TylerC Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Long story short, my girlfriend and I were talking yesterday about something I don't even remember. We were getting kind of annoyed with each other and she said something, to which I responded "no ****." She then said "**** you" and at first I was just stunned, I wasn't hurt or anything. I said the same thing to her a month ago and she was still acting depressed/hurt about it 3 days afterward and I knew how badly I just wanted to be forgiven, so I said "Lauren **** happens, don't worry about it." However, about 20 minutes later it really sunk in that she said what she said, and it hurt. She apologized several times and said it was one of those things that came out before she could catch it, and I understand that, but it doesn't take away the pain. This isn't the 1st or 2nd time she has been disrespectful to me, it's happened quite frequently. I do my best (though I do fail sometimes) to treat her with the utmost respect, even if we are having a disagreement. She talks to me in a manner that is hurtful, rude, and above all disrespectful. Also, I don't really feel appreciated. If we are together at one of our houses, I ask if she wants a backrub and I do it willingly with a smile on my face. In order for me to get one, I have to ask, and it is usually done as a "yeah, alright..". I get her gifts and I do realize she doesn't have as much money as I do, so I'm not asking for a material gift, there are other forms of gifts. I told her this last night and suggested a few things, so I guess we will see how that goes. I'm getting sick and tired of her being disrespectful to me, and I told her this. This is mostly a rant, but I guess I could use some advice if you guys have any.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 To me, respect is very very important in a relationship. I do not tolerate being cussed at, screamed at, or called names. I have never ever had a guy in a relationship with me call me a name and I don't know what I would do if it happened. I have never done any of this to any guy I've ever been with. Even at the worst with my exh I didn't do all of that. Tyler, it seems like you're the one who's giving more in this relationship. Are you satisfied with that?
laRubiaBonita Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by TylerC She then said "**** you" and at first I was just stunned, I wasn't hurt or anything. I said the same thing to her a month ago Ok....so why were you stunned if you already said it to her? She apologized several times and said it was one of those things that came out before she could catch it, and I understand that, but it doesn't take away the pain. if you can't take it , do not dish it out. Also, I don't really feel appreciated. If we are together at one of our houses, I ask if she wants a backrub and I do it willingly with a smile on my face. In order for me to get one, I have to ask, and it is usually done as a "yeah, alright..". I get her gifts and I do realize she doesn't have as much money as I do, so I'm not asking for a material gift, there are other forms of gifts. I told her this last night and suggested a few things, so I guess we will see how that goes. it should be an equal realtionship, but gifts are just that, GIFTS. given cause you want to, it is not a trade off. Soit is known that your friend is not one to reciprocate "gifts", so why continue spending money on her? This isn't the 1st or 2nd time she has been disrespectful to me, it's happened quite frequently. I do my best (though I do fail sometimes) to treat her with the utmost respect, even if we are having a disagreement. She talks to me in a manner that is hurtful, rude, and above all disrespectful. like when you cursed at her? in many friendly relationships you get what you give.....and the disrespect sounds pretty evenly distrubeted in your friendship. Maybe you should evaluate why you are still friends. do you still enjoy her company?
Author TylerC Posted April 15, 2005 Author Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie To me, respect is very very important in a relationship. I do not tolerate being cussed at, screamed at, or called names. I have never ever had a guy in a relationship with me call me a name and I don't know what I would do if it happened. I have never done any of this to any guy I've ever been with. Even at the worst with my exh I didn't do all of that. Tyler, it seems like you're the one who's giving more in this relationship. Are you satisfied with that? I told her last night that I felt like I'm giving more than I'm getting, and while I don't have a problem giving more than I'm getting, I do expect to be getting something. Respect is important to me too. I'm going to completely ignore the post above mine. The disrespect is not evenly distributed, and I don't treat her disrespectfully very often, I'd even go as far as calling them isolated incidents, while hers happen quite frequently, up to a couple times a week.
roygbiv Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 when my new boyfriend called me a 'sexy bitch' I was in utter shock, now I think it's kinda cute that he thinks of me that way.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by TylerC I told her last night that I felt like I'm giving more than I'm getting, and while I don't have a problem giving more than I'm getting, I do expect to be getting something. Respect is important to me too. I'm going to completely ignore the post above mine. The disrespect is not evenly distributed, and I don't treat her disrespectfully very often, I'd even go as far as calling them isolated incidents, while hers happen quite frequently, up to a couple times a week. well, that is not how it was percieved by me. i was merely pointing out what i saw.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Tyler, It's normal in a relationship for one person to give more than the other on occasion. Say, your partner is having work stress and unable to deal with much else at the moment- then you are the one giving the most. The problem lies when one person does all the giving and the other just takes. That causes resentment, big time. What did she say when you said that? How did she react?
prisoner Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 goes to Mz_Pixie. the resentment is boiling over. the cracks are beginning to show. there is something wrong and it has manifested in anger. the two of you are so resentful and unhappy taht it is time to share or beware. be careful, your next stop is uncomfortable silence avenue and then disappointment lane.
moimeme Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Go read Dr. Phil's site. One of the relationship sins (or whatever he calls it) is 'keeping score'. I'm betting you don't notice the things she does do for you. When you get into a situation where one or both people focus on what they do and don't try to appreciate what the other person does, you're in trouble. Also check out the Five Love Languages.
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