beatno Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 (edited) First a bit history and in advance sorry for my bad English, its not my native language. Im dating my gf for about 7 months now, it all started casually but after just couple of months (2 months or so) we expressed each other love. She had 2 years relationship before me that ended with her being dumped because she was too needy. She really, really loved that guy, a lot... She also had few night stands after that relationship. Before that guy she had relationship with a guy she cheated on (she told me that), they were together for a year (that relationship was 7 years ago and she was only 19-20 years old) and she even lived at his for almost a year. She seems really, really insecure... So far our relationship is great. We spend most of our free time together at my place. She sleeps over 2, 3 nights a week or so at my place (its like that for last 2 months or so). I met her parents, she met mine. She is really affectionate, but imho too needy at times, like she gets upset if I dont text her often via viber, or if I dont call her when she works late shifts etc. Ofc then there is that girl thing when she gets upset I cant read her mind, but thats common... She texts me often and says at least once a day that she loves me (a bit too much?), tho it wasnt like that till we started hanging out at my place. She really wants to be with me almost all the time and I dont mind that at all because I really love her a lot and enjoy it. She wants me to hug, kiss and cuddle ALL THE TIME and I dont mind it, I enjoy it too, but not always. If I dont cuddle as much as she wants she gets angry... If I ask her for massage shes always too tired etc or when I want hugs and kisses she does it for like 5 minutes and thats it... Problem 1: She almost never wants to go out with me anymore (its like that since she started staying out/sleeping out at my place), she only wants to stay with me at my place. We used to take long walks, to go out every now and then, but thats gone now. All we do nowdays is stay at my place, maybe take a walk once every two weeks and go to gym together. At my place its usually her sleeping, or us having sex and maybe watching half a movie before she falls asleep. Problem 2: She has really good male friend. At first when we started dating she used to see him maybe once in two weeks or so, even sleep at his place (during day), watch movies etc. I didnt mind it much because we were not seriously deep in our relationship. That friend of hers texts her A LOT, buys her presents when he comes from abroad (works out of country, not seriously expensive presents, but a lot of chocolate etc. for example). I met him and he seems like a nice guy but he acts like hes in love with her and she wont admit that. She even told me that years ago he asked her out on a date but she wasnt up for that (for relationship with him). Thing is, that male friend of hers was away for couple of months and hes back now and first thing she does is go out with him and stays till midnight in town (alone most of the time) pub with him, after what she walks her away home. And she didnt go out with me for 2 months or so... Im pissed she didnt call me to go out with them because she knows how I feel about that and knows that Im up for going out so bad with her for last 2 months or so. I trust her, thats not the problem. I do not trust him and I dont feel ok when shes alone with him, be it in town or whereever. So last night I asked her to only go out with him (which she does rarely in first place) during day if she has to go out alone or to call me, and to never go to his place alone. Im not jelous person, but I couldnt bear this when I know how her male friend acts and especially when I know she was in to her (doesnt matter it was years ago). I even asked her if she would be pissed if I did same (I knew she would, hes jelous as ****) and she said yes, that she would, but that its not the same because her friend is not that type of guy and that she knows him for years. Is ok from me to do that? I mean, thats how I feel and imho she should accept it if she wants to be with me and if she wants to live with me (we talked about doing it in near future and she always looks forward it). Basically if she doesnt accept my request I think Ill have to breakup because its way too emotionally frustrating for me to know that they might end up alone during night at his place or in a pub etc. Sorry for long post but I seriously have no idea what to, especially because I love her so much and considering how much time she spends with me she loves me too (and says so way too often). Edited April 8, 2015 by beatno
Diezel Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 So she won't go out with you anymore, but she'll go out til midnight with this "friend"? Sorry buddy, but this relationship has "danger" written all over it. She's needy, insecure, but not afraid to go out with another guy behind your back... or in front of you? Do yourself a favor. Dump her. And what makes you think that her going out during the day will make any difference versus going out during the night? You've described a stale relationship at LESS than a year and she's adding emotional drama into it. AGAIN, do yourself a favor, and just break up with her. You failed to set boundaries and it might be too late to do so now.
PegNosePete Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Yes, agree with Diezel. It seems that the two of you have very different relationship needs and are very different people. I don't see this relationship working out in the long term. Might as well cut your losses now and move on.
Author beatno Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Exactly my thoughts. Tho, I have to add, she has been all the time with me, just didnt feel like going out. If shes not working late shifts shes with me at my place, but just not feeling like going out on weekends, she would rather stay at home watch movies/cuddle etc. I wasnt really pissed about that at first since we both enjoyed time together, but now when she went out with friend (with her girlfriend, but she left way earlier during night so my gf and her male friend stayed in pub till midnight) I feel betrayed, big time. She sees that friend once every couple of weeks or so... Ill try to set up boundaries now, if nothing Ill dump her no matter how much I love her... I dont want to waste another 6 months on nothing. If anyone else has some suggestions feel free to post.
Author beatno Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Sorry buddy, but this relationship has "danger" written all over it. She's needy, insecure, but not afraid to go out with another guy behind your back... or in front of you? She went out that night but told me she will, tho, she never said shell stay out that late.
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 It seems like she gets to do whatever she wants in this relationship. What do you get? She's needy & clingy but when you ask for affection, you don't get it. She demands constant attention but you are supposed to be OK that she splits her time between you & him. Sleeping at this other guy's place & him bringing her presents is a problem. I support continuing friendships with people one half of a couple knew before the relationship but not when they are a detriment to that relationship. He acts more like a BF wanna be then a platonic innocent friend. You also know that he has a history of cheating in the past. Why are you sticking around?
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