singme2sleep Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I've been dating this new guy for a month and recently I got a little carried away with texting too much. Now he says he's a bit turned off and feels smothered. Is there anything I can do to fix things or is the damage done?
Redhead14 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I've been dating this new guy for a month and recently I got a little carried away with texting too much. Now he says he's a bit turned off and feels smothered. Is there anything I can do to fix things or is the damage done? Yes, back off and get focused on other things. Let him come to you if he wants to. In the first month of dating a new person, all you should do is be receptive. He calls/texts you respond and in a balanced way. After you've been dating for a little while, you can initiate, and still in a balanced way. If this man hasn't become too turned off, and he realizes you've changed your ways, he may come around. If he doesn't, learn from the experience and keep dating other people 4
stillafool Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Absolutely! The only way you can try to fix this is to go silent until he contacts you. Even after that only reply to his texts do not intitiate them. 2
GemmaUK Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Back off and have a life of your own. Give him a chance to miss you. 9
Diezel Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Stop texting him so much Nothing more needs to be said. The solution is simple. 3
Vintage79 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Easy - just back off - I don't think I'd go silent, but just severely throttle back from what you've been doing. It will either work, or it won't, but it will absolutely help the "smothered" aspect of the statement. You've only been seeing him for a month, and I'm not entirely sure how involved you are, so it's hard to say he'll start missing you with less/no contact, but it would happen. For me, personally, I don't have a strong enough connection (usually) after 1 month to genuinely miss them if I don't hear from them. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 So everyone agrees that all is not lost?? I know I can back off and act "normal" if he just gives me the chance. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 So everyone agrees that all is not lost?? I know I can back off and act "normal" if he just gives me the chance. Then just act normal. Simple! 1
amaysngrace Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 What do you mean "act normal"? You're not "normal"? 2
mammasita Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I'm not sure I agree with everyone else. Usually this early on its very easy to be brushed off because there's nothing invested. Were the tables turned and you were being barraged with "too many texts" that "made you feel smothered", I would tell you to cut your losses and move on. Take this as a lesson learned and ease up a bit next time around.
Author singme2sleep Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 What do you mean "act normal"? You're not "normal"? By "normal" I just mean not so overzealous or in his face. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 By "normal" I just mean not so overzealous or in his face. Is being overzealous and in someone's face normal for you though? I guess that is the real question. 3
Satu Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 So everyone agrees that all is not lost?? I know I can back off and act "normal" if he just gives me the chance. Rome has not yet been burned to the ground! 1
Author singme2sleep Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Rome has not yet been burned to the ground! Thank you for saying that. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 I just honestly hope he gives me another chance.
GemmaUK Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I just honestly hope he gives me another chance. Whoa! Stop right there and change your mind set. Dating is about 'do I like him/her' not about 'does he/she like me'. Swap it around and see whether said date/person adds to your life as well as deciding whether you like them, The more clingy needy your mind set it the more it'll show - and honestly it shows on here and particularly in your last post. 7
Redhead14 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I'm not sure I agree with everyone else. Usually this early on its very easy to be brushed off because there's nothing invested. Were the tables turned and you were being barraged with "too many texts" that "made you feel smothered", I would tell you to cut your losses and move on. Take this as a lesson learned and ease up a bit next time around. It's about balance not about showing enough investment. If a woman stays in the receptive mode, she is doing her job in terms of showing mutual interest early on. She should "up" her show of interest after a little while so that the man doesn't feel as though he's doing all the work all the time, of course. If in the first month the guy is stressing because he feels like he's doing all the work, he isn't paying attention to the fact that she has been receptive. If in the first month the guy is feeling like he's doing all the work, it's because the woman hasn't been doing her job very well in terms of receptiveness and that's likely because she's really not interested so he keeps "working" at it. 2
barrelwave Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I've been dating this new guy for a month and recently I got a little carried away with texting too much. Now he says he's a bit turned off and feels smothered. Is there anything I can do to fix things or is the damage done? Keep some focus and plans on yourself for sure. When there's really nothing to talk about, it's okay to text less or not text at all. 1
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Give you another chance? You mean he used that as an excuse not to see you anymore? It may not be because of the texting......
Author singme2sleep Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Give you another chance? You mean he used that as an excuse not to see you anymore? It may not be because of the texting...... He didn't say he wanted to stop seeing each other, I'm just panicking and thinking it's inevitable. Here is exactly what he said "Hey I'm really sorry I was busy but I will be honest I am a little turned off by all the texts and the calls. I feel very smothered. I am not sure if I could provide you the support you need with my schedule."
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Ask him if he wasn't to stop seeing you.....that last line seems to be saying I can't do this anymore. All you can to is just suck it up and ask.
Redhead14 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 He didn't say he wanted to stop seeing each other, I'm just panicking and thinking it's inevitable. Here is exactly what he said "Hey I'm really sorry I was busy but I will be honest I am a little turned off by all the texts and the calls. I feel very smothered. I am not sure if I could provide you the support you need with my schedule." Ok, stop panicking He handled it very well and with respect. You'll just have to back off and let it play out. You can hope a little, but give it a little time too. He's going to need to see the change for a little while. A lot of times when the woman falls off the map so readily, the guy starts to wonder "what happened to her" and will reach out. Can't promise this though Go out and date others and enjoy yourself so you aren't focusing on it. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Ask him if he wasn't to stop seeing you.....that last line seems to be saying I can't do this anymore. All you can to is just suck it up and ask. I can't until he texts again, I already gave my reply and now more than ever I have to be the opposite of smothering.
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