks at the wrong time you could be exposed too it. It is possible for you to have a relationship with him and you not get it. I know a few couples in which a spouse has HSV-2 or HSV-1 and the other does not. Some of them have been married 30+ years. You can also have children and not transmit HSV to the children. I also have met quite a few people with HSV-2. They have all date people who do NOT have HSV and they did not give it to their partner. Just because he has HSV does not mean he was a man hoe, dirty or in general a bad person. He just slept with the wrong person at the wrong time. My advice too you is take your time with it, continue to get to know him. If things are really solid and you're willing too expose yourself too it then progress the relationship. Make a doctors appointment and the 2 of you go. You both talk too the doctor about what you can do to lower the risk of transmission. But before you have sex make sure you are okay with getting HSV. Still do everything you can to lower the risk. Herpes has not been that bad for me. The outbreak was not that bad or painful. I had 3 lesions 2 of which were extremely small. The worst part about herpes is dealing with the stigma and ignorance surrounding it. I won't date people who are not HSV positive anymore. I simply refuse to deal with the stigma, rudeness and ignorance.
Dork Vader Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 It's not that I'm "close minded", Shvrk. My post illustrates that I'm sympathetic to those who have it and how it must feel for them to have to go through the daunting task of having to tell everyone they date. Just because I choose not to date someone with an STD, it doesn't make me a bad person, a close minded person or a mean person. It's just a dating preference that I have, just as I have other dating preferences. And just because I wouldn't date a guy with an STD, there are many women who would date him and enter into a relationship with him - just as your current boyfriend chose to be in a relationship with you, despite your status. . I hope you never get HPV or HSV, bother are insanely common.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Lots of STD shaming in this thread, 80% have herpes, I bet some of the people degrading herpes carriers probably have it themself lol.
Author lovesickgirl Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 DATING UPDATE I'm in tears today. Yesterday I went on a date & I was bringing my dog to see if he would love my baby. I don't know how to feel, he was sweet, paid for lunch, mickey lovedddddd him. We went to the farmers market and laughed at creepy antiques but he had to cut our date short and said he still had to finish his paper for school (cause he works full time and goes to school to be a lawyer) and kissed me a few times, said I wish I could spend more time with you but I did want to see you for a bit, hopefully I can take you out again Friday? So naturally I said yes. He texted me a little throughout the night and every night for the last week. This morning I text him Me: Hey I'm dog sitting at this house this weekend, would you like to come over and keep me company? Him: I dont think thats a good idea, its been a long time since ive dated someone but I can tell my heart isnt in it, im sorry. Me: Really? Can you tell me what changed your mind at least? Especially since you took me out yesterday? Calls me: he called me, told me he felt we were moving to fast and was scared to be in a relation again because he just got out of one 3m ago and was sorry he led me on. I was like "then why the **** are you on a dating site?" he said I know, i thought I was ready to meet people but I am not, and being around you made me feel like we were heading down that path and I wasnt ready. Im so sorry, you did nothing, its me. I asked "did you meet someone else, at this point you can tell me? and he laughed and said no, youre the only one who got this far but im scared to show you emotion and im not ready to give you that yet. sorry. I said wow, you have 0 idea what ive been through, i got out of a abusive relation and i finally met someone who I actually could see myself with and you then you tell me all this? good luck and good bye. I am so shocked and confused :,(
Gaeta Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Oh sweetie I am so so very sorry :-( I can feel your sadness. Unfortunately these things happen too often. You went through all those confusing feelings when he told you about his hsv and now this, that is a lot emotions to deal with in a short time. There is no used to be dwelling on the why, it's not going to help in any way. Big big hug!! 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Sorry it didn't work out The whole "its not you its me" speech seemed a bit cliché though (even if it was the truth lol). Don't let this get you down, keep your head high and keep dating
ascendotum Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 So it seems like the STD issue was becoming less relevant for you.That was good you decided to give him a chance. Sorry to hear your budding relationship ended. The tables got turned and it was him giving you the goodbye speech. "then why the **** are you on a dating site?" he said I know, i thought I was ready There are a lot of similar stories with OLD. I think there are a lot of people online like this. Some are genuinely not ready but hoping to cheer themselves up with attention (msgs, dates or sex), while for others its probably a way of saying they are just not feeling the chemistry with you because they want the same feeling they had with the ex. You came from an abusive relationship so you would have emotionally checked out a fair while before leaving. He may have recently come from relationship where she dumped him and broke his heart. 2
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 I hope you never get HPV or HSV, bother are insanely common. Well, I *know* that I won't get an HPV or HSV sexually transmitted disease, because I'm not out having casual sex with everyone I date, like other people choose to do. I haven't been having sexual relations with ANYONE, period - I'm also NOT dating right now...and even when I decide to start dating again, I'm smart enough not to have sex with anyone for a looonggg time. I'm sure you're SO relieved that I won't be contracting whatever STD you have. Your feeble (and pathetic) attempt at trying to make me feel guilty for my dating preferences was an absolute fail. To the OP: I'm so sorry that this guy bailed out on you, when you were sweet and kind enough to accept him into your life even though he's infected with an STD. Unfortunately, this is what happens in dating sometimes. You'll never know why he bailed, but nonetheless, he DID. He may have done so for YOUR benefit, or because he was frightened that you two were heading toward relationship-territory. I mean, at this point, it doesn't matter WHY he dumped you. What matters is, he DID dump you, and he let you know the VERY next day...after you two had an awesome time on your date. He BLINDSIDED you. Just be grateful that he did this to you now, and not a few weeks from now when you would've been even MORE head over heels with him. Take this time to grieve over what you thought was developing with this guy...and then move on with your life, okay? You'll be okay. ~ *hugs* ~ .
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Well, I *know* that I won't get an HPV or HSV sexually transmitted disease, because I'm not out having casual sex with everyone I date, like other people choose to do. I haven't been having sexual relations with ANYONE, period - I'm also NOT dating right now...and even when I decide to start dating again, I'm smart enough not to have sex with anyone for a looonggg time. I'm sure you're SO relieved that I won't be contracting whatever STD you have. Your feeble (and pathetic) attempt at trying to make me feel guilty for my dating preferences was an absolute fail. To the OP: I'm so sorry that this guy bailed out on you, when you were sweet and kind enough to accept him into your life even though he's infected with an STD. Unfortunately, this is what happens in dating sometimes. You'll never know why he bailed, but nonetheless, he DID. He may have done so for YOUR benefit, or because he was frightened that you two were heading toward relationship-territory. I mean, at this point, it doesn't matter WHY he dumped you. What matters is, he DID dump you, and he let you know the VERY next day...after you two had an awesome time on your date. He BLINDSIDED you. Just be grateful that he did this to you now, and not a few weeks from now when you would've been even MORE head over heels with him. Take this time to grieve over what you thought was developing with this guy...and then move on with your life, okay? You'll be okay. ~ *hugs* ~ . All it takes is an unfaithful partner to get it. Pray it doesn't happen to you It's good you take precautions, just don't be too sure that you could NEVER get it. 4
stillmind Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 There is no HPV test for men and it can be transmitted by contact with any skin near the genitals, so unless you have sex wearing a full latex bodysuit there is literally no way to guarantee your safety from HPV. 1
gaius Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 I had a similar situation happen when I was younger. Fortunately we never even got around to kissing. Just thank your lucky stars if it ended before you caught anything, and if faced with the situation again remember herpes lasts forever and the dude looking to give it to you probably won't.
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