Second date ideas?

[towardthefuture]

So I had a first date with a girl. I'd say it went pretty well. Went for drinks, then went for ice cream and noticed there was something going on at this coffee shop, turned out to be a poetry reading. It was crowded so she sat on my lap and got to experience some sexual chemistry. It ended with a hug instead of a kiss but that was probably my fault. My pattern with dates naturally seems to be 'not as far as expected on date #1, farther than expected on date #2', so that's pretty normal for me

 

Okay so now the reason for this thread. I'm trying to think up a second date idea. I want to do an activity. This girl's really into outdoor stuff and I'm really into stay at home media stuff (like movies etc), but I want to get into more outdoor stuff lately anyway because my career is very much in front of a computer.

 

So some things came up that seemed fun. Hike, rock climbing, and a few other things. No matter what I want to have her over to my place and I'll make her dinner and we'll end the night there.

 

So for the activity, at the end of the date I said something like, "If we go out again we have to do an activity." and she said something like, "Like what?" and I said, "I was thinking like hiking or rock climbing." and she said, "Maybe slacklining?"

 

So.... honestly I still kind of want to do rock climbing, but I feel like that got kind of a soft rejection in the sense that she offered an alternative. I don't want to do slacklining for a couple reasons -- one: meh, two: I want to come up with a creative idea myself and surprise her, three: I don't want to do something she knows how to do that I don't (the reverse would be better).

 

That's where you guys come in. What's 'like' slacklining, but is not hiking or rock climbing? Or do you think rock climbing could still be good? I think her middling interest in that idea is because that's something she does (has a rock climbing membership). Some ideas I had were renting a row boat, going to a botanic garden..... but those ideas suck.

 

Thoughts?

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

I've always done an activity like bowling.

[ZA Dater]

So I had a first date with a girl. I'd say it went pretty well. Went for drinks, then went for ice cream and noticed there was something going on at this coffee shop, turned out to be a poetry reading. It was crowded so she sat on my lap and got to experience some sexual chemistry. It ended with a hug instead of a kiss but that was probably my fault. My pattern with dates naturally seems to be 'not as far as expected on date #1, farther than expected on date #2', so that's pretty normal for me

 

Okay so now the reason for this thread. I'm trying to think up a second date idea. I want to do an activity. This girl's really into outdoor stuff and I'm really into stay at home media stuff (like movies etc), but I want to get into more outdoor stuff lately anyway because my career is very much in front of a computer.

 

So some things came up that seemed fun. Hike, rock climbing, and a few other things. No matter what I want to have her over to my place and I'll make her dinner and we'll end the night there.

 

So for the activity, at the end of the date I said something like, "If we go out again we have to do an activity." and she said something like, "Like what?" and I said, "I was thinking like hiking or rock climbing." and she said, "Maybe slacklining?"

 

So.... honestly I still kind of want to do rock climbing, but I feel like that got kind of a soft rejection in the sense that she offered an alternative. I don't want to do slacklining for a couple reasons -- one: meh, two: I want to come up with a creative idea myself and surprise her, three: I don't want to do something she knows how to do that I don't (the reverse would be better).

 

That's where you guys come in. What's 'like' slacklining, but is not hiking or rock climbing? Or do you think rock climbing could still be good? I think her middling interest in that idea is because that's something she does (has a rock climbing membership). Some ideas I had were renting a row boat, going to a botanic garden..... but those ideas suck.

 

Thoughts?

 

The key in my opinion to all of that is the last paragraph, she seems to already do rock climbing, hence the little interest. Chances are you has always wanted to try slacklining, hence the interest in that.

 

I would go with that rather than trying to reinvent the wheel too much.

[fitnessfan365]

On a quick side note - I think it was a bad move putting her on the spot trying to plan the second date at the end of the first one. Comes off as desperate. I always prefer to shoot a quick text the next day saying I had fun, let her respond to confirm mutual interest, and then call a few days later.

 

But now back to the topic. I think the reason why she tested you, is because you weren't assertive and confident enough in your decision. It sounded like you were asking her permission. Since you're planning the date, stand by what you want to do. The best piece of advice I can give is this. When a woman likes you, she'll happily let you plan the date because her main goal is just to spend time with you. If she puts up genuine resistance to the idea, she cares more about being entertained than seeing you. So by sticking to your guns, you actually get to see where she stands.

[loveweary11]

No no no...

 

You're reading way too far into things and making this a power struggle.

 

She thinks slacklining will be fun. It's kind of easy, gives you more chance to talk than rock climbing and allows you to go home for that dinner with a smile on your face and some energy.

 

If she's better than you at it, who cares? It's not a contest.

 

What's important is you go have some fun and a laugh outside, then go back and have one of your dates (food/media) at the end...since you can then cozy up on the couch together.

 

If you're really interested in getting good at slack lining, get a hold of my old high school classmate and first person I went rock climbing with (free climbing, scared the s&it out of me and i thought I was going to die...lol)

 

This is not the guy to have your first experience rock climbing with...lol

 

Moonwalk: Dean Potter Does Slackline In Yosemite - Video | Red Bull Adventure

 

Dean Potter - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Gary S]

On a quick side note - I think it was a bad move putting her on the spot trying to plan the second date at the end of the first one. Comes off as desperate. I always prefer to shoot a quick text the next day saying I had fun, let her respond to confirm mutual interest, and then call a few days later.

 

.

 

- Yes. Lets see if you get a second date.

[Erised]

Look I love outdoors stuff.

 

If she wanted to try slack lining, I say do that. She's excited about it. Are you sure she's good at it verse wanting to try?

 

Rowing might be fun. If she has a rock climbing membership that's indoor, could you take her outside? Anywhere close enough to be reasonable on a second date?

 

The problem you will hit is while it's nice if a guy has an explicit plan just going on having fun, she gave a counter suggestion because you made it just suggestions. Now if you do the original things unless it's somehow really special, you look like you're ignoring her desire. Not a good impression. So something other than slack lining you'd really have to bring it with special touches.

 

Oh and reading above, Don't take her bowling.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Look I love outdoors stuff.

 

If she wanted to try slack lining, I say do that. She's excited about it. Are you sure she's good at it verse wanting to try?

 

Rowing might be fun. If she has a rock climbing membership that's indoor, could you take her outside? Anywhere close enough to be reasonable on a second date?

 

The problem you will hit is while it's nice if a guy has an explicit plan just going on having fun, she gave a counter suggestion because you made it just suggestions. Now if you do the original things unless it's somehow really special, you look like you're ignoring her desire. Not a good impression. So something other than slack lining you'd really have to bring it with special touches.

 

Oh and reading above, Don't take her bowling.

 

Well reading more - obviously. She likes outdoor activities so those are a safer bet. But bowling is never a bad idea for a 1st/2nd date, yes overused maybe but effective.

[Diana.dellala]

If there's chemistry any activity will do. Especially those ones that offer more physical contact opportunities.

 

She offered slacklining. I would ask her why she prefers that, maybe it's because she's an expert in rock climbing, hence lost her interest already. And maybe slacklining is still something new and interesting for her.

 

Whatever you choose, I would offer her an alternative:

Slacklining or _______ (shooting, riding a flyboard, dancing or whatever) what would you prefer?

 

Otherwise she might accept whatever you propose just because it is not very polite to refuse twice, even if she doesn't really like the idea.

[d0nnivain]

No matter what I want to have her over to my place and I'll make her dinner and we'll end the night there.

 

So for the activity, at the end of the date I said something like, "If we go out again we have to do an activity." and she said something like, "Like what?" and I said, "I was thinking like hiking or rock climbing." and she said, "Maybe slacklining?"

 

So.... honestly I still kind of want to do rock climbing, but I feel like that got kind of a soft rejection in the sense that she offered an alternative. I don't want to do slacklining for a couple reasons -- one: meh, two: I want to come up with a creative idea myself and surprise her, three: I don't want to do something she knows how to do that I don't (the reverse would be better).

 

That's where you guys come in. What's 'like' slacklining, but is not hiking or rock climbing? Or do you think rock climbing could still be good? I think her middling interest in that idea is because that's something she does (has a rock climbing membership). Some ideas I had were renting a row boat, going to a botanic garden..... but those ideas suck.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

I don't know what slacklining is but I agree that she said no to hiking. I'd go in another direction, especially if you are not all that outdoorsy. You want to pick something you can do so you won't embarrass yourself.

 

 

What about mini-golf or ziplining? Perhaps buy a kite & go fly it together.

 

 

As for bringing her back to your house for dinner, it's only the 2nd date. Most women will assume that such an invitation is a poorly disguised play for sex so don't be shocked if she declines.

[Mrin]

On a quick side note - I think it was a bad move putting her on the spot trying to plan the second date at the end of the first one. Comes off as desperate. I always prefer to shoot a quick text the next day saying I had fun, let her respond to confirm mutual interest, and then call a few days later.

 

Not to go off topic but - I disagree in part with this. I've always found that scheduling the second/next date at the end of a very successful date is the right move. I see it like the old saying in football - when you throw the ball, three things can happen and two of them are bad. Same thing when you "gap" a really successful initial date. She can 1) grow even more excited to see you again, 2) talk herself down from her "high" (often with the assistance from friends) and grow insecure or 3) be distracted by someone else. It is all about momentum.

 

I've been told on many occasions that my interest in scheduling the next date at the end of the current date was very attractive and unusual. It doesn't come off as needy if you do it right - in fact I've been told that it comes across as decisive and allows the woman to be in a feminine role. But everyone has their own style...

 

I do agree that planning the second date while on the first date might be a little much.

 

All that being said, as a guy who spends a lot of time outdoors, you should pack a light lunch, grab a slack line and go to some boulders. Best of both worlds - slacklining and bouldering and then a picnic. Doesn't get much more romantic than that if you're into the outdoors.

[Mrin]

One other thought on the rock climbing idea - this came in from one of my female coworkers. She might not be keen to go rock climbing because lets face it, you'll be staring at her a$$ the entire time she's on belay. She might be a little self conscious about that for second date fodder. Personally I see that as a reason to go rock climbing but hey, I'm a dude.

[towardthefuture]

Wow thanks for all the responses and ideas!

 

Okay, sounds like I might end up having to give slacklining another look. My concern about that is I foresee it being all like "Hey do you have the equipment? How do you do this again? Oops I fell" I can be shameless and be fun but there are still a lot of ways for me to look like a chump. From following vs leading to just plain being bad at the thing, seems risky. But could also look brave, will give it a second look.

 

I'm thinking I will pick her up be like "I have a surprise" and take her on a beach/cove hike. It goes by a place called miracle cove that looked pretty romantic. Probably will bring some sandwiches / trail mix / water. But I'm going to give the whole thing a 2 day cooldown period and see if I want to ask her out Seeing my tattoo guy on thursday I'll probably guy talk with him for a couple hours while I'm getting inked and have a better idea what to do

 

okay let me respond to some of this other stuff.

 

On a quick side note - I think it was a bad move putting her on the spot trying to plan the second date at the end of the first one. Comes off as desperate. I always prefer to shoot a quick text the next day saying I had fun, let her respond to confirm mutual interest, and then call a few days later.

 

Yeah I see that. Honestly I don't have a lot of experience dating since I spent most of my adult life in a relationship I think it went *well* but not *perfectly*. I don't think she's my soulmate or anything, but I think we both had a good time, had fun, had chemistry. Here's why: she was laughing and smiling a lot, she let me extend the drinks date into ice cream and this weird poetry reading thing we stumbled on, there was significant physical contact. My thinking at the time was like, having not known to *not* ask about a second date at the end of a first date, was "How do I gauge if she wants to go out again without flat out asking? Oh I know I'll make a suggestion and see how she takes it."

 

Afterwards when I got home I texted her like an hour later saying something kind of playful, had a great time and did you get home safe and she responded fairly quickly and politely.

 

However it does concern me that she didn't reply 'had a great time too', but she was kind of non-communicative in text/online too before the date and wasn't like that in person.

 

As for bringing her back to your house for dinner, it's only the 2nd date. Most women will assume that such an invitation is a poorly disguised play for sex so don't be shocked if she declines.

 

Might be an over correction, because I didn't go for the kiss and I sensed that she probably expected me to be more aggressive. My thought was yeah I wanted to get her to my place so I would feel more comfortable being aggressive *enough* on my own turf, not necessarily for sex but at least some physical interaction. And also I thought it'd be sexy and romantic if I cook something classy, show that I'm an adult who can cook. Maybe I can accomplish this by bringing home made sandwiches on a hike. Not lunch meat -- something classier.

 

Yes. Lets see if you get a second date.

 

Well if not it wasn't meant to be. I had a great time with her but I won't be heartbroken if there's no second date.

 

One other thought on the rock climbing idea - this came in from one of my female coworkers. She might not be keen to go rock climbing because lets face it, you'll be staring at her a$$ the entire time she's on belay. She might be a little self conscious about that for second date fodder. Personally I see that as a reason to go rock climbing but hey, I'm a dude.

 

LOL. Could be could be. Incidentally this is part of why I wanted to go rock climbing. Or rather the reverse -- I work out, and I look great in a tank top, it shows off my tattoos which are on my back and shoulder (you can't see in a t-shirt).

 

 

One thing that occurred to me this morning which might throw a wrench into my plans here is I'm getting inked on thursday (can't move the appt, made it with a pro guy over two months ago), so my tattoo will be healing if I take her out this weekend. Which means no direct sunlight and germs are bad news. That's really no big deal for most things mentioned here. So anything super strenuous is out, otherwise I just have a slap a bandage on there so it's covered from the sun and doesn't dry out

[fitnessfan365]

Yeah I see that. Honestly I don't have a lot of experience dating since I spent most of my adult life in a relationship I think it went *well* but not *perfectly*. I don't think she's my soulmate or anything, but I think we both had a good time, had fun, had chemistry. Here's why: she was laughing and smiling a lot, she let me extend the drinks date into ice cream and this weird poetry reading thing we stumbled on, there was significant physical contact. My thinking at the time was like, having not known to *not* ask about a second date at the end of a first date, was "How do I gauge if she wants to go out again without flat out asking? Oh I know I'll make a suggestion and see how she takes it."

 

Afterwards when I got home I texted her like an hour later saying something kind of playful, had a great time and did you get home safe and she responded fairly quickly and politely.

 

However it does concern me that she didn't reply 'had a great time too', but she was kind of non-communicative in text/online too before the date and wasn't like that in person.

 

I think the combo of you trying to plan a second date at the end of the first one and then also sending her a text that night came on a bit needy and desperate. So that's probably why she sounded a bit turned off.

 

In the future, you can gauge a woman's interest level by simply sending her a short text the day after a date. If she responds, you let her know that you'll call her soon to plan the next date. Then reach out in 2-3 days. By giving her time/space to think about you, and absorb the date, you're not putting too much pressure on her. Remember, it's a person you just met, and she may be seeing other guys. So trying to rush things too quickly is never a good move.

 

In the beginning, planning one date a week is the best way to go and that's why waiting a bit and spacing out the next invite is fine.

[towardthefuture]

I think the combo of you trying to plan a second date at the end of the first one and then also sending her a text that night came on a bit needy and desperate. So that's probably why she sounded a bit turned off.

 

In the future, you can gauge a woman's interest level by simply sending her a short text the day after a date. If she responds, you let her know that you'll call her soon to plan the next date. Then reach out in 2-3 days. By giving her time/space to think about you, and absorb the date, you're not putting too much pressure on her. Remember, it's a person you just met, and she may be seeing other guys. So trying to rush things too quickly is never a good move.

 

In the beginning, planning one date a week is the best way to go and that's why waiting a bit and spacing out the next invite is fine.

 

Mmmm makes sense. What would you do going forward here if you were me?

[d0nnivain]

Showing her you can cook by packing a great picnic is a much better idea. Way more classy. Do that instead of trying to get a home court advantage.

[Mjm1014]

Go to a comedy club. Make sure it's a little on the upscale side, just don't spent too much. Make sure it's 21 and over. I did that recently on a second date...we grabbed a drink or two before then went to a show. The girl loved me after that...she had a blast. If not the 2nd date I highly recommend by the 3-4th date.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Go to a comedy club. Make sure it's a little on the upscale side, just don't spent too much. Make sure it's 21 and over. I did that recently on a second date...we grabbed a drink or two before then went to a show. The girl loved me after that...she had a blast. If not the 2nd date I highly recommend by the 3-4th date.

 

I did this on my 4th date with one of the last girls I dated. Was a GREAT idea... Afterwards she came back to my place and she spent the night.

[d0nnivain]

Make sure the lady likes comedy clubs before you take her. I dislike them. I go with DH 1-2x per year under protest & usually it's a quid pro quo I will go to the comedy club I hate if he goes to something he'd prefer not to do. If she's going to be annoyed through out the date or finds off color jokes in bad taste, you will not have the desired effect by taking her to one.

 

 

Not everybody likes the same things.

[towardthefuture]

It's a solid idea but I'm prob not gonna do a comedy club. I'm pretty set on something active & outdoors. It's her interest and it's something I've been wanting to do before I met her (I have been having a more active lifestyle, going to the gym, and I've been wanting to explore exercise interests more).

[fitnessfan365]

Comedy clubs are always a popular suggestion. But not everyone likes stand up comedy. It's funny because I pride myself on having a decent sense of humor and love a variety of comedy movies and funny sitcoms. However, for some reason, stand up has always BORED me to tears. I've seen a few stand up routines that I thought were funny like old school Eddie Murphy (Delirious and Raw) and Richard Pryor. But in general, stand up type comedy has just never been entertaining to me.

 

But when you're in Vegas and can find an act that mixes comedy and magic, that can be a great time.

[towardthefuture]

Comedy clubs are always a popular suggestion. But not everyone likes stand up comedy. It's funny because I pride myself on having a decent sense of humor and love a variety of comedy movies and funny sitcoms. However, for some reason, stand up has always BORED me to tears. I've seen a few stand up routines that I thought were funny like old school Eddie Murphy (Delirious and Raw) and Richard Pryor. But in general, stand up type comedy has just never been entertaining to me.

 

But when you're in Vegas and can find an act that mixes comedy and magic, that can be a great time.

 

So what do you think re: the date mistakes. Should I call her tomorrow and make plans for sat? Give it an extra day and call friday to make plans for sun?

[fitnessfan365]

So what do you think re: the date mistakes. Should I call her tomorrow and make plans for sat? Give it an extra day and call friday to make plans for sun?

 

How many days have gone by since your first date?

 

If it's been a few days, call her tomorrow. Now of course, this is just my opinion. However, I prefer to ask a woman when she's free out of respect for her schedule. Also, what I love to do is turn down a woman's first suggestion. Let's say she suggests Sat. You say "Sorry that doesn't work for me because I already have other plans. What else do you have open?"

 

This communicates that you've got things going on in your life, and that you won't rearrange your schedule for someone you just met. It also makes you a bit harder to get. Women tend to be attracted more to guys they have to work for, as opposed to ones that are too available and desperate to spend time with them. Then if her second option works with your schedule, set a time and place and see her then. Once again though, this is just what's worked for me. So if you'd rather call her and throw out a day you want to see her, go for it.

Edited April 9, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[towardthefuture]

How many days have gone by since your first date?

 

If it's been a few days, call her tomorrow. Now of course, this is just my opinion. However, I prefer to ask a woman when she's free out of respect for her schedule. Also, what I love to do is turn down a woman's first suggestion. Let's say she suggests Sat. You say "Sorry that doesn't work for me because I already have other plans. What else do you have open?"

 

This communicates that you've got things going on in your life, and that you won't rearrange your schedule for someone you just met. It also makes you a bit harder to get. Women tend to be attracted more to guys they have to work for, as opposed to ones that are too available and desperate to spend time with them. Then if her second option works with your schedule, set a time and place and see her then. Once again though, this is just what's worked for me. So if you'd rather call her and throw out a day you want to see her, go for it.

 

Date was yesterday (tuesday). Does that change anything?

[todreaminblue]

that cove thing sounds awesome and it does sound romantic.......i hope it goes well for you.....kiting(donnivains suggestion) could be fun too and you could do it on the beach....deb