barrelwave Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I'm on the upslope of my career right now, and formed a recent friendship with a lady through online dating. Through our recent interactions, I do notice that I have this growing fondness and curiousity about her. These feelings rush in and fade away from time to time. Some days I really want to get to know her. And some other days, I'm just exhausted at work, due to professional commitments. Sometimes, I feel really lucky to spend quality time with her apart from work and family, other times I just want to immerse myself in self-improvement, new discoveries at play and in my professional field. I really cherish the state of friendship that I'm in with this lady friend, although I think she just might be a little more special. I know she's going through her own rough patches and sorting out her own life. I hope to see her grow and discover new things on her own as a person. We're hoping to embark on a side project together despite our busy schedules. I don't know. Maybe the sparks and the chemistry will occur when we finally collaborate more. Maybe... it won't. Come what may. What about you guys? Ever been in a situation like this? Or felt this way about another person?
Redhead14 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I'm on the upslope of my career right now, and formed a recent friendship with a lady through online dating. Through our recent interactions, I do notice that I have this growing fondness and curiousity about her. These feelings rush in and fade away from time to time. Some days I really want to get to know her. And some other days, I'm just exhausted at work, due to professional commitments. Sometimes, I feel really lucky to spend quality time with her apart from work and family, other times I just want to immerse myself in self-improvement, new discoveries at play and in my professional field. I really cherish the state of friendship that I'm in with this lady friend, although I think she just might be a little more special. I know she's going through her own rough patches and sorting out her own life. I hope to see her grow and discover new things on her own as a person. We're hoping to embark on a side project together despite our busy schedules. I don't know. Maybe the sparks and the chemistry will occur when we finally collaborate more. Maybe... it won't. Come what may. What about you guys? Ever been in a situation like this? Or felt this way about another person? No, I haven't been in a situation like this. I am a busy professional as well. However, I've managed to balance my personal and professional life. The fact is, that when I'm attracted enough to a partner or potential partner, even if I"m tired, the attraction and desire to spend time with them outweigh being tired and/or distracted and I make time for those I care about. You don't know her well enough yet, apparently, to know if you even want to make the effort to balance things out. Just make a little bit of time right now to spend with her and simply enjoy getting to know her without pressure and expectations. Let it play out for a bit. 1
Gary S Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 If you are working more than 40 hours a week, you are doing it wrong, it's not healthy. I don't care if lots of other people are doing it (bandwagon effect), or what your boss who does not care about you says (slave effect?!).
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I'm a very successful freelance personal trainer. With my experience and skillset, I have a higher hourly rate. So I'm able to clear 5-6k a month working only 20hrs a week. That's why I have tons of free time to do things I like, and my schedule has never been an issue. I even have one week day per week (Tuesdays) where I don't train at all and can spend all day relaxing and napping. My life is a non stop vacation because I do what I love for a living, and make my own schedule. But don't get me wrong. I worked my ass off to get where I am. When I started out, I was working in crap gyms, doing 60 hr weeks on pure commission trying to learn the business, etc.. So that's why I get extremely bugged when people that don't know what I went through give me crap about my schedule and lifestyle. I earned the right to be on a permanent vacation and had nothing handed to me. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Good question OP! It sounds like you have found a lovely lady who has some intrigue about her. That's something which I like when I meet a man and date him. Intrigue = a bit of a challenge and a bit of a 'does he/she like me feeling which is healthy in my opinion. We all need some work life balance though. However, having said that, in the economy we currently have there are some things which have to be respected work wise. No one wants to lose their job, not ever, but right now and for the past few years you need to almost over achieve just to keep on track. I live alone, have a house with a mortgage and I am lucky that I have a job that I love. It is and can be totally exhausting sometimes though. The last guy I dated there were issues that seriously were out of the realm of normal behaviour in that he demanded my time at all times but mostly when he 'thought' my clocking off time was. He assumed, never asked, just assumed that my hours were 9am to 5pm. they are 9am to 5.30pm and he only found out from an argument we had 7 months in where he accused me of cheating because I would never reply to a text until gone 6pm on a weeknight. Once I did reply then that was it, my evening was 'his' as his view was that any time I had outside of work was time that was his and that all I 'should' want to do was be with him (we were long distance though so his meaning was texts and calls every night. Aside from his thoughts on 'my time and how I was supposed to spend it' my career was also flourishing at that time. I was learning a lot about the company and getting way more involved and I loved it! I warned my then bf that things were going to get busy and that my time was going to be lesser in terms of contact and he was perfectly fine with that. How it transpired though was that he was not at all fine with it and there were massive problems and guilt trips when I left work at 11pm and he still expected a call for a minimum of an hour. I was not 'allowed' to just sit and watch a TV show in peace if I finished work at a more reasonable time eg: 8pm a few nights per week. Since my career kicked off and flourished I have since found new ways to re-organise my work commitments so that I have the ability to leave pretty much on time pretty much every day of the week. I just plan my workload better. For me to work as late as I did while I was dating him is now such a rare thing - in fact - I haven't. On top of my re-org of my workload I also tell my boss 'No' a lot more. The result of all of this is (funnily enough) that he now has greater respect for me. My boss (the finance director) sees others in my team (there is one in particular) who works almost all of the hours she can. Most days she works from 8am until 7pm but a couple of weeks per month she works until 10/11pm and this is on a regular basis. It's ridiculous! What she does though is she does no forward planning, she writes things down rather than creating a spreadsheet where she could copy 200 lines of the same description (instead she will hand write the description 200 times) and she spends most of her day - her work time day talking about TV shows, food, diets and celebrities. She also takes a lunch break but if someone needs something doing she will forego her lunch break and not tell the person it will be done an hour later (which would be perfectly acceptable). If she goes out for lunch - into town or something she will then take another hour break while she sits at her desk, eats and goes on facebook. I guess I don't understand it but she is constantly complaining about all the hours she has to do as well. She is a team manager too and makes her staff feel guilty when they leave on time. So, another thing which was a part of my work re-org was to get myself some audio ear buds with a mic. I listen to classical music Monday to Thursday and American punk on a Friday (. I now rarely talk, I don't hear much in the way of conversations so am not tempted to contribute. I can pick up a call as I already have my headset on but I also get much more work done between 9am and 5.30pm than I ever did before. I also never take a lunch break but I take smaller breaks through the day so that I am not tied to my screen always. My boss has no issues with that whatsoever. With my re-org of my workload and my forward planning plus my beloved online radio channels I have improved my work life balance no end! I have also improved the respect I receive because when I say no to a task it means I have thought about the impact it would have on other (often more important) deadlines. I also never have and never will miss a deadline. Sorry for a semi-rant/long post here. Maybe though there are things you could tweak in your own work life to make things easier for you? Maybe I have given you some ideas? Also, remember (it's crucial that you do) that anyone you are dating or in a relationship with should give you the freedom and respect that sometimes (a couple to three times during a really busy work week) all you want to do is watch TV, read a book, do absolutely nothing or whatever thing it is that will chill you out after a tough day. Someone who respects that is a keeper. Someone who doesn't is not. 1
Author barrelwave Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Good question OP! It sounds like you have found a lovely lady who has some intrigue about her. That's something which I like when I meet a man and date him. Intrigue = a bit of a challenge and a bit of a 'does he/she like me feeling which is healthy in my opinion. We all need some work life balance though. However, having said that, in the economy we currently have there are some things which have to be respected work wise. No one wants to lose their job, not ever, but right now and for the past few years you need to almost over achieve just to keep on track. I live alone, have a house with a mortgage and I am lucky that I have a job that I love. It is and can be totally exhausting sometimes though. The last guy I dated there were issues that seriously were out of the realm of normal behaviour in that he demanded my time at all times but mostly when he 'thought' my clocking off time was. He assumed, never asked, just assumed that my hours were 9am to 5pm. they are 9am to 5.30pm and he only found out from an argument we had 7 months in where he accused me of cheating because I would never reply to a text until gone 6pm on a weeknight. Once I did reply then that was it, my evening was 'his' as his view was that any time I had outside of work was time that was his and that all I 'should' want to do was be with him (we were long distance though so his meaning was texts and calls every night. Aside from his thoughts on 'my time and how I was supposed to spend it' my career was also flourishing at that time. I was learning a lot about the company and getting way more involved and I loved it! I warned my then bf that things were going to get busy and that my time was going to be lesser in terms of contact and he was perfectly fine with that. How it transpired though was that he was not at all fine with it and there were massive problems and guilt trips when I left work at 11pm and he still expected a call for a minimum of an hour. I was not 'allowed' to just sit and watch a TV show in peace if I finished work at a more reasonable time eg: 8pm a few nights per week. Since my career kicked off and flourished I have since found new ways to re-organise my work commitments so that I have the ability to leave pretty much on time pretty much every day of the week. I just plan my workload better. For me to work as late as I did while I was dating him is now such a rare thing - in fact - I haven't. On top of my re-org of my workload I also tell my boss 'No' a lot more. The result of all of this is (funnily enough) that he now has greater respect for me. My boss (the finance director) sees others in my team (there is one in particular) who works almost all of the hours she can. Most days she works from 8am until 7pm but a couple of weeks per month she works until 10/11pm and this is on a regular basis. It's ridiculous! What she does though is she does no forward planning, she writes things down rather than creating a spreadsheet where she could copy 200 lines of the same description (instead she will hand write the description 200 times) and she spends most of her day - her work time day talking about TV shows, food, diets and celebrities. She also takes a lunch break but if someone needs something doing she will forego her lunch break and not tell the person it will be done an hour later (which would be perfectly acceptable). If she goes out for lunch - into town or something she will then take another hour break while she sits at her desk, eats and goes on facebook. I guess I don't understand it but she is constantly complaining about all the hours she has to do as well. She is a team manager too and makes her staff feel guilty when they leave on time. So, another thing which was a part of my work re-org was to get myself some audio ear buds with a mic. I listen to classical music Monday to Thursday and American punk on a Friday (. I now rarely talk, I don't hear much in the way of conversations so am not tempted to contribute. I can pick up a call as I already have my headset on but I also get much more work done between 9am and 5.30pm than I ever did before. I also never take a lunch break but I take smaller breaks through the day so that I am not tied to my screen always. My boss has no issues with that whatsoever. With my re-org of my workload and my forward planning plus my beloved online radio channels I have improved my work life balance no end! I have also improved the respect I receive because when I say no to a task it means I have thought about the impact it would have on other (often more important) deadlines. I also never have and never will miss a deadline. Sorry for a semi-rant/long post here. Maybe though there are things you could tweak in your own work life to make things easier for you? Maybe I have given you some ideas? Also, remember (it's crucial that you do) that anyone you are dating or in a relationship with should give you the freedom and respect that sometimes (a couple to three times during a really busy work week) all you want to do is watch TV, read a book, do absolutely nothing or whatever thing it is that will chill you out after a tough day. Someone who respects that is a keeper. Someone who doesn't is not. Great sharing right there, GemmaUK. Same goes for the replies from the others too! Well, let's just say that apart from the good vibes and conversations this lady and I are having, I'm really taking it slow and not escalating it into a series of full-blown dates yet. I mean, all I could tell is... she's taking the time to sort out her past break-up (it's a boundary that i don't wanna involved), discovering her own potential, making travel plans and stuff. Who am I to get in the way, if she doesn't give me a sign to get a little closer, right? Right now, we're kind of in a "focus on ourselves" mode, and that sets some emotional distance. But when it comes to her, I'm really wondering she's interested, and she's impressed and curious, fine, just give me the signs. Maybe I'm just being cautious. Or this just need to let time sort things out.
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