Kjeamc Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 My girlfriend and I recently found out the news that we will be having a child in October. Everything is going fine, I'm 22 with an internship coming up at a good company this summer and looking for another part time job for weekend hours to save up for our needs while she also works a part time job. Now to the story, I've lived with her and her mother for a few months during college and I've came to realize how controlling her mother is during the course of my time there. I've been contributing by cleaning (often most of the house with my girlfriend and paying for food and other small items that everyone uses). Despite that I will have a good job in less than two months and financially stable my girlfriends mom wants her to apply for all kinds of welfare that would get me on the hook for child support. (I'm not against it, but if we are together and I'm paying for the majority of care I don't see why I should be on the hook for it unless we were not together.) anyway, my grandmother is going to let us rent her house before she sells it to get away from the mom, but my girlfriend is hesitant about it and we are both scared to tell her because of her reaction last time when my girlfriend wanted to move with her grandmother. Is there any tips you guys can give us? Or things that will make my girlfriend feel more comfortable about it. We will never be able to grow as a couple with her mom in the picture everyday. My entire family thinks we should get out ASAP and so doesn't my girlfriends grandma (her mothers mom). That itself speaks volumes. I can give more info if it is needed. I'm writing this on my phone so I can't easily see what I put and didn't put already. Thank you everyone
Author Kjeamc Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 NOTE: we will be completely financially stable from my savings, job and family help. She will also have a savings we can use.
Diezel Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Don't ASK for permission to move. You move out. Your girlfriend and you need to do what's best for the child. If she's controlling NOW, imagine what she will be like once the baby is in the picture. You need to have a serious convo with your girlfriend and make sure you two have each other's back and once you two are ready to move out, provide a UNITED front that you are doing this. Or else you two will just stay there forever and giving into the fear.
Author Kjeamc Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Don't ASK for permission to move. You move out. Your girlfriend and you need to do what's best for the child. If she's controlling NOW, imagine what she will be like once the baby is in the picture. You need to have a serious convo with your girlfriend and make sure you two have each other's back and once you two are ready to move out, provide a UNITED front that you are doing this. Or else you two will just stay there forever and giving into the fear. Thank you, that's pretty much exactly what my father said. She already made the claim that she's claiming the child on her taxes and that she thinks the child should sleep with her instead of us for the first few months. I'm trying to tip toe about what I say because I don't want to insult my girlfriend, in the end it is her mother and I respect that. The controlling situation will do nothing but harm our relationship.
Diezel Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Thank you, that's pretty much exactly what my father said. She already made the claim that she's claiming the child on her taxes and that she thinks the child should sleep with her instead of us for the first few months. I'm trying to tip toe about what I say because I don't want to insult my girlfriend, in the end it is her mother and I respect that. The controlling situation will do nothing but harm our relationship. On her taxes? NO. What is this? Have you had a heart to heart with your girlfriend? What does she think?
Author Kjeamc Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) On her taxes? NO. What is this? Have you had a heart to heart with your girlfriend? What does she think? She thinks it's ridiculous just like everybody else. She wants to move out with me, but I have a feeling I'm not saying enough or the right things to her to solidify it. With her being pregnant I don't want to upset her. It got to the extent that her mother took her on a ride without me and down talked ME. But yeah, as of right now my girlfriend is telling me she backs the decision of moving out, but I want to reinforce it because her mom will say absolutely anything to change her mind. She's a single parent so my girlfriend is all she has had, so I'm terribly afraid of the influence she might have deep down. She knows she should be treated better than this. But just like abusive relationships it's hard for people to break the connection Edit: it isn't like it's actually a physical abusive setting, that's just something to compare it too. It's hard for a daughter to break part of a bond Edited April 9, 2015 by Kjeamc
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Stake YOUR claim as an adult, a man and a father to be by getting your GF a ring. Showing the mom in law that you are going to do the honorable thing, be there for her daughter and taking responsibility for raising this child, it may put everyone's (including your GF's) mind at ease.
Gary S Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 You can't deal with a control freak, they think it's all about them and they don't even know they have a problem. This is one of the reasons people elope. It's famous for a reason. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Have your GF put your name on the baby's birth certificate. Do not let the GF's mother claim your child as her dependent. Try very hard not to rely on savings to support yourselves. Come up with a realistic budget for your needs & work to earn that amount.
kendahke Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Is your girlfriend over the age of 18? Then she doesn't need her mother's permission to move out. You two need to move out and really, her mother needs to be on ignore. There is absolutely no reason in the world why your girlfriend should commit fraud just because her mother is a nutter. 1
kendahke Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 If your relationship is already strong enough to go there, you might want to consider going to the courthouse and getting married before a JP to remove her mother from any legal footing when it comes to your child. If it's not, then you may be in for a long, ugly fight with her mother and your girlfriend vacillating between you two.
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