Jburg21 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Hi i am a male, sorry about the long post looking for some advice. I would never usually come to a forum like this, i am at complete despair. So a week ago, 48 hours after my gf of 8 told me that i was exactly what she wanted. She called me the Monday after the weekend to tell me she cant do this anymore. This is 2 months after giving me a second chance after i was drunk one night and was verbally aggressive towards her. which i have never done before, she has past history of drunken person in her life as a child. which she initially said would never be allowed anyone like that in her life at all. So basically we were perfect after the second chance, now she has shut down completely has said she doesnt need anyone in her life. told me that i loved her to much and it was to much pressure, she will not allow me in her life through fear of hurting her. its like she has just closed all the felings off and there is no words that will break this. Any advice, i think this is it. however trying to make her understand what we had and how she made me fall for her and let all my barriers go. Any advice is great
hunk Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 It's over - go into immediate no contact. She's done with the relationship and probably checked out a while ago. It most likely had nothing to do with you being drunk that one time, she has been preparing for this for a long, long time without you knowing. She's fallen out of love and no longer wants to continue with the relationship - there's nothing you can do or say to change her mind about this. Go into complete damage control now. No contact whatsoever and focus on the road ahead of you - which right now is grieving/mourning. Then you will be able to focus on healing. Use these forums - they are an invaluable tool for healing and gaining a perspective on everything. Sorry for your loss 2
ZiggyZoo Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 There's really nothing you can do at this point, except honor her wishes and leave her alone. It sounds like YOU thought everything was perfect after your second chance, but SHE thought quite differently. You may have initially begged and convinced her for that second chance, she gave in, and regretted it later. It looked like it was out of nowhere to you, but she had two months to think about it. As someone who's been in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship myself, if anyone in my life ever made even the slightest move towards that type of behavior, I'd cut them out completely too. Too often it starts out with one drunken slip-up, but it escalates to full-blown hell. She doesn't want that, and if she can't trust you that it'll never happen again, there's nothing you can do. The only advice I can give is to go NC starting now, and start the process of healing from this break-up. To try and convince her that she made the wrong decision is, frankly, a little insulting. If you really love her and want her to be happy, then respect her wishes and let her be. 1
Kevin_D Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Do you mean 8 years? In that case, I don't think she would dump you because you were verbally aggressive. I got verbally aggressive in the end as well, but I realise that it was out frustration. She told me how much she loved me, but yet she kept talking to another guy all the time. This drove me insane and I said some stupid things when we were drunk and she kept ignoring me. Now, 1.5 years later, I realise that she had began the process of checking out. I realised something was wrong, but she kept telling me how I was the only one. I think it's quite possible that you sensed something and that's why you became verbally aggressive. She had been looking for a way out and suddenly she had one! Maybe the drama caused a new burst of attraction. Sometimes it does. Anyway... I'm not saying that it's right to be verbally aggressive, but for some reason it seems that it's much more socially accepted for women to be verbally aggressive when they feel emotionally neglected. 1
Author Jburg21 Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Thanks for being so blunt its pretty difficult to realize that she has checked out, i mean the day before she called me over the phone to do it. she told me this is all she wanted and spoke about kids one day. she kept contact with me last week as she thought it was helping me, my head is all over the place. I have been given so much different advise, may if i do the no contact and she misses me that would work.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) If you're doing No Contact in the hopes that it'll make her miss you, you're doing it for the entirely wrong reason. That crap doesn't work, and it's manipulative as hell to try and force someone's feelings like that. You should do NC because she has left the relationship and you need to get over her. Her keeping in touch was her way of reducing her feelings of guilt, it wasn't for your benefit at all. She's done. This is what you need to work on realizing. That she's done and you need to move on. And I don't know what you mean that you've been given so much different advice. Everybody who's responded on here has said the same thing I'm saying... Edited April 9, 2015 by ZiggyZoo 1
LoveIsMyReligion Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Best analogy I have seen is to treat your relationship with her as if it were a job. You both needed each other but she no longer wants your services and has since fired you. Are you going to stick around checking your phone every 30 minutes to see if your old job has called to say they made a mistake? I don't think so. It's hard man, most of us have been there but you have to keep telling yourself that this chapter is closed and it's time for a new one to begin. 1
Chi townD Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Thanks for being so blunt its pretty difficult to realize that she has checked out, i mean the day before she called me over the phone to do it. she told me this is all she wanted and spoke about kids one day. she kept contact with me last week as she thought it was helping me, my head is all over the place. I have been given so much different advise, may if i do the no contact and she misses me that would work. No, No Contact (NC) is for you. It is a tool to help you heal and move on. Very rarely does it bring our Ex's back. And in most cases where this happens, the relationship ends pretty quickly afterward OR the Dumpee is so far along in their healing that they decide that they don't want their Ex's back. 1
Satu Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 She doesn't want to be with you, and there is no magic you can use that is going to make her think the way you want her to think. To use NC for that purpose is just manipulation. NC is for you only, to help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care.
No Limit Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 She was too shocked right after the incident with your verbal aggression happened, but it slowly ate away at her until eventually nothing of what she felt for you was left. And once a woman is out of love for a guy there's no turning back. Move on. Drink responsibly. 1
Recommended Posts