Toodaloo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I'm so close ... Another 2 or 3 or 15 bullet points, and I'd be right there. Its alright GT just feed them chocolate... 1
Tayla Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 OP , I respect your list, its your experience and wisdom. This is rarely about gender anyway...its about relations and perspective. So keep sharing and thank you for putting this together. Gorilla will be awhile...still has 6 or 7 steps to go
beatcuff Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I have in mind what women want from a man in a long term relationship, they may DESIRE it but NOT want it. and this also begs the question "how much do we compromise for a l-t relationship".
Robert Z Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I thought it was money. Damn! Only missed by 259 bullet points.
Toodaloo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Gorilla will be awhile...still has 6 or 7 steps to go More than that I just caught him stuffing chocolate cake behind the bike sheds... 1
Imajerk17 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) There is a lot of truth to this list OP. As I was reading this list though, I did find myself thinking "if that was even close to being the only type of men women **actually went for**, this forum would have been long out of business" Edited April 10, 2015 by Imajerk17 3
loveweary11 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 So....literally everything??? ha ha ha Let's hope real women don't want everything on this list. It's like a men's list for what they want in women reading like this: *Perfect, slim body, loves to eat burgers, wings and down beer *Exceptional mother and wife, having dinner ready after I get home from work but she is also CEO of AT&T *Is crazy good in bed, but has only slept with me...a virgin Do people even realize how ridiculous these expectations are of fellow human beings? How about wanting someone who is essentially a good person inside, but is human, limited in capacity to please you and wait on you, but loves you and is faithful to you? No wonder so many people are perpetually single. Ridiculous.
Toodaloo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 *Perfect, slim body, loves to eat burgers, wings and down beer *Exceptional mother and wife, having dinner ready after I get home from work but she is also CEO of AT&T *Is crazy good in bed, but has only slept with me...a virgin Well I wasn't CEO but I paid the bills and the ex still took it all for granted... and I got fat... LW don't worry... while this list is out there I doubt any one has printed it off so they can tick it...
autumnnight Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I'm going to attempt the challenge of listing what men want. OP, if you want me to take it off later as off topic, you can let me know. 1. A woman who will say what she means and be honest 2. A woman who is encouraging and admires him 3. A woman who trust him to be a man 4. A woman who will support him in his life, his goals, his endeavors 5. A woman who will work toward those alongside him 6. A woman who does not nag, who makes her needs or desires known clearly and lovingly, and then trust him to meet them 7. A woman who is financially responsible 8. A woman who does not keep score 9. A woman who is an open, loving, and passionate sex partner 10. A woman who has her own goals and dreams 11. A woman who does not cling to him as her sole supplier of self-esteem 12. A woman who is nurturing but does not try to be his mother 13. A woman who is faithful 14. A woman who takes care of herself and her physical appearance and who takes pride in trying to be an attractive wife/partner 15. A woman who does not make things a competition 16. A woman who has a general respect for men and a specific respect for him Am I close? 8
GorillaTheater Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Am I close? "17. Her father owns a liquor store." Seriously, a very good list. 6
StanMusial Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 LW don't worry... while this list is out there I doubt any one has printed it off so they can tick it... Grocery lists are for buying groceries. Lists like these are for entertainment purposes only.
Robert Z Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I'm going to attempt the challenge of listing what men want. OP, if you want me to take it off later as off topic, you can let me know. 1. A woman who will say what she means and be honest 2. A woman who is encouraging and admires him 3. A woman who trust him to be a man 4. A woman who will support him in his life, his goals, his endeavors 5. A woman who will work toward those alongside him 6. A woman who does not nag, who makes her needs or desires known clearly and lovingly, and then trust him to meet them 7. A woman who is financially responsible 8. A woman who does not keep score 9. A woman who is an open, loving, and passionate sex partner 10. A woman who has her own goals and dreams 11. A woman who does not cling to him as her sole supplier of self-esteem 12. A woman who is nurturing but does not try to be his mother 13. A woman who is faithful 14. A woman who takes care of herself and her physical appearance and who takes pride in trying to be an attractive wife/partner 15. A woman who does not make things a competition 16. A woman who has a general respect for men and a specific respect for him Am I close? I would have been happy with, be nice, have sex, don't try to kill me. 1
Tayla Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 "17. Her father owns a liquor store." Seriously, a very good list. 18: a woman who is pleasing to the eye. Whatever his interpretation of beauty is. 18.5 ( gorilla's got a thing for chocolate cake ) so I'm gonna say if the lady can cook and bake, Bonus! 2
GorillaTheater Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 18: a woman who is pleasing to the eye. Whatever his interpretation of beauty is. 18.5 ( gorilla's got a thing for chocolate cake ) so I'm gonna say if the lady can cook and bake, Bonus! And Lord knows, a sense of humor is absolutely essential. It's a gift to find someone who cracks you up as often as you can crack her up. 1
Tayla Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 So....literally everything??? ha ha ha Let's hope real women don't want everything on this list. It's like a men's list for what they want in women reading like this: *Perfect, slim body, loves to eat burgers, wings and down beer *Exceptional mother and wife, having dinner ready after I get home from work but she is also CEO of AT&T *Is crazy good in bed, but has only slept with me...a virgin Do people even realize how ridiculous these expectations are of fellow human beings? How about wanting someone who is essentially a good person inside, but is human, limited in capacity to please you and wait on you, but loves you and is faithful to you? No wonder so many people are perpetually single. Ridiculous. I keep mine very very simple, IF he has a pulse, he's in the running! ITs not one size fits all ...its a persons perspective. IT may well be different for some folks....Some cultures would consider some traits or actions disrespectful. I personally do not subscribe to some of these observations ...and I doubt I would set my expectations to be such....Yet I can certainly acknowledge the thoroughness of the OP's list and consider it a mix and match for some couples or relations.... you are right in a way.....as no one could succeed on a daily basis trying to accomplish these lists, for we are as flawed as we are perfect. 1
carhill Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 OP, kudos for taking the time and making the effort to put all those fine qualities into a bulleted list. I'll add one potential consolidator to the list: Attraction. If steady, the list has enormous traction and the lens of attraction magnifies its value. If vacillating, watch out. Everyone is different and it's really unknown how things will go from day to day. Still, commendable list. 2
DKT3 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I think thinking in terms of lists can be a dangerous game to play in the world of love. Lists are fun when your a 16 year old girl. Being honest, that list would be the "PERFECT MAN" and since that guy isn't on the plant I believe what one really needs to look for in a partner is one that respects them, loves them, willing to communicate and values their opinion. In that all other issues can be resolved. No one is a mind reader so you can't possible know what be in tuned to knowing what someone wants without being told. Also in wanting things one must be willing to give them. Its alarming how often people expect more (or better) then they give. Just my opinion. 3
xxoo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Swop the genders round to the list, add regular physical connection and I am sure you will get there... I thought that was missing from the list of what women want. Add it the "manly" qualities: a man who can rock her world in bed. Women want what they can't/don't have..... That's girls....and boys..... 1
Author bachdude Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) Practical Ideas Thanks for all the comments everyone. It is really fascinating to see all the reactions. I wanted to make some comments/clarifications and give some practical ways guys can begin to do some of the things I recommend. First, I am not trying to espouse some sort of perfectionism here. And I think it would be unhealthy if a women expected perfection in the "list". But I am willing to bet, that even if their man got a 75% many women would go faint! Many of the things on the list can be learned, guys. It isn't as hard as you might imagine. I mean, what's the point of getting married to someone who pledges their life to you if she isn't the most important person in your life? She's the one who is promising to be their for you when you are 80 years old, if you make it that long, even if you need your depends changed! Why not work on treating her extra sweetly and kindly, and do things that make her feel special? It isn't as tough as you might think. Why not plan a date like you used too? Put some thought into it. if guys put 10% of the thought into planning some dates as they do planning the projects related to their hobbies it would do wonders. And there's just no excuse as the internet is filled with ideas if you need them. Would it kill us guys to learn more empathy, and learn how to be more aware of her emotions and learn helpful ways to respond to them? Why not learn a few skills at building a connection with her? She wants a relationship with you fellas! And you might decide you like it. A woman who feels an emotional connection with a man is a powerful things guys. She'll think she found the holy grail. And being playful with her again will remind her of when you first started dating. Playfulness in the mind of a female, is very romantic. Just watch some of the romantic movies out there. There is almost always a playful scene in it. Every time your'e at the mall with her, it's a golden opportunity to find out what she likes. With smartphones there's no excuse, guys. Start a file in an app and take notes what she likes. Pick up the item she likes a few months later for a B-day present or anniversary and she will be amazed you remembered. Or if you really want to shock her, pick it up for no reason other than just to surprise her. You just made her feel special and showed you were listening and knew what she likes. It isn't that hard. She'll brag on FB about you instead of complaining to her girlfriends. And is it so difficult to work on listening skills in general? I admit I am not great at this. But at least listen and learn to observe emotional reactions she is having while she tells you about her day. Make an observation about it, such as, "You seem really excited about that" or, "I could see you were kind of sad when you said that". She might ask how you knew, and you can say "I saw it in the expression on your face", or "I saw it in your eyes as you were talking". Listening this way will likely floor her! Don't lie of course, be honest, but this builds a connection with her. And fellas, learn to listen without problem solving, ok? And working on being dependable is a great skill anyway. And again, with smart phones it is easier than ever to set reminders. Every time you tell her you are going to do something, get into the habit of putting it in to your smart phone and setting a reminder and do it! If you mess up every so often most women will let it slide if you generally are good at it. And woking on our ego during conflict is tough. I know it is. I am not saying I am great at it. But during conflict we guys can learn to put the big boy pants on, not get our feelings hurt, and just listen to what she is saying so she feels heard. Just listening, and making observations about her emotions so she feels heard can diffuse a situation surprisingly quickly. It all takes practice. Her just knowing you are working at things will mean a lot to her. Just say to her, "Gosh, I have a lot to work on with myself, but I am working at it sweetheart, because I am committed to you and our relationship." Say it while looking in her eyes and give her a kiss. After she passes out from surprise and wakes up, she will then know you see her as worth your effort, and she will love that. She will feel special and feel safe with you. Edited April 10, 2015 by bachdude 2
Perma Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Wrong. Women want a fancy car, a big dick to ride, and lots of money. Preferably good-looking. Not necessarily in that order.
StanMusial Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 And whatever you do, make sure you do each task at the exact right time in the exact right way... A matter of seconds plus or minus or the slightest hint of insincerity and you have to return to the starting line. Don't even think about skipping a step either. Learn to thread the needle. Or, just find a reasonable woman. Down to earth type. They are out there, if I can find one then so can you. 1
serial muse Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I appreciate your efforts, OP, and certainly the spirit of trying to be the best partner you can be. As others have said, if both partners did that, it would be a partnership for the ages. But to me, that list could be dramatically simplified, because really it just comes down to a few basic things. Things that in my experience men want just as much as women. Here's how I would simplify the list of "what women want", FWIW: Love Someone who loves her for who she is, and lets her know it. Connection Someone who really listens to her and respects her viewpoint. Romance Someone who makes an effort to keep the relationship vibrant. This includes initiating sex. Character/personality Someone who is secure and has healthy boundaries. Someone who is kind. Someone with goals and healthy work ethic. That includes not being flaky. As I said, I think this list also applies to "what men want". 4
Author bachdude Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 I appreciate your efforts, OP, and certainly the spirit of trying to be the best partner you can be. As others have said, if both partners did that, it would be a partnership for the ages. But to me, that list could be dramatically simplified, because really it just comes down to a few basic things. Things that in my experience men want just as much as women. Here's how I would simplify the list of "what women want", FWIW: Love Someone who loves her for who she is, and lets her know it. Connection Someone who really listens to her and respects her viewpoint. Romance Someone who makes an effort to keep the relationship vibrant. This includes initiating sex. Character/personality Someone who is secure and has healthy boundaries. Someone who is kind. Someone with goals and healthy work ethic. That includes not being flaky. As I said, I think this list also applies to "what men want". Thank you, serial muse I think this is a good summary. What I tried to do is give some specifics. Initially, the list was only for my own benefit and I like to work in specifics I guess. But I realize it is kind of long and can be overwhelming. But if seen in summary it can be less intimidating. 2
jay1983 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Not quite. It's true for the most part. I haven't been on here for a while but when I was, I remember you and just a handful of other women on here who actually took things with an open mind. Most just roll their eyes, take everything personal and don't wanna hear it even if it's explained civilly. I will say it's not as bad IRL as it is on this forum.
loveweary11 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Sadly, I honestly don't care the way beachdude does about putting that much effort in. To me, you simply accept the other person as they are, if you find them to your liking. I accept the female side of the couple as she should either accept me or not. I am divorced, but did have a 10 year marriage. Neither of us had to put any effort in at all. We just were ourselves and that was all it took (until the ending). Literally, no real effort at all needed. I suppose I simply don't get into relationships with really demanding people. I always pick the go with the flow, cool chick.
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