maryyc Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 It all started when he told me there was this girl at his work that keeps looking at him. I also have told him stuff like that, before him, I told him about some guys that usually stare at me, I guess I did it because I wanted him to feel a little jealous and "threatened", I actually wanted to see how he would react to it, maybe because of my insecurities. Anyway, he told me about this girl, and when I asked him, for the first time, if she was cute, he said yes, not super cute, but ok, and that it boosts his ego to know that someone is looking at him and that he would actually check to see if she's looking at him (it happens to me too, so I don't judge him, I also like to feel that attention and I "check" for boys looking at me, especially if I find them attractive). However, I started to feel very insecure, even knowing it happens to me as well...especially because he told me, in the beginning that she was cute, not beautiful or hot, and now, after I checked her facebook and told him I think she's ugly, he says "Oh, you're right, now that I'm looking at her pictures with attention, she's ugly". I feel like he's lying and may actually be very attracted to her because he feels the need to lie. Also, once there was this coffee break/social gathering and he knew she probably would be there, and decided to go even knowing I feel insecure about her, because apparently he thought that "I have to trust him". He told me he went there, saw the girl, but none of his colleagues were there so he left immediatly and then he texted two colleagues to know if they were going... meanwhile no one appeared and he ended up not going to that event, however, since he actually waited for his colleagues to know if they were going, and the fact that he wanted to go there knowing she would be there, makes me think he actually wanted to go there not to eat but to see and, who knows, get the chance to socialize with the girl (he tells me they never talked). He also says he didn't want to go there to see the girl, that he thought his other colleagues would be there and they always eat together during his breaks, so he went there to be with them and eat, however I can't trust him... Now he tells me that he is going to talk about this with his therapist, about what he can do to make me trust him more, and I'm afraid his therapist will tell him to break up with me, so I'll be constantly afraid thinking about when will he end the relationship and about what the therapist may have said to him/convinced him My question is: Do you think his behaviour sounds suspicious? Do you think I can trust this guy?
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 His behavior tells me that he can't tell you the truth because you twist everything the poor guy says into something nefarious. You either trust him or you don't. He told you that she looked at him. Big deal. A woman looked at him. You admit guys check you out & you find it flattering. Why can't you accept its the same for him? If he was told his colleagues were going to be at the location & he went as part of a work bonding thing but left when she was the only one there, what is the problem? Granted that story sounds implausible At this point if you want him to stay with you, give him a reason to. Stop acting like a jealous lunatic where there is no reason for it. 1
Vintage79 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I don't think his behavior sounds suspicious at all - someone looked at him at work - you were sharing stories about someone looking at you, he did the same - not a big deal. There are clearly no issues on his end (at least based on what you said) - he said he would even go to a therapist to help out - the issues are all yours, and truthfully, effectively imaginary, likely due to fear underpinning fear that you have. Overall your behavior sounds very suspicious, insecure, and likely exceedingly damaging to the relationship. He likely won't break up with you because there's some one else (or at least not the girl you mentioned), he'll break up with you because of your insecurity and your inability to trust him.
stephancoehn Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 what he can do to make me trust him more Are those your words or his? Things don't sound that bad, and therapy is a great place to work with that. A tip if your going or can 'get him to let you', look at him when you talk, and do it as if the therapist isn't in the room. After that, if the two of you can still be around sharp objects, go to lunch or dinner. Do something something simple like hold his hand, and maybe even look at him like he is special. Read the most s that you took from the therapy session, those are your instructions that you create for yourself, try one out see how it goes. Unless the therapist can make him not be seen by other women, things are going to get rougher.
Gary S Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 You started it. I think you should both go to therapy. At the very least, don't play games with him again, maybe it will blow over. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) I think you have to look at whether he can trust you...which at the moment ....you are playing games....really not a good way to build trust in a guy people look at people....and it really doesnt most of the time....mean any thing at all.....there are gorgeous women out in the world as far as the eye can see...never really met a woman or a man or for that matter i consider ugly........... absolute stunners and they are noticed by many men......doesnt mean anything other than they are attractive....and that women out there are going to find your man attractive is no biggie either......but what is a biggie...is how you treat him.....treat him well, dont play games,dont lie, be honest, be true to him, be kind and be loving....and how many women look at him wont mean....as i said earlier...anything at all...and it will definitely help with the way you treat him for the women who might try something on him if he has a loving supportive partner at home or in his life...why would he want more....or look to find comfort or solace somewhere else.... dont pre empt a guy being untrustworthy...deb Edited April 9, 2015 by todreaminblue
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 OP I think you need some therapy, you're coming across as a psycho stalker girlfriend.
lovesick1 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 You are being far too analytical of his actions. This is going, if it hasn't already, to turn into a vicious cycle. You will need more and more "proofs" of his trust and he will continue to give them to you until it pulls as Stephen Covey put, "too many withdrawals out of the emotional bank account." You are sucking more out of the relationship than you are putting in by asking him for continual affirmations of trust. Eventually you will push him completely away so I would suggest backing off a bit, dropping completely your issues, and try doing something nice for him. That would bring me around more certainly.
katiegrl Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 You started it. I think you should both go to therapy. At the very least, don't play games with him again, maybe it will blow over. I actually think HE started it...when he told her about another girl staring at him all the time. I mean, what would motivate a guy to mention such a thing to his girlfriend? Please. To cause jealously and suspicion? To cause drama? What? I get stared at a lot, and I would never in a million years tell my boyfriend! Why? What would be the point? Nothing good could ever come out of me telling him that. He'd probably be thinking I had a little crush on him if I came home to tell him that. Otherwise, I wouldn't give it a second thought, which I don't! Same for my boyfriend. If HE came home and told me some chick at work was staring at him, *I* would think HE had a little crush, otherwise HE woukdn't have given it a second thought. OP, he is probably not cheating, but may have a little crush. Don't make a big deal about it, and hopefully it will pass. If you DO make a big deal about it, he may think it's a big deal too...and as a result, may be inclined to act on it too!
Recommended Posts