vc87 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I'm currently dating a guy who is basically everything I never thought i would ever find.. Makes time for me, makes me feel so imported, just me feel so happy and fills me with such joy.. Really just feel on cloud nine whenever I'm around him and the best part is that it's a mutual thing.. We're on the same page, and we really are completely crazy about each other and in love..honesty never felt this way about anyone ever before in my entire life.. And I have not had one single bad day since he's been in my life.. Excited for the future knowing he's by my side.. So with things going so perfect, you may wonder why am posting this? For me and my current boyfriend started talking/dating, I was "hanging out" with a guy who I was completely smitten with.. We never had the exclusive talk.. But we definitely enjoyed your others company.. I Really really really liked him so much, and I was under the impression that it was mutual, things are going well, but unfortunately he had a lot going on and was "busy".. Initially things starting off very well but as the months went on, he didn't make time for me and didn't make the effort to even text or try to see me.. There were plenty of times that he apologized for it, but still no plans happened.. Even though I felt he liked me, him not making the effort made me feel like he didn't care.. Really messed with me head honestly and we actually went basically a month without him trying to contact me (though he did oddly view all my Snapchat stories and liked all my Instagram pictures) Anyway, a month goes by and he finally contacts me and tells me that he wants to hang again and that he would like to see me.. In between us not talking and him not really communicating with me, my current boyfriend popped back into my life.. We knew each other as kids growing up - never really were close friends but got back in touch via Facebook and and were talking/texting a couple months before we actually starting hanging out.. Our relationship got serious pretty quickly and we became exclusive after a couple weeks of us hanging frequently.. Normally I wouldn't rush into it so quick but with him it just felt so different and right.. Anyway the guy that I was previously hanging out with before him is now back in the picture.. He is aware that I have a boyfriend, and even though I love my big a lot, part of me still really likes this other guy too.. I feel wrong to say that but it's the truth.. I still get really happy and excited when I hear from him.. He said we could hang out platonically as friends.. we really do get along great and can talk for hours about anything once we get going.. Part of me feels like he realize he missed out by not wanting to commit to me.. I feel like something is wrong with me to feel things these things for two different people.. Not sure what I should do.. Try to distance myself from this other guy? Any advice would be appreciated..
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I can relate to this post from two different sides. I have never and will never go after a friend's ex. I believe in the guy code. Also, I have never and will never cheat on a woman. Monogamy from my end is something I take seriously. But I don't owe a complete stranger anything, and a turn on of mine back in the day was to seduce women like you. Hearing you admit to being excited and trying to downplay your sexual attraction is HOT to me. The old me would've had fun seducing a woman like you and making her admit how much she loved it in the bedroom. But that's the old me and one of the reasons why I stopped dating for an entire year. Now after a lot of reflection I'm in a much better place. So looking at this from an objective, good person, perspective, you need to cut ALL CONTACT with this other guy immediately if you care about your BF. If it was simply about an ego stroke as you claim, you wouldn't be as excited as you are to hear from the guy. Unfortunately, what will probably happen if you stay in contact, is you'll eventually give in, start spending the time with the guy, and cheat on your BF. I can't judge, because as I said, I used to enjoy being the other guy. However, knowing the signs, and how much you claim to love your BF, don't talk with that guy anymore. If you can't get the other guy out of your head, break up with your BF.
FortunateSon Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 You are probably wanting previous guy because you couldn't have him before. It's not really fair to your current boyfriend based on what you have said, you will have to make a choice for one or the other soon, staying in touch with both will not likely end well for anyone involved.
Mrin Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 You just have wantwhatyoucanthave-itis. Like FF said, dude is probably getting off on the "steal" attempt. It is kinda heady when you can seduce a woman away from another guy. You have a decision to make - cut off this other guy for good - all contact. Or just break up with your BF. This limbo thing you have going on is like a beaten dog going back to its abusive master and is really unfair to your BF.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) You just have wantwhatyoucanthave-itis. Like FF said, dude is probably getting off on the "steal" attempt. It is kinda heady when you can seduce a woman away from another guy. Exactly. The dynamic is so F'ing sexy. One of my FWB's was a HOT 26 year old law student and an Alpha female. But what Alpha females really want are men that are strong enough to let them submit. The problem is a lot of guys don't have backbone and turn into wimps around them. She was seeing this one guy who would try too hard, kiss her ass, and take her on expensive dates all the time. Yet, he'd get the "I want to take it slow" speech and she's rushing over to my place a few times a week. Even though she was a FREAK in bed (porn star quality), I had to cut ties with her eventually. Even though it sounds hypocritical, her lack of integrity began to get to me after awhile. That's why I would never want more than casual sex with a woman like that. In order for a woman to be my GF, she has to have integrity. But that's exactly why I can recognize who this guy is. So you're going to have to choose. The "nice guy" boyfriend, or the mysterious aloof bad boy that is secretly getting your panties wet when he contacts you. But you can't have it both ways OP. Make a choice and be done with it. Edited April 9, 2015 by fitnessfan365
No Limit Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Break up with your current BF and chase after the guy you're interested in.
Satu Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 If you can't decide who you want, you should probably not be with either. 3
LostOnes05 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 SO let me get this straight...guy doesn't make plans to see you, or call, and then disappears. But you like him?! So what happens when you screw up your current relationship and he disappears again [because he got what he wanted]? You'll be back here sobbing about how you couldn't see the signs and you miss the old guy. My advice is to cut this emotional affair or let your bf go. If you don't you'll probably be the loser long-term. 1
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