solong123 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Especially when you really know you are better off. I feel I dont miss him, rather just the comfort of a relationship. I have had issues in the past of trying to seek another relationship immediately after one ending, which is obviously not healthy. I havent done that now, thankfully, but I feel the pain more than ever. I guess I worry he will change for someone else, that I wasnt "good enough to change for". But ultimately that shouldnt matter because he wasnt good for me anyway. My head and heart are constantly battling. i just want to not care at all anymore
xinaxxsdertf Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 im right there with ya i feel like a weight has been lifted and i dont think about my ex all the time now, i dont get sad because of her blah blah. but i have moments where im doing something and i just think it would be so much more fun if she was here with me right now or I would think about us cuddling on those cold rainy days watching movies and it hurts like hell! makes rainy days hard to get through.. I guess we just have to let time heal this one. Keep moving forward and working on ourselves. i found doing things that make me go out of my comfort zone always shockingly made me happy and forgot about my ex easier. Just keep doing what you're doing, forget about him and eventually so will your heart. Even play the field and maybe go out and have fun
kenmore Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Ya, me too! I try to convince myself that losing someone who does not love me anymore is something that shouldn't bother me, and maybe it isn't. I was trying to think this morning why I woke up so sad today. We were only married 4 1/2 years, dated a year and a half before that. But I had been dating for over a year before we met, and when I met her, I immediately fell in love with her. I didn't want anyone else. I would have sworn she felt the same way. I think that's what's hurting so much. It isn't the marriage, the companionship (I have a date Saturday) or the sex (though I do miss that a lot too!) It's the feeling that this woman I completely fell in love with does not love me back. I thought she did. I would have bet anything on that. And of course, that leads me to believe that she does not miss me being in her life. If she did, she would at least try to work with me. Instead, she just wants it over. I guess it makes me feel a little like a fool, though I know that there is nothing foolish about falling in love. It's just one of life's cruel tricks. She has been trying to convince me to leave my things at her house even after the divorce so I don't have to "waste money" on a storage unit, but I realized this morning that I must move them no matter what. I just thought about how much pain I will endure doing so, but how much relief there will be once it's done! Once my things are out of her house, there will be nothing left except the actual divorce, which is nothing more than an acknowledgement. It will remove that shred of hope. I will feel so much like it's something in the past to just shake off. I'll be able to move on. I'm not looking forward to Monday, but I think I am looking very forward to Tuesday! Symbolic? yes, but it's something! Ken
darkbloom Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I feel you! It's gotten to the point though where I can go out and do something and say that I am so glad he wasn't with me. Because he wouldn't have been fun and he would have wanted to leave early etc. I am trying to do things that I have always wanted to do that he would never do with me. I only miss him when it comes time to do couples things like Easter and when my friends invite me out with them and they are married. I usually go solo and I end up being the awkward third wheel. I miss how he could look at me and know exactly what I was thinking without asking. I have never had anyone that can basically read my mind. I do not miss the lies and the manipulation and the anxiety he caused me.
devilish innocent Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 It takes time to adjust to life on your own. If you're somebody who's always jumped straight from one relationship to another, you might have a harder time adjusting to single life because of that. It's important to be able to turn to close friends and family. A significant other shouldn't be something you need to not feel lonely. It's definitely not your fault if he didn't change. If he needed to change, then he wasn't the right guy to begin with. If it's the way he is, then he will revert back to that behavior in any relationship. Just be glad you're no longer the one that has to put up with it.
darkbloom Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Hey DB. Better photo There's a discussion about your request for me to have a better photo on one of the posts from Yesterday. Other members couldn't remember who I was until they remembered my other picture. I am now tupac girl. 1
kenmore Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 There's a discussion about your request for me to have a better photo on one of the posts from Yesterday. Other members couldn't remember who I was until they remembered my other picture. I am now tupac girl. Different photo, same lovely person!
Author solong123 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 My ex and I have been apart now for 7 months after a 3 year relationship. Things were really not good at the end but it was a civil breakup for the most part. In the beginning I was obviously sad, then felt stronger as months went by but now everyday it has just been hitting me and I feel really sad. I miss him, or maybe just the comfort I dont know. I have been doing the whole working out, hanging with friends and family, finding faith, and seeing a counselor but I still just feel empty for some reason. I dont know what to do that will help at this point I just am tired of being sad. I start to think I am not good enough to ever love again and I hate these thoughts. Basically all of my friends and family are in relationships which makes it harder as I am always the one alone. I know i m not really alone as I do have amazing friends and family. But it just isnt the same as an intimate love.. I guess I just am looking to see if others have felt this way and maybe how they finally got out of this kind of slump. Any wordsor advice are appreciated, I just am really struggling today.
embeu Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I think what you are feeling now is very normal. It takes time to rebuild after a long term relationship. Try and think hard what it is that you are missing. I think many people think they miss their ex while the fact is they actually miss the relationship. Know that you will find love again. It will happen when you least expect it.
ballycastle Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 I think what you are feeling now is very normal. It takes time to rebuild after a long term relationship. Try and think hard what it is that you are missing. I think many people think they miss their ex while the fact is they actually miss the relationship. Know that you will find love again. It will happen when you least expect it. How do you know this??????????? I am a year later of NC even sadder than ever. I have been told I am codependent. I am mid forties and like the OP everyone I know is in a relationship. I have done things in my life but I still feel empty. I hate Saturday mornings thinking of what everyone else is doing in their lives far more better than me. I do not think this will ever, ever end. If I was 25 I would have hope. But I don't, just years of failed relationships to prove the problem was never them just me. There might just be people that might never find love again. Me included.
Miss Sisyphus Posted April 26, 2015 Posted April 26, 2015 Ballycastle, What are you doing differently? Are you reading books on codependency? Seeing a counselor? Sorry if you've already addressed this, I didn't read your other posts. By the way, I feel the same way you do. But I am even older than you. But to live without hope is excruciating.
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