If you dated someone & found out they still live at home, would it be a turn off?

[GravityMan]

Yeah it depends on the circumstances, i.e. the "why". In some cases, yes it would be a turnoff...but at the same time I'd rather not be overly judgmental about her situation too quickly. There is still a pretty strong stigma against adults who still live with their parents...especially among folks with a conservative ideology.

 

On the flip side...I'd also be slightly wary of getting seriously involved with someone who spent TOO MUCH time in their adulthood being alone...i.e. very little or zero time living with roommates, exes, siblings, etc. Especially if her social life in general seemed lacking...e.g. rarely had friends over, seldom interacted with neighbors, didn't go out much. I'd wonder if she may have trouble with selflessness, trust, severe shyness, vulnerability, being "giving" and sharing physical and emotional space. In other words they may be too accustomed to the solo life and doing everything themselves, and thus may have difficulty adapting to a relationship. Being out on your own and independence are great things. But being too independent is a different story, and being withdrawn or reserved is yet another story. Again though, it would be unwise to judge too quickly.

 

Like many things in life, when it comes to one's adult living arrangement history, a decent balance/mix is probably best. Independence combined with a healthy and diverse social life is good.

[Phoe]

My exes all lived at home. I would definitely prefer if a man didn't live with family, simply due to privacy reasons, but I'm not in any position to be exceptionally strict about that.

 

I live with family currently. I used to live on my own, but got laid off a few years back and could no longer afford my apartment. Moved in with family, got a new job, but due to the crappy job market here, it's been slow moving to get back to the level I was at a few years ago. I'm nearly there, just a few more months and I should be able to get back to my own place.

[Leigh 87]

*sigh*

 

Ok, let me spell this out in a bit more detail.

 

I am the son of a cleaner and an electrician.

My parents grew up in a time shortly after the great depression in Australia.

 

Both of them worked full time since the age of 16.

 

My parents made HUGE sacrifices for me. They sunk time and money and energy into trying to give my sister and I the best chance at life.

 

To reward their commitment, I went on to be the only member of my family to secure a degree. I am now earning more money than both my parents ever did at half their age.

 

As soon as I had a full time job out of Uni, I began paying for food, rent, water etc to help maintain the house.

 

I lived at home for about 3 years while I saved up the cash to move to the nearest capital city, to continue to pursue my career.

 

People talk a lot about the reasons "They" stand to gain, but never seem to spare a thought for the load it places on their parents.

 

My parents have given ENOUGH. It is my turn to take care of them.

 

So no, while I understand that sometimes situations come up where it makes sense to live with family, I'm not ok with people thinking it's their right to continue to burden their family well past when they should be standing on their own feet.

 

My parents struggled and scrapped in the dirt to build a life. I don't see why my life should be any easier.

 

 

 

I pay for my own food. My father is I'll and I am the one who cleans and does things he isnt able to do.

 

My uni degree is too difficult to do and also maintain a full time job.

 

And I need the degree in order to be successful.

 

I literally don't have the choice of living independently... I do not have the mental capacity to study podiatry full time and work full time which is required for me to.be independent.

 

No normal person would respect me less for making this decision. My businessmen friends sure don't and they are mega successful.

 

I am making a decision that is best for my parents too: my parents happy to WANT me to get this degree and succeed. They would be very disappointed if I failed to get the degree and was stuck in low end jobs. They know I'm capable of more.....

 

My parents are thrilled I am doing this degree so I am not burdening my parents. I do work in my field part time as much as my study load will handle. I support myself and all my expenses rent is the only thing the don't charge me and why would they, they OWN the flat........

[Leigh 87]

in general, folks who live with their parents are already so shamed by literally everyone - that i highly doubt they sit around & think it's their right to burden their family. i mean, there is a small group of those who sleep all day & waste time doing nothing + live solely off their parents money BUT most of people who live with their parents usually have very good reasons for it (cannot afford it, cannot find a job, caretakers). not everyone's life will follow your usually expected timeline - folks get sick, live through various tragedies... you really cannot afford to judge anyone based off of the fact they're living with their parents because you never know the reasons behind it.

 

also - living with your parents doesn't mean that you burden them or live off of them. you can live with them + completely take care of everything financially on your own.

 

 

 

but your life IS easier, like it or not. that's why your parents worked so hard - to make it easier for you than it was for them, obviously. if your life is as hard as theirs - then they worked for nothing.

 

if a parent wants to make his child's life easier - why not? your life doesn't need to be full of pain and struggle & difficulty in order for you to grow up, learn to work hard & learn how to be independent.

 

 

 

I live with parents. I am not shamed by anyone in real life.

 

Decent men with careers have opted to date me. The fact I lived at home wasn't the reason why it didn't work out.............

 

Shunned by society? Please. I have plenty of professional friends and really, not a single man online said it was a turn off. I asked them if it was a deal breaker. They said no why, I'm at least doing something with my life.........

[neowulf]

"while I understand that sometimes situations come up where it makes sense to live with family"

 

^ See this line?

 

This basically covers everyone in this thread who's getting extremely defensive and misreading what I'm saying.

 

I'll try one last time.

 

I am against people, who have NO reason not to stand on their own two feet.

 

Being sick, being disabled, helping to care for your parents, financial hardship due to circumstances beyond your control, mutual negotiation for a temporary stay to gain a better foot hold on life. << THESE ARE ALL PERFECTLY FINE WITH ME. I AM NOT CALLING ANYONE IN THIS THREAD A LOSER.

 

I am Angry and have no respect for the guy on a 6 figure salary, paying NO rent, not helping his parents AT ALL around the house, then expecting his girlfriend to carry on with playing care taker.

 

Hopefully this better clarifies my position.

 

Writergal, Leigh. I REALLY enjoy your posts and perspectives on things. If I've offended you, then I apologize ok.

[ThaWholigan]

It's going to be a turnoff if you value independence above all else. Maybe super familial personalities won't mind so much but even then, you have to have some measure of independence of going out on your own and living a life, making your own decisions for yourself and facing hardships on your own without having your parents to constantly hold your hand. As an aside, I find it's likely to be more of a turnoff for women than for men but that's by the by. In any case, I think it's not completely farfetched to draw conclusions about someone who doesn't display the capability to "fly the nest" so to speak - I don't think it's about people with extenuating circumstances as that can easily be overlooked.

 

I say that as someone who actually does live at home, and not because of personal tragedy either.

[minimariah]

I am not shamed by anyone in real life.

 

but a lot of people are. this thread is the best proof, someone even called folks who live with their parents losers. when you tell people you're of certain age and still live with your parents, many WILL be judgemental & will label you as someone who is failing to be independent. there is definitely a certain kind of stigma, at least in my environment.

 

and you took my comment the wrong way - i was saying how WRONG it is, not that you should feel ashamed or that no one will date you ever because you live with your parents.

[jen1447]

"while I understand that sometimes situations come up where it makes sense to live with family"

 

^ See this line?

 

This basically covers everyone in this thread who's getting extremely defensive and misreading what I'm saying.

 

I'll try one last time.

 

I am against people, who have NO reason not to stand on their own two feet.

 

Being sick, being disabled, helping to care for your parents, financial hardship due to circumstances beyond your control, mutual negotiation for a temporary stay to gain a better foot hold on life. << THESE ARE ALL PERFECTLY FINE WITH ME. I AM NOT CALLING ANYONE IN THIS THREAD A LOSER.

I'm glad you've clarified, but I don't really think anyone here is deserving of your exasperation, as you didn't say that at all originally.

 

Yeah no.

 

Unless they've stayed home to take care of their parents for what ever reason, there's no reason an adult should still be tied to the apron strings.

 

You gave exactly one qualification for living at home and indicated that by your standards, everything else was unacceptable. I don't think a negative reaction to such a judgmental point of view is being "defensive."

[smg15]

In this new economy it shouldn't matter

[neowulf]

I'm glad you've clarified, but I don't really think anyone here is deserving of your exasperation, as you didn't say that at all originally.

 

You gave exactly one qualification for living at home and indicated that by your standards, everything else was unacceptable. I don't think a negative reaction to such a judgmental point of view is being "defensive."

 

*shrug*

 

Tried to better explain, apologized for offending people, still not enough for some people.

 

Whatever.

[ManyDissapoint]

I moved countries at the age of 28 with a lot of savings and briefly lived with my parents to start a business over here.

 

I couldn't take living there after almost a decade of living on my own / with housemates, so I moved out after about 6 months. I still live alone, currently I'm miserable in a foreign country with no ability to do much about it unless I'm willing to start my life completely over and risk living on the streets back in my home country (USA).

 

See, five years later all my savings are gone, the business is growing much slower and is much more stressful than anyone ever expected due to the economy. My GF left me in large part because of the difficult financial situation and I have grown extremely jaded. The kicker is that our plan was to move in with her family temporarily back in the US in order to get our lives going over there. When she got there she essentially said, "You stay ova' there!" She's at the height of her beauty and wants to attract the wealthiest man possible. I thought I had found a one in a million girl, but it was all just some weird chameleon act.

 

I have noticed that people fixate on these types of 'signals' of 'successful' partners, and I just think that the western world has become incredibly judgmental and shallow.

 

Yay independance.

Edited April 9, 2015 by ManyDissapoint

[Emilia]

*sigh*

 

Ok, let me spell this out in a bit more detail.

 

I am the son of a cleaner and an electrician.

My parents grew up in a time shortly after the great depression in Australia.

 

Both of them worked full time since the age of 16.

 

My parents made HUGE sacrifices for me. They sunk time and money and energy into trying to give my sister and I the best chance at life.

 

To reward their commitment, I went on to be the only member of my family to secure a degree. I am now earning more money than both my parents ever did at half their age.

 

As soon as I had a full time job out of Uni, I began paying for food, rent, water etc to help maintain the house.

 

I lived at home for about 3 years while I saved up the cash to move to the nearest capital city, to continue to pursue my career.

 

People talk a lot about the reasons "They" stand to gain, but never seem to spare a thought for the load it places on their parents.

 

My parents have given ENOUGH. It is my turn to take care of them.

 

So no, while I understand that sometimes situations come up where it makes sense to live with family, I'm not ok with people thinking it's their right to continue to burden their family well past when they should be standing on their own feet.

 

My parents struggled and scrapped in the dirt to build a life. I don't see why my life should be any easier.

Precisely. I have started financially supporting my mother and realistically I may need to help my sister too in her older days because she has not been making the right provisions. There are various ways of doing this and I have been growing what I have knowing that they will rely on me at one point as the eldest.

 

Some things in Western societies have been lost: like responsibility, for example.

[Emilia]

On the flip side...I'd also be slightly wary of getting seriously involved with someone who spent TOO MUCH time in their adulthood being alone...i.e. very little or zero time living with roommates, exes, siblings, etc. Especially if her social life in general seemed lacking...e.g. rarely had friends over, seldom interacted with neighbors, didn't go out much. I'd wonder if she may have trouble with selflessness, trust, severe shyness, vulnerability, being "giving" and sharing physical and emotional space. In other words they may be too accustomed to the solo life and doing everything themselves, and thus may have difficulty adapting to a relationship. Being out on your own and independence are great things. But being too independent is a different story, and being withdrawn or reserved is yet another story. Again though, it would be unwise to judge too quickly.

Vulnerable, shy people rarely live alone, they are one group that tend to live at home with parents precisely because they are not very good at managing their lives. Relying on yourself requires being resourceful and problem solving. That's a very hard thing to do if you are unable to interact with workmen that fix your boiler. You can't be independent (too independent or otherwise) and socially withdrawn at the same time. Independce requires you to be out there fixing issues all by yourself - or knowing whom to ask and having the ability to ask if you can't fix them yourself. And pay for all that of course by being financially independent too.

 

Like many things in life, when it comes to one's adult living arrangement history, a decent balance/mix is probably best. Independence combined with a healthy and diverse social life is good.

Yes. Adults need to make their own mark, make their own mistakes, be responsible, resourceful. Screw up and fix things. By themselves. Surely if you want children, you need to be able to do all these things to teach them? What do you do otherwise when things go wrong? Run home to your own parents?

[Leigh 87]

full time uni student.

 

I can guarantee that any late 20 s women who is passionate about getting a degree within her idealised field WILL rather accept some parental help VERSUS working full time....

 

People iny degree typically never work more than a day per week.

 

NO adult CHOOSE full time work AND full time study, over parental help that enables them to ONLY work part time during their full time studies.

 

There's nothing slack or shameful about wanting to better your career prospects and working part time and studying full time in order to do so.

[Toodaloo]

Its not a complete turn off but I am wary.

 

I understand that there are reasons why people may have to return to their parents for a short time.

 

Where I live we have London prices with out the London wages so it can be very difficult indeed. Simple math dictates that it is virtually impossible to live and work in my area unless you are very creative with your accounting. Average wage is around £20k average house hold income required to live in a 3 bed semi in my area is around £70k... you do the math... I am lucky to be able to live where I do and be as independent as I am.

 

My family are very close though. When we were growing up our parents worked either away or long hours, my brother was away at school on his own and I pottered about, normally on my own. So as a family unit we are making up for that now.

 

It all boils down to values and the reasons why someone has gone home. With out that knowledge you can't judge...

[acrosstheuniverse]

But um, isn't it better if the person you're dating has roomies and they're at least living on their own as opposed to living with their MOM & DAD? Or, would you be more impressed if they lived with their parents as opposed to living on their own with 1 or 2 roomies?

 

 

.

 

Even if I wrote a guy off for living with parents it wouldn't actually bother me at all that they had roommates. I know I've never actually had my own apartment, even on the decent wage I am on now it would be two or three times more expensive to have my own place compared to renting a double ensuite room in a shared house where we share the kitchen and lounge. When I my my boyfriend we were both in 5-6 resident shared houses, I liked my housemates but spent most of my time up in my room alone, it was huge, and as I had a bathroom it felt more like living alone than sharing, as people were busy too so I would just run into them in the kitchen once every few days or so, if that.

 

I never saw the point of spending soooo much of my income just to not share a kitchen, although I was really choosy about making sure it was a nice place with en suite. Even now, I live with my boyfriend, I don't think I would mind a shared house again if it was as good as the last one, if we broke up. You do pay a massive massive premium to live alone in the UK and it's almost literally impossible for people on minimum wage, seriously, unless they are also receiving benefits. You couldn't rent a one bedroom place on the national minimum wage.

 

But you're still independent and have to do all of your own cooking, cleaning, washing, you contribute equally with everyone else in the house, yeah I don't see anything wrong with shared houses. My housemates in the last house were mostly twenties/thirties professionals with only two students. It was a really good set up, but we paid more than many shared houses because it was huge, newly refurbished and en suite, so it attracted more professional people. It cost me £435 a month for the room and all bills, repairs etc. whereas if I were in the flat I'm in now alone i would be looking at £800-900 easily. So yeah I can definitely see why people share. Especially if they just want a place to crash and would rather spend their money on other stuff.

 

Funnily enough though, in relationships I've found that when a guy lives with his best mate, he's way more reluctant to think about moving in together than a guy in a house share with random people. Almost like they feel they have a duty to stay living with their friend. So I would be a bit more wary of someone who lived with a really good friend, if they'd lived together for ages, as in my experience it's unusual they wanna change that dynamic. But sharing with random people, usually people seem to be as independent minded as if they were living alone. I loved not owing anything to the people I lived with and knowing I could move at at time with a month's notice.

[acrosstheuniverse]

You don't respect me because I live at home, study podiatry full time and work part time in the field and still have time to volunteer with disadvantage children?

 

Not a single men I've encountered has had any sort of an issue with it. The can see I'm actually working hard and have ambition career wise. Sorry but any normal person wouldn't lose respect for a person like me who is actually working and doing something with my life and who happens to need their family to help.

 

Most full time students in degrees like podiatry simply don't want to work 30 to 40 hours per week which is required to be independent. Our professors warned us podiatry students to NOT WORK more than one day per week tops because the degrees considers by experts at my uni to be too demanding for say, 30 hours work.

 

I want a career change and I have to make sacrifices, such as accepting help from my family, in order to get there.

 

You have a false sense of superiority.. You're no better than anyone else who happens to accept help from family for reasons other than pure laziness.

 

Not wanting to work 30 hours during a demanding degree isn't pure laziness ; it's wanting to pass..

 

Every person I know who worked that much within this degree dripped out. They all lamented that their 20 plus hours of work ruined their chances.

 

*waves* I call bull on this one. When I did my MA in a very demanding field, we wrote 15k words per semester, more during placement, and worked 40 hour week placements for half of the two year course. I had no choice, if I was gonna pass I had to work to support myself. For the first non-placement semester I worked 30 weeks delivering pizza, 12 in a bank as a cashier and 4 at my voluntary job, plus lectures and assignments. Once I hit placement at 40 hours I dropped the bank job and continued to deliver pizza 30 hours and volunteer 4, sometimes up to 40 hours pizza delivery. Plus assignments. Sure I was beyond exhausted, worked seven days per week, often 9am-1am and got sick quite a lot (on top of pre existing health problems) but I did it because I had to. And I got through it because I wanted it bad enough.

 

No offence but you make it sound like you HAVE to not work or you'd fail. To me, that just sounds like you don't want it bad enough. If your parents weren't supporting you, would you drop out or would you hair get on with it and work your ass off? That level of work is unsustainable for a lifetime but it's doable for a few years. Unless you're a medical student on rotation through hospital I can't see any excuse for relying on parents to get you through a degree. Fair enough if you would prefer to have an easier life, lean on parents and not have to work so hard, then own it! But don't pretend you have no choice in the matter. I had the edge on many of my competitors when it came to job hunt time because many interviewing panels said that they had been impressed by my independence and dedication to becoming a social worker, how hard I had worked and how I had never let my volunteering commitments drop either. When it comes to job hunting these days I know many people who interview who say they look at someone like there's something wrong with them if they didn't work, at all, even just weekends, during their degree. Working to support yourself shows maturity, and independence.

 

I'm not saying I am better than anyone who chooses to accept help from their families (and Lord knows there were days I wished I had a family to rely on, a home to go crash at for a few months rent free or whatever) but it's pretty ridiculous for you to pretend that you have no choice in the matter, just to try and justify your choice, which is yours to make.

 

My tutors warned me I was heading for a meltdown if I thought I could sustain the workload, and that I would struggle with working so many hours. My response was that I could either work hard and get to the end or quit before I begin because I don't have financial backing elsewhere. I wanted it so bad I knew I just had to knuckle down. Actually amused me when placement supervisors would advise me to cut down on shifts, without offering me the money to replace it lol. They live in a fantasy world and I don't see why only people with savings or families to support them should succeed in bettering themselves. I wasn't gonna let being independent stop me from achieving it.

Edited April 9, 2015 by acrosstheuniverse

[acrosstheuniverse]

This is meant to be a continuation from the last post aimed at Leigh...

 

Another issue was that I was on a zero hour contract, so when there were shifts available I would gorge and take them all, knowing that next week there might be fewer, so I had to get the cash when I could.

 

So some weeks I would be doing five shifts at placement, six or seven at pizza delivery and half a shift at voluntary job. One week by Wednesday I'd already worked 45 hours, it was just insane. Hardest time of my whole life but like I say, I wanted it enough and knew that to have this incredible opportunity to qualify doing something I loved, and to be lucky enough to be in work, was something I couldn't pass up. Thank god I don't have kids, that would have been the one thing to make this impossible. Now I'm on double the wage for half the hours doing something I love, and reaping what I sow. It feels amazing cos I know nothing in life that's worthwhile comes easy. Many things are possible if you put your mind to it and are willing to work your butt off.

[writergal]

I'll say it again. There is nothing wrong with Leigh choosing to live at home while she pursues her studies. My sister chose to live at home for her nursing school because she'd just become engaged and wanted to save up for her wedding, which happened one month after her nursing school graduation.

 

When I decided to go back to grad school in my late 30s, hell, I would have moved home if I could have, to save on having to pay rent, esp. since my grad program had night classes, and during the day I was expected to be in schools doing teaching field experiences, etc.,. meanwhile I had 3 part-time jobs on top of that. I would NOT do that again if I could go back in time. I would prefer to live at home and not have to worry about paying rent, buying food as a grad student b/c I didn't have roommates. I suppose I could have chosen roommates as an option, but I'd still be paying rent.

 

My point is, stop attacking Leigh for her choice to live at home. I think it's smart for her to save money while she finishes her schooling. Criticizing her for making what I consider to be a smart choice, is being as judgmental as the others in this thread are. You made your choice, and yet you are touting it as being a better choice than Leigh's or my sister's choice to stay at home while she finished nursing school. That makes zero sense because if I had the choice not to worry about money so I could focus on my grad studies, I would have chosen THAT instead of what I went through for 3 years, which was a real financial struggle.

 

And I'm going to be judged for being an older grad student by a few here, who will undoubtedly judge me as being foolish for not having a nest egg by my age, but instead have grad school loans for a grad degree. Well guess what. I'm ok with it. I don't want to own a home and I don't have a car payment or credit card payments either. My only debt is my student loans which is just a monthly bill that adjusts with my income.

 

I guess it does come down to what you value. And people judge each other based on their own value system is compared to someone else.

 

This is meant to be a continuation from the last post aimed at Leigh...

 

Another issue was that I was on a zero hour contract, so when there were shifts available I would gorge and take them all, knowing that next week there might be fewer, so I had to get the cash when I could.

 

So some weeks I would be doing five shifts at placement, six or seven at pizza delivery and half a shift at voluntary job. One week by Wednesday I'd already worked 45 hours, it was just insane. Hardest time of my whole life but like I say, I wanted it enough and knew that to have this incredible opportunity to qualify doing something I loved, and to be lucky enough to be in work, was something I couldn't pass up. Thank god I don't have kids, that would have been the one thing to make this impossible. Now I'm on double the wage for half the hours doing something I love, and reaping what I sow. It feels amazing cos I know nothing in life that's worthwhile comes easy. Many things are possible if you put your mind to it and are willing to work your butt off.

[writergal]

*waves* I call bull on this one.

 

I'm not saying I am better than anyone who chooses to accept help from their families (and Lord knows there were days I wished I had a family to rely on, a home to go crash at for a few months rent free or whatever) but it's pretty ridiculous for you to pretend that you have no choice in the matter, just to try and justify your choice, which is yours to make.

 

 

Yes, you just did. Honestly, you contradict yourself in that whole post. You bash Leigh for the smart choice of staying home to save money, then brag about how hard you worked to finish your MA and how much you sacrificed and how it's better to be a HARD WORKER than live at home.

 

I think it's pretty ridiculous for you to pretend that your way is better than Leigh's, or better than someone who chooses different than you do, because that is what you and others are doing in this thread -- criticizing myself, Leigh and anyone else who has made a different choice than you or the others. Leigh isn't pretending she has no choice in the matter by the way. She clearly noted that she MADE the right choice because of what her goals are.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yes, you just did. Honestly, you contradict yourself in that whole post. You bash Leigh for the smart choice of staying home to save money, then brag about how hard you worked to finish your MA and how much you sacrificed and how it's better to be a HARD WORKER than live at home.

 

I think it's pretty ridiculous for you to pretend that your way is better than Leigh's, or better than someone who chooses different than you do, because that is what you and others are doing in this thread -- criticizing myself, Leigh and anyone else who has made a different choice than you or the others. Leigh isn't pretending she has no choice in the matter by the way. She clearly noted that she MADE the right choice because of what her goals are.

 

Honestly, it's a conversation we're all having here, I certainly don't consider myself to be bashing Leigh, I haven't called her names etc. we talk on here and give our opinions up for discussion, which is exactly what's happening. My point is that she said this:

 

 

[quote=Leigh 87;6259939

Not wanting to work 30 hours during a demanding degree isn't pure laziness ; it's wanting to pass..

 

Every person I know who worked that much within this degree dripped out. They all lamented that their 20 plus hours of work ruined their chances.

 

Which is basically saying that she has no choice. I also said in my post (on my phone so too many acrobatics to find and quote that too) that everyone has to make whatever choice is right for them, but own it, don't pretend like you don't have a choice in the matter. If there's no choice but to live at home and not work during an MA or degree, then how do so many of us do it while retaining our independence? I have no shame in saying that in my perception, and the perception of many I know, the person who supported themselves and worked hard to do so while studying comes across like a harder worker than someone who doesn't. But it's pretty pathetic to pretend like it's too hard to do the former and so there's no choice but to lean on the parents.

 

I'm glad it's working out for you: honestly if the option was there to have stayed at home who knows. Although I am 99% sure I'd rather have had the satisfaction of going it alone even though it was hard, rather than feel like I had stepped back in time by going back to parents. I think we've derailed the thread a little with all this talk about staying at home as an adult so I'm gonna stop there!

[JuneJulySeptember]

I used to think more like life is about rolling the boulder up the hill. The way I think about it now, I want to enjoy life and not make life a competition.

 

If I'm going back to school full time, then yea I'd like to not work, because I want time to watch TV, play my instruments and have beer with friends and talk with my parents.

 

Because who knows, I could get hit by a truck or die of cancer in 5 years. And if that happened, then I'd rather have spent it enjoying life than rolling the boulder up the hill.

 

Which I have done that too. I have a Masters degree (two, actually) and earned them while working. I wouldn't expect someone I dated to have one, because that turns life into a competition.

 

But anyway, to each their own.

[CharmieF]

As a dude I wouldn't be too put off at the thought of a girl still living at home. Like everyone else seems to be saying it would totally depend on her circumstances. I think it would be very telling and a real red flag if she lived at home still and was still treated or expected to be treated like a child or showed no sign of even wanting to move out and get a place of her own.

 

On the whole though it's not a big deal to me.

 

I even know a few guy friends living at home still, including my younger brother who lives with my mother. They have decent jobs (we're all in mid-twenties) but they just don't have enough $$$ to get a place of their own. I actually think it's quite savvy of them to stay at home and save up rather than risk blowing all their money and being left in an even worse situation than they started in.

 

I'm just one of the lucky one's who managed to get a good paying job as soon as I started looking :/

[road]

My cousins and I all lived home until we married. Considered a waste of money. Just to have a shack up palace? We came and went as we pleased. As young adults are jobs did not require for us to relocate.

 

 

Better off spending money for a new car and save for a down payment on your 1st house.

 

 

All renting did was give you a box full of rent receipts. Last I knew rent receipts could not be used to buy anything.

 

 

So to judge whether someone still lives home as being a red flag can lead to making false assumptions.

[sweetjasmine]

Depends on the circumstance.

 

My older brother still lives at home. He pays the substantial property taxes for my parents, and they wouldn't be able to afford the taxes on their retirement income if he left. If he decides to buy his own house, they'll sell, so they're not pressuring him to stay. He chooses to stay because even with paying the property taxes, he's been able to save a substantial amount of money. He comes and goes as he pleases and travels around the world whenever he feels like it. When his girlfriend is in town, they rent a house together, and he pays for it. So I wouldn't think it's fair to rush to judgment.

 

As for the school/work debate, if someone has parents who are willing to help, then good for them. They're lucky. Especially in this country, where any help you can get can make a huge difference in your student debt load. I had to severely limit the hours I worked during school because every single class and grade counts, and ruining your health and wasting your money getting mediocre grades because you're too busy working doesn't do much good. Different people in different situations will make different choices. For me, "wanting it bad enough" meant devoting more hours to school and less to work. No sense in being judgmental about it. People shouldn't have to kill themselves and make themselves sick in order to avoid being labeled "lazy."