She seems interested, but kind of ignored my date request

[WhiteKnighter]

Hey there

 

I'm somewhat recently out of a relationship, and honestly not sure if I'm even reading to be getting into something new right now, but I happened to start talking to this one girl online and so far we get along very well.

 

Only been talking about 4-5 days, but in general - like I said - seems good.

 

Anyway, we've been 'joking around' a lot through texts (I haven't ever called her)... basically sharing our sense of humor (which is, really, kind of a dark sense of humor) and just the normal 'how's your day' type stuff. She's new to the area apparently so I think she's just looking for people to hang out with, maybe date, who knows... i'm not setting expectations yet just taking it slow.

 

She seems pretty clearly interested, usually will text me first and everything, so It's not like I'm hanging on waiting for conversation.

 

However, last night I mentioned that we should meet up sometime soon at this coffee shop I was telling her about in the city where we work/live.

 

She didn't say 'no' and she didn't say 'yes'. Basically, this place is famous for crumpets (which I mentioned to her), and when I asked her/told her we should go... she says "oh! The crumpets! Be still my beating heart..." But nothing after that... kind of glazed over it it seemed like.

 

Again, kind of funny/sarcastic, as seems to be her sense of humor.

 

However, no actually acceptance or denial specifically... so I can't really tell what the result was.

 

Not that it matters, but she's younger than me by a couple years "I'm 29, she's 27", and again she's somewhat new to the area.

 

I'm not sure if I should just leave it alone and see if she ultimately gives me a more direct answer, or ask again because I didn't really get one.

[PegNosePete]

Try it again and if she deflects again then she's simply a time vampire.

[fred123]

did you meet her on an online dating website? if not then its hard to tell if she likes you more than a friend. i would wait it out. maybe she just wants a friend or sees you as a friend, someone to show her around i don't know

[SunnySide0418]

I would suggest talking on the phone first and if you are still interested ask her to meet on a specific day.

[Gary S]

Ease up on the texting, it's a poor form of communication. Instead, call her and ask her out at the end of the call if all goes well.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Well first - after you get a girls number you don't just text back and forth endlessly. You use it for 2 purposes

 

1. Set up a date
   
2. Call her and set up a date
   

You should have introduced yourself with a bit of banter, and kept the conversation funny/light.

 

 

The girl I have a date with next week, her area code was from another state, so I opened with:

 

"I'm deleting your number, I don't like the look of your area code (emoji)"

 

And we bantered back and forth for a few messages, nothing serious, and then I asked her to meet next week and we worked plans out.

[DivorcedDad123]

"we should meet up sometime soon"

 

She was waiting on a day and time. When she said "oh! The crumpets! Be still my beating heart..." , she was waiting on a real invitation. AS it is now, you've just said "sometime".

Contact her and give her specifics.

[WhiteKnighter]

did you meet her on an online dating website? if not then its hard to tell if she likes you more than a friend. i would wait it out. maybe she just wants a friend or sees you as a friend, someone to show her around i don't know

 

I did, yes... she's been clearly flirtatious toward me as well... but who knows... I'm fine with showing her around or whatever, I just thought the deflection was interesting. But then again, maybe she's just nervous to meet guys in a new city.

 

I would suggest talking on the phone first and if you are still interested ask her to meet on a specific day.

 

No one talks on the phone anymore =o)

 

Kidding... not a terrible idea.

[WhiteKnighter]

Ease up on the texting, it's a poor form of communication. Instead, call her and ask her out at the end of the call if all goes well.

 

I guess i've fallen into the whole 'who calls anyone anymore?' type of thing... but yeah, maybe that's a good idea.

 

Well first - after you get a girls number you don't just text back and forth endlessly. You use it for 2 purposes

 

1. Set up a date
   
2. Call her and set up a date
   

You should have introduced yourself with a bit of banter, and kept the conversation funny/light.

 

 

The girl I have a date with next week, her area code was from another state, so I opened with:

 

"I'm deleting your number, I don't like the look of your area code (emoji)"

 

And we bantered back and forth for a few messages, nothing serious, and then I asked her to meet next week and we worked plans out.

 

Oh it's been very lighthearted... joking around, low pressure, all of that...

 

"we should meet up sometime soon"

 

She was waiting on a day and time. When she said "oh! The crumpets! Be still my beating heart..." , she was waiting on a real invitation. AS it is now, you've just said "sometime".

Contact her and give her specifics.

 

Yeah might be right on that one.

[Redhead14]

Hey there

 

I'm somewhat recently out of a relationship, and honestly not sure if I'm even reading to be getting into something new right now, but I happened to start talking to this one girl online and so far we get along very well.

 

Only been talking about 4-5 days, but in general - like I said - seems good.

 

Anyway, we've been 'joking around' a lot through texts (I haven't ever called her)... basically sharing our sense of humor (which is, really, kind of a dark sense of humor) and just the normal 'how's your day' type stuff. She's new to the area apparently so I think she's just looking for people to hang out with, maybe date, who knows... i'm not setting expectations yet just taking it slow.

 

She seems pretty clearly interested, usually will text me first and everything, so It's not like I'm hanging on waiting for conversation.

 

However, last night I mentioned that we should meet up sometime soon at this coffee shop I was telling her about in the city where we work/live.

 

She didn't say 'no' and she didn't say 'yes'. Basically, this place is famous for crumpets (which I mentioned to her), and when I asked her/told her we should go... she says "oh! The crumpets! Be still my beating heart..." But nothing after that... kind of glazed over it it seemed like.

 

Again, kind of funny/sarcastic, as seems to be her sense of humor.

 

However, no actually acceptance or denial specifically... so I can't really tell what the result was.

 

Not that it matters, but she's younger than me by a couple years "I'm 29, she's 27", and again she's somewhat new to the area.

 

I'm not sure if I should just leave it alone and see if she ultimately gives me a more direct answer, or ask again because I didn't really get one.

 

Whenever you make a date request, make sure to be specific about a day, time and place. If she can't make it that day/time, etc., if she's really interested and on the ball, she will offer an alternate.

 

So giving the benefit of the doubt about whether she just wasn't on the ball, there would be no harm in sending another more specific request and leave it at that. If you don't hear from her or she's still wishy-washy, don't contact her again.

[Gary S]

Everyone is right in this thread, amazing. I don't have to post anymore, I'm out of a job.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

I guess i've fallen into the whole 'who calls anyone anymore?' type of thing... but yeah, maybe that's a good idea.

 

 

 

Oh it's been very lighthearted... joking around, low pressure, all of that...

 

 

 

Yeah might be right on that one.

 

Yeah I think you just needed to be more specific then. I started out by transitioning asking my girl when she was free next week, and then she asked me what I had in mind. I offered a 2 days I was free, a time, and a place. She counter-offered, and then I finalized the plans and made it so.

[Everlastinglite]

Just be like, "so is that a yes?:)" and wait for her response. She cant manuver her way out of that since its a direct question.

If she says yes then enjoy ur date lol. If she says i dont know, maybe.. I would suggest to just give her some time n just keep texting her like u always do. Some girls wanna make sure they are fully comfortable before setting up a date with someone. Even if she acts all interested through text, there can still be a little bit of hesitation for the actual seeing each other on a date, ya know? lol

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Just be like, "so is that a yes?:)" and wait for her response. She cant manuver her way out of that since its a direct question.

If she says yes then enjoy ur date lol. If she says i dont know, maybe.. I would suggest to just give her some time n just keep texting her like u always do. Some girls wanna make sure they are fully comfortable before setting up a date with someone. Even if she acts all interested through text, there can still be a little bit of hesitation for the actual seeing each other on a date, ya know? lol

 

No... That's a needy message to send out.

 

I would just continue keeping it light, and then ask when she's free. By asking her if it's a yes, he is seeking her approval, and it comes across as too forward. He should assume that she already said Yes and just focus on when/where.

[fitnessfan365]

When a woman is interested, she accepts dates with a clear cut yes. Anything else, is a "no" in my opinion.

 

What's funny though is that it usually happens when a woman texts you. She reaches out, you try to make plans, and then she says "I'll let you know", "maybe", etc. Or she simply deflects and tries to talk about something unrelated. So this is how I always handle it. If a woman reaches out to me, I'll exchange two texts max. Then I cut to the chase and ask when she's free. If she doesn't give a direct answer with possibilities, I say "I gotta run, but get back to me when your schedule is more definite." I think the two mistakes guys make are engaging a woman in conversation after she hasn't accepted a date offer and repeatedly chasing after her to try and lock her down. If you tell a woman "Get back to me when you're schedule is more definite" and she says "OK", you have to let her do that. You don't wait 2-3 days and then chase her asking her out again. If she's interested, she will be in touch and you try to make plans again then. If you don't hear from her, you're just focusing on other women that are actually showing high signs of interest.

Edited April 8, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[Redhead14]

Everyone is right in this thread, amazing. I don't have to post anymore, I'm out of a job.

 

We need you, Gary S!

[smackie9]

If it were me I would just move on. Some are just attention whores fluttering from guy to guy chit chatting. If a girl doesn't jump at a date, you are wasting your time. Be firm with your expectations. If they are not wanting to meet you asap there will be someone else who will. Never invest your time on to flaky, maybes, if'ies, etc.

[Mjm1014]

First off OP, you're reaching the mark where it's either going somewhere or it's not...4-5 days talking online? Yeah, you need to be WAY more direct so you can get an answer and see her. If she won't, next her. Also, I would advise at least talking to her once Over the phone. True story, I got catfished once by a 52 year old lady posing as a 23 year old..she wouldn't go out with me but when we kept talking I made her FaceTime with me and she apologized and said that she just wanted someone to talk to.I talked to her for two weeks and wouldn't go out with me, and I wasted my time. I'm def not saying this is the situation but you should never invest too much time into someone just incase they aren't who they say they are, or are on there for the wrong reasons. I learned to get the number within the first few days, talk on the phone once, then cut contact by saying I'm busy until they agree to a date. This way, I won't be catfished, and I convey to them I'm a high status male that has a life and is busy, and if they won't go out with me I'll find someone else easily that will. Their loss! No time to be strung along especially by a stranger-

 

One more shot man then next her. She knows your interested already...she just dodged the bullet for some unknown reason.

[WhiteKnighter]

First off OP, you're reaching the mark where it's either going somewhere or it's not...4-5 days talking online? Yeah, you need to be WAY more direct so you can get an answer and see her. If she won't, next her. Also, I would advise at least talking to her once Over the phone. True story, I got catfished once by a 52 year old lady posing as a 23 year old..she wouldn't go out with me but when we kept talking I made her FaceTime with me and she apologized and said that she just wanted someone to talk to.I talked to her for two weeks and wouldn't go out with me, and I wasted my time. I'm def not saying this is the situation but you should never invest too much time into someone just incase they aren't who they say they are, or are on there for the wrong reasons. I learned to get the number within the first few days, talk on the phone once, then cut contact by saying I'm busy until they agree to a date. This way, I won't be catfished, and I convey to them I'm a high status male that has a life and is busy, and if they won't go out with me I'll find someone else easily that will. Their loss! No time to be strung along especially by a stranger-

 

One more shot man then next her. She knows your interested already...she just dodged the bullet for some unknown reason.

 

Well many things happened that were encouraging... I mean yes, I did start "chatting" with her first, but she volunteered her number.. I didn't even ask for it. We were basically just going back and forth on the web messenger service from the site, and she says, "Here's my number, text me so I can fill you in on how my adventure is going".

 

I waited 2 days, then texted her just being flirty and playful. Since then, I haven't started texting on any of the days until she does, and so far she has initiated every single time. This is KIND OF why i was surprised she didn't just say something like, "OK, when?"... or something to that effect.

 

But like I said, maybe it's just moving to a new place and still settling in, not feeling totally comfortable yet. You never know.

 

If, however, she continues to just avoid it, then yeah I'll just back off.

 

Don't think the catfish thing is a huge issue, I've done some legal snooping online (you know, just google, whatever), and it seems legit.

[sydneysider1978]

Dude! Just ask her out properly. Doesn't need to be phone but does need to be direct and clearly a date request.

You're both dancing around the issue. Suggest a specific time, date and the crumpet place. She'll either say yes, counter offer, or dance some more. If you still can't pin down a time, she's just using you for attention. Next!

[pteromom]

She seems interested.

 

You didn't make a request though. You said "sometime".

 

So she made a joke. She sounded excited about crumpets though.

 

Now YOU respond back with "Are you free on Friday at 7PM?" (or whenever.)

 

You need to give her something to say yes or no TO.

[WhiteKnighter]

All sound advice... i've always been kind of passive with this kind of thing. Will need to just be more specific/direct.

[Diana.dellala]

Why don't you ask her directly?

"I really like talking to you and I thought it would nice meeting you, but you actually didn't give me an answer. I wondered why?"

It isn't clear why she refused. And she knows that.

 

If she's not interested, I think it is better to know without wasting other time and if she is, asking might get you a date much sooner

[todreaminblue]

All sound advice... i've always been kind of passive with this kind of thing. Will need to just be more specific/direct.

 

its a lot easier to navigate dating when its clear cut and direct......specifics time places days.......and confirm the night before.....make it like clock work and it shall be so......best wishes...hope it works out for you...deb

[Gary S]

We need you, Gary S!

 

- That's very nice of you to say, thank you. I think I love you