If you dated someone & found out they still live at home, would it be a turn off?

April 9, 2015

Depends on the circumstance.

My older brother still lives at home. He pays the substantial property taxes for my parents, and they wouldn't be able to afford the taxes on their retirement income if he left. If he decides to buy his own house, they'll sell, so they're not pressuring him to stay. He chooses to stay because even with paying the property taxes, he's been able to save a substantial amount of money. He comes and goes as he pleases and travels around the world whenever he feels like it. When his girlfriend is in town, they rent a house together, and he pays for it. So I wouldn't think it's fair to rush to judgment.

As for the school/work debate, if someone has parents who are willing to help, then good for them. They're lucky. Especially in this country, where any help you can get can make a huge difference in your student debt load. I had to severely limit the hours I worked during school because every single class and grade counts, and ruining your health and wasting your money getting mediocre grades because you're too busy working doesn't do much good. Different people in different situations will make different choices. For me, "wanting it bad enough" meant devoting more hours to school and less to work. No sense in being judgmental about it. People shouldn't have to kill themselves and make themselves sick in order to avoid being labeled "lazy."

That just illustrates the point that applying your personal experiences across the board and considering yourself some kind of cosmic standard bearer because of them is really short-sighted. There are a million different circumstances that line up and fall out in a million different ways, so no individual really gets to solely represent the 'universal truth.'

April 9, 2015

At 30 years old it is a bit of a concern. I would want too know why they are not independent yet. When you reach 30 years of age you should be independent. How ever I can make exceptions to the rule.

If they are 30 and living at home because of a recent divorce, move or other reasons and it is only a temporary thing then it's not a huge deal. Let's say they move in with their parents for 6 months to a year so they can buy a home or a second home. That's not a huge deal.

If they are 30 and living at home because they just have not been able to get their own place or maintain their own independence I have no interest. It's a huge red flag in my book. If they can't sustain independence at 30 then they won't sustain it at 40.

While I might able to provide that independence it makes me ask these questions.. If I marry this person what damage is she going to do to my finances? If I have kids with this person how dependent on me is she going too be? If I have kids with this person will she be able to support and maintain independence for the herself and the kids should something happen too me?

April 9, 2015

Let's get real -- all of the extenuating circumstances being discussed in this thread aren't all that common. It's unlikely that the 25+ year old you meet is living at home with mom and dad because they are caring for their parent(s) or suffering from some debilitating accident or health issue that stalled their forward progress in life.

For me, living at home with mom and dad past the age of 25 (barring some crazy extenuating circumstances) is a turnoff, especially when there is no end in sight or plan to move out. By then you should have had adequate time to figure out a plan for supporting yourself. I think Wholigan was spot on that people who value independence will be turned off by this.

I left home at 22, shortly after I graduated from college, and never looked back. I quite honestly don't understand people who are perfectly content to live with their parents well into their late 20s, 30s and 40s. (And thus, I would not be compatible with that type of guy.) I think their parents do them a disservice by not pushing them out of the nest, and I think they do themselves a disservice by not leaving. Maturing and growing as a person is much more than simply aging or having a job. I've seen posts on this site from people in their late 20s and 30s who are wanting to move out of their parents' house but have absolutely no idea how to even find an apartment. It's mind boggling; these are things you should be learning in your late teens, early 20s, as you learn to be self-sufficient. Continuing to rely on mom and dad well into adulthood is not healthy. It's far different to throw some money at mom and dad each month than to find an apartment, sign a lease, figure out how to connect all of your utilities, pay your bills each month, deal with problems as they arise, handle all of your own household chores and housekeeping, run your life on your own, etc. I can't imagine dating a guy who never lived on his own or had to do all of those things.

The older you get, the more of a turnoff it is to be living with your parents. You can also plan ahead for some of these extenuating circumstances, such as in the form of disability insurance. I've had it since I was 22 precisely because I value my independence and realize logically that car accidents and other health issues can and do happen to people.

I would also be turned off by a person making a six figure salary who still chose to live with mom and dad. Yes, saving money is good, but by that logic we should all just live with our parents forever. I mean, think about how much money I could've saved over the past 20 years if I had just lived with mom! If you are making that kind of money, you can easily afford to be out on your own and still save plenty of money. Live with roommates. Your place doesn't have to be the Taj Mahal. There is something to be said for moving into that first dump of an apartment and then working your way up to something nice as your life and career progresses. I would frankly find it bizarre that a man making that kind of money would still even want to live with his parents.

As for those in school full time...again, younger than 25, fine. Live with mom and dad while you figure out what you are going to do with your life. But once you start talking about getting graduate degrees and all that...those are choices. You have a degree, use it and work while you pursue another degree or degrees. Mom and dad's house shouldn't serve as a crash pad while you are off trying to live your dream and find the perfect job. I honestly can't think of a single person in my law school class who lived with their parents, so I really disagree that most people would choose to live with their parents while in school full time.

April 9, 2015

I personally wouldn't care whether or not a girl lived at home. There are way more important things to me.

It seems some of these answers are quite heated. But this is just like any other requirement people have in dating. Some people care for this kind of stuff, some people don't. The goal is to find someone who likes you for you, whatever kind of person you are or stage of life you might be in.

One thing should be noted, though, as some have mentioned. Some of the people here are coming off as incredibly judgmental. All of us have different circumstances for why we are where we are. And they shouldn't have to explain themselves to anyone. Nor should they have to defend themselves for it. People who live at home are not losers, or scared to leave the nest, or lazy, just as living alone doesn't automatically make you a responsible, well to do adult.

April 9, 2015

Why don't you have your drivers license? Are you looking for steady employment? What are your goals at this point? Of course, you're not obligated to answer any of my questions. Since you volunteered this info on my thread, I'm merely curious to what your story is.

.

Worked overseas in iraq/afghanistan for almost 6 yrs. Moved home last January after being gone since 2000.M mother passed about a month later. The dream girl became a nightmare and I bailed out to Hawaii for the summer. Came home for the holidays last year and ended up staying and doing a semester of school. I instantly regretted it. it locked me in to a winter in Buffalo NY. Why?? family. But no worries, I'm either going to go to work overseas somewhere in a better locale or go back to Hawaii and settle down- But i'm not there financially yet. I have few cops in the family, so licenses and such are sort of a technicality.

And it's a certain mix of torture and happiness getting to know and help my father.

April 9, 2015

Worked overseas in iraq/afghanistan for almost 6 yrs. Moved home last January after being gone since 2000.M mother passed about a month later. The dream girl became a nightmare and I bailed out to Hawaii for the summer. Came home for the holidays last year and ended up staying and doing a semester of school. I instantly regretted it. it locked me in to a winter in Buffalo NY. Why?? family. But no worries, I'm either going to go to work overseas somewhere in a better locale or go back to Hawaii and settle down- But i'm not there financially yet. I have few cops in the family, so licenses and such are sort of a technicality.

And it's a certain mix of torture and happiness getting to know and help my father.

First, I'd like to say sorry about your Mom. That must've been a hellish experience to have gone through.

Wow, you're a brave soul to go to NY lol....I was born in NY and moved down south because I couldn't deal with the bitter long winters anymore. When you're financially set - if I were you - I'd move to Hawaii!!! I always wanted to go there...from the pics and vids I've seen throughout my life, I think it's the most beautiful place on earth!

I think the comment you wrote about your Dad was sweet and funny. Good luck with your endeavors...and um, if you end up in Hawaii, shoot us a postcard!

.

April 9, 2015

Anything over 24 is unacceptable.

April 10, 2015

It depends.

Case 1. If a guy has some crisis in his life (ill parent, lost his job and is currently looking, is in school and saving money, saving money for a house, etc) then that's fine by me. There needs to be a VALID reason. But as long as there is a VALID reason, I'm cool with that.

Case 2. I read the thread and I think people were quick to jump on Emilia's back and stab her. I think she has a point with some people living at home. If a guy lives at home, unemployed BUT is not looking for a job, is not in school, and has basically no intention of moving out, is to me, a loser. Someone who mooches off their parents because they can (not because of a VALID reason), plays videogames all day, and clings on to Mommy's apron strings, is a loser. Men of that caliber tend to be unable to care for themselves- they can't cook, they can't clean, they can't do laundry, etc.

I think there really are two cases. The first case I described, would not turn me off because sometimes $hit happens and that's OK. The second case? No way in hell. The first case is about a man. The second case is about a man-child.

April 10, 2015

Not necessarily because there are many reasons why a person may need to stay at home; end of marriage, loss of job etc.

Plus I also live at home! I'm 25 and can't afford my own place. Maybe it would be an issue if I had a place of my own and my partner didn't - probably depend on the circumstances.

April 10, 2015

If he's never lived on his own and made his own way and untied Mom's apron strings to become his own man, then I would not like it. Now, if he'd been out on his own for some years and then hit a rough patch and was just getting back on his feet, of course that's fine. But at nearly 30, it's an important step in development to stop leaning on Mommy and become self-sufficient in all ways, not just in ways of money, but learn to do everything himself.

April 10, 2015

Not necessarily because there are many reasons why a person may need to stay at home; end of marriage, loss of job etc.

Plus I also live at home! I'm 25 and can't afford my own place. Maybe it would be an issue if I had a place of my own and my partner didn't - probably depend on the circumstances.

you can't afford a studio?

April 10, 2015

you can't afford a studio?

Apartments will vary from place to place.

For example, SoCal is pretty expensive.

My studio was $1100 and that was the cheapest apartment I could find.

Then there's the difference between being able to afford, and actually qualifying.

I currently make 2x the rent of local apartments. ALL of them want income to be either 2.5x or 3x the rent. I can't find one that'll budge a bit based on my good credit and no debt.

I live simply and am not a spender, so affording an apartment would be easy if I could convince a landlord somewhere to just trust me! Lol

April 10, 2015

For me, it depends on how much I like the guy

If I really like him, it doesn't matter. If I don't, it's a turnoff.

Also depends on the parents, are they nosy or do they treat the son more like an equal and mind their own business?

April 10, 2015

For me, it depends on how much I like the guy

If I really like him, it doesn't matter. If I don't, it's a turnoff.

Also depends on the parents, are they nosy or do they treat the son more like an equal and mind their own business?

well you are beautiful, that guy would be lucky to be with you

April 10, 2015

A lot of this is simply down to culture. My family comes from a country where family is more important than the individual and where family is supposed to stick together. Historically, family has been the major source of stability, and it's typical for all members of a nuclear family to live near each other and rely on each other when the need arises. My oldest brother feels an obligation to take care of our parents by helping them keep their house, especially since they're caring for our elderly grandmother who needs constant, daily care and assistance. I'm actually sort of the black sheep of the family, since I've moved out of state. Out of my extended family of at least 40 people on two different coasts of the US, my cousin and I are the only ones who don't live within 1-2 hours of the rest of our respective families.

I'm not saying everyone should be okay with this sort of thing or that everyone should be compatible with someone who prioritizes family like this. But it is a little insulting to paint everyone with a broad brush as lazy or weak or incapable or codependent or mooching.

April 10, 2015

you can't afford a studio?

No. I live in London (one of the world's most expensive cities). Plus I've been traveling for the past few years so not much savings, although I don't regret it, the travel was a lifelong dream.

April 10, 2015

I think it would turn me off out of simple inconvenience, if nothing else.

April 10, 2015

Just seems like so many women are looking for a PERFECT MATE. A guy who is

Tall

handsome

live alone

no kids

car

degree

in shape

romantic

And if she does come across a guy like that how do she figure he wont have tons of other woman?

April 10, 2015

For me, it depends on how much I like the guy

If I really like him, it doesn't matter. If I don't, it's a turnoff.

Also depends on the parents, are they nosy or do they treat the son more like an equal and mind their own business?

That's an interesting perspective. Attitude of the parents ....maybe they're the codependents.

April 10, 2015

That's an interesting perspective. Attitude of the parents ....maybe they're the codependents.

Yeah, many people still live at home because the parent(s) need help paying the mortgage/need to be taken care of. Symbiotic relationships. lol.

April 10, 2015

This is meant to be a continuation from the last post aimed at Leigh...

Another issue was that I was on a zero hour contract, so when there were shifts available I would gorge and take them all, knowing that next week there might be fewer, so I had to get the cash when I could.

So some weeks I would be doing five shifts at placement, six or seven at pizza delivery and half a shift at voluntary job. One week by Wednesday I'd already worked 45 hours, it was just insane. Hardest time of my whole life but like I say, I wanted it enough and knew that to have this incredible opportunity to qualify doing something I loved, and to be lucky enough to be in work, was something I couldn't pass up. Thank god I don't have kids, that would have been the one thing to make this impossible. Now I'm on double the wage for half the hours doing something I love, and reaping what I sow. It feels amazing cos I know nothing in life that's worthwhile comes easy. Many things are possible if you put your mind to it and are willing to work your butt off.

I DO work my ass off.

And frankly, podiatry is a much harder degree than social work.

I did a year of social work. I could have worked full time during it and passed. Easily.

Sorry but I don't believe anyone with an average intellect and capacity to retain information could EVER pass podiatry AND work full time.

People who are talented could. Not folks like me who can only do well if we study our butterflies off.

I am speaking on behalf of many pod students who are of average to slightly above average on the intelligence spectrum: they ALL claim to barely get credits or passes DESPITE studying around the clock.

You have no idea what OTHER people are capable of!

I know for a fact that many podiatry students that I know of personal, could absolutely not pass the course in YOUR ridiculous work schedule dying uni.......

April 10, 2015

Yeah, many people still live at home because the parent(s) need help paying the mortgage/need to be taken care of. Symbiotic relationships. lol.

Lots of possibilities. I know one guy who lives at home with elderly parents and functions as a sort of full time security guard, because they live in an unsafe area.

April 10, 2015

Lots of possibilities. I know one guy who lives at home with elderly parents and functions as a sort of full time security guard, because they live in an unsafe area.

My father is ill and my mother works overseas in order to take home a good wage.

My parents personally prefer me living with my dad. I am there to help him and be there for him if he has an episode pertaining to his ilness.

Mum wouldn't feel comfortable knowing her sick husband was living alone.

And it benefits me too. It's a sweet deal o my having to work part time during my bachelor's degree.

In Australia, no one tends to look done on women of my age who opt out of independent living during their bachelor's....

However, men do admit that they admire the fact that I opt to work in my relevant field part time. And working to least part time does indeed show stellar work ethic.

However, I'd never dismiss a man who had the choice between my easier option of part time work and full time study OR full time work and study, and CHOSE my route.

I believe it's an American thing, to look down on people who don't 100% support themselves through full time college.

No Aussie's tend to think less of grown men for accepting help during their degrees.

April 10, 2015

Generally best not to judge based on something like whether or not someone lives at home. The least independent ex-girlfriend had moved out when she was 18 to go to university and never moved back. One of the most independent women I've dated still lived with her parents at 27. And everything in between.

April 10, 2015

I am 24 (25 This year)

I am still live at home with my mum.

I Have never moved out. But would like to move out one day in the future but can't afford it at moment. We live only 5-10 mins walk from centre of town.

I do help at home pay bills etc and help out at home and do I do work 4 days a week

Would this be a turn off for girls??

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If you dated someone & found out they still live at home, would it be a turn off?

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