crushinghard Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Help! I'm a single mom and I have a major crush on my daughter's adapted phy-ed teacher. I've always thought he was extremely attractive but he always had a wedding ring on, so I didn't think twice about him. At a recent meeting, I noticed there was no wedding ring! I asked around and found out he is now divorced. I have another meeting with him soon to discuss some adapted activities for my daughter. Besides learning about ways I can help her participate in activities, I would like to learn a little bit about him! I am wondering the best way to show him I'm interested in a date without coming across like I'm desperate or a floozy. My daughter is only in his class once a week and she will be out of that school soon, so that doesn't seem like a huge issue to me. I just really don't want him to feel uncomfortable or look like a fool. Anyone have any tips for testing the waters or showing him I'm interested Thank you!
pteromom Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 When you meet with him, show interest in what he is saying. Try to turn the conversation a little more personal (bringing up hobbies and interests, current events, etc.). Throw in "As a single mom, I..." somewhere in the conversation. But realize that if he is recently divorced, he may not have interest in dating. If that's the case, no need to take it personally. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Ask him if he knows of any Physical Education he can educate you on together
kayla73 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I would just give subtle hints that you're interested in him. I like the idea of bringing up the single mom topic. Something like, "I don't know how you keep sane with a whole class of kids running around all day; I thought being a single mom was tough!" See how he reacts after that. 3
Author crushinghard Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 This is all great advice! I like the part about drilling home that I'M A SINGLE MOM! Lol! And good point that he may not be ready for dating yet, which I would not take personally at all. One idea I had was to say, "I'd really like to thank you for taking the time to explain all of this to me...maybe I could repay you with a beer or coffee sometime?" That way it's not technically asking him out on a date but still hints at one. I also thought that I could email him afterwards and ask him out...that way he isn't put on the spot. Thanks for all your help! Us single mommas have to look for good men in every little nook and cranny.
SycamoreCircle Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I think, if you foresee future meetings(pl.) with him, it's best to introduce some of the subtle hints that people have suggested over the span of those meetings. You'll queue him onto you and be able to get a sense of his interest level. It will also come off as more developed and less impulsive. I would warn you, though, that most romances directly after a divorce only have the life span of a fling. So, prepare yourself.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Hey OP, I like your spunkiness and your attitude! And yes you're right, us 'single mommas' with little ones look for decent (and cute!) guys in every nook and cranny lol That being said...if I was in your situation, I'd wait until it was close to the time that your daughter will no longer be attending that particular school, and I'd ask him point-blank if he would be down to meeting me at Starbucks for coffee sometime because I find him interesting and would like to hang out with people that I know in this area....then I'd see what his reaction would be. BooYah! . 2
pteromom Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 One idea I had was to say, "I'd really like to thank you for taking the time to explain all of this to me...maybe I could repay you with a beer or coffee sometime?" That way it's not technically asking him out on a date but still hints at one. That's not a hint. That's a direct ask. There's nothing wrong with that, but it could make it awkward if he says no and you still have to interact with him for your child. hahah I would start with just some light flirting and see if he picks up on it and takes action. Then you can go from there based on what you learn about him. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 OMG! Do not approach this man while he is your child's teacher. It would be unethical for him to date you. Your child will be subject to teasing & may face accusations that she is receiving special treatment because the teacher is sleeping with you, her mother. When she is no longer in his class you can do whatever you want 4
hudson701 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 OMG! Do not approach this man while he is your child's teacher. It would be unethical for him to date you. Your child will be subject to teasing & may face accusations that she is receiving special treatment because the teacher is sleeping with you, her mother. When she is no longer in his class you can do whatever you want This 100%. As a teacher myself, what an earth are you thinking?! Incredibly selfish. If a parent cracked on to me whilst I was teaching her daughter, and the other school kids found out.... Heaven help the little girl. She would be crucified by her peers. This is a very bad idea. Take it from someone who has been in the education system for over 9 years. Stay well away- your daughter's welfare comes first. 3
Mrin Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Queue Van Halen's Hot For Teacher... Get to know him but I'd avoid the direct come on until after the school year is over.
Zorrloft Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I had a crush on my child's teacher. Honestly, I just went for it the direct way. I told her she seemed really nice and that I'd like to get to know her better and wanted to know if we could do coffee or a drink sometime. She rejected me, but at least I got my answer. Had I gone the soft route I would have sent mixed signals and never understood if my intentions were clear enough. So, I got my answer and moved on. My advice, don't beat around the bush. 1
Kopite Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 This 100%. As a teacher myself, what an earth are you thinking?! Incredibly selfish. If a parent cracked on to me whilst I was teaching her daughter, and the other school kids found out.... Heaven help the little girl. She would be crucified by her peers. This is a very bad idea. Take it from someone who has been in the education system for over 9 years. Stay well away- your daughter's welfare comes first. What a complete overreaction. "Incredibly selfish"?! Haha. Chill out. You make it seem like she's flaunting herself left, right and centre in front of the students and teacher. Get a grip. And plus how can you even judge someone for being selfish when you don't even know how they are as a parent? She could be the world's best mother. Besides, what's wrong with a going out with him for a drink if the daughter only sees him once a week. 1
Author crushinghard Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Well my daughter has special needs (thus the adapted Phy Ed teacher) and the fact is, she would never understand the situation in a way that would mortify her or subject her to embarrassment, plus she always gets special treatment because of her needs. I have put off dating for many years to focus solely on my daughter's wellbeing and now I want to do something for myself. It's so cruel to slam someone on the Internet when you don't know the whole situation. I would NEVER do anything to hurt my daughter. 1
Jessie1231 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I dated my son's teacher for a bit. It was a little different because he and I had known each other since middle school (and dated in middle school too - he was my first kiss). So we had been Facebook friends, and he messaged me for a while and finally asked me out. The whole thing was very casual, maybe four dates total? We kissed goodnight at the end of the dates, but there wasn't a huge spark and it just fizzled out. No hard feelings. My son never knew because it would have mortified him, and maybe that is the reason I didn't let it or want it to go anywhere (not that the teacher seemed to want it to go anywhere either). It was a little awkward going to school after that though. The teacher and I would speak to each other, but it just felt weird. I don't regret it at all because he's always been a friend, but if I hadn't known him forever I think I would have felt much more uncomfortable with the situation. 1
Author crushinghard Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Thanks to all of you who posted constructive feedback. I understand this is a delicate situation and the very last thing I would want is for him to feel uncomfortable. I will just be myself the next time I see him and if he picks up on my available vibe, great. If not, nothing lost. There are many fish in the sea and the right one will find me eventually!
hudson701 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 What a complete overreaction. "Incredibly selfish"?! Haha. Chill out. You make it seem like she's flaunting herself left, right and centre in front of the students and teacher. Get a grip. And plus how can you even judge someone for being selfish when you don't even know how they are as a parent? She could be the world's best mother. Besides, what's wrong with a going out with him for a drink if the daughter only sees him once a week. "Get a grip..." I take it you work in an all girls school like myself, understand the code of conduct, the pastoral care in place for SEN students etc? No I thought not. So pipe down. I stand by what i said because it can have very real consequences, the children ALWAYS find out. I can just imagine the headmistress coming on to me asking me why I've decided to date one of the girls' mothers and the likely consequences it's could have. It really doesn't bear thinking about. It is simply a no go area. But thanks for all the flaming from some of the more ignorant commenters on here. Being my profession, this is actually one area I have extensive experience in and one that I can confidently talk about the potential consequences Etc. But as usual, the love shack keyboard Warriors know best. 1
Author crushinghard Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Hudson701, did you even read my response about my daughter having a cognitive disability? She would never even have the capacity to be embarrassed or ashamed that her mom was potentially dating a teacher. And I say potential because that's exactly what it is. I would never ever harm my daughter. I think its time for you to leave this conversation. Your judgment is not helping or wanted. Thanks.
hudson701 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Hudson701, did you even read my response about my daughter having a cognitive disability? She would never even have the capacity to be embarrassed or ashamed that her mom was potentially dating a teacher. And I say potential because that's exactly what it is. I would never ever harm my daughter. I think its time for you to leave this conversation. Your judgment is not helping or wanted. Thanks. So because she has a cognitive disability that makes it ok then? Is that what you are essentially trying to say? Women's solipsism... It really is astounding on times. You've basically come on here to get support for going ahead and wanting to date your daughter's teacher (because it seems you've made the decision already), then the one person who actually has direct experience in this situation offers advice and gets shot down? You asked for advice, so expect opinions from both side of the fence. That's what this forum is for. And did you even read what I put? I work in SEN, that stands for- special educational needs. So I know EXACTLY what I am talking about and the conduct expected of teachers in such a role. But no, you've come on here looking for 'you go gurrrll' type comments, and that's exactly what you've had, despite the possible consequences of dating your daughter's teacher. 1
Author crushinghard Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Actually if you read my previous message this is what I said: Thanks to all of you who posted constructive feedback. I understand this is a delicate situation and the very last thing I would want is for him to feel uncomfortable. I will just be myself the next time I see him and if he picks up on my available vibe, great. If not, nothing lost. There are many fish in the sea and the right one will find me eventually! You can get off you soap box now thanks.
d0nnivain Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 crushing hard -- You can of course continue to be friendly with the teacher. But while he's your daughter's teacher, back off. Once, the semester is over, do a full court press if you like. Due to her cognitive disability even if she won't pick up on a jealousy or nasty vibe from other people based on their negative reaction to your relationship with the teacher, it seems to add an unnecessary level of stress to the whole situation. If he will stop being her teacher shortly, discretion seems to be the better course. 2
Author crushinghard Posted October 29, 2019 Author Posted October 29, 2019 I was cleaning out my email and saw an old update from this thread. I'm sure no one will actually see this but just in case....I wanted to share that the teacher eventually asked ME out and we have been together ever since! Going on almost 5 years! Lesson learned -- always listen to your heart. 5
d0nnivain Posted October 29, 2019 Posted October 29, 2019 Good for you! Did he ask you out after he stopped being your child's teacher?
Author crushinghard Posted October 29, 2019 Author Posted October 29, 2019 Nope! As mature adults, we always put our kids first and of course, everything worked out. 1
preraph Posted October 29, 2019 Posted October 29, 2019 This would be so embarrassing for your daughter unless she is under 6 years of age.
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