Cantsum Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Disclaimer: the break up is really fresh, I'm still confused, somewhat angry, guilty and depressed, so I don't want trolls here and I definitely need some compassion. Thanks. She broke up with me only just 3 days ago after spending a long weekend at her grandparents. Her "excuses" were 1) I'm under too much pressure with my work 2) I'm not giving enough into this relationship because of the workload. She's a third year in Maths suffering from severe stress and anxiety. She's been seeing a counsellor recently and is taking pills. She had a major breakdown over the weekend .. She was crying and screaming. So we got back to London on the Sunday. Things looked OK, but we had an argument in the car about her cousin. Apparently he's the favourite and she thought it was really unfair on me. I told her that I was fine with it and not bothered about it, but she got mad. It was a quick argument. She got really horny, we had really good sex, but then I did something (Id rather not say) and I told her not to tell anyone. She agreed, but then somehow it got the break up. I was quite taken aback I admit, I tried not to look nerdy, but I tried to reason with her. After 15-20 mins I left. I haven't contacted her since (3 days). I want a NC period. But I also want to try again. I opened up to my mum about this, and she told me she was certain that my ex would come back when all her exams are done ... I hope my mum is right, but if she doesn't then I'll move on completely.
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Your mother knows her we don't. However even if your EX comes back you need to be sure you want her back. She's telling you that she doesn't think she is good enough for you. Even of you disagree until she works on her own self esteem, she will always run & dump you when things get tough for her You can't build a future like that. Yes university exams are stressful but in the grand scheme of life stressor -- they are a walk in the park. What would she be like if you have real stress, for example a special needs child & the primary bread winner in your family gets laid off or in an accident? That's stress. 3
Author Cantsum Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Your mother knows her we don't. However even if your EX comes back you need to be sure you want her back. She's telling you that she doesn't think she is good enough for you. Even of you disagree until she works on her own self esteem, she will always run & dump you when things get tough for her You can't build a future like that. Yes university exams are stressful but in the grand scheme of life stressor -- they are a walk in the park. What would she be like if you have real stress, for example a special needs child & the primary bread winner in your family gets laid off or in an accident? That's stress. That was the main reason why I was so taken aback, why tell me she feels she's not good enough for me? She kept going about how she thought I hated the time I spent at her grandparents. I told we I loved every moment of it and I appreciate what her grandparents did. My mum told me pretty much what you told me, "I know her, I know how stressful University work is, and I know for sure she'll come back after her exams are done". Now I accept what you have said, that if we get back together again she might end it after any kind of stress episode, but wouldn't she have done it at all the stress episodes we've had before this break up? She's studying Maths at a prestigious Universiry in London, it's hardly a walk in the park. She works every day from dawn to dusk, and it has obviously taken a huge toll on her psychology: she's suffering from extreme anxiety.
Light Breeze Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Well, I don't really know what you did that caused the breakup... So.... Anyway best guess is, she just wants to focus on herself right now... you should too.. As it is now, she might not be emotionally stable enough to maintain a relationship. 2
Author Cantsum Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Well, I don't really know what you did that caused the breakup... So.... Anyway best guess is, she just wants to focus on herself right now... you should too.. As it is now, she might not be emotionally stable enough to maintain a relationship. It's not what I did moments before she dropped the bombshell, it was nothing ... She told me exactly why she broke up with me (in the OP). Her exams finish in 2 months ... So that's the Minimum NC period I'm aiming for. This will give her enough time to revise and absolutely smash her exams (which I know she will) and for me to recover and focus on me. My mum said the same, she thinks I should give her the space, and when I do my ex will come back when all this crap is out of they way.
hunk Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) Her "excuses" just sound like generic code for "i'm not into this anymore". Her getting angry at you in the car supports this - she completely unreasonably flipped out (projected, essentially) on you because she's selfishly frustrated with herself for wanting out of the relationship and that she's in this position. She probably feels trapped after trying to break up with you and you talking her out of it. This has been in the making for a while and now that she's pulling the trigger it's proving to be harder that she thought - this is what her behavior screams to me (the breakdowns, "exam stress" etc.) I'm going to tell you I think your mum is wrong and she is telling you what she thinks will protect you. I don't think your ex will come around after her exams, and I think she's wanted to end this relationship for a while. People don't just dump someone because they need to focus on studying. You don't CUT someone out of your life and effectively tell them you don't want them anymore because you are stressed. That's what it means when you dump someone - you're telling them in finality you no longer want a relationship with them. It's a FINAL thing (especially with women), and it's dangerous to think she has just done this on a whim because of her exams. You need to respect her wishes and treat this as if it's completely over, because I honestly think it is. Mums are the worst with these things, they will never tell it to us like it is, even though deep down I think they all know. Mine has told me the same things during a breakup and then even admitted years later she was just trying to comfort me. Edited April 9, 2015 by hunk spelling
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