patagonia12 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) Hey, guys! I feel like I need to talk this one out... so thanks in advance for the read! Sometimes I get stuck inside my head and miss obvious signs. So... I struck up a conversation with this guy (let's call him Joe) on a dating app on 3/23. I had actually never been on a date through a dating service, but Joe and I went to the same college, we have a lot of mutual friends, and my brother goes to his med school (and he's cute)...so I thought I'd give him a shot. It was his first date through the app as well. We immediately starting texting paragraphs at a time to each other, discovering that we have a lot in common. He asked me out for drinks the next week, so we went to a mutual favorite bar in our city. We talked for HOURS. The conversation flowed, and it wasn't until I checked my phone at 1:30am that we realized how late it was. We still continued the convo for a bit, he walked me to my car... we talked more (not wanting to go), then he asked me for a hug and a kiss..and another kiss, and another... Finally, I told him that I was going out of town that coming weekend, and he said he'd text me- told me to text him when I got home, so I did. We both said we had a good time. He texted me the next afternoon, and we continued to text off and on throughout the week and weekend...but no mention of a potential future date. I asked him if he was going to have a busy week, and he said it was going to be terrible (it is med school, after all). He has been less communicative this week, and so have I... I get that he's busy. Yesterday, I made a hint at his plans for this coming weekend, and he said he wasn't sure-may go to his hometown, then asked what mine were. I said I hadn't made final plans just yet, but noted that I'll be out of town next weekend. He didn't respond until today...just asking how my day went- completely changing topics. Then, when I asked him if he knew there was a music fest going on in our city this weekend (I just found out), he said "I heard about that, but I gotta go to the med school prom." Then asked if I was planning on going downtown Friday. I told him the fest starts Friday, so I'll probably head dtown that night and stay. He said "It's Friday too [the prom], so lemme know when you're downtown. Anyone of interest playing?" Since we just met, it's obviously not weird that he has another date, but sorta strange that his plans changed that quickly? Also- it seems like he's playing this pretty cool. I realize we just went on one date...but it was a GOOD date, and we still talk a lot. I guess I'm just surprised there hasn't been a suggestion for future plans. Why bother keeping up the convo if you don't want to see me again.. Do you think I've assumed he's more interested in me than he really is? Or maybe he really is just busy... Would it be too forward to follow up by saying "I'll keep you posted- I'd like to see you again." ??.. I'm leaning towards yes, only because I feel like he should be the one saying that. Thoughts? Many thanks! Edited April 9, 2015 by patagonia12
Author patagonia12 Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Anyone?? I need to know what to text back/how to play it!
PegNosePete Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 It seems he has pretty low interest level. You dropped some quite unsubtle hints that you'd like him to ask you on another date, and he didn't respond to them. He certainly hasn't taken the initiative either. So I very much doubt that it will happen. However you'd lose nothing by sending him one last chance, maybe "so when are you going to ask me out again?" or something like that. If he doesn't respond with a proper invite then forget him and move on.
Vintage79 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 This one's tricky, as you've dropped hints, but he's been busy, hasn't seen you for a while (because you were out of town), and it sounds like he has another date...that doesn't necessarily leave a lot of room for you and after a week+ it's pretty easy to forget the good stuff about the person, in particular if there has been a lot of stuff going on (and it sounds like he did). If you like him, I'd stop beating around the bush with hints - just outright tell him you like to see him again and suggest a few days, or ask him to join you for something specific. If you've never dated a MDs (although I realize he's not one yet), they're always busy and generally appreciate the more direct approach... Worst case, he doesn't respond, but you know you tried, so you can hopefully stop thinking about it a bit quicker.
Author patagonia12 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 This one's tricky, as you've dropped hints, but he's been busy, hasn't seen you for a while (because you were out of town), and it sounds like he has another date...that doesn't necessarily leave a lot of room for you and after a week+ it's pretty easy to forget the good stuff about the person, in particular if there has been a lot of stuff going on (and it sounds like he did). If you like him, I'd stop beating around the bush with hints - just outright tell him you like to see him again and suggest a few days, or ask him to join you for something specific. If you've never dated a MDs (although I realize he's not one yet), they're always busy and generally appreciate the more direct approach... Worst case, he doesn't respond, but you know you tried, so you can hopefully stop thinking about it a bit quicker. Thanks for this! I think you're spot on. I realize there are many potential reasons why he might be putting off a second date (one being he's a busy med student). Since I don't have control over that, let me know if you think this is a good plan of action... I've decided to gauge his interest level by whether or not he goes out of his way to meet up with me Friday night. If I do see him, then I'll suggest he come over the bridge to my town on Sat or Sun afternoon - I live in a pretty walking town 15 min from the city, and he had mentioned wanting to visit. If he declines because he already has plans or whatever, then I'll tell him to call me when he's free and wants to plan a raincheck (putting the ball in his court). Yeah??
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