If you dated someone & found out they still live at home, would it be a turn off?

[writergal]

Generally, living at home is not directly tied to being financially secure and being motivated.

 

A friend of mine is an engineer who gets paid decent and has been steadily employed for the last 16-17 years. Because he has lived with his parents for that entire time, he has had the chance to invest all of his earnings and he is sitting on a load of cash.

 

Another person I know who is very, very close to me has not lived with his parents since he graduated high school, but he just kind of does what he wants and chases artistic jobs and careers with middling ambition. He is always able to get by, and now has a child and continues to live much the same way.

 

And the people I know who are single and home-owners (friends and co-workers) generally had to live at home for several years to save up for a downpayment 'cuz rent ain't cheap.

 

And if you lived on your own since 18, and own your own place, and won't touch anybody who has ever lived with Mommy, well good for you! Jesus f@cking High Horse.

 

+1! Haha great post!

 

I agree. Not everyone's life is that clear cut. No way, no how. And I'm glad I'm not a homeowner. I will always be a renter (esp. now with my student loans). But there is a freedom to renting that I enjoy. I am not a prisoner of a mortgage and never will be.

[Leigh 87]

Yeah man, couldn't agree more. I'd rather be single and loser free than compromise and date a man-child. You've got to be kidding me.

 

How dare you call many of my male friends losers.

 

Many of them live at home in their mid 20s, study full time and work 30 hours per week and still cannot afford rent in Sydney and nor do they physically have the time to research student share houses due to their full course load and work. Cheap student accommodation is usually all booked out or taken frankly ask anyone living in Sydney it's tough to find an affordable place for full timers........

 

One guy I know living at home lost everything in a divorce from a psychopath. He was in love and couldn't see her for what she was..... He lost his house.....I suppose he is a loser for losing all his money and having to briefly live at home until he accumulates enough money to move back out? This guy serves on several boards including altruistic ones. He is very successful. He simply lost everything. It happens. He isnt a loser for opting to not live on the streets and to instead, accept parental help.

 

After all, that " loser" ( because he lives at home, right!) financially liked after his parents for many years when they lost their businesses during the recession.

 

Yeah..he lives at home which automatically deems him a loser....... For the record, he's exceptionally good looking and successful in his career so frankly, he'd probably be the one turning you down and not the other way around! Beautiful women with careers date him....He's 30 so he'd just laugh in your face if you declined his advances with a " sorry you moved back home after you lost everything in a nasty divorce. Grow some balls man"

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

You are an adult. Stand on your own feet. How can you ever have kids if you can't run your own life. Will you move in with your parents (your kids' grandparents) when going gets tough?

 

Who are you directing your post towards? If it's to me, I'm not the one living at home lol. I only created this thread because of what I went through with my ex-BF and was wondering how other people felt about this type of situation. And regarding what you said, I already have 2 kids that are precious and dear to me as life itself...AND I'm living on my OWN raising them and paying my own bills. Even though I don't have much left at the end of the month, I rest my head on my pillow soundly at night knowing that ALL of my bills are paid and that I provide a roof over our heads, food in their tiny bellies and security for them.

 

I understand how you feel with regard to the topic of my thread because I used to feel the exact same way that you do - until I met my ex-BF. Ever since I experienced dating a guy who went through that situation, I'll always be sympathetic with and consider each person's circumstance and what their goals and actions are regarding them living at home with their mom & dad (or with anyone else). Not everyone wins the financially set/perfect life lottery in their life and there are LOTS of people who fall on hard times now and again. I'm not going to next a guy right off the bat without knowing his situation and making my own decision as to whether I want to deal with it or not.

 

.

[Emilia]

It's funny how people are offended when opinions are shared on a thread that don't tie with theirs.

 

It is about values, we are different. Surely if you don't care that someone lives at home then you are easy going and good for you. Why get defensive?

 

Success isn't only measured in finances - though it is important part of it and you do need to be a home owner at some point for reasons of stability. But more to the point: being independent, curious and able are very attractive qualities in an adult. People experience setbacks in their lives, ups and downs. Those that are resilient and able to cope well on their own tend to fare better. Why is that a problem?

[Leigh 87]

Leigh you are doing right by living at home. No reason to struggle financially trying to support yourself while you continue your studies. It was really hard for me to make it through grad school without the safety net of a full time job, but I did it by juggling multiple part-time jobs around the countless in-school field experiences, night classes, and student teaching (that doesn't allow you to work at all during your student teaching which is 3-6 months long). For those of you who don't know, if you go to school to become a teacher in the U.S., you are not allowed to work while you student teach. That's 3-6 months sans income. So if you are single and not living at home, it's HARD to make ends meet during that time.

 

I get it, that living at home is not for everyone. But I still believe that there are good reasons for it. And it can happen to anyone at any age of their lifetime, for a myriad of reasons.

 

It's tough.

 

I make enough to rent a cheep share house as I'm on minimum wage which people live on.

 

However, I am saving for a car and my future podiatry business. This money us better saved to kick start my career ( having a decent car and some money set aside for when I open my own practice which all grads eventually do).

 

I do totally understand that people who had to wait tables nearly full time whilst studying a full load, and still had time for their friends and volunteer work, may think I am slack.

 

These aren't normal people though. Most people I know don't lose respect for others simply because they opt not to become extraordinary busy to simply survive through college; accepting help seems like the intelligent thing to do rather than the dishonourable, wrong thing to do......

 

People really need to stop being judgemental. As I said, my mate who lost everything in his divorce is actually successful career wise and he's an upstanding man would attractive, career driven woman still date so he can't be that much of a slacker or a loser simply because he moved back home!

[writergal]

Yeah, there's a lotta judgment going on in this thread about certain circumstances that force one to move home for a while. I mean, I don't judge my cousin as a loser because he moved back in with his parents after his divorce from an artist who was seriously mentally ill and stalked him for 2 years at his workplace, etc. It was smart for him to move back home. He was literally BROKE due to divorce lawyer fees, paying for his wife and then ex-wife's mental health care (he couldn't remove her from his health insurance until she officially divorced him which took her 3 years to sign the divorce paperwork). Eventually, my cousin got back on his feet, remarried and has a child with his 2nd wife and is blissfully happy.

 

So yeah, it's really too bad that people who have never had to move back home temporarily, can sit and judge those who have had. Sh*t happens. You deal with it. You continue to live the best life you can in the meantime. Doesn't mean you lack survival skills or are a bad person just because you had to move home. It means something happened -- a circumstance beyond your control FORCED you to make that decision: move home or be homeless in many cases that's the choice for some people.

 

How dare you call many of my male friends losers.

 

Many of them live at home in their mid 20s, study full time and work 30 hours per week and still cannot afford rent in Sydney and nor do they physically have the time to research student share houses due to their full course load and work. Cheap student accommodation is usually all booked out or taken frankly ask anyone living in Sydney it's tough to find an affordable place for full timers........

 

One guy I know living at home lost everything in a divorce from a psychopath. He was in love and couldn't see her for what she was..... He lost his house.....I suppose he is a loser for losing all his money and having to briefly live at home until he accumulates enough money to move back out? This guy serves on several boards including altruistic ones. He is very successful. He simply lost everything. It happens. He isnt a loser for opting to not live on the streets and to instead, accept parental help.

 

After all, that " loser" ( because he lives at home, right!) financially liked after his parents for many years when they lost their businesses during the recession.

 

Yeah..he lives at home which automatically deems him a loser....... For the record, he's exceptionally good looking and successful in his career so frankly, he'd probably be the one turning you down and not the other way around! Beautiful women with careers date him....He's 30 so he'd just laugh in your face if you declined his advances with a " sorry you moved back home after you lost everything in a nasty divorce. Grow some balls man"

[neowulf]

Yeah no.

 

Unless they've stayed home to take care of their parents for what ever reason, there's no reason an adult should still be tied to the apron strings.

 

Part of growing up is leaving the safety of the nest and going it alone. It can be a stressful time for a lot of people. The last thing you want is to become a substitute parent for the guy.

[Leigh 87]

It's funny how people are offended when opinions are shared on a thread that don't tie with theirs.

 

It is about values, we are different. Surely if you don't care that someone lives at home then you are easy going and good for you. Why get defensive?

 

Success isn't only measured in finances - though it is important part of it and you do need to be a home owner at some point for reasons of stability. But more to the point: being independent, curious and able are very attractive qualities in an adult. People experience setbacks in their lives, ups and downs. Those that are resilient and able to cope well on their own tend to fare better. Why is that a problem?

 

 

Resilient!!!! My friend who lost everything in a divorce lost his child in a terrible accident. Yet he serves on several boards and got on with his life, even spear heading a support group for grieving parents in his area.

 

The mere fact of him living at home after loosing his two houses due to his psychopathic ex makes him not only a " loser " but somehow not a " resilient " man???

 

 

 

Emilia, in his predicament you would absolutely NOT be more resilient. Losing a child and then losing your houses.... You would absolutely not be able to just poop out money and survive without help if you truly lost your houses as he did........

[Emilia]

Who are you directing your post towards? If it's to me, I'm not the one living at home lol. I only created this thread because of what I went through with my ex-BF and was wondering how other people felt about this type of situation. And regarding what you said, I already have 2 kids that are precious and dear to me as life itself...AND I'm living on my OWN raising them and paying my own bills. Even though I don't have much left at the end of the month, I rest my head on my pillow soundly at night knowing that ALL of my bills are paid and that I provide a roof over our heads, food in their tiny bellies and security for them.

You asked a question and I responded. No mystery. Good for you to raise the kids on your own like that. I bet you, you will be proud when they make life on their own and don't hang on to the apron strings until their late 20s.

I understand how you feel with regard to the topic of my thread because I used to feel the exact same way that you do - until I met my ex-BF. Ever since I experienced dating a guy who went through that situation, I'll always be sympathetic with and consider each person's circumstance and what their goals and actions are regarding them living at home with their mom & dad (or with anyone else). Not everyone wins the financially set/perfect life lottery in their life and there are LOTS of people who fall on hard times now and again. I'm not going to next a guy right off the bat without knowing his situation and making my own decision as to whether I want to deal with it or not.

 

.

I came to the UK with a suitcase and with a ****ty job as a baby-sitter from Eastern Europe. Very few people here who tend to be Westerners have ever been poorer than me. Yet they are complaining... I'll never ever understand the entitlement of the first worlders.

 

Back to the post: he is your ex. I'm sure he is wonderful and I don't know why you broke up but I would guess that the way he handles things has something to do with not being able to make his own way? I mean you can be sympathetic but ... he is an ex for a reason?

[Leigh 87]

Yeah no.

 

Unless they've stayed home to take care of their parents for what ever reason, there's no reason an adult should still be tied to the apron strings.

 

Part of growing up is leaving the safety of the nest and going it alone. It can be a stressful time for a lot of people. The last thing you want is to become a substitute parent for the guy.

 

No man is my substitute parent thank you very much. And I live at home.......

[Omei]

I moved out at 17 and have worked since im kinda always in the same spot financially.

 

If I could do it over again I would of stayed home and saved.

 

But me and my parents really didn't get along until I matured from being independent so its not like I could of stayed.

[Leigh 87]

It's funny how people are offended when opinions are shared on a thread that don't tie with theirs.

 

It is about values, we are different. Surely if you don't care that someone lives at home then you are easy going and good for you. Why get defensive?

 

Success isn't only measured in finances - though it is important part of it and you do need to be a home owner at some point for reasons of stability. But more to the point: being independent, curious and able are very attractive qualities in an adult. People experience setbacks in their lives, ups and downs. Those that are resilient and able to cope well on their own tend to fare better. Why is that a problem?

 

 

 

Because your calling half my friends" losers " simply because they live at home in late 20's.

 

And you had the audacity to mention " resilience " lacking in my " loser " friends....

 

You're a single woman with no kids... My friend who lost not only his houses but also one of his children in an accident, is probably a great deal more resilient than you...he still worked after his child's death. He got on with life.

 

I'd like to see how resilient you are when you face your next personal tragedy and also loose your houses.

 

Would be great to see how you would have handled things so much better than that of my friend.......

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

You asked a question and I responded. No mystery. Good for you to raise the kids on your own like that. I bet you, you will be proud when they make life on their own and don't hang on to the apron strings until their late 20s.

 

I came to the UK with a suitcase and with a ****ty job as a baby-sitter from Eastern Europe. Very few people here who tend to be Westerners have ever been poorer than me. Yet they are complaining... I'll never ever understand the entitlement of the first worlders.

 

Back to the post: he is your ex. I'm sure he is wonderful and I don't know why you broke up but I would guess that the way he handles things has something to do with not being able to make his own way? I mean you can be sympathetic but ... he is an ex for a reason?

 

Yes, I'll be proud of them when they make it on their own. But, if something negative happens in their life that they suddenly find themselves unable to make enough of a salary to support themselves - as opposed to them living in the streets or living with an unsavory person just to make ends meet - I'll let them know that they're MORE than WELCOME to live with me UNTIL they get their finances in order and until they're able to live life out on their own without starving or living in homeless shelters...that's just how I AM...I LOVE and CARE about my kids and will do ANYTHING to HELP them out should they EVER need my help throughout their life! If you don't feel that way, it's all well and good. And it'll be THEIR blessing that they have ME as a mom and NOT someone like *you*, who would let them languish and suffer because of your own reasons that only makes sense to YOU.

 

Me and my ex-BF broke up because we grew apart and he needed to experience life without me so that he can grow and learn about the things that were compromising our relationship that had NOTHING to do with him having had to live at home back when we were dating. He's working now just as I am...but thanks for inquiring. Ya know, not everything in life has to do with money. Some people find themselves in circumstances that are BEYOND THEIR CONTROL and they do what they can to SURVIVE.

 

I just pray to God that one day YOU don't find yourself in an unfortunate circumstance beyond YOUR control. Because if you ever do, Karma will make sure that you'll face (and have to deal with) people who feel exactly like YOU do.

 

 

.

[jen1447]

It's funny how people are offended when opinions are shared on a thread that don't tie with theirs.

 

It is about values, we are different. Surely if you don't care that someone lives at home then you are easy going and good for you. Why get defensive?

Nice try, but the reason for the negative responses obviously isn't simple disagreement with your opinion. You blithely castigated an entire group of people with a blanket categorization of "loser" based solely on a single circumstance of their lives.

[jay1983]

You asked a question and I responded. No mystery. Good for you to raise the kids on your own like that. I bet you, you will be proud when they make life on their own and don't hang on to the apron strings until their late 20s.

 

I came to the UK with a suitcase and with a ****ty job as a baby-sitter from Eastern Europe. Very few people here who tend to be Westerners have ever been poorer than me. Yet they are complaining... I'll never ever understand the entitlement of the first worlders.

 

Back to the post: he is your ex. I'm sure he is wonderful and I don't know why you broke up but I would guess that the way he handles things has something to do with not being able to make his own way? I mean you can be sympathetic but ... he is an ex for a reason?

 

Sometimes things happen, you can get laid off and lose your job, then be back to working for $7 per hr.

[writergal]

Nice try, but the reason for the negative responses obviously isn't simple disagreement with your opinion. You blithely castigated an entire group of people with a blanket categorization of "loser" based solely on a single circumstance of their lives.

 

+1. Totally agree with you! It's as though the posters who think people who live at home are losers, have never had to do that because they are financially well off enough and have never been in an emergency situation that would force them to make that choice.

 

Edit to add: So in their eyes I'm a loser because I moved back home after my year teaching abroad, after I spent 3 months in the hospital recovering from being hit by a truck while riding my road bike (I lost my apt. lease for that reason b/c I couldn't pay rent while I was in the hospital), or because after living in another state for a few years decided it wasn't working for me, then i lost my job so I was sort of forced to move back home. I'm not ashamed to share that personal info. It fits with the thread. Those experiences don't mean that I'm a loser at all. Far from it.

Edited April 8, 2015 by writergal

[KatZee]

Turn off for me, but I guess it would depend on the circumstances.

 

I've known a few people who still live with their parents. And it wasn't due to personal tragedy.

 

One dude was 32 and still sucking on his parents' teets. That's not a life. That's not a man. That's an unmotivated boy who lacks provider skills, and who wouldn't make a great husband.

 

I often find that these dudes don't even have domestic skills. Don't know how to wash their own clothes, cook their own food. It's sad.

[PinkElephants]

I lived on my own in 3 different countries over the last 10 years but I moved back in with my parents a couple months ago. I got transferred back to the city I grew up in and my parents have an entire floor, basically an apartment, that they don't live in. There was no reason for me to pay rent when I had a home available and my folks would rather I invest my money and/or travel than pay unnecessarily. My boyfriend has no issue with this because he knows I'm perfectly capable of supporting myself.

 

My parents are planning on buying house #3 soon and then I'll be taking over this home completely. Anyone who would call me a loser for choosing to live rent free is probably doing so out of jealousy because I have financial freedom and would be paid no mind. So far I've received no judgment from anyone I know.

 

If my boyfriend chose to do the same thing or move in with me when the house is empty I wouldn't think anything of it because he's successful and self-sufficient and I have no doubt that'd continue if the option to live for free hadn't arisen.

 

However, I have dated guys in the past who were incapable of supporting themselves. I didn't see them as real men and as soon as I lost respect for them the relationship was over.

[neowulf]

No man is my substitute parent thank you very much. And I live at home.......

 

*sigh*

 

Ok, let me spell this out in a bit more detail.

 

I am the son of a cleaner and an electrician.

My parents grew up in a time shortly after the great depression in Australia.

 

Both of them worked full time since the age of 16.

 

My parents made HUGE sacrifices for me. They sunk time and money and energy into trying to give my sister and I the best chance at life.

 

To reward their commitment, I went on to be the only member of my family to secure a degree. I am now earning more money than both my parents ever did at half their age.

 

As soon as I had a full time job out of Uni, I began paying for food, rent, water etc to help maintain the house.

 

I lived at home for about 3 years while I saved up the cash to move to the nearest capital city, to continue to pursue my career.

 

People talk a lot about the reasons "They" stand to gain, but never seem to spare a thought for the load it places on their parents.

 

My parents have given ENOUGH. It is my turn to take care of them.

 

So no, while I understand that sometimes situations come up where it makes sense to live with family, I'm not ok with people thinking it's their right to continue to burden their family well past when they should be standing on their own feet.

 

My parents struggled and scrapped in the dirt to build a life. I don't see why my life should be any easier.

[neowulf]

One dude was 32 and still sucking on his parents' teets. That's not a life. That's not a man. That's an unmotivated boy who lacks provider skills, and who wouldn't make a great husband.

 

I often find that these dudes don't even have domestic skills. Don't know how to wash their own clothes, cook their own food. It's sad.

 

^ THIS is what I was talking about.

[writergal]

 

My parents struggled and scrapped in the dirt to build a life. I don't see why my life should be any easier.

 

What your parents did for you is admirable. What you did for them as a thanks for their sacrifices is commendable. But I'll have to disagree with your view that the adult who returns home is a burden to their parents. If the parents don't suffer financially from their child returning home, then what is the problem exactly? For example, a large truck RAN ME OVER while I was riding on my road bike back to my duplex, after a visit to the library. The truck driver claims he didn't see me but that's because it was later found out he was TEXTING. Anyway, because of that damn truck driver, my life path was altered for 1.5 years. I was a freelance writer in my early 20s at the time, making rent and bills with the articles I published. One day I rode my bike to the library and on my way home, got hit by a truck. My bike was mangled. My skull cracked, my scalp hanging off the back of my head. Had to be stapled back on. My eyes were bloody and bruised. I couldn't hear anything for weeks. I had to go to physical therapy. I couldn't pay my rent for the 3 months I was in the hospital because I couldn't work/write.

 

So, by your view and others here, that makes me a loser, that I was forced by my circumstances to move back in with my mother to complete another 9 months of outpatient rehabilitation. By the way, I got a community college teaching job five months after I finished my physical rehab and taught as an adjunct for a few years before I was laid off.

 

I am not a loser. Thanks.

[Omei]

Turn off for me, but I guess it would depend on the circumstances.

 

I've known a few people who still live with their parents. And it wasn't due to personal tragedy.

 

One dude was 32 and still sucking on his parents' teets. That's not a life. That's not a man. That's an unmotivated boy who lacks provider skills, and who wouldn't make a great husband.

 

I often find that these dudes don't even have domestic skills. Don't know how to wash their own clothes, cook their own food. It's sad.

 

A lot of that has got to do with the parents also no logical/sane parent would allow someone to just live at home for their entire lives and support them in every way and let them become a human man/woman baby.

[minimariah]

So no, while I understand that sometimes situations come up where it makes sense to live with family, I'm not ok with people thinking it's their right to continue to burden their family well past when they should be standing on their own feet.

 

in general, folks who live with their parents are already so shamed by literally everyone - that i highly doubt they sit around & think it's their right to burden their family. i mean, there is a small group of those who sleep all day & waste time doing nothing + live solely off their parents money BUT most of people who live with their parents usually have very good reasons for it (cannot afford it, cannot find a job, caretakers). not everyone's life will follow your usually expected timeline - folks get sick, live through various tragedies... you really cannot afford to judge anyone based off of the fact they're living with their parents because you never know the reasons behind it.

 

also - living with your parents doesn't mean that you burden them or live off of them. you can live with them + completely take care of everything financially on your own.

 

My parents struggled and scrapped in the dirt to build a life. I don't see why my life should be any easier.

 

but your life IS easier, like it or not. that's why your parents worked so hard - to make it easier for you than it was for them, obviously. if your life is as hard as theirs - then they worked for nothing.

 

if a parent wants to make his child's life easier - why not? your life doesn't need to be full of pain and struggle & difficulty in order for you to grow up, learn to work hard & learn how to be independent.

[writergal]

in general, folks who live with their parents are already so shamed by literally everyone - that i highly doubt they sit around & think it's their right to burden their family. i mean, there is a small group of those who sleep all day & waste time doing nothing + live solely off their parents money BUT most of people who live with their parents usually have very good reasons for it (cannot afford it, cannot find a job, caretakers). not everyone's life will follow your usually expected timeline - folks get sick, live through various tragedies... you really cannot afford to judge anyone based off of the fact they're living with their parents because you never know the reasons behind it.

 

also - living with your parents doesn't mean that you burden them or live off of them. you can live with them + completely take care of everything financially on your own.

 

but your life IS easier, like it or not. that's why your parents worked so hard - to make it easier for you than it was for them, obviously. if your life is as hard as theirs - then they worked for nothing.

 

if a parent wants to make his child's life easier - why not? your life doesn't need to be full of pain and struggle & difficulty in order for you to grow up, learn to work hard & learn how to be independent.

 

+1. Thank you for your post. I agree with everything you've said.

[PinkElephants]

My parents have given ENOUGH. It is my turn to take care of them.

 

So no, while I understand that sometimes situations come up where it makes sense to live with family, I'm not ok with people thinking it's their right to continue to burden their family well past when they should be standing on their own feet.

 

My parents struggled and scrapped in the dirt to build a life. I don't see why my life should be any easier.

 

I agree that what your parents did was admirable and they clearly raised you well but I also have to disagree that my living at home is a burden nor are they taking care of me.

 

I have a career, do my own laundry, keep my space clean, babysit the dog when my folks take trips, pay for part of the groceries and cook. I take up unused space in the house so I'm not infringing on them. My mom has been sad since becoming an empty-nester 4 years ago and is happy to have me at home 4 days/week. My dad puts a premium on financial independence so me saving money makes him happy and they're both pleased to know that one of the kids will be around to tend to the house when they move on to their dream home. (My siblings still live out of state and my parents are moving out of state).

 

The invited me home, I didn't ask. Everyone benefits and is happy and I have money saved which means options should I choose to buy or one of my siblings needs the house.

 

Under no circumstance can I label myself a burden or a loser.