If you dated someone & found out they still live at home, would it be a turn off?

[writergal]

It depends on the reason. We don't all live in a vacuum of circumstances.

 

It's impossible not to live in a vacuum of circumstances. Life is a series of circumstances. Can you clarify what you mean? Every choice we make is based on a circumstance. That circumstance, has consequences. That consequence, results in current circumstances. And the cycle repeats itself. It's the circle of life...

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

A guy living with his parents wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. If a guy is responsible, mature, actively working, and has realistic goals to move out, I wouldn't mind it.

 

My boyfriend when we started dating was living at home. I knew he wasn't just a bum living off of his parents by his actions and goals he had for the future. He moved out a year after we started dating when we decided to get an apartment together.

 

Wow, this sounds exactly like what happened with me and my ex-BF!

 

It all depends on whether the guy is working (or actively searching for work), helping his mom & dad with the bills, cleaning and fixing stuff around the house and working to achieve his goals. If the guy is like what Writergal said, that he's a 40something bum who burns weed all day, doesn't work (and isn't looking for a job) and has no goals of moving out - then omg, THAT would turn me off for sure!

 

 

@Writergal: I've never seen any of those movies that you listed! I might have to look on Netflix to see if any of them are on there and check 'em out. Also, the things you listed as reasons that some people have for moving back home are valid and are things that actually happen to people, no matter how successful they were at their job or how much $$ they had BEFORE any of those circumstances occurred.

 

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[alphamale]

Hi BOZG:

Sure I would date a woman who lives at home as long as she's got a good reason. A few years ago when the economy was real bad a lot of people had to move in with their parents.

 

There are other factors too. Like if she's really good looking and smart I don't care where she lives. She could live in a cardboard box and i wouldn't care

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Hi BOZG:

Sure I would date a woman who lives at home as long as she's got a good reason. A few years ago when the economy was real bad a lot of people had to move in with their parents.

 

There are other factors too. Like if she's really good looking and smart I don't care where she lives. She could live in a cardboard box and i wouldn't care

 

Bahaahaa! Okay I gotta admit, reading that part of your post made me literally LOL. At least you take a person's situation and circumstance into account (and apparently what they look like and what their intelligence level is as well lmao)

 

 

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[BluEyeL]

If he's in his 40s and lives at home to care for parents is a completely different situation, yes, I'd date him. I wouldn't date someone who doesn't have his crap together by his 40s. Even if he's a "good person".

[Hawaii51]

I'm 32, I live at home with my father, I don't have a vehicle or a license, or even a job. But, that's just at first glance.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I'm 32, I live at home with my father, I don't have a vehicle or a license, or even a job. But, that's just at first glance.

 

Why don't you have your drivers license? Are you looking for steady employment? What are your goals at this point? Of course, you're not obligated to answer any of my questions. Since you volunteered this info on my thread, I'm merely curious to what your story is.

 

 

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[GemmaUK]

I'm becoming more wary of men who haven't got a place of their own.

 

 

Initially it appeared to be down to circumstances with the three guys I dated from OLD.

One rented a room at his aunts house, he was 38 (I was 40 at the time) - but I found out he wasn't divorced hen he threw a divorce party at his Dad's house and invited me.

He had, prior to that said he was divorced.

 

 

2nd guy, rented a room with a weird alcoholic friend. I twigged soon that they were both alchies and soon got rid. He was 2 or 3 years older than me.

 

 

3rd guy was a year younger and 42, he lived with his very healthy parents and did bugger all at home except for a washing load (his own).

 

 

Each of them wanted a woman with a house to move into I figured as they had no plans to move themselves and #2 actually verbalised that he wanted a woman with a house to move into - he got one - it wasn't me. It took me 4 years to get rid of him after breaking up following 5 weeks dating though...ugh!

 

 

I have my own place with a mortgage and a good job, I want a guy in the same situ..but..therefore I am labelled a gold digger!

So..pffft! I'll do without sex and cuddles and stay single as I have done the past couple of years.

[lop98]

Late 20s here, solid education and connections and still took a while to finally gain real independence and get my own apartment, and all of my friends have been through it in different degrees (for some it lasted a long time, for some it was only rough for a few days, some kind of experienced it but always had their family helping them out in some way), I'm not sure it's a generational thing but it's a hard world out there, especially if you're starting in a field. So no, I've been there myself and don't mind unless it's clearly evident that's the lifestyle they're into (that sucks). I'm admittedly slightly turned off not by someone doing financially bad and living with parents but someone doing financially okay and having roommates, I seriously don't think I can date someone with roommates.... may sound extreme for some but hey...

[Omei]

I dont mind guys that live at home as long as they're pulling their end (rent/food) at least, or in some type of education that costs all their money where its vital to live at home until you finish, but if I hear they get everything for free and just get to spend their entire pays on whatever they want no way never.

 

And prob not if they were over 30 something about once you hit 30 to me thats middle aged and you shouldn't be living with your parents unless they need personal care.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Late 20s here, solid education and connections and still took a while to finally gain real independence and get my own apartment, and all of my friends have been through it in different degrees (for some it lasted a long time, for some it was only rough for a few days, some kind of experienced it but always had their family helping them out in some way), I'm not sure it's a generational thing but it's a hard world out there, especially if you're starting in a field. So no, I've been there myself and don't mind unless it's clearly evident that's the lifestyle they're into (that sucks). I'm admittedly slightly turned off not by someone doing financially bad and living with parents but someone doing financially okay and having roommates, I seriously don't think I can date someone with roommates.... may sound extreme for some but hey...

 

But um, isn't it better if the person you're dating has roomies and they're at least living on their own as opposed to living with their MOM & DAD? Or, would you be more impressed if they lived with their parents as opposed to living on their own with 1 or 2 roomies?

 

 

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[lop98]

both are a turn off to be frank, but if there's a solution for that situation in the near future (and that happens with parents because who in the right mind would want to live with them as opposed to friends or by themselves), I don't mind. Unfortunately life with roomies tends to not need any 'solution', people are fine with it... but I'm not, nothing wrong with it, just not into going back to that... I'm not sure it's a real dealbreaker it's just hard and since I live on my own, guess where we'll be spending nearly all of the time at...

[writergal]

Or what about families that have to move in with their relatives or parents or grandparents or siblings after a natural disaster destroys their home, like with Hurricane Katrina? Or if the husband loses his job, and the wife doesn't work, so in essence they're only choice is to move in with family until they get back on their feet. I've seen both happen (not the Hurricane Katrina but it was a house fire).

 

Gemma UK, sounds like one of the guys you dated could be the Mathew McConaughey character from the romantic comedy movie (on Netflix) "Failure to Launch." The MM's character was a grown man who lived at home with his parents. They hired Sarah Jessica Parker to date MM to get him to move out of their house. Bradley Cooper's in the movie too (before he hit it big).

 

BlackOPs, all those movies I mentioned should be on Netflix. They are all great movies to watch. Either available live streaming or via DVD.

[Leigh 87]

It would be an instant no from me unless he was nursing a sick or dying parent. I want an equal mature partner who is proven to be able to stand on their own two feet, and have found in the past that some guys living at home tend to take years to be ready for cohabitation with a partner, either they want to move out alone or with friends at first or they do move in with a partner and expect her to act like their mother. I've been independent eight years now and couldn't go backward to dating guys who are still in the late teen stage of mooching off mom and dad. If a guy asked I would tell them straight. Do what you gotta do, but I don't think you're in the right place for a mature relationship. It's one of the biggest turn offs there is for me, although I see plenty of people on here saying it's fine depending on circumstance and they wouldn't mind. I guess cos I'm very independent, it's hard to respect someone enough to date them if they're still having their hand held by their parents into their twenties.

 

You don't respect me because I live at home, study podiatry full time and work part time in the field and still have time to volunteer with disadvantage children?

 

Not a single men I've encountered has had any sort of an issue with it. The can see I'm actually working hard and have ambition career wise. Sorry but any normal person wouldn't lose respect for a person like me who is actually working and doing something with my life and who happens to need their family to help.

 

Most full time students in degrees like podiatry simply don't want to work 30 to 40 hours per week which is required to be independent. Our professors warned us podiatry students to NOT WORK more than one day per week tops because the degrees considers by experts at my uni to be too demanding for say, 30 hours work.

 

I want a career change and I have to make sacrifices, such as accepting help from my family, in order to get there.

 

You have a false sense of superiority.. You're no better than anyone else who happens to accept help from family for reasons other than pure laziness.

 

Not wanting to work 30 hours during a demanding degree isn't pure laziness ; it's wanting to pass..

 

Every person I know who worked that much within this degree dripped out. They all lamented that their 20 plus hours of work ruined their chances.

[GemmaUK]

I also wish to add that I was a carer for both of my parents from age 4 until 17 and then age 25 until age 33 (my ages).

 

 

I would have a different view if we are talking someone whose parent needs 24/7 or 10 or 18/7 care for instance.

[alphamale]

Bahaahaa! Okay I gotta admit, reading that part of your post made me literally LOL. At least you take a person's situation and circumstance into account (and apparently what they look like and what their intelligence level is as well lmao)

 

 

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I'm glad i could be your court jester - even for a little while.

[writergal]

Leigh! You just reminded me. My sister lived at home while she studied nursing for 3 years, and that didn't deter her then fiance (now husband of multiple children) from being with my sister. She lived at home to save money because he had asked her to marry him before she got accepted into nursing school. She wanted to help pay for their wedding, so she lived with our mother for 3 years, and scrimped and saved. They had a beautiful wedding a month after her graduation from nursing school, and have been together ever since.

 

So, it makes sense for students to live at home. Students of any age, too. My sister was in her mid-20s when she lived at home.

 

You don't respect me because I live at home, study podiatry full time and work part time in the field and still have time to volunteer with disadvantage children?

 

Not a single men I've encountered has had any sort of an issue with it. The can see I'm actually working hard and have ambition career wise. Sorry but any normal person wouldn't lose respect for a person like me who is actually working and doing something with my life and who happens to need their family to help.

 

Most full time students in degrees like podiatry simply don't want to work 30 to 40 hours per week which is required to be independent. Our professors warned us podiatry students to NOT WORK more than one day per week tops because the degrees considers by experts at my uni to be too demanding for say, 30 hours work.

 

I want a career change and I have to make sacrifices, such as accepting help from my family, in order to get there.

 

You have a false sense of superiority.. You're no better than anyone else who happens to accept help from family for reasons other than pure laziness.

 

Not wanting to work 30 hours during a demanding degree isn't pure laziness ; it's wanting to pass..

 

Every person I know who worked that much within this degree dripped out. They all lamented that their 20 plus hours of work ruined their chances.

[writergal]

I also wish to add that I was a carer for both of my parents from age 4 until 17 and then age 25 until age 33 (my ages).

 

 

I would have a different view if we are talking someone whose parent needs 24/7 or 10 or 18/7 care for instance.

 

That's commendable Gemma. And that also reminds me that after a friend of mine got divorced, she had 3 children and no where to go, so the man she was a PCA for, let my friend and her 3 children live with him for a year until she could save enough to rent a place.

 

Just goes to show that there are many, MANY varied circumstances as to why people have to live with other people.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh! You just reminded me. My sister lived at home while she studied nursing for 3 years, and that didn't deter her then fiance (now husband of multiple children) from being with my sister. She lived at home to save money because he had asked her to marry him before she got accepted into nursing school. She wanted to help pay for their wedding, so she lived with our mother for 3 years, and scrimped and saved. They had a beautiful wedding a month after her graduation from nursing school, and have been together ever since.

 

So, it makes sense for students to live at home. Students of any age, too. My sister was in her mid-20s when she lived at home.

 

I intend to be out of here by age 30 as soon as I graduate.

 

I have also had to recently stop volunteering with children and to save it for once per month due to being so busy with work and study.

[Emilia]

It would be an instant turn-off for me, I wouldn't care about the reason. From my personal history, I get on with men that are very independent and moved away from home young, often to another country. I came to the UK when I was 20 and to me that was 3 years too late, I would have loved to have left home when I was 17 but couldn't. I have never ever dated a man that lived at home and it's very unlikely that I ever will (I'm 43 now).

 

My sister moved out of my mother's place when she got a small flat and she was 26. She doesn't have the survival skills that I do. It has been a huge hindrance to her that she didn't get her independence at an early age, her confidence is rubbish when it comes to decision making about big things in life and she hesitates. It is what I have seen with people that struggle to leave the nest.

 

I dated one man over the years who moved out of his parents' home when he moved in with a girlfriend then moved back in when they split up and moved out again when he moved in with another woman. He lived on his own briefly during transition periods (that's when I met him) but we are talking a couple of months here and there. He had a really sheltered upbringing, we had nothing in common. He had massive entitlement issues.

 

You are an adult. Stand on your own feet. How can you ever have kids if you can't run your own life. Will you move in with your parents (your kids' grandparents) when going gets tough?

[Emilia]

I have my own place with a mortgage and a good job, I want a guy in the same situ..but..therefore I am labelled a gold digger!

So..pffft! I'll do without sex and cuddles and stay single as I have done the past couple of years.

Yeah man, couldn't agree more. I'd rather be single and loser free than compromise and date a man-child. You've got to be kidding me.

[GemmaUK]

You don't respect me because I live at home, study podiatry full time and work part time in the field and still have time to volunteer with disadvantage children?

 

Not a single men I've encountered has had any sort of an issue with it. The can see I'm actually working hard and have ambition career wise. Sorry but any normal person wouldn't lose respect for a person like me who is actually working and doing something with my life and who happens to need their family to help.

 

Most full time students in degrees like podiatry simply don't want to work 30 to 40 hours per week which is required to be independent. Our professors warned us podiatry students to NOT WORK more than one day per week tops because the degrees considers by experts at my uni to be too demanding for say, 30 hours work.

 

I want a career change and I have to make sacrifices, such as accepting help from my family, in order to get there.

 

You have a false sense of superiority.. You're no better than anyone else who happens to accept help from family for reasons other than pure laziness.

 

Not wanting to work 30 hours during a demanding degree isn't pure laziness ; it's wanting to pass..

 

Every person I know who worked that much within this degree dripped out. They all lamented that their 20 plus hours of work ruined their chances.

 

 

 

Will you stick through this course?

You have dropped out of every college course so far.

 

 

I hope you are doing well but I suspect there will be a reason not to continue for you.

[Leigh 87]

Will you stick through this course?

You have dropped out of every college course so far.

 

 

I hope you are doing well but I suspect there will be a reason not to continue for you.

 

I chose the wrong degree. And needed to find my passion.

 

Plus I've lived independently outside of home with two exes and also alone without accepting parental help for far longer than I've lived at home anyway.

 

No this is the career path I am going to make materialise. It's what I want to do with my life, I have a job in the field already....and my job has already offered me a position ( tentatively once I'm graduated) for in store podiatrist for the retail specially shoe outlet for podiatry patients.

 

I spent a good year researching degrees. And did courses in the meanwhile while I worked part time.... Some I finished some I didn't. Haven't written about them all on here.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Generally, living at home is not directly tied to being financially secure and being motivated.

 

A friend of mine is an engineer who gets paid decent and has been steadily employed for the last 16-17 years. Because he has lived with his parents for that entire time, he has had the chance to invest all of his earnings and he is sitting on a load of cash.

 

Another person I know who is very, very close to me has not lived with his parents since he graduated high school, but he just kind of does what he wants and chases artistic jobs and careers with middling ambition. He is always able to get by, and now has a child and continues to live much the same way.

 

And the people I know who are single and home-owners (friends and co-workers) generally had to live at home for several years to save up for a downpayment 'cuz rent ain't cheap.

 

And if you lived on your own since 18, and own your own place, and won't touch anybody who has ever lived with Mommy, well good for you! Jesus f@cking High Horse.

[writergal]

Leigh you are doing right by living at home. No reason to struggle financially trying to support yourself while you continue your studies. It was really hard for me to make it through grad school without the safety net of a full time job, but I did it by juggling multiple part-time jobs around the countless in-school field experiences, night classes, and student teaching (that doesn't allow you to work at all during your student teaching which is 3-6 months long). For those of you who don't know, if you go to school to become a teacher in the U.S., you are not allowed to work while you student teach. That's 3-6 months sans income. So if you are single and not living at home, it's HARD to make ends meet during that time.

 

I get it, that living at home is not for everyone. But I still believe that there are good reasons for it. And it can happen to anyone at any age of their lifetime, for a myriad of reasons.

 

I chose the wrong degree. And needed to find my passion.

 

Plus I've lived independently outside of home with two exes and also alone without accepting parental help for far longer than I've lived at home anyway.

 

No this is the career path I am going to make materialise. It's what I want to do with my life, I have a job in the field already....and my job has already offered me a position ( tentatively once I'm graduated) for in store podiatrist for the retail specially shoe outlet for podiatry patients.

 

I spent a good year researching degrees. And did courses in the meanwhile while I worked part time.... Some I finished some I didn't. Haven't written about them all on here.