geronimo Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I'm just venting here. Things have really been bothering me the past few days I just dont know why. It will be 5 months since my breakup in the next couple weeks. Ex gf and I dated for 5 years (shes 20 im 22, started dating at 15/17). I should have seen this coming cuz throughout the relationship there were so many signs that this breakup was inevitable. She used the excuse that we're breaking up due to religion/family but she just used that as a smokescreen. She started dating another guy within weeks of our breakup and I really believed it was just a rebound. I guess now that its been about 5 months and they're still dating it just hurts. I know i treated this girl like a princess and no other guy will ever treat her better than I did. I really loved and cared about her, she was my whole world. We were both eachothers first realtionship/first loves. I truly thought I was going to marry this girl and she even made me believe it was going to happen. I just dont know what to think or how to feel anymore. There are days where I'm ok and then there are days where I'm still devastated over the breakup. I know i deserve alot better than her and don't deserve to be treated the way she treated me and just got up and walked away from a 5 year relationship when another guy showed some interest in her. I have been doing NC, blocked her off social media as of new years and havne't had any contact with her, other than on my bday in feb when she sent me a text and i just replied saying thankyou. I guess its my fault, I always believed that this was a rebound relationship and that no one would treat her better than I did and she would soon realize and come running back. I respected and loved her alot, maybe thats where I went wrong, but I do know for a fact that everything I went through cuz of her and did for her very few guys would do the same. We never had sex cuz she wanted to wait till marraige, and I never forced her cuz I respected her wishes. I just feel like she might be more open to doing it with this guy cuz they're the same religion and she might think that they might get married. I know all these thoughts shouldn't even phase me since we're broken up and she is no one to me anymore but I never thought this would come of us. She would always tell me that no matter what happened between us we would grow old together, whether it be as a couple or friends. I know I'm doing NC but I wished that she would have still reached out or messaged or something, especially after she had said all that to me during our relationshp and now its like I dont mean anything to her, all that time we spent together didnt' mean ****. I know any sane person would just walk away and never look back, especially after I was willing to do anything and everything for her but she wouldn't do the same. I know I deserve a lot better but I guess the heart wants what it wants. The sad thing is I still love her so much and if she ever came back I would take her back in a heart beat. I dont even know what to do anymore 1
LoveIsMyReligion Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Why would you take someone back that walked out on you for another guy? No sex and you were together for 5+ years seems unhealthy to be honest.. Won't happen overnight but you need to tell yourself that you're not going back and move forward with your life.
Author geronimo Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Idk man I guess to me i justify it by saying that she had GIGS and since we were each others first she wanted to see what else is out there. But at the same if you're happy in a relationship you shouldn't need that cuz I never thought of being with someone else while I was with her or even now I just can't bring myself to be with another person
Seeker12 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Not to aid her, because what she did to you i dont think is acceptable, but religion/family reasons can be serious reasons why people split up, even deeper then that, culture, tribes etc. yes we are in the 21st Century but thats society. Unfortunately it seems that the girl had checked out whilst you were in a relationship with her to be honest. I would have said its a rebound as well, but not with the kind of conversations of growing old even as friends etc that you say you were having. So she checked out in the relationship and is now finding it easy to move on, either that or she really hasnt dealt with her feelings, moved on, and these things will resurface later on in her current relationship. I know how much pain you must be in, and all the questions of why, and the comparing of the new guy, but teach yourself this - HER LIFE HER CHOICES HER DECISIONS 2
Author geronimo Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 I know religion is a big thing but tbh she herself wasn't even religious and didn't care it was more cuz of her parents influence. I had met her family and they really liked me as a person, we were from the same country/have the same culture its just religion is different. But I do know that this is a reason why alot of people break up, its just the fact that she jumped into another relationship so soon that hurts. You're also right about her checking out. The truth is, now looking back 5 months after the breakup, she was never really in to the relationship to begin with. I was just an idiot (still am) and would keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. In the beginning of the relationship she wouldn't commit, was afraid to do so and wouldn't really admit we were in a relationship (i blamed that on her age, as she was only 15 back then) she also really apologized for it down the run but said she was young and scared and I was older so it was intimidating for her. The growing old as friends conversation we had a while ago I dont remember how long ago but probably 2-3 years ago but it would come up here and there. Its just cuz I guess she was being more rational about it, she knew that the religion thing would be the doom of our relationship and knew deep down that we will have to end up breaking up. But over the past couple years she got really into it, she would bring me over to her house more often, wanted me to be close to her family, I even spent new years 2014 with her family cuz she wanted me to, she would always talk about our future and kids and marraige and everything. But there was always a bit of hesitation there I guess cuz she knew it might not happen. I just can't believe she would keep me tied to her for 5 f*cking years if she knew this was going to happen. and even if she did break up with me due to family the fact that she jumped into another relationship just disgusts me. I feel so f*cking used, I was there for her throughout, she didnt have many friend or anything and i feel like she just used me while she needed me and now that she has found another guy and friends, she just threw me out. I could never imagine this girl to be the type to do that, she is a sweetheart and everyone knows it, its just such a heartless thing to do and I can't make any sense of it. It also kills me to know I wasted 5 years of my life and the good years, my teens and early 20's with her while she just used me. I thought I was building something real and had something real with her thats why I was in it.
na49 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 She's 20 years old dude. The chances of you having a long lasting relationship are not in your favor. They weren't in my favor either. My ex is 21, and I'm 20. We had all the same talks that you did, we had promise rings, planning the wedding, talking about living together after college, how many kids, song we'd dance to at our wedding, etc. That doesn't mean anything anymore (and realistically didn't mean anything when you were talking about it. Unless you are already financially stable and can support a family. If you are, I need your job ) Don't focus on what she said because she doesn't mean any of it right now. She may have meant it as she was saying it, but people change their minds all the time. Divorces are a thing. Honestly, it might be a rebound. It might not be. She may have been falling for him while she was with you, and when it was safe to jump, she jumped. There's no guarantee that she'll end up marrying this guy, and may come back when it fails. Then you'll have a decision to make. You can wait for her if you want. You'll really beat yourself up for wasting your early 20's if she doesn't end up coming back though. 2
Author geronimo Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 You're right man, thanks I really needed that. Yea I know we were really young when we talked about all that, and I know she may not end up being with this guy long and it could truly be a rebound but yea I'm not gonna wait around cuz God knows if she'll ever be back. I'm trying to move on that's why I have stayed in NC (also out of pride cuz she hasn't contacted me either - maybe it's a good thing). Maybe being in another relationship will put things in perspective but I don't want to rush into anything plus I'm not over her so I'm not into anyone else.
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