Audacious Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Hi all , My story is rather complicated . I was in a bad shape emotionally when I met this colleague of mine years ago , she was involved in an emotionally abusive relationship that turned later into an engagement that was marred with trouble , I saw how much she was suffering and tried to help her , she did the same for me , it was just a supportive closeness and a strong friendship .. until I developed feelings for her . Off course she sensed that , but she was engaged , that when I started to tell her the truth , that her fiance is no good and that she should leave him , she was vehemently against doing that because she comes from a very conservative family and calling off the engagement will get her in a very tough positive , family pressure and all , eventually that engagement was over and she broke it off because she was suffering and because she reciprocated my feelings . Next step was to get her families approval , and that when problems started to happen , I asked her time and again if her family would approve of me because I was from a different ethnicity , she said that would not be a problem and if it will be , she will deal with it and that it is us against the world ..that whole thing Her family's reply was a conclusive NO . she purported that she tried everything and that her father hit her as a result and she was so emotionally destroyed that she was hospitalized later for a couple of days . the thing is all my communication with her was via phone or social media , so I started to have my doubts , that she is looking for a way out of the relationship , that what she was telling me was preposterous but I'll never know. After that , she turned into a different person ! she kept exaggerating how hurt she was by her father's abuse , and how her family was mistreating her and every time i was telling her to stay strong she would be angry saying : " After all what I've been through for you !? to be with you ?! " I was telling myself : " she shouldn't say that to me , she should try to fix the situation , not hide behind what happened , if it actually did happen" After the mistake of grovelling and begging , it was over , she "deserted" Facebook but logs in sporadically and chats with me , sometimes she would call me talking about mundane stuff [as if nothing has happened] She was always complaining about how her father destroyed her , how his true colors shown to her .. she was devastated by him , she sounded somber and unhappy when talking about her father . The Other day , I discovered by the sheerest accident , that she has another Facebook profile , that was all happy and hunky dory . one of the posts on her wall , was : "no one treats a woman like a princess except her own father "!!! and it was not in a sarcastic sense , it was in the contexts of gratitude and appreciation to her Father ! Despite all of this .. I still , have feelings for her , I couldn't delete her photos , I couldn't delete her off of Facebook , the account that she deserted and now she uses another , the one that i mentioned earlier , with all the contradictions .... She contacts me every couple of months ,....she sounds ... sounds like she misses me , like she wants to hear my voice but I feel her intention is to keep me on a string ..or to just see if i completely got over her . I kinda feel like she will call again , and I don't know what to do , should I ignore her , ? or reply but be terse ? or basically just throw the facts at her and tell her all what I discovered ? and how can I just obliterate all the residual feelings and desire that I have for her ?
Author Audacious Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Any opinions will be much appreciated .....
Author Audacious Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 What's the status with her ex...? He is history , she is not back with him , her calling off the engagement already resulted in many disputes with her family but he is gone as far as she is telling me . I just have a hard time believing what she says . at the same time , admittedly , I still have feelings for her
hunk Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Why don't you just tell her "look I want to be in a relationship with you. If you don't want that then tell me and we can stop doing this (fragmented contact)." If she gives you any other answer other than "I also want that" then you have to move on. Her father is no excuse not to be in a relationship with you, if she truly wanted to it wouldn't prevent her. Otherwise this is just going to continue and you're going to be miserable. The alternative is to just ignore her the next time she speaks to you and forget about her and move on. These are your two options in my eyes. If i'm being honest, she doesn't sound particularly interested, a conversation every month or so doesn't indicate she's serious about being with you at all. I would go with your gut, that she is just stringing you along. Cut the rope. 1
Ruby65 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 It's time to sever your Facebook connection to her. If you can't bring yourself to block her -- and all mutual friends -- then you need to disable your account for a few months so you can start to heal and move on. Much of your connection to her is *online* and *in your own memories*. When you stop the artificial online connection, it's going to help you live in the present, in your own life -- looking to the FUTURE, not your past with her. In time you'll find yourself feeling better and it'll be easier to cut off all remaining ties: she should be blocked on your phone and there shouldn't be any way she can reach you electronically. Don't set yourself up to be strung along. IF she ever seriously wants to be your girlfriend, she'll FIND A WAY to let you know! Meanwhile, it's time for you to put the focus back where it belongs: on you, on your healing, on your own life -- and your future! Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck! 2
Author Audacious Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Why don't you just tell her "look I want to be in a relationship with you. If you don't want that then tell me and we can stop doing this (fragmented contact)." If she gives you any other answer other than "I also want that" then you have to move on. Her father is no excuse not to be in a relationship with you, if she truly wanted to it wouldn't prevent her. Otherwise this is just going to continue and you're going to be miserable. The alternative is to just ignore her the next time she speaks to you and forget about her and move on. These are your two options in my eyes. If i'm being honest, she doesn't sound particularly interested, a conversation every month or so doesn't indicate she's serious about being with you at all. I would go with your gut, that she is just stringing you along. Cut the rope. Thank you , Every single analysis that I made about her leads me to the undeniable fact that she was disingenuous and unscrupulous , concocting a story here and there to create a drama . she should have got away with me , I gave her the opportunity , everything was set and opportune for her to take that chance but she didn't . what perplexes me is that why I still lust for her .... I believe it is just lust since I now , feel like she is not all that worthy for me emotionally , the only reason why I took her calls in the past was out of consideration for whatever scant good memories ..
Author Audacious Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 It's time to sever your Facebook connection to her. If you can't bring yourself to block her -- and all mutual friends -- then you need to disable your account for a few months so you can start to heal and move on. Much of your connection to her is *online* and *in your own memories*. When you stop the artificial online connection, it's going to help you live in the present, in your own life -- looking to the FUTURE, not your past with her. In time you'll find yourself feeling better and it'll be easier to cut off all remaining ties: she should be blocked on your phone and there shouldn't be any way she can reach you electronically. Don't set yourself up to be strung along. IF she ever seriously wants to be your girlfriend, she'll FIND A WAY to let you know! Meanwhile, it's time for you to put the focus back where it belongs: on you, on your healing, on your own life -- and your future! Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck! all my instincts tell me that I should sever all contact with her , the main reason to be honest as to why I didn't unfriend her on Facebook is that I don't want to give her the sense that I am being passive aggressive , I've restricted her so she cannot see anything and we have no mutual friends . I think now , knowing what I know now , that I won't be on a string for someone like that , I gave her hella alot of chances and she ruined them all . Honesty is what I appreciate the most in a relationship , even if it hurts , had she told me that she doesn't love me and its time to end , I would have respected that instead she insulted my intelligence by telling me all that BS about events that might or might not happened . Thank you
Ruby65 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 all my instincts tell me that I should sever all contact with her , the main reason to be honest as to why I didn't unfriend her on Facebook is that I don't want to give her the sense that I am being passive aggressive , I've restricted her so she cannot see anything and we have no mutual friends . I think now , knowing what I know now , that I won't be on a string for someone like that , I gave her hella alot of chances and she ruined them all . Honesty is what I appreciate the most in a relationship , even if it hurts , had she told me that she doesn't love me and its time to end , I would have respected that instead she insulted my intelligence by telling me all that BS about events that might or might not happened . Thank you So.... that means no, you're not going to block her anywhere?
seminoles84 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Reading over your post and your follow up post it's clear you know what you need to do. You need to sever all contact and move on. Sounds like she lives off drama (sounds like my ex). Good luck!
Author Audacious Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 So.... that means no, you're not going to block her anywhere? I am going to ignore her if she ever contact me ever again ....
Author Audacious Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Reading over your post and your follow up post it's clear you know what you need to do. You need to sever all contact and move on. Sounds like she lives off drama (sounds like my ex). Good luck! Seems like she is just like that , I totally don't believe anything she tells me anymore
Recommended Posts