lil_missy Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 i been seeing a great guy for over a month. he was 100% into me from day one and it kind of scared me, he grew on me over time and i really enjoy having him in my life. i feel happy most days. Its the kind of relationship i've never had before. his soooo into me and being considerate of me all the time, surprisingly me with loving gestures etc. we've many plans for the future, both for next days, weeks and even further. I've met his family already. We can talk about anything and have so much in common. he is practically begging me to officially be his gf. but i still have some reservations so I've been putting it off. we make out often and he is a great kisser and we slept together for the first time last weekend. it was good, not mind blowing but good. i do find him attractive in bed. the weird thing is I been feeling like things are off this week. he is still super sweet to me, if not more. but the last couple of days i've felt almost nothing towards him, i dont feel like saying anything sweet to him. i haven't told him anything and i'm still acting like normal. but im really worried and dont want to hurt him. is this normal to feel this way sometimes in a relationship? or is it me losing interest after sex which is never happened to me before?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) Basic female psychology. A bit of mystery and challenge equals "the spark". Whereas a guy that tries too hard and that's into you too much makes you get that gut feeling you should be friends. I feel bad for guys like the one you're seeing because they just don't know any better. They think they're being overly sweet, when they really just come off as desperate. I treat my GF very well. But I also give her plenty of space, and treat her like a person instead of putting her on a pedestal. There will be times where I let a few days go by without contacting her, and she'll let me know how much she was thinking about me, etc.. There's something to be said about "absence makes the heart grow fonder". If a guy is ALWAYS in your face, and ALWAYS professing his devotion, it makes you want to run the other way. Unfortunately he sounds a bit on the clingy and desperate side, and is probably trying to rush things not letting you get there naturally. I'm not going to use the lame cliche, that you want a "bad boy" because you're a good enough woman to genuinely express concern. You just need a guy that has more independence and doesn't want to be attached at your hip 24-7. Nothing wrong with that. Edited April 9, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Missy- Perhaps this not really "your guy" and subconsciously you are realizing this. Could it also be that the relationship has moved a bit fast for your comfort? If you know that you don't want a relationship with this guy, let him know now rather than letting him fall head over heels. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 let him know now rather than letting him fall head over heels. Sounds like he already has. 1
BluEyeL Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 If he really is a good guy and you have a lot in common, just cut the crap and keep him. I mean, women supposedly lose interest when a guy treats them as a queen and then cling to the next arsehole who treats them as sh.it. Beats me why we do that. But definitely an unproductive mindset as far as ending up in a happy relationship. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) If he really is a good guy and you have a lot in common, just cut the crap and keep him. I mean, women supposedly lose interest when a guy treats them as a queen and then cling to the next arsehole who treats them as sh.it. Beats me why we do that. But definitely an unproductive mindset as far as ending up in a happy relationship. Think about it from a woman's POV man. Would you want someone that kissed your ass, tried way too hard, pushed to be in a relationship right away, and wanted to be attached to your hip 24-7 never giving you any space? Also, just because a guy has the confidence and a personality to keep a woman's interest and her panties wet, doesn't mean that he is an a-hole that treats her like $hit. The guy who gets rejected automatically assumes he's replaced an a-hole because the woman he wanted didn't want him. But what the rejected guy should be doing is taking responsibility for his needy desperate behavior. Edited April 9, 2015 by fitnessfan365
todreaminblue Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) i have a theory..bear with me......comes from a hospital stay this week......i put off going to hospital for a long time weeks actually got sicker and sicker till my arm pit grew a quasimodo thing in it that exploded onto my breast and they forced me in i wanted home nursing and they refused and put me in......i put it off and i put it off.the registrar forced me to go in...... because a doctor and a few nurses i went to see at hospital a couple of months ago...treated me like a fat blimp on his and their horizon.....that needed to be squashed into submission so he was a dick head in his comments to me as were the nirses who gossiped and giggled and snickered......i was really felt too self conscious too get medical help.... well i got forced this time......and i met some really kind doctors and nurses who tried to make me feel as comfortable as possible....even had a doctor call up and see how i was today....and inform me that i have an antibiotic resistant infection so yeah back to the doctors for me......i am not actually getting better...even though they operated on me....and they actually listened to my concerns before the op.....because no i didn ttrust them..........anyways.... these doctors and nurses treated me with respect they offered my dignity back with compassionate care kindness and understanding...and renewed my faith......they were so thoughtful with me...... so much so that...i noticed every little thing they did, how well they were treating me...how much effort they made..... i began to wonder why i deserved such treatment and why was i receiving better treatment than i have gotten in a long time.........fact was i wasnt getting any less or any more than i deserved the first time.......it was treatment that should have been afforded me in the first place......that i never got...so it felt so brand new and special i wondered why.....and distrusted theres the moral...... often when you are not afforded what you deserve in treatment or by the actions of others...it feels alien and confusing and a little overwhelming when you finally get what you deserve to have.....this includes relationships......or love...when someone treats you so well......so quickly ...without expecting anything in return ....it overwhelms you...if i were you... appreciate it.... .i plan on sending a card to the hospital i stayed at......i already told the nurses who cared fro me i thought they were lovely people.......and i though ti might send a little card with a poem done by me.....just a little one.....to say thank you to all of them........even though soem fo them might nto even remember me....or laugh at my poem ...i am doing it anyway appreciate when someone treats you well, if you need a little space just tell him so.......sometimes you dont really realize how special the little things someone does are...till there are no little things being done......i wish you well.....dont let it overwhelm you just ask for space if you need it ...and appreciate the guy for who he is...and how he treats you....life is short......best wishes....deb Edited April 9, 2015 by todreaminblue 3
Author lil_missy Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 So I really wanted to give us a chance n make it work and I saw him tonight to try to spend some quality time with him and hopefully feel that connection again. But he started asking me who is that guy you just friended on facebook? It really pissed me off and he seemed pissed off. I told him it was just a friend. Then he asked me if we like eachother why can't we be official already? Unless I still want to talk to other guys? He told me he could tell I have been distant this week. I told him it's too early to be official and that I'm not seeing anyone else but im not ok with him putting restrictions on me like I can't talk to other guys. He said if I want to even talk to other guys then it's over he can't do this. I'm the not the girl he thought I was. I said lets talk tmr this is obviously not a good time to continue talking. Then later we made up and he told me he would rather have me the way we are now than not at all. What does this mean? Is he compromising his values just to be with me? That's the last thing I want. I don't want a guy that's dependant on me. So I don't know, is it unfair of me to still want to be open to other options? I mean I'm not convinced his the one, why can't I date around? Am I been unreasonable or he is?
mammasita Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 If you feel like you still want to see other people than he is not the one. 1
Author lil_missy Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 If you feel like you still want to see other people than he is not the one. Well I didn't think bout seeing other people for a long time. It wasn't until this week that I felt I lost the feeling for him and starting browsing online abit. But after I confided in a friend, I decided to try harder to keep us together. But he demanding n pressuring ways are pushing me away. Call me childish but if he said you can see any guy u want, then I prob end up deciding his the best one for me anyway
mammasita Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Well I didn't think bout seeing other people for a long time. It wasn't until this week that I felt I lost the feeling for him and starting browsing online abit. But after I confided in a friend, I decided to try harder to keep us together. But he demanding n pressuring ways are pushing me away. Call me childish but if he said you can see any guy u want, then I prob end up deciding his the best one for me anyway ....a month isn't really a loooong time. I get what you're going through......your guy has moved too fast (IMO) and now it seems like he's showing bits of possessiveness in questioning who you're adding on social media (stalk much?). I used to see a guy once many moons ago that I really liked. He saw a post on my facebook about a party that I didn't even go to and jealously questioned me about it. INSTANT turn off. 1
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 So I really wanted to give us a chance n make it work and I saw him tonight to try to spend some quality time with him and hopefully feel that connection again. But he started asking me who is that guy you just friended on facebook? It really pissed me off and he seemed pissed off. I told him it was just a friend. Then he asked me if we like eachother why can't we be official already? Unless I still want to talk to other guys? He told me he could tell I have been distant this week. I told him it's too early to be official and that I'm not seeing anyone else but im not ok with him putting restrictions on me like I can't talk to other guys. He said if I want to even talk to other guys then it's over he can't do this. I'm the not the girl he thought I was. I said lets talk tmr this is obviously not a good time to continue talking. Then later we made up and he told me he would rather have me the way we are now than not at all. What does this mean? Is he compromising his values just to be with me? That's the last thing I want. I don't want a guy that's dependant on me. So I don't know, is it unfair of me to still want to be open to other options? I mean I'm not convinced his the one, why can't I date around? Am I been unreasonable or he is? He is more into you than you're into him. Let him go. If after 1 month and sex you still feel like keeping your options open it's cause he's not the one for you. It has nothing to do with him giving you too much attention or being cligny, you are simply not into him and no amount of time will have you grow into him. When you meet a man and you're both into each other you don't perceive the other's actions as being cligny. In the world of dating, when one of the 2 feels the other one is cligny it's simply a symptom that one is not invested as much. 1
PaperCrane Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) Well, he obviously wants you in his life. He isn't compromising his values so much as he realizes his pace of the relationship was way too fast. He fell hard, that's pretty glaring. You sound young and so does he, the best thing to do is to honestly talk about these things without going off the handle and having a fight. He felt off because you didn't give him any affection and added a guy on facebook. To anyone, not just guys, that's a glaring alarm. He sees something slipping and as a guy, most times the only emotion we're 'allowed' to display is anger. Just talk with him, I mean you obviously like him enough to have sex with him and spend time with him and seek help from randoms on a forum called loveshack. Take it a bit slower, maybe do a little work yourself. Purposefully limit contact a bit while he's in this intense stage. Not only will it make the times you do spend together even better it will add a bit of mystery to the relationship with the down time in between dates. Or you could just let him go, up to you. Being that it's a very short time with this much involvement from him...I'm not sure. There isn't a whole lot of backstory or other variables I can go on. Either way, best of luck. Edited April 9, 2015 by PaperCrane 1
fred123 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 i think what you are doing to him is not fair! i dont understand, girls complain about guys being *******s and not showing their attention and time but he is clearly showing you that he wants you and no other girl. he is not seeing or sleepnig with other women. i thought thats what women want!! you say one month is too fast to official gf and bf, pfft the day you meet a guy you like you will be complain gin the same in less than that. you are just not that into him and he can sense that you have become distant and he was trying to be mature and convey you his feelings on the matter. what did you do? you shot him down and made him feel bad for highlighting something we both know its true. thats passive aggressive and immature from you
Gary S Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 The one-month mark is a typical deciding point. You really don't have a relationship for at least two months.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) His true colors are starting to come out. Impatient, a bit possessive, etc.. The fact is that he is not into you. He is into the idea of having a GF plain and simple. If he was into you, he'd let you go at your own pace and be confident/secure. He wouldn't be trying to force things just to have a label. It's funny because I'm 100% realist and was dating three other women at the time besides my GF. But after our third date, I knew she was the one I wanted. But, I was confident in how she felt and secure enough to let her hint at it first. I wasn't always in her face trying to force her. Now as you see, "nice guys" stick together. So they're popping up in this thread trying to make you the villain. However, looking at his behavior objectionably, I see major red flags on his part. This is the type of guy that turns into a control freak and a stalker eventually. There is a reason why you have doubts, and I think you're right to have them. So break up with the guy. It is possible to find a guy that's just as sweet, that's also confident, well adjusted, and independent. Edited April 9, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2
Redhead14 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 i been seeing a great guy for over a month. he was 100% into me from day one and it kind of scared me, he grew on me over time and i really enjoy having him in my life. i feel happy most days. Its the kind of relationship i've never had before. his soooo into me and being considerate of me all the time, surprisingly me with loving gestures etc. we've many plans for the future, both for next days, weeks and even further. I've met his family already. We can talk about anything and have so much in common. he is practically begging me to officially be his gf. but i still have some reservations so I've been putting it off. we make out often and he is a great kisser and we slept together for the first time last weekend. it was good, not mind blowing but good. i do find him attractive in bed. the weird thing is I been feeling like things are off this week. he is still super sweet to me, if not more. but the last couple of days i've felt almost nothing towards him, i dont feel like saying anything sweet to him. i haven't told him anything and i'm still acting like normal. but im really worried and dont want to hurt him. is this normal to feel this way sometimes in a relationship? or is it me losing interest after sex which is never happened to me before? This is developing way too fast. You may be feeling a little smothered right now too. You may be experiencing the affects of being blow-torched. When you are being blow-torched the man comes on very strong and he will more or less "burn out" after about a month or so. In this case, you are the one who may be experiencing the "burn out" before he is. A man coming on this strong so early is often a sign of "blow-torching". it's when a man "heats up" very quickly when he first meets a woman; he gets an intense physical attraction right away, is usually calling all the time wanting to see the woman, then it turns off just as quickly all of a sudden (and yes, usually after right around a month!). To help discourage this, the woman needs to pace the dating and ensure they are both moving through all the stages in the right order, at the same time together, and not too quickly. When the man blowtorches, typically, the woman thinks they are in stage 4 and becomes intimate with the man and acts like they are an exclusive couple in love right away. But the man isn't quite there yet, and her portraying them as farther along than they really are helps encourage his backing off. So, she needs to be sure the relationship does not progress too quickly and not buy into the physical intimacy too soon. If you like him enough, slow things down for a bit.
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Basic female psychology. A bit of mystery and challenge equals "the spark". Whereas a guy that tries too hard and that's into you too much makes you get that gut feeling you should be friends. I feel bad for guys like the one you're seeing because they just don't know any better. They think they're being overly sweet, when they really just come off as desperate. I treat my GF very well. But I also give her plenty of space, and treat her like a person instead of putting her on a pedestal. There will be times where I let a few days go by without contacting her, and she'll let me know how much she was thinking about me, etc.. There's something to be said about "absence makes the heart grow fonder". If a guy is ALWAYS in your face, and ALWAYS professing his devotion, it makes you want to run the other way. Unfortunately he sounds a bit on the clingy and desperate side, and is probably trying to rush things not letting you get there naturally. I'm not going to use the lame cliche, that you want a "bad boy" because you're a good enough woman to genuinely express concern. You just need a guy that has more independence and doesn't want to be attached at your hip 24-7. Nothing wrong with that. I agree with this ^^ except the *basic female psychology * part. What you just described are basic universal laws of attraction, for both women AND men.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I agree with this ^^ except the *basic female psychology * part. What you just described are basic universal laws of attraction, for both women AND men. Haha.. fair enough. But there are people like me for instance, who hate mysterious, aloof, and being a challenge. I'm attracted to women like you that are direct straight shooters. Since I've known you, you've been authentic since day one. That's how my GF has been as well. She never pretended to be something she wasn't, or intentionally played hard to get, etc..
fred123 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 His true colors are starting to come out. Impatient, a bit possessive, etc.. The fact is that he is not into you. He is into the idea of having a GF plain and simple. If he was into you, he'd let you go at your own pace and be confident/secure. He wouldn't be trying to force things just to have a label. It's funny because I'm 100% realist and was dating three other women at the time besides my GF. But after our third date, I knew she was the one I wanted. But, I was confident in how she felt and secure enough to let her hint at it first. I wasn't always in her face trying to force her. Now as you see, "nice guys" stick together. So they're popping up in this thread trying to make you the villain. However, looking at his behavior objectionably, I see major red flags on his part. This is the type of guy that turns into a control freak and a stalker eventually. There is a reason why you have doubts, and I think you're right to have them. So break up with the guy. It is possible to find a guy that's just as sweet, that's also confident, well adjusted, and independent. The fact that she said herself that she was distant for the week cos she was losing interest throws your post out the window.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 The fact that she said herself that she was distant for the week cos she was losing interest throws your post out the window. Go back and read what she said. The reason why she was distant that last week was because he became increasingly more determined to force things along. Since he was acting too sweet, and too into her, it was turning her off. Now that his true colors are starting to come out with being impatient, insecure, and controlling, it's only cementing why her instincts were screaming she should run to begin with.
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Haha.. fair enough. But there are people like me for instance, who hate mysterious, aloof, and being a challenge. I'm attracted to women like you that are direct straight shooters. Since I've known you, you've been authentic since day one. That's how my GF has been as well. She never pretended to be something she wasn't, or intentionally played hard to get, etc.. Thanks ff...but you know what's funny? My true *authentic* self IS a bit of a mystery and challenge... at least that's what my bf tells me anyway. It's not a game, it's just ME! After five years, he STILL can't quite figure me out.... he kind of likes it that way though... which makes us work. But I hear ya... no one likes a phony or someone who is disingenuous. And I am glad to hear things are going so well with you and your girlfriend... and kudos to you for not being *afraid* to call her your girlfriend! Apparently, after being on this board for awhile, that's an issue for some men.....
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) And I am glad to hear things are going so well with you and your girlfriend... and kudos to you for not being *afraid* to call her your girlfriend! Apparently, after being on this board for awhile, that's an issue for some men..... Haha.. Yeah I remember various topics asking about the difference between "exclusive" and "bf/gf" status. To me, it's one in the same. But I will say that I think some people make the mistake of latching onto the person the instant they become exclusive. My brother was seeing his girl once a week in the beginning, and then gradually moved to twice per week. However, the second they became exclusive, he started seeing her 6x a week. He's also being a push over doing things he doesn't want which is never a good thing either. For example. His GF is Jewish and he hadn't met her parents or other family members yet. So she wanted him to come to Passover. 1) He's not Jewish and felt uncomfortable meeting her entire family doing something he's not familiar with. But he went anyways. 2) She didn't tell him that it's a two day event. So he originally made plans to see his best friend on that second day. However, she insisted on him cancelling his plans to come back for round two which of course he did. If it was going to be a two day event, then she should have told him that ahead of time. I wish my brother would have shown some balls by keeping his plans and calling her on that. This is how I would have handled it. "I'm completely fine with meeting your parents eventually. But I'm not Jewish and wouldn't feel comfortable being involved in the ceremony. So you spend the weekend with your family, and then I can meet your parents down the road when it's just us and much more low key." Then if I was still with her a year from then, I'd go to Passover the next time around as a compromise. Edited April 9, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author lil_missy Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 His true colors are starting to come out. Impatient, a bit possessive, etc.. The fact is that he is not into you. He is into the idea of having a GF plain and simple. If he was into you, he'd let you go at your own pace and be confident/secure. He wouldn't be trying to force things just to have a label. It's funny because I'm 100% realist and was dating three other women at the time besides my GF. But after our third date, I knew she was the one I wanted. But, I was confident in how she felt and secure enough to let her hint at it first. I wasn't always in her face trying to force her. Now as you see, "nice guys" stick together. So they're popping up in this thread trying to make you the villain. However, looking at his behavior objectionably, I see major red flags on his part. This is the type of guy that turns into a control freak and a stalker eventually. There is a reason why you have doubts, and I think you're right to have them. So break up with the guy. It is possible to find a guy that's just as sweet, that's also confident, well adjusted, and independent. This is my biggest fear actually that he will turn angry and stalkerish. I already told him my parents are going away for 2 months and we were gonna spend lots of time together but now I'm worried he might drop by uninvited. Also he has my car Atm, I just bought a new car and am leaving it at his place til my parents go on holiday. I want to surprise them with the new car when they get back. Anyway now I'm scared breaking up with him Now is not a good time at all. This morning his completely drowning me in sweetness again and telling me that he ****ed up and doesn't want to lose me. It's just too much. I just need some space. But I don't know how to go bout it? Esp with my car at his place
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