1q3455402828193 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 So, here's what happened!!! Yesterday, I went to my professor, who is also my advisor, to register for classes for my senior year (almost done with college YESSSS!!!!). Typically, the registration process takes at most 30 minutes, but I was in there for an hour. Why? Mostly because of small talk. When we got into his office, he offered me a bottle of water and i declined. We talked about my classes and what I'll be taking during my final year, which is typical. Then, out of the blue, he says, "I'm thinking about heading to Starbucks after this. Do you like Starbucks?" I told him, "not really, I'm not a big fan of coffee." He insisted on telling me that he goes to drink tea or hot chocolate. I told him I don't really drink tea, but I usually drink orange juice. Then he said, "Well, they have the best orange juice there." I told him I would have to check that out. I didn't pick up what he was suggesting until i left (I'm slow with these things). Did he want me to ask him if I can tag along? Thinking back to the other times I have been in his classes, I noticed that he would direct his focus towards me when he was lecturing. Outside of class, he attempted twice to make small talk with me, but I really didn't entertain it too much. I found out that this will be his last semester teaching, for he will be going back to school himself. So, we wont be my professor any longer. Is he dropping hints that he likes me? Honestly, I think he is very attractive. He has never been married, has no kids, and he's very intelligent. I'm thinking of keeping in contact with him after he leaves. Would that be wrong for me to do so?
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I don't think he's hitting on you. I think he was extending a paternal gesture & perhaps he wanted somebody to go there with him. Relax but if you are uncomfortable, avoid being alone in his office.
compulsivedancer Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Sounds like he was inviting you to Starbucks. Without being there, I can't tell whether it was as a date, but with that level of insistence I'm guessing he is interested romantically. But now that you've turned him down, he probably won't approach you again. 1
Morro72 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Former university faculty member here (and one who did not socialize with students): yes, he was most likely hitting on you. Ask around and you'll probably find out that you're not unique. Most professors don't do this sort of thing but the ones who do tend to do it a lot. 5
Author 1q3455402828193 Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Yeah, i overheard some female students saying that he flirts alot. And I know I'm not a unique option to him. I just wanted to make sure that it wasnt in my head, and he was actually hitting on me. That way, I can guard myself. Thanks for your response!
alsudduth Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 While I can definitely see where you are coming from, it IS really hard sometimes to tell when someone is just being kind or when they are subtly flirting with you when you are attracted to them. Prime example would be my boss...I have the typical boss/employee crush that sometimes happens in the workplace....We are both married and live in different states so I just kept the crush to myself even though it sometimes felt like he was testing the waters of flirtation. I told myself I was being silly and that I needed to put those feelings aside before I embarrassed myself! Then he made it VERY clear one day that he was in fact flirting with me and felt the same way. We decided a flirtation wasn't worth risking our marriages and vowed to not make the attraction with each other awkward. Confronting it helped. At the end of the day I guess I am saying that it is very possible that he is interested or at least curious about you, but knows what a bad idea/slippery slope it can be.... It might help for you to think of his wife. And how you would feel if you were the wife in the same situation. I would never want to be cheated on, even if it was an innocent flirtation (they almost always lead to more) and I would never want to be the person that puts a fellow woman in that position to be hurt. When I was younger and less wise, I did just that - and got caught and I feel HORRIBLE to this day for being part of hurting that girl like I did. It doesn't matter that the flirtation ended after that. It doesn't matter that her and the guy ended up happily married....What mattered is that I felt like such a low person and vow to never do that to another woman again.
Author 1q3455402828193 Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 I definitely understand the feeling of not being sure if a person is flirting with me or am i reading into it way too much because i am attracted to the person. But, i don't think it is "appropriate" for a professor to suggest to his student that they go to Starbucks together. That's blending personal interests with academics. Which, i wouldn't mind if he wasn't my professor. lol But he isnt married. He's never been married, doesnt have kids and is in his early 30s. I wouldnt mind pursuing something with him AFTER he leaves. But as of right now, I wouldnt dare try it because he is still my professor and I have respect for him in that capacity. I just like to have the upperhand in knowing things, so that I know how to conduct myself around him moving forward.
jen1447 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 fwiw, imo he was definitely hitting on you. Chasing that lead all the way down into the orange juice aisle is a pretty sure sign. (Also there's little chance he was just concerned for your personal coffee shop options and simply wanted to bring you up to speed on what's out there.) 1
alsudduth Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 lol I think I meant to post my response in another thread!
Recommended Posts