stacy1985 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Hello everyone, Im currently trying to get over a break up. I met someone last year in september and liked him and its all gone wrong :-( we instantly clicked when we met for a date, and the first week together was great and we talked about what we wanted in life, both wanted to be happy in a relationship and to have more kids ect, and then he told me loved me. I was shocked as it was only a week and he asked did i feel the same and i was honest and said no i dont as its far too early for me. I went away on holiday that week and he textede every day saying he missed me and loved me and that hed met the one. He asked was i serious about wanting more kids and i said yeah in time and he said he wanted to try when i came back which again i was shocked as it was only 2 weeks that we knew each other. When i got back we discussed it and i told him its too early for that and he said he just wanted to make me happy and i said i am happy but want to take things slower and not rush... i liked him and enjoyed his company and we spent alot of time together and when we werent together we would text and he phoned me alot. He still continued to always ask me if i loved him though and said he wants to me loved and wanted and i said to him please dont keep asking, give me time to fall in love as it takes time... I felt frustrated that he would always ask me and so early on, and sometimes we had arguments as he said he felt unwanted by me, that when hes with me he feels like my heart isnt in it and that i wasnt giving him much affection when it came to cuddles and kisses and that he felt not wanted by his girlfriend.... i told him i did want him and that i just felt pressured all the time with him constantly asking me to love him. He would also talk about us moving in together which again i said too early to talk about it. When we got on good it was great, and he would turn up at my house with flowers to make me smile and do sweet things for me and be romantic. He felt like he wasnt being appreciated when he did things and i did appreciate it. He felt like i didnt want him and i was always saying that i did. Few times in the relationship he texted and said he felt like we were falling apart and that i didnt want him and i was always trying to convince him that i did. This happened again end of january and he said i just keep hurting him and that he cant take it no more and wants to be wanted. We argued over it and then the next 2 weeks in february we still spoke everyday and he always texted asking can we sort it out and i said to him i didnt know, and that i was just having some me time and thinking about things as my head was all over the place. Well in middle of february he came over to collect some clothes that he had left here at my house and he was saying he was heartbroken and cared and loved me so much and that i didnt realise how much he loved me and that he wishes things were different. The next day i was thinking about things and whwn he was still texting saying hes going to miss me i was thinking of giving it another go but i didnt get the chance to tell him as i busy that day and thought id have the chat with him that week.... however 2 days later he was already in a new relationship, and telling me that i mucked him about and that hes with someone who will appreciate the things he says and does and that hes met someone who will love him back and be happy! He then blocked my number and i heard from his friend that when met this new girl he moved in with that week! They were together and he emailed me saying he would still talk to me and be a friend but that he was with her now and had moved on. He didnt contact me again until 2 weeks later when they fell out and he phonede saying hes a mess, that hes lost his job and head a mess and that they had had an argument... i told him again that id wanted to sort things out with him and he said he didnt want to, and was trying to sort things out with her and i said but you only just met her and u claimed to be in love and heartbroken with our split so i dont get it! He continued to speak to me and told me he didnt know what he wanted, if it was with me or not and can only be friends just now. He then one night blockede again with no explanation and i found out he was back with her as she phoned him to sort things out and he went over to see her and thats probably why he blocked me. Hes living at her house again and they are in facebook declaring in statuses that they love each other loads and hes saying shes amazing... the same things he said to me! I feel used and hurt now as he ignored me when he got with her and i dont understand how quickly he could move on and forget about me and then speaks to me again when they had a fall out and then back to ignoring me as hes patched things up with her. He sent me an email last week telling me not to contact him again and that hes back with her and i asked him why did you want to speak to me again then when you had fell out with her and he dryly replied i was only speaking to you, didnt want anything from you, goodbye! Now im feeling hurt as we did spend alot of time together and he was always telling me he lovede and that i was the one yet he can quickly move on as quickly as he did and telling her he loves her so early on just like he did with me.
PegNosePete Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 he told me loved me. I was shocked as it was only a week I went away on holiday that week and he textede every day saying he missed me and loved me and that hed met the one. He asked was i serious about wanting more kids and i said yeah in time and he said he wanted to try when i came back which again i was shocked as it was only 2 weeks that we knew each other. WTF. If this isn't a big red flashing sign saying "RUN AWAY" then I don't know what is. The guy is clearly living with the pixies. He's a psycho. Block, delete, NC. 3
Author stacy1985 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Thanks for your reply... when he would tell me that i was hurting him by making him feel unwanted, i was always telling him that hes being parranoid and that i did want him and he seemed to think i didnt care but i invited him to spend christmas with my family and told him why would i do things like this if i didnt care or want him.
PegNosePete Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 So not only is he a psycho and living with the pixies in la-la land, but he's also insecure and has zero self-esteem. Wow, you're certainly better off without a guy like that! You can do so much better!
Author stacy1985 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Thanks. Id sit and think am i doing something wrong, and id feel bad when he told me i was hurting him as i wasnt intentionally trying to hurt him. I probably was acting more distant with him and less affectionate but its because he was putting so much pressure on me. I cant believe how quickly he falls in love with people but then quickly moves on to the next when things dont work out and falls for them too!
Author stacy1985 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Im feeling so silly that i asked him if he wanted to work things out just to get told no and that he had moved on. He also told me that he was the most genuine guy that id ever meet and that i threw him away and told me good luck in finding a guy who loved you as much as i did and loved you from the start.
Nolan 93 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 He rushed things way too fast to be honest. But if he really loved you he would feel the pain of the relationship that has just ended and wait to recover. Someone who loves you from the start and gets dumped will not be over you like that (well that's how I am). He should know that he pushed you and maybe rushed things. But let him go it's pointless to chase, because he wants this. The want to try things with this other girl. But now you know he never really loved you or you'd be working things out instead of being separated. I was dumped for her ex, yes it's sucked but I loved her and still do. But i haven't moved onto another relationship yet, because I'm not ready and want to fully heal from this. Even if your the one who was dumped and heartbroken and you claim to love that other person no matter what happened you'd do the right thing and heal with time and focus on you. All these rebounds just continue the vicious and selfish cycle of just dealing with the pain of the previous relationship. Let him go and do you, he has issues he needs to work on. 1
Lunay Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 He sounds like a creep. I think you dodged a bullet. Let him go! 1
ZiggyZoo Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 He sounds like a classic emotionally unavailable man, with the declaring love so quickly, coming on strong, blowing hot and cold, and by dumping you for someone else and starting it all over with her. I'd suggest you check out this great blog, "Baggage Reclaim". She talks about guys like this, and why they do what they do, but most importantly why it all has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. It saved my sanity, she has an excellent way with words. Check it out, these guys can really mess you up if you let them. 1
Author stacy1985 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 One of his female friends told me that he doesnt like being alone and that he told her when we broke up that he just wants to be loved. We all want that, but i just found it bizzare how quickly he falls in love with a girl and then out of love and in to the next. While we had broke up and he was asking for few weeks to sort things out he sent messages saying i take it you have moved on and will be finding someone else now that youre single and take it you will be back on the dating site... funny thing is i wasnt and told him that, and said no i havent been interested in all that and having time to myself and not been talking to other guys or anything like that. So he was saying this stuff to me yet it was him that was back on the dating site and found the other girl! While he chatted to me when they had fell out he admitted he went back on the dating site and spoke to her the day he joined, which he says was valentines day in which he had asked me to go over that day and i hadnt so he jumped on to the dating site and few days later at mine getting his stuff and telling me hes heartbroken but failed to mention he had joined the dating site, in which that came out later. When we were together he was always saying to me that he felt like he was in a one sided relationship and felt single and that he couldnt sit everyday and think our relationship was safe when it wasnt, and that he was worried that i was just seeing him until something better came along and i told him that wasnt the case. Whwn we first got together, and we spoke about each other and how long we have been single ect, i did admit that there was someone i was seeing on and off for a year but didnt lead to a relationship and that the guy didnt want a relationship and i moved on as i wanted a relationship and to settle down again after being 3 years single. When he had problems he thought i wanted this other guy and i told him no thats in the past, and staying there and it you i want to me with, not him and no need to be parranoid over that. It felt like we were going in circles and thats why i wanted some time to myself and in they 2 weeks still spoke to him but was thinking things over but he didnt give it much time that he had to quickly go with someone else.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 He doesn't know what love really is, otherwise he'd know you can't feel it with someone you met a week ago. That's infatuation. I think he's running from some pretty serious sh*t, to keep bouncing from one girl to another, declaring love and planning a family so quickly. he can't or won't face whatever has hurt him in the past and thinks this will work. It's going to catch up to him sometime, but don't let him be your problem anymore. This is one to stay far, far away from.
Author stacy1985 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Thats what i have been asking myself, that does he even know what love is as like you say, how can he know that within a week and jump from one girl to the next. He was still saying on the sunday, day after valentines day can we sort this out? I miss you, and want to be with you...love you so much, yet by the friday he was in a new relationship and telling me i was too late to sort anything out even though was less than a week later that i agreed to sort it out. He said i should tell people what i want, that i avoided the question for weeks and didnt tell him i wanted him and hurt him yet it was only actually just over two weeks that we had broken up so wasnt like i was having him hanging on for months. He said he needed someone who would show him respect and want him.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 He sounds like he'd be really tiresome after a while too, with his insecurity issues. I'd get really sick of constantly having to reassure him that I wanted to be with him and dealing withall that.
Author stacy1985 Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Yeah he always needed reasurrance. If i was quiet for a few hours he asked if anything was wrong. There was a few times in the relationship that after leaving my house id recieve a text off him saying that he felt like i didnt bother with him when he was over and felt like he couldnt do it anymore. Saying things like i was over at your house and you didnt come near me, its like you want me on minute and then dont the next... See the weird thing is that even after the way he was i do miss him! Its strange when you see someone alot in the week and messages and calls every day to suddenly nothing at all, no contact.
Recommended Posts