If you dated someone & found out they still live at home, would it be a turn off?

May 11, 2015

So apparently it looks worse in men than it does in women to be living with the folks still, because are men still expected to be the breadwinner?

May 11, 2015

OK, I want you to research the rates of today's homes. I want you to breakdown the financial risks of doing so. I'm perfectly content in my own apartment.

That's fine. I am researching, we are getting married in the fall and we might buy … but why are you so defensive, if you 100% never want to buy a home that's fine and don't be mad if some people do want to and want their partner to have the same desire!! OK?

May 11, 2015

I gross $700 a week. After taxes, I net about $550.

Car payment is $320 a month. Insurance is $90 a month.

Rent is $800 a month.

My kid gets $100 a month.

Wow that is the lowest child support I ever heard of you lucked out on that I guess! Maybe you could downsize on the car? Anyway srsly just live your life the way you want to but don't take it as a personal affront that some people want to buy a house!!!

May 11, 2015

All I'm saying is being financially secure is much easier said than done and I don't think anyone should be judged by it. There are some things that are not in your control. What is this thread took place right after the Enron scandal or after the plants in Detroit closed? What if I was a casino worker in AC who is unemployed after it was shutdown? Should people not date me if I am bunking down with parents after losing a job?

May 11, 2015

...I can't believe my thread has been resurrected from the dead lol

Seriously though people...each adult person who lives on this earth has a personal circumstance that they're going through and some of them have had situations that were/are beyond their control that caused them to be in the current circumstance that they're living in.

As I've told all of you in my initial OP, I don't look down on people who have had to live - or who are currently living - in their parents home; because when I met my ex-boyfriend years ago (he was in his mid 20s), he was living in his parents house, but held down a full-time job, helped his parents pay the electric bill, fixed things around the house, cooked, washed dishes and cleaned. I loved him for the person he was INSIDE, *not* for what life milestones he had accomplished - or in his case, had NOT accomplished at that time.

When we decided to live together, he moved in with me and we both worked and paid the bills; but we both went through some very tough financial times through the years with our jobs and then each of us taking turns trying to find adequate employment in a very competitive market. This was half of the reason why we broke up and he moved out. We're still broken up, so I have no idea if he's still living in his parents house or if he's living with his current girlfriend - he'll be 33 next fall.

My point is, it DEPENDS on the person's CIRCUMSTANCES and WHAT they're currently DOING with their LIFE. If I ever meet another guy who lives in his parents home, but he's holding down a FT job, is paying his and some of his parents' bills, saving $$$, has a PLAN for his FUTURE and he's helping out his parents, I'd consider dating him. However...if I meet a guy who's living at home, who is employed but has NO plans for his future except to live with his parents forever, play video games, do drugs or drink and has NO responsibilities except paying his own bills and does NOT help out his parents in any way, then NO - I would NOT date a guy like that.

Preferably, I'd like to date a guy who lives on his own, pays his own bills, has a plan for his future, is responsible and can stand on his own two feet and is independent like I am. That's just the kind of guy who I feel is my ideal match; but I would consider dating a guy who has a temporary circumstance or has a PLAN for his life and his FUTURE that chooses to live with his parents. I would consider a guy like that, but he wouldn't be my first choice. And, there's NOTHING wrong with a person who wants to date someone who has their $hit together financially and is living independently, just as there's NOTHING wrong with a person who chooses to date someone who is living at home with their parents.

There is NO right or wrong answer!!! To each his own.

.

May 11, 2015

...I can't believe my thread has been resurrected from the dead lol

Seriously though people...each adult person who lives on this earth has a personal circumstance that they're going through and some of them have had situations that were/are beyond their control that caused them to be in the current circumstance that they're living in.

As I've told all of you in my initial OP, I don't look down on people who have had to live - or who are currently living - in their parents home; because when I met my ex-boyfriend years ago (he was in his mid 20s), he was living in his parents house, but held down a full-time job, helped his parents pay the electric bill, fixed things around the house, cooked, washed dishes and cleaned. I loved him for the person he was INSIDE, *not* for what life milestones he had accomplished - or in his case, had NOT accomplished at that time.

When we decided to live together, he moved in with me and we both worked and paid the bills; but we both went through some very tough financial times through the years with our jobs and then each of us taking turns trying to find adequate employment in a very competitive market. This was half of the reason why we broke up and he moved out. We're still broken up, so I have no idea if he's still living in his parents house or if he's living with his current girlfriend - he'll be 33 next fall.

My point is, it DEPENDS on the person's CIRCUMSTANCES and WHAT they're currently DOING with their LIFE. If I ever meet another guy who lives in his parents home, but he's holding down a FT job, is paying his and some of his parents' bills, saving $$$, has a PLAN for his FUTURE and he's helping out his parents, I'd consider dating him. However...if I meet a guy who's living at home, who is employed but has NO plans for his future except to live with his parents forever, play video games, do drugs or drink and has NO responsibilities except paying his own bills and does NOT help out his parents in any way, then NO - I would NOT date a guy like that.

Preferably, I'd like to date a guy who lives on his own, pays his own bills, has a plan for his future, is responsible and can stand on his own two feet and is independent like I am. That's just the kind of guy who I feel is my ideal match; but I would consider dating a guy who has a temporary circumstance or has a PLAN for his life and his FUTURE that chooses to live with his parents. I would consider a guy like that, but he wouldn't be my first choice. And, there's NOTHING wrong with a person who wants to date someone who has their $hit together financially and is living independently, just as there's NOTHING wrong with a person who chooses to date someone who is living at home with their parents.

There is NO right or wrong answer!!! To each his own.

.

Well most women it seems won't date or sleep with a guy who lives with his parents and is past a certain age, the age deadlines vary, but usually from what I hear, they either 25 or 30

May 12, 2015

Depends on the circumstances. Circumstances that wouldn't make it a dealbreaker: Taking care of a sick/disabled parent, temporary situation due to being laid off a job and having to get back on their feet.

Circumstances that would make it a dealbreaker: NEVER lived on their own before, has no concrete plans for moving out, and thinks it's totally fine to continue living with mom and dad indefinitely.

May 12, 2015

This thread was depressing, but it made something I've known for a while very clear on LS.

The sheer difference in socioeconomic class comes out in what many people value here. Women like clia and rejected rosebud are traditionalist women who grew up in potentially middle to upper class upbringings. Their expectations of a man around the late 20s regardless of circumstance shows that this is what they were raised to believe. Its not wrong. Its just their belief. They expect traditional ways and they have their reasons. So they need to stick with menwho exhibit those traits.

Then there are men like moy and Josh1974 who I can tell were not born with money or lived in an opportunistic setting. They are more in tune with the lower end of the economic scale. They know that opportunities and money doesn't come easily.

Sure, you can argue that ones situation is a result of a choice they made, but that is only seeing part of the picture. A perfect example of this is white privilege, institutionalized racism, and countless cases of celebrities getting off the hook for crimes common folks would have been brinked for.

I'm sure a poor man wrecking his vehicle will have way more ramifications than a rich teenwger wrecking his car. That's because he has parents that can buy him another one. The poor man does not.

I side with Moy for this reason. But the ladies aren't wrong. Many of them on this thread in my opinion don't really have much compassion or think of those not so well off highly.

But they aren't wrong. I always said that people usually end up with people of their socioeconomic class. They know each other the best.

This is why I don't take the women on threads like this seriously. I've only dated women who grew up poor...cause they know what's it like. I tried dating up and that was a disaster.

I consider you all educated, talented individuals, but you're totally not my type.

Stick with people who understand you, and whether or not they want to admit it, most women on LS are not going to be too keen on your struggles.

This is precisely why living your life the way you want is good...cause if you do it to impress a woman, you'll waste your whole life and still lose the girl.

May 12, 2015

Depends on the circumstances. Circumstances that wouldn't make it a dealbreaker: Taking care of a sick/disabled parent, temporary situation due to being laid off a job and having to get back on their feet.

Circumstances that would make it a dealbreaker: NEVER lived on their own before, has no concrete plans for moving out, and thinks it's totally fine to continue living with mom and dad indefinitely.

BlackOps knows my story. Its rather complicated but I don't regret my decision.

May 12, 2015

BlackOps knows my story. Its rather complicated but I don't regret my decision.

Yes, I remember what you told me about your situation. Just as in everything about life, there are always exceptions to every rule - or in this case, life circumstance(s).

I see a bright future for SearchingForMyself, because he has his heart in the right places and he has a good PLAN for his FUTURE. He has faced adversities that would've placed most people in a hopeless and unproductive frame of mind. But he has overcome them and is heading in a positive direction for his life with fearlessness and determination.

A perfect example of this is white privilege, institutionalized racism, and countless cases of celebrities getting off the hook for crimes common folks would have been brinked for.

But I will say to you Searching, that I don't think the people who choose to (or have been forced to) live with their parents has NOTHING to do with 'white privilege' or any kind of 'racism'. There are plenty of white folks who are living at home with their mom and dad for whatever their reasons are and there are plenty of POOR white folks who are barely scraping by financially.

As a Hispanic, I have faced certain types of racism throughout my life and have seen many Caucasian people around me live a life of privilege and financial abundance while our family struggled to pay the bills, to have the basic necessities and provisions of life and to be able to eat nutritious meals every day without going hungry. But, I don't blame racism or celebrity privilege on my family's struggles; I attribute it to how bad the economy was at that time and to the fact that not everyone was exposed to the same financial and educational opportunities that others in different socioeconomic classes were.

A successful and financially secure way of life is sometimes lucky (for people born into wealth) and deliberate for some (people who worked very hard and continued on with their education), while for others, it continues to be a lifelong struggle just to keep their heads above water. All in all, it's just a roll of the dice - and whatever hand life deals us, we have to make the best of it and do the best we can with what we're given and with what we can accomplish to attain.

.

May 12, 2015

Yes, I remember what you told me about your situation. Just as in everything about life, there are always exceptions to every rule - or in this case, life circumstance(s).

I see a bright future for SearchingForMyself, because he has his heart in the right places and he has a good PLAN for his FUTURE. He has faced adversities that would've placed most people in a hopeless and unproductive frame of mind. But he has overcome them and is heading in a positive direction for his life with fearlessness and determination.

But I will say to you Searching, that I don't think the people who choose to (or have been forced to) live with their parents has NOTHING to do with 'white privilege' or any kind of 'racism'. There are plenty of white folks who are living at home with their mom and dad for whatever their reasons are and there are plenty of POOR white folks who are barely scraping by financially.

As a Hispanic, I have faced certain types of racism throughout my life and have seen many Caucasian people around me live a life of privilege and financial abundance while our family struggled to pay the bills, to have the basic necessities and provisions of life and to be able to eat nutritious meals every day without going hungry. But, I don't blame racism or celebrity privilege on my family's struggles; I attribute it to how bad the economy was at that time and to the fact that not everyone was exposed to the same financial and educational opportunities that others in different socioeconomic classes were.

A successful and financially secure way of life is sometimes lucky (for people born into wealth) and deliberate for some (people who worked very hard and continued on with their education), while for others, it continues to be a lifelong struggle just to keep their heads above water. All in all, it's just a roll of the dice - and whatever hand life deals us, we have to make the best of it and do the best we can with what we're given and with what we can accomplish to attain.

.

The examples I used above were used to illustrate aspects of our lives that we can not control that does have an effect to differing degrees on social and financial advantages in the general public. It does not apply to everyone, so I apologize if I misinformed you.

Ones circumstance can not always be controlled...but how one handles said circumstance is what determines how you come out of that situation.

If someone doesnt want to date you because you live with your parents, so what? Life goes on...you just have to move forward ..cause someone out there will date you! But you won't find them sitting around doing nothing all day!

That's why I'm no longer ashamed of my situation. Because it doesnt define me. I do.

May 12, 2015

In NYC majority of college grads live with their parents, it's fairly common over here. The rent is too damn high and it only continues to go higher. I live with my mom and my brother and i'm 25 years old. And it's not like I don't do anything, i'm graduating with my bachelors in June and I have a full-time job. In addition to my circumstances I also hate being alone, I can't live on my own the thought of it scares the living hell out of me. I was going to move out when me and my ex had more established jobs (of course that dream went out the window). I don't know when i'm going to move out, but it probably won't be anytime soon.

May 12, 2015

People talk about often there being an age deadline in which a person is too old to still be living with parents, what about being too old to live with roommates?

May 12, 2015

I currently live with my mother BUT I absolutely refuse to live here for free, and give her rent money every two weeks, and help out with extras when she asks for it. I pay about as much in rent living with her as I did for my apartments in Texas.

My ex had no problem with it. In fact, he stayed here with me and helped out financially up until his pay was cut.

I also am always sure to clean my space and do my own laundry. I like to stay out of the way as much as possible.

I absolutely want to move out, but rent here is astronomically high. I don't know a single person who lives on their own up here, and have had a hard time finding reliable roommates, so I'd rather not chance it and end up with a $1300 rent bill if it doesn't work out with a roommate.

I have lived on my own as well, and miss the privacy, but I am currently in the process of going back to school and living here sure does help. I see nothing wrong with it if I'm paying rent and bettering myself by going to school. My ex and I were looking into apartments, but then the Army started deducting almost half of his paychecks and we had to stay put.

May 14, 2015

What if a guy is not financially stable yet, but he lives with roommates, but he still has to rely on his parents for the other bills? The only bill he pays is pitching in to pay the rent

May 15, 2015

BlackOps knows my story. Its rather complicated but I don't regret my decision.

I have no idea what your story is, but never have I said that you should regret your decision (to do whatever it is you're doing). Like I said, there are a wide range of circumstances, and a blanket answer of the sort that the OP's question merits is unlikely to be able to cover all of the possibilities. So yes, do what is best for you, don't worry about general answers from people on a thread like this. You can't please everyone anyway.

For the record, the turn off for me would be those who see nothing wrong with depending on their parents all their lives if they can get away with it. If someone is working hard, struggling financially, wants to move out and has a plan for it but needs to save up for a couple years first - personally I would not be turned off by that.

May 15, 2015

Before I met my ex-boyfriend IRL and started dating him, he was honest and told me that he still lived at home with his parents (he was in his late 20s at the time). He was working but was saving enough $$ to move out; in the mean time, he was helping them out by doing repairs in the home, helping with the upkeep and paying his share of the household bills (electric and groceries). During the time we were dating, he was in between jobs; it still didn't matter to me and didn't make me think any less of him because I cared about him and I knew that in reality, he was responsible, a hard worker and he was actively looking for a job although he couldn't secure one for several months. I knew that, sometimes in life, some people fall on hard times and can't control whether (or when) a company hires them for full-time employment. After dating each other for a little over a year, he had a good job and we decided to move in together, with him paying most of the household bills when I had fallen in between jobs.

I'd like to get other peoples' opinions on this. If you were dating someone (or thinking about going out on a date with them) and they were honest with you and told you that they were still living at home because they had fallen on hard times and couldn't afford to live on their own for the time being, would that influence your decision to date them and progress things forward? Or would them living at home be a turn off for you and make you leery of dating them or, would it make you not date them altogether? Would you be honest with them if you decided not to date them and say WHY you wouldn't date them? Or would you blow them off with a dishonest excuse so as not to hurt their feelings?

.

I find that this is a very culturally specific thing, in America this seems to be the crime of all crimes whereas where I'm originally from, while nowadays I'd say more young people are living away from home, many people live with their families until they're married. Living with their parents usually doesn't mean anything in terms of their independence and young adults usually have jobs/careers, their own car, their own money, if they are well off their own suite at the family home but many live at home and often help their folks out with bills, groceries, other things and it's not at all a case of "hand holding" but more so a practical thing that makes sense financially that's also beneficial to the parents. So for me, I am not automatically biased against it because in the culture I'm from this is not an anomalous thing and doesn't have anything to do with independence or stability.

I'd be open to hearing the context of it, I think my upbringing makes me more open-minded about it and I don't immediately assume it means something negative. People fall on hard times and where I'm from that's precisely what family is for, for if and when that happens to you. The culture is definitely more so the "it takes a village" type than in the U.S. where there is more of a culture of individualism. I am empathetic about hard times and I care more about what that person aspires to and is doing in the mean time. I think a person who has fallen on hard times or is in between jobs but is ambitious and hardworking usually presents very differently than the person who lives at home with mum and dad with very little interest in moving or has very little ambition.

Edited May 15, 2015 by MissBee

May 15, 2015

Before I met my ex-boyfriend IRL and started dating him, he was honest and told me that he still lived at home with his parents (he was in his late 20s at the time). He was working but was saving enough $$ to move out; in the mean time, he was helping them out by doing repairs in the home, helping with the upkeep and paying his share of the household bills (electric and groceries). During the time we were dating, he was in between jobs; it still didn't matter to me and didn't make me think any less of him because I cared about him and I knew that in reality, he was responsible, a hard worker and he was actively looking for a job although he couldn't secure one for several months. I knew that, sometimes in life, some people fall on hard times and can't control whether (or when) a company hires them for full-time employment. After dating each other for a little over a year, he had a good job and we decided to move in together, with him paying most of the household bills when I had fallen in between jobs.

I'd like to get other peoples' opinions on this. If you were dating someone (or thinking about going out on a date with them) and they were honest with you and told you that they were still living at home because they had fallen on hard times and couldn't afford to live on their own for the time being, would that influence your decision to date them and progress things forward? Or would them living at home be a turn off for you and make you leery of dating them or, would it make you not date them altogether? Would you be honest with them if you decided not to date them and say WHY you wouldn't date them? Or would you blow them off with a dishonest excuse so as not to hurt their feelings?

.

It sounds cliché, but it really depends on the person. It happened to me actually when I was 30. All the same time, my job was made redundant, the lease on my house was finished, my dog died and I was trying to repay a credit card bill. I could either lock in for another year at an expensive unit I couldn't afford or move back with the olds to save money. Really, it was the first time in my life when I had my money situation sorted. It sometimes is the best decision.

I do think though there's a problem if they:

have no desire of moving out in the future; really make no effort to save or make money; start relying on you for money to a point.

You can tell if they are deadbeat, using, layabout kind of person compared to a temporary parent living, money saving, responsible type. I don't think it should matter in the slightest if they are the latter!

May 15, 2015

How important is financial stability to women even if she is not looking to get married or settle down yet?

May 15, 2015

How important is financial stability to women even if she is not looking to get married or settle down yet?

That question varies depending on

1. Her level of physical attraction

2. The options available

3. How she was raised.

May 15, 2015

That question varies depending on
1. Her level of physical attraction
2. The options available
3. How she was raised.

level of physical attraction towards the guy? or her herself being physically attractive?

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If you dated someone & found out they still live at home, would it be a turn off?

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