If a guy doesn't date volunteers

[Aircraft1988]

Here's a scenario. Let's say you as a woman volunteer at a community church or food pantry or some other organization and you meet a volunteer guy who is very attractive and you would like to go out on a date with him. You enjoy working with him as a real team volunteer and he is good looking and makes you laugh and has many attractive qualities in general.

 

But here's the kicker. He tells you that he has a self imposed policy where he does not date other volunteers. Then would you move on from him or try to persuade him to go out with you? He has feelings for you and then begins to distance himself from you and talk to you less because he doesn't want to be seduced into going out on a date.

[losangelena]

I have a feeling this is not a purely hypothetical situation, OP ...

 

Move on. Why be in a situation where you need to persuade someone to be with you? If they don't want to, then they don't want to.

 

Who knows if this "self imposed" rule is true or not. I'm sure if this guy met a female volunteer who knocked his socks off, he'd date her no problem.

 

Life's too short to chase after people who aren't feeling it.

[d0nnivain]

I would move on. He clearly has a "don't S%$# where you eat" policy & doesn't want to risk losing the volunteer activity he enjoys because things don't work out with a fellow volunteer.

 

 

I'd still be friendly but not press for a relationship that crosses his boundaries.

[elaine567]

As you say it is a self imposed policy.

He is not interested in you.

I guess the policy may change depending on what is on offer. Sorry!

[Aircraft1988]

I have a feeling this is not a purely hypothetical situation, OP ...

 

Move on. Why be in a situation where you need to persuade someone to be with you? If they don't want to, then they don't want to.

 

Who knows if this "self imposed" rule is true or not. I'm sure if this guy met a female volunteer who knocked his socks off, he'd date her no problem.

 

Life's too short to chase after people who aren't feeling it.

 

 

Actually I am the guy who has this self imposed policy and I have met an attractive female who has in the past asked me to get a drink with her and used to throw hints of wanting to meet outside someplace. I have kept a distance from her the last few weeks.

[elaine567]

Actually I am the guy who has this self imposed policy and I have met an attractive female who has in the past asked me to get a drink with her and used to throw hints of wanting to meet outside someplace. I have kept a distance from her the last few weeks.

 

So what are your reasons for the policy?

[Aircraft1988]

Because practically it isn't a good idea to date women that I am going to see regularly whether at work or at a volunteer place.

 

Only problem is my heart is conflicted with my rational brain. I still think about her after performing my volunteer duties for the day. It bothers me that she stays on my mind to the degree that she does.

[Diezel]

I don't blame him. Imagine you two enjoy going to the same place, you believe in the cause, hit it off... break up 2 months later, and then what? One of you has to decide to stop going or it becomes awkward?

 

More power to him for having certain standards and living up to them.

[Aircraft1988]

I wouldn't date women who went to the same church every Sunday. I would have to find another church to attend. The church I attend is a very small sect so there aren't other churches that hold the same doctrines around here.

Edited April 9, 2015 by Aircraft1988

[d0nnivain]

Since you are the guy, it's a self imposed policy AND you seem to fancy the woman in question, perhaps you can make an exception to your rule.

 

 

If things work out you can worship together happily for the rest of your lives. Besides if your sect is so small, you may find it difficult to find somebody who shares your beliefs.

 

 

Even if things don't work out, if you end the relationship politely you should both still be able to co-exist cordially.

[stillafool]

It sounds to me he told you he didn't date volunteers and then moved away from you because he is not interested and he knows you are. If he wanted you he wouldn't care if you were a volunteer or not he would ask you out. Is there some rule that says he can't date other volunteers? If not, he's just not interesed and doesn't want to lead you on.

[d0nnivain]

Actually I am the guy who has this self imposed policy .

 

It sounds to me he told you he didn't date volunteers

 

 

Stillafool -- Aircraft IS the guy

[PegNosePete]

Well, you could always quit.

 

Or convince her to quit.

 

Or change your policy.

 

Or just carry on as you are.

 

Those are your options, as I see it.

[Aircraft1988]

I suppose under certain conditions I could go against my rule. However it is already getting harder to see her face while going through a crushing phase. If it is this hard seeing someone I have a crush on and never been out with yet then it would only be harder if we dated and then broke up. So either way I may have to relocate or find a way to deal with the crush.

[d0nnivain]

. So either way I may have to relocate or find a way to deal with the crush.

 

 

Are you really going to throw away the possibility that she may be The One that easily, without even trying? If the connection is this strong, don't you owe it to yourself to try?

 

 

Pray on. Talk to your minister.

[StanMusial]

Find someone else.

[preraph]

Is the reason you're hesitant to do it because your feelings traditionally get out of control to the point where you can't handle when it falls apart and then feel like you have to just quit the place? If so, stick to your rule until you maybe do some therapy and find out why you get that obsessive, if you do.

 

If it's not anything like that but just cold logic, then I'm saying be flexible.

[Aircraft1988]

Is the reason you're hesitant to do it because your feelings traditionally get out of control to the point where you can't handle when it falls apart and then feel like you have to just quit the place? If so, stick to your rule until you maybe do some therapy and find out why you get that obsessive, if you do.

 

If it's not anything like that but just cold logic, then I'm saying be flexible.

 

It is the latter. I am used to letting my logical brain rule my decisions instead of my heart. I could give it time to see if this crush is a passing phase and see if it goes away on its own. But if 1 year from now I am still feeling it or worse the feelings have progressed then I suppose it would be something to talk about.

[d0nnivain]

A year from now? Are you kidding? No woman worth having is still going to be available a year later.

 

You can & should think on it but not for a year. Make a decision by the end of the month.

[elaine567]

Here's a scenario. Let's say you as a woman volunteer at a community church or food pantry or some other organization and you meet a volunteer guy who is very attractive and you would like to go out on a date with him. You enjoy working with him as a real team volunteer and he is good looking and makes you laugh and has many attractive qualities in general.

 

But here's the kicker. He tells you that he has a self imposed policy where he does not date other volunteers. Then would you move on from him or try to persuade him to go out with you? He has feelings for you and then begins to distance himself from you and talk to you less because he doesn't want to be seduced into going out on a date.

 

As it is now apparent you are that man, then it appears you are hoping that this woman is going to be hanging around like some lovelorn teenager waiting until you change your mind.

I am sorry after asking you out and getting nowhere, I need to inform you, she will most likely have moved on and will be looking elsewhere, if she has not already found someone.

 

Finding out about a self imposed non dating policy and the distancing you have since embarked upon, shows a man NOT interested.

If you are really interested you had better work fast to repair this, if indeed it can be repaired.

Some women do not take rejection well.

She put herself out there and you turned her down. It is embarrassing, hurtful and not something she will forgive easily.

She will probably not give you another chance.