fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) Looking at this objectively. 1) Normally I wouldn't advise the "three day rule". I do a text the next day, and then give it 1-2 days with a follow up phone call to plan the next date. But you came on pretty desperate at the end of the first date. So I'd call her Saturday during the day just to give it some breathing room. Right now, you're still in an over anxious frame of mind, and need a few days to calm down a bit. 2) In the beginning, one date a week is best, I mean you just met this girl, and are already pushing to see her twice in the same week with the second date being elaborate,romantic, and all day on a weekend. That's usually something you plan with someone you get a bit more serious with. ** Something active is good. But I'd recommend barcode's idea of bowling. Or if you don't want to do that, shooting pool works too. This is a lot more low key and casual which is fitting for a second date. Pulling out all the stops of a woman you had one date with still screams desperate. Also, weekends are time I set aside for friends, family, and me time. So until a woman has proven herself, she gets to see me on week nights. With that said, I'd shoot for Tues or Wed night. But in the end, if you want to see her again right away this weekend, and make it outdoors and romantic go for it. Who knows, she may be a woman that appreciates that sort of thing. In the end it's all subjective anyways and there isn't really a one size fits all. But if you want my honest opinion, it's coming on way too strong, way too fast. Edited April 9, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author towardthefuture Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Looking at this objectively. 1) You came on pretty desperate at the end of the first date. ** So I'd wait until Saturday to call her to give it some breathing room. 2) In the beginning, one date a week is best, I mean you just met this girl, and are already pushing to see her twice in the same week with the second date being elaborate,romantic, and all day on a weekend. That's usually something you plan with someone you get a bit more serious with. ** Something active is good. But I'd recommend barcode's idea of bowling. Or if you don't want to do that, shooting pool works too. This is a lot more low key and casual which is fitting for a second date. Pulling out all the stops of a woman you had one date with still screams desperate. Also, weekends are time I set aside for friends, family, and me time. So until a woman has proven herself, she gets to see me on week nights. With that said, I'd shoot for Tues or Wed night. But in the end, if you want to do a weekend date and make it outdoors and romantic go for it. In my opinion though, it's coming on way too strong, way too fast. Yeah I can see that. I have another date with a different girl on friday and a guy's night tomorrow that might 'bring me down' from the date excitement and ground me a little better. If I call her on sat and set up for next week, a hike wouldn't work but drinking would be boring, but I still want to do something outdoors. What's another good outdoors date? One idea I had is high school shenanigans came up during the first date, and we talked about how we used to go 'waterballooning' (hanging out on an overpass and throwing waterballoons at cars). That could be fun but we're both in our twenties now, not sure how it'd go over. Open to other suggestions. I can always keep the super romantic date in my back pocket for later
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Yeah I can see that. I have another date with a different girl on friday and a guy's night tomorrow that might 'bring me down' from the date excitement and ground me a little better. If I call her on sat and set up for next week, a hike wouldn't work but drinking would be boring, but I still want to do something outdoors. What's another good outdoors date? One idea I had is high school shenanigans came up during the first date, and we talked about how we used to go 'waterballooning' (hanging out on an overpass and throwing waterballoons at cars). That could be fun but we're both in our twenties now, not sure how it'd go over. Open to other suggestions. I can always keep the super romantic date in my back pocket for later Just out of curiosity, why does it have to be outdoors? If anything, being unpredictable and planning bowling or pool might actually work in your favor and give her something to look forward to on a future date. But don't get me wrong though. I love outdoor dates and try to plan them as much as possible. However, sometimes you have to adapt and rearrange.
Author towardthefuture Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Just out of curiosity, why does it have to be outdoors? If anything, being unpredictable and planning bowling or pool might actually work in your favor and give her something to look forward to on a future date. But don't get me wrong though. I love outdoor dates and try to plan them as much as possible. However, sometimes you have to adapt and rearrange. I guess that's just where all the conversation on the first date pointed. She brought up how she liked hiking, rock climbing, slacklining and I talked about how I've been going to the gym and looking to do rock climbing and hiking. It just seemed like a common interest -- something like bowling seems like it's out of left field is all. Like neither of us ever discussed or mentioned anything to do with bowling/pool (plus I don't really know anything about bowling/pool)
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 I guess that's just where all the conversation on the first date pointed. She brought up how she liked hiking, rock climbing, slacklining and I talked about how I've been going to the gym and looking to do rock climbing and hiking. It just seemed like a common interest -- something like bowling seems like it's out of left field is all. Like neither of us ever discussed or mentioned anything to do with bowling/pool (plus I don't really know anything about bowling/pool) Well in the end, you have to do what's right for you. So if that feels right off the convo you two had, then go for it. But look at it this way. On our first date, one thing my GF and I talked about was our love of baseball, live game experiences, etc.. We also talked about a few places we'd love to travel. But that doesn't mean I am taking her to a sporting event or jet setting her off with me the next time I see her. That's all I'm saying. Sometimes you have to plan certain types of dates around how long you've known someone. But you're seriously over thinking when it comes to bowling. There isn't anything to know. You just show up, have fun, and try to keep the ball on the lane. I mean it's not like you're trying to be a professional. It's funny though. My parents met in a bowling league, and my grandpa had a bowling ball in my hand by the time I was 7. So by the time I was in my late teens and early 20's, I was carrying over a 200 average in multiple leagues, bowled a 300, and even contemplated trying to go pro at one point. So when I bowl, I actually have fun taking it seriously. Screw letting women win.
Author towardthefuture Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Soooo looks like I probably won't get that second date after all. Most people I talked to said to call her today, so I went ahead and did it. Faced a soft rejection I think. She said she's covering for someone at work and going backpacking this weekend, probably not free until sometime next week. I kept it cool and casual and just said, "OK, cool. Just text me when you know." She didn't seem excited to hear from me. So I'm not expecting a text. Oh well! Live and learn.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Soooo looks like I probably won't get that second date after all. Most people I talked to said to call her today, so I went ahead and did it. Faced a soft rejection I think. She said she's covering for someone at work and going backpacking this weekend, probably not free until sometime next week. I kept it cool and casual and just said, "OK, cool. Just text me when you know." She didn't seem excited to hear from me. So I'm not expecting a text. Oh well! Live and learn. That sucks man. But as I advised, probably should have waited until Sat to give it time and then tried to set something up for next week. However, the key now is not to contact her at all. If you say "Let me know" you have to allow a woman space to do that. Don't let 2-3 days go by and then try to contact her again because you get antsy. If by some small chance she's interested, she will get back to you. Otherwise, she's dead to you from now on. But hey, you have a date with another woman tomorrow night right? So just focus on her. However, this time hold off on trying to plan specifics at the end of the date. Just send her a follow up text the next day, let her respond, and then call her to finalize a few days later if you want to see her again.
Author towardthefuture Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 That sucks man. But as I advised, probably should have waited until Sat to give it time and then tried to set something up for next week. However, the key now is not to contact her at all. If you say "Let me know" you have to allow a woman space to do that. Don't let 2-3 days go by and then try to contact her again because you get antsy. If by some small chance she's interested, she will get back to you. Otherwise, she's dead to you from now on. But hey, you have a date with another woman tomorrow night right? So just focus on her. However, this time hold off on trying to plan specifics at the end of the date. Just send her a follow up text the next day, let her respond, and then call her to finalize a few days later if you want to see her again. Yup, I got a second opinion from some real life female friends and they all said call her today. "Don't wait until Saturday it'll just look like you're playing a game." So I figured 'survey says call today'. So one lesson here is don't ask a zebra how to hunt a zebra. Definitely just going to immediately forget about her now. Seems like it wasn't meant to be! But it was a good learning experience
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Yup, I got a second opinion from some real life female friends and they all said call her today. "Don't wait until Saturday it'll just look like you're playing a game." So I figured 'survey says call today'. So one lesson here is don't ask a zebra how to hunt a zebra. Definitely just going to immediately forget about her now. Seems like it wasn't meant to be! But it was a good learning experience In most cases, I'd agree with them. Waiting that long does come off like game playing. But did you explain how you acted desperate trying to plan out the date at the end of the night and then sent a text on top of that an hour later? You probably kept that to yourself. In this particular case, you needed that extra time to give it some breathing room to defuse the situation. However, are these the same female friends that often tell you what a great guy you are, but they aren't dating you? It's funny because women tend to offer "advice" on how guys should act, and what they should do to get other women. But have you ever noticed that the guys they date, are the exact opposite of what they think they want? Funny how that is isn't it?
Author towardthefuture Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 However, are these the same female friends that often tell you what a great guy you are, but they aren't dating you? It's funny because women tend to offer "advice" on how guys should act, and what they should do to get other women. But have you ever noticed that the guys they date, are the exact opposite of what they think they want? Funny how that is isn't it? Mmmm not really. My brother's wife and some strangers I met at a bar last night. I explained what happened the same way I posted it here, I figured if they agreed it was desperate they'd point it out but they all independently said more like "I like when a guy asks me out at the end of the first date, shows he's interested," and "texting afterwards is the right thing to do."
Gary S Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Always wait a week to call. If they have a shred of interest it will double. She won't be thinking about games if she likes you too much. Plus, she could have called you. Love cuts through everything. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Always wait a week to call. If they have a shred of interest it will double. She won't be thinking about games if she likes you too much. Plus, she could have called you. Love cuts through everything. Usually I agree with Gary most of the time. But not on this. 1) If she's the type of woman that would get turned on by waiting a week because it's "aloof" she's way too high maintenance. 2) Waiting a week basically implies that you have low interest yourself. It takes way more confidence to go after what you want regardless of what "dating rules" say to do. What's worked well for me is this. A short "I had fun last night!" text the next day. She responds which confirms her interest. Then I let her know that I'll talk to her soon. A few days later I call her and plan the next date for 2-3 days out. For the first three weeks I repeat this keeping it at once per week dates. Then as her interest goes up, so does the date frequency.
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