Nick_09 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 So I met a girl on a dating website recently and she was very keen and into me. She messaged me asking me for a coffee the next day but I declined but arranged another date a few days later for drinks. We exchange numbers and started to text each each other. we would text each other every single day and she was very very keen she would be texting me a lot during the day. She states she was looking forward to our first date and I played it cool but said I was looking forward to the first day as well. So we went on our first date and it turned out really well we had a lot of fun And had loads of inside jokes and were intimately kissing for a lot of the night we also went for dinner and then she went home. she then messaged me that night thanking me for a good time and that we should do coffee the next day. Later the next day I messaged her asking if she still wanted to do coffee and she said she had plans but could do coffee and or lunch a few days later. During that period I would notice she was online a lot more on the dating website but she would also check my profile sometimes. So the night before the lunch date I messaged her setting a time and she said she can't do anything after 3 o'clock and That she only expected lunch so I agreed to that and we met up. In my opinion this date did not go as well as the first but I think it ended quite well. She text me thanking me for lunch and that she will be she would give me a text the next day because she was busy comforting a friend going through a rough time. She was on WhatsApp the whole day and the dating website despite saying she was busy. She then messaged me sometime after she probably noticed that I was online on the dating site saying that she was tipsy. The next day she didn't message me at all despite being on WhatsApp all day. Her frequency on the dating website was far less as well. This led me to believe that she had found someone else and I was being treated like a backup option. She was paying no attention to me. Usually she always messages me. I messaged her this morning as I noticed she was on WhatsApp. Usually she is rarely on WhatsApp. So I tested the waters and sent her a message saying hey. She had read this and was still online but did not reply until an hour later. I noticed there was less effort in her messages and hardly any emotion conveyed and closed statements rather than questions. I decided I would ask her out on a date Friday night as a final chance and because she said she was not working tomorrow or Friday. Her response was that she could not do Friday and she did not attempt to even reschedule the date. So then I said if her plans change to let me know and we'll do something. I felt like I needed to escalate the sexual attraction and as it was there before. She text back saying "sure, sorry, madness" and started talking about something else work related. She then said that she was whatsapping people related to her job all day ((students) but I find that really difficult to believe). I then text her telling her how today is dragging and she did not text me back despite being online and reading my message ages ago. I just want to know what people think of this situation and what she might be playing at? Does she still want to date me? Or just stringing me along? Have I potentially dodged a bullet?
Diezel Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 This is done. And stop stalking women online. You shouldn't know that someone was on a dating website all day or on WhatsApp all day. As a man, shouldn't you be busy doing your own things?
smackie9 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 It doesn't matter what or why with her....you date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. She's being flaky so stop wasting your time. Trust me you are not missing out on an opportunity with her, but you are missing out on other prospects.....keep looking.
Gary S Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I decided I would ask her out on a date Friday night as a final chance and because she said she was not working tomorrow or Friday. Her response was that she could not do Friday and she did not attempt to even reschedule the date. - She's probably not interested. In the future, I would call for a date rather than text.
Author Nick_09 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Thanks. Yeah it was more like whenever I went online or was on whatsapp, she was ALWAYS online. She acted flirty after the second date still but then went cold as ice.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 You're overthinking it, shes not interested, who cares. It's weird how much she initiated though, and then dropped off. And she wanted to do another coffee date the DAY after? Sheesh.
Author Nick_09 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 You're overthinking it, shes not interested, who cares. It's weird how much she initiated though, and then dropped off. And she wanted to do another coffee date the DAY after? Sheesh. Yeah that's why I'm confused. She wanted to meet the day after messaging her a little, she gave me her number without me asking, when I suggested the drinks instead she said " instead or as well". Super keen. The wanting coffee the morning after the first date. Then she went a bit cold. Hmmm.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Yeah that's why I'm confused. She wanted to meet the day after messaging her a little, she gave me her number without me asking, when I suggested the drinks instead she said " instead or as well". Super keen. The wanting coffee the morning after the first date. Then she went a bit cold. Hmmm. I would have turned down her day-after date myself, or just not responded for a bit. 1
Gary S Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 You're overthinking it, shes not interested, who cares. It's weird how much she initiated though, and then dropped off. And she wanted to do another coffee date the DAY after? Sheesh. - Within the first couple months, people can flake on any given day. It's not weird at all. Until they are in love with, dating is a gamble. You roll the dice and see what comes up. 2
Mrin Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 You lost momentum. She found someone else to get all atwitter about. It happens. Move on.
katiegrl Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Yeah that's why I'm confused. She wanted to meet the day after messaging her a little, she gave me her number without me asking, when I suggested the drinks instead she said " instead or as well". Super keen. The wanting coffee the morning after the first date. Then she went a bit cold. Hmmm. This is simple. She started out interested, but then lost interest. It happens, especially with on line dating. Next!
Author Nick_09 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Ok. So is is messaging me back with very generic short non interesting non emotional replies. I think I should just stop now.
Diana.dellala Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 From your description it looks like she lost interest and/or found somebody else. Most probably something went wrong when she was still interested and messaging you. It might be because of something you said or did or something you didn't say or do that she expected from you. Or she just found somebody who, as she thought, was more compatible than you. In any case, you might want to sharpen your seduction skills. There are much better ways to trigger attraction, even if the girl lost interest, even through text messages. But it's not writing her "hey", "how are you" or similar things. That could do if she's still very attracted to you, if she's not anymore it would be more efficient to trigger an emotional response first. Especially before asking her out again. There are ways. But it would take some effort. If you don't really care, move on, that would be much easier and there are a lot of other great opportunities waiting for you! If you do care, you might want to find out more about text messaging, attraction and other useful tools so that situations like this one will never happen again.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 - Within the first couple months, people can flake on any given day. It's not weird at all. Until they are in love with, dating is a gamble. You roll the dice and see what comes up. Yeah I agree, it just sounded like she was pretty invested for wanting back-to-back dates on 2 days in a row - and then all of a sudden disappears. Not to be unheard of, and I wouldn't get bent out of shape over someone I just met, but weird nonetheless.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 The main mistake you made was texting with her all day every day. I think that on a subconscious level, women are attracted to men that are independent with things going on in their life. So when you text with a woman that much, you're communicating that you have nothing else going on. Also, chatting on the phone regularly, makes her start to see you as one of her friends. That's why she suggested possibly meeting up for "lunch". Women that friend zone guys love to do lunch because it's guaranteed to be shorter and they can get back to their day. Romance happens at night when they have more time to spend and it can possibly lead to sex. In the future, don't communicate daily with a woman until after you're in a relationship with her. Until then, use the phone to primarily set dates. If she reaches out to you, exchange a few texts max, then cut to the chase and make plans. Then get off the phone, and talk to her in person.
Author Nick_09 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 So I pretty much took the good advice that everyone here gave me. I started to get back on my feet, have fun, forget about it and talk to others and set up new dates. Things are going great then yesterday evening I received a message out the blue from her. A spanner in the works so to speak. It read: "Hey NICK09, you good? I'm sorry I've been a bit sh*t with messaging the last week. My dad's been in hospital and it's a bit touch and go. I haven't had room for anything else. Probably won't for a few more weeks. I wanted to let you know anyway, didn't want you to think I was just ignoring you xx" I replied but I'm not sure I buy the excuse. I mean she was able to be online throughout and mail random strangers on the dating site. I'm skeptical. Either way she has become a bit more responsive and her replies and humour is a bit better, referring to inside jokes we had etc but I still don't trust her now because of the whole situation and I'm pretty much keeping myself from falling in the same trap. Anyone have any input into what's going on or rattling about in her head? Thanks, as always
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 So I pretty much took the good advice that everyone here gave me. I started to get back on my feet, have fun, forget about it and talk to others and set up new dates. Things are going great then yesterday evening I received a message out the blue from her. A spanner in the works so to speak. It read: "Hey NICK09, you good? I'm sorry I've been a bit sh*t with messaging the last week. My dad's been in hospital and it's a bit touch and go. I haven't had room for anything else. Probably won't for a few more weeks. I wanted to let you know anyway, didn't want you to think I was just ignoring you xx" I replied but I'm not sure I buy the excuse. I mean she was able to be online throughout and mail random strangers on the dating site. I'm skeptical. Either way she has become a bit more responsive and her replies and humour is a bit better, referring to inside jokes we had etc but I still don't trust her now because of the whole situation and I'm pretty much keeping myself from falling in the same trap. Anyone have any input into what's going on or rattling about in her head? Thanks, as always You're correct, this message doesn't really do much for you, and you shouldn't engage her much. In fact I would only send her one message: "Hey, great to hear from you! Sorry to hear about your Dad, hope he gets better. Give me a shout when you have time!" Show contained interest, be apologetic about her dad, and leave the ball in her court to contact you if she wants to keep going on dates. Honestly though, it's most likely a soft rejection. 1
Author Nick_09 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Posted April 13, 2015 Are you sure it's rejection? Thing was I pretty much went no contact for a few days on her last message and was happy. Why would she send this rather than letting things fade out. Seems strange. I did reply back saying that I was sorry to hear about her dad and that it's a speedy recovery. Then sent her a message about her day. She then texts back quickly and starts joking and teasing each other. It's like almost back to pre first date texting behaviour. Strange. Either way.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 13, 2015 Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) Are you sure it's rejection? Thing was I pretty much went no contact for a few days on her last message and was happy. Why would she send this rather than letting things fade out. Seems strange. I did reply back saying that I was sorry to hear about her dad and that it's a speedy recovery. Then sent her a message about her day. She then texts back quickly and starts joking and teasing each other. It's like almost back to pre first date texting behaviour. Strange. Either way. You need to stop engaging her unless she wants to keep going on dates. That's why I suggested leaving the ball in her court. Honestly the endless texting is probably boring her (even if she doesn't show it). Most of your communication should occur on dates, with only occasional banter in between dates. Since you don't have a date setup, you shouldn't be in constant contact with her. EDIT: Since you've been in contact, if you want to cut contact say something like "Well hey I don't want to take up all your time with your Dad, but if you're free sometime and want to get together again, give me a buzz!" Edited April 13, 2015 by barcode88 1
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