lovesickgirl Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I met a guy a month ago and we hit off great, he treats me with respect, we have a lot of fun together. After a couple weeks of seeing each other I decided to go home with him one night and there he admitted he had herpes. I felt like a bomb went off. I like him a lot but I've always been so careful with my body and am terrified of catching anything. I guess what my question is how does one have a HEALTHY sex life with a partner with herpes? What are the do's and dont's? Not to sound weird but I can be pornstar status in the sheets (and just about anywhere if given the opportunity) and I just cant imagine how to be safe from catching it myself.... Thanks.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Not to sound weird but I can be pornstar status in the sheets (and just about anywhere if given the opportunity) and I just cant imagine how to be safe from catching it myself.... Thanks. You confidence is hot, but actions speak louder than bragging. However, since you've only been seeing the guy a month, you haven't had enough time to get that invested yet. So if you really do care about your body, I'd recommend ending it. If you're as good in bed and as freaky as you claim, finding another guy won't be that hard. Plus, him waiting a month to tell you makes his integrity come into question. I mean this is something that should come up relatively soon.
KatZee Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 No. No. NO. noNOnOnoNo. No. I would never date anyone who had herpes. No. I don't care if it's controllable, or outbreaks only happen so often, or the fact that there's medication. Just no. I would never want to wake up one day and see a herp on the corner of my mouth, covering my vajay. NO. Not ever. That's why they have group forums for herpes carriers. Makes it easier to date, because they get it and will date each other. Deal breaker for me. Don't care how cool you are. 1
Author lovesickgirl Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 I think the fact he told me was pretty brave...He could have said nothing like most people in their 20s do! It's not easy to tell a cute girl "oh hey I have an std" 7
road Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I think the fact he told me was pretty brave...He could have said nothing like most people in their 20s do! It's not easy to tell a cute girl "oh hey I have an std" Not brave he is obligated to be honest with every woman. As to this being an issue for you. You are right to see this and should see this as a deal breaker. 2
elaine567 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 You confidence is hot, but actions speak louder than bragging. However, since you've only been seeing the guy a month, you haven't had enough time to get that invested yet. So if you really do care about your body, I'd recommend ending it. If you're as good in bed and as freaky as you claim, finding another guy won't be that hard. Plus, him waiting a month to tell you makes his integrity come into question. I mean this is something that should come up relatively soon. OK but when would be a good time to bring that up, he brought it up when sex was on the cards, seems reasonable. Not something you want shouted from the rooftops, I am sure he only wants to share that with people he trusts and after a month and with things progressing well, time to tell. Or is it better first date. "Do you take sugar your coffee? BTW I have genital herpes." Genital herpes - NHS Choices 6
Mrin Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 HSV 1 or 2? I'm not a carrier but just from reading posts on Loveshack I know that HSV-1 is extremely common, HSV-2 is not. Also genital or oral?
KatZee Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I think the fact he told me was pretty brave...He could have said nothing like most people in their 20s do! It's not easy to tell a cute girl "oh hey I have an std" Yeah, it's not really "bravery" as much as it is an obligation. She easily could have had sex with him, and then contracted herpes and then taken him to court for not telling her and then infecting her with an incurable disease.
Author lovesickgirl Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Genital herpes, trust me you cant see anything on him, and hes completely handsome im just terrified to have sex with him now and looking for a viewer in a similar or identical situation as me with answers
Author lovesickgirl Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Yeah, it's not really "bravery" as much as it is an obligation. She easily could have had sex with him, and then contracted herpes and then taken him to court for not telling her and then infecting her with an incurable disease. Lets be realistic for a moment here.... no one EVER thinks of that or else there would be far less people out there with STDs 1
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I carry hsv-2. I take my 500mg of Valtrex daily. The chances of me transmitting it to my partners are 0.05% to none. I have had my shares of partners since I got this and I have never transmitted it. I rarely, and I mean rarely get rejected for it. Listen, it's no big deal. Herpes is not going to kill you, shorten your life or put you in a wheelchairs. It's the same virus as chicken pox. Your guy may never have an irruption in his life, like me. 25% of adults carry hsv-2. We just happen to know we have it. By the age of 40 80% of population has hsv-1. Have you ever had a sore on your mouth? that means you have hsv-1. If you have the type one you are then 40% immune to type 2. How old is your guy? Older you are less contagious it is. If you want more details you can write me in private. Hon, love is hard to find. If this man rocks your world don't let an occasional sore come between you 2. Just educate yourself on the matter. 20
neowulf Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I met a guy a month ago and we hit off great, he treats me with respect, we have a lot of fun together. After a couple weeks of seeing each other I decided to go home with him one night and there he admitted he had herpes. I felt like a bomb went off. I like him a lot but I've always been so careful with my body and am terrified of catching anything. I guess what my question is how does one have a HEALTHY sex life with a partner with herpes? What are the do's and dont's? Not to sound weird but I can be pornstar status in the sheets (and just about anywhere if given the opportunity) and I just cant imagine how to be safe from catching it myself.... Thanks. Thing is, there is next to nothing to be done to completely remove the risk of infection. Antivirals are very effective at reducing viral shedding, but again, not perfect. That said, I would take to the time educate yourself on the disease and the risks involved. It's different for women, given the link between some strains of HPV and cancer. It's not a lethal disease however. In most cases, unless you a immunosuppressed, the outbreaks are small and easily controlled with modern antivirals. If it's something you don't feel you can deal with, then that is entirely your right. Just make sure you're not making a knee jerk reaction and get all the facts. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 What to Do If Your Partner Has Genital Herpes i found this though google..... its a hard call......there are precautional ways to treat a partner with herpes so you have a lesser risk......like not having sex when they are more contagious..... all through the years i worked as a hooker i never contracted anything......i had regular check ups on a weekly basis had to have those weekly checkups and get an all clear to work where i did....... i dont know how i would feel if a guy i was dating told me he had herpes.....considering i am celibate till marriage now ......sex wouldnt be an immediate issue.....but.....i would definitely go to the doctors with him and be informed of what i should do or shouldnt do......if i were to plan on marrying him.....deb 1
neowulf Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I carry hsv-2. I take my 500mg of Valtrex daily. The chances of me transmitting it to my partners are 0.05% to none. I have had my shares of partners since I got this and I have never transmitted it. I rarely, and I mean rarely get rejected for it. Listen, it's no big deal. Herpes is not going to kill you, shorten your life or put you in a wheelchairs. It's the same virus as chicken pox. Your guy may never have an irruption in his life, like me. 25% of adults carry hsv-2. We just happen to know we have it. By the age of 40 80% of population has hsv-1. Have you ever had a sore on your mouth? that means you have hsv-1. If you have the type one you are then 40% immune to type 2. How old is your guy? Older you are less contagious it is. If you want more details you can write me in private. Hon, love is hard to find. If this man rocks your world don't let an occasional sore come between you 2. Just educate yourself on the matter. Thanks for sharing this. I think it's important people get the facts about what the risks really are and how best they can be managed. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I carry hsv-2. I take my 500mg of Valtrex daily. The chances of me transmitting it to my partners are 0.05% to none. I have had my shares of partners since I got this and I have never transmitted it. I rarely, and I mean rarely get rejected for it. Listen, it's no big deal. Herpes is not going to kill you, shorten your life or put you in a wheelchairs. It's the same virus as chicken pox. Your guy may never have an irruption in his life, like me. 25% of adults carry hsv-2. We just happen to know we have it. By the age of 40 80% of population has hsv-1. Have you ever had a sore on your mouth? that means you have hsv-1. If you have the type one you are then 40% immune to type 2. How old is your guy? Older you are less contagious it is. If you want more details you can write me in private. Hon, love is hard to find. If this man rocks your world don't let an occasional sore come between you 2. Just educate yourself on the matter. I'm guessing that's because you've probably had it for a long time and have been taking meds for years right? The longer a person has it and is on medication, the harder it is to pass to someone. But if someone has had a case that's relatively new (within five years or less), then it's easier to spread. An ex GF of mine had herpes, but she got it 12 years before she met me and had been on consistent meds the entire time.So her outbreaks were few and far between. 1
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 OP, do NOT go on google or the Internet to get your information. Go to your doctor or ask your guy to go to his doctor with him to get this explained properly. I read so many false information online it's scary. 2
todreaminblue Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 OP, do NOT go on google or the Internet to get your information. Go to your doctor or ask your guy to go to his doctor with him to get this explained properly. I read so many false information online it's scary. hey gaeta, was my link ok that i gave.......i hope so.....deb
neowulf Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 *correction HPV != HSV-2, thus no risk of cancer. Wanted to update my original post. Can't brain. I has the dumb.
todreaminblue Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 *correction HPV != HSV-2, thus no risk of cancer. Wanted to update my original post. Can't brain. I has the dumb. Can't brain. I has the dumb so kewt....lol
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I'm guessing that's because you've probably had it for a long time and have been taking meds for years right? The longer a person has it and is on medication, the harder it is to pass to someone. But if someone has had a case that's relatively new (within five years or less), then it's easier to spread. An ex GF of mine had herpes, but she got it 12 years before she met me and had been on consistent meds the entire time.So her outbreaks were few and far between. I got it 3 years ago. My age plays in my favor. My virus is dormant, meaning I've never had an outbreak. You are right though, if you get it at 20 and it's active you have to watch out for outbreaks but I am told valtrex is very efficient for younger people as well. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I got it 3 years ago. My age plays in my favor. My virus is dormant, meaning I've never had an outbreak. You are right though, if you get it at 20 and it's active you have to watch out for outbreaks but I am told valtrex is very efficient for younger people as well. Well I don't know if there is such a thing as the "good type of herpes" but I suppose you can take comfort in the fact that yours is dormant at least. Still sucks that you got it though. 1
elaine567 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 OP, do NOT go on google or the Internet to get your information. Go to your doctor or ask your guy to go to his doctor with him to get this explained properly. I read so many false information online it's scary. I totally agree go to a doctor, but the link I gave is to the National Health Service website for the UK, should be good info. 1
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 hey gaeta, was my link ok that i gave.......i hope so.....deb Yes dear
deathandtaxes Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Ah good ol herpes. a lot of people have it and don't know it because they never have outbreaks. it's a huge social stigma more than anything. props to Gaeta for throwing some info around about the percentage of people who carry it. 3
Author lovesickgirl Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Thank you Gaeta, You make me have less of a panic now I see him this sunday and we will have lots to talk about, i'll update the thread then to, to tell how everything went. I do like him just not used to being around people who have serious viruses. I caught HPV when I was younger, I developed cancer cells and had pieces of my uterus removed, I never went unprotected EVER again unless I was with a tested partner.
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