Ex refusing to remove photos together from FB

[drudkh]

I noticed that my ex of 1,5 years ago still has photos of us together as an obvious couple up. Ive been in a new relationship for about 8 months. So I asked him to take the photos down. I explained that I felt there was no reason to have them up because we are no longer a couple, and it is a misrepresentation of the present. Also I want to respect my new relationship and bf.

 

He refused to take them down saying that those pictures also belonged to him and he likes them and they remind him that good things can happen and he wants the world to see it, too.

 

This just made me angry because he didnt actually treat me well, so why does he need to hold on to these photos now, publicly?! In the end of the relationship he became verbally and physically abusive and I also found out he had been making out with other women at parties. Most of our relationship was long distance.

 

It turned into a huge fight and I decided to block him and remove him from all my contacts. This way, even if there are photos of us up on his page, they arent really tied to me.

 

 

Did I overreact? Is it normal to ask an ex to remove old photos together from social media? I dont understand why someone would refuse such a request.

[minimariah]

It turned into a huge fight and I decided to block him and remove him from all my contacts. This way, even if there are photos of us up on his page, they arent really tied to me.

 

you should've done this in the 1st place, without calling him and asking him to take the pictures down. i mean, it's his page - why should he remove the pictures? he can do whatever he wants, it's not even disrespectful to you or your new man. in fact, i think YOU are the one being disrespectful here because you basically want to act like you've never been with this man.

 

who gives a f*ck about social networks pictures, anyway? folks close to you know who you're with and that's the only thing that matters, no?

 

so yes - you overreacted. move on and stop paying attention to what your X is doing; he has every right to post whatever he wants and when he wants it, like it or not.

[anika99]

I think you should stop paying attention to what your ex has on his fb. I'm sure everyone the two of you know in real life are well aware that you are no longer a couple and he is not obligated to remove photos from his facebook photo albums.

[badpenny]

I noticed that my ex of 1,5 years ago still has photos of us together as an obvious couple up. Ive been in a new relationship for about 8 months. So I asked him to take the photos down. I explained that I felt there was no reason to have them up because we are no longer a couple, and it is a misrepresentation of the present. Also I want to respect my new relationship and bf.

 

He refused to take them down saying that those pictures also belonged to him and he likes them and they remind him that good things can happen and he wants the world to see it, too.

 

This just made me angry because he didnt actually treat me well, so why does he need to hold on to these photos now, publicly?! In the end of the relationship he became verbally and physically abusive and I also found out he had been making out with other women at parties. Most of our relationship was long distance.

 

It turned into a huge fight and I decided to block him and remove him from all my contacts. This way, even if there are photos of us up on his page, they arent really tied to me.

 

 

Did I overreact? Is it normal to ask an ex to remove old photos together from social media? I dont understand why someone would refuse such a request.

 

Yes, boy oh boy, did you ever overreact.

 

No, it's not normal, because after all this time, who gives a F...?

 

Such an overreaction on your part says more about your attitude, than it does his.

Your anger, resentment and need to gain some form of upper hand, are manifest.

I think you could do with some counselling, because he doesn't care, but you're still carrying all that hurt.

 

It must be real heavy for you to react like that....

[whichwayisup]

You have a right to feel this way, except you can't expect him to respect your relationship and new boyfriend.

 

Deleting and blocking him is the way to go, glad you did that.

 

Good riddence, forget about him and focus on your boyfriend.

[darkbloom]

Taking the pictures down won't make the relationship you had with him any less real. As long as you were upfront with your new boy, I see no reason for those pictures to be an issue. Especially when fb has the date they were posted.

[Gloria25]

To me, social media pics for everyone to see of him and his ex is akin to him having portraits of them two posted/hung throughout his home and/or the home he shares with you - his new gf.

 

IMO, he should take them down and archive them...

 

"Snapped" on Oxygen last Sunday had a show dedicated to three cases where social media resulted in someone getting killed and/or hurt by women who snapped.

 

Social media is not like relatively new, but seems like we're still figuring out the impact of it in our everyday lives (i.e. the need for anti-bullying and/or stalking laws when it comes to online stuff)....

 

Like it or not social media has a big impact on us and our lives. When you post stuff on it, it creates a timestamp that not necessarily can be erased and be exposed to the world. So, when you got people bullying you, posting nasty stuff, and/or embarrassing you (i.e. on Snapped one guy put up endless pictures of him and another chick making out and stuff w/o even breaking up with his current gf - so, she was embarrassed and humiliated), people are gonna have strong reactions cuz you exposed your dirty laundry to the world - literally.

 

So, IMO, the pics should have come down and archived as soon as he and the ex broke up.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Honestly I think the more upset and pushy you are about removing those pictures, the less cooperative he's going to be.

 

Regardless of why your relationship ends, this guy is holding onto the relationship...whether it's because he still believes things can work out or whether he's just using that as a front to the world to act like he's the victim or what not and still madly in-love with you.

 

Whatever happened it doesn't seem like you resolved all the issues of the break-up. Now it's not your responsibility to go over that, especially 1.5 years later...but maybe a conversation about the finally being over and you're done with it might be some good, a mutual adult conversation though...not your little kiddy argument of anger and tantrums.

 

I think in your case it's just best to let it go and cut all communication with this guy and simply go on with your life...eventually he's going to let it go, but as long as you are entertaining him and being involved in his life (why are you even friends with the guy if things were so horrible) then you're kind of giving him the opportunity to exploit that.

 

I think the less you care, the less attention you give it, the better. I don't think it's something you should be all bent out of shape over, sure he SHOULD remove the pics and stop pretending he's in a relationship with you, but you were in a relationship with the guy and you did choose to be with this guy in the past...that's the price you pay sometimes when you choose the wrong people to date, I know a lot of people don't think that way and just want to whine about how someone else behaves, but be more careful in the kind of people you choose to be involved in a relationship with and I guarantee you'll have a lot less drama like this in your life.

 

Let it go and move on...at the end of the day it's just FB, and it's a past relationship, he's the one that looks like a psycho or clinging on, I wouldn't be so concerned if I were you, don't give it the attention and feed the monster.

 

Your new BF should be understanding and not give a damn, as long as you are not associating yourself with the guy...who cares, it just makes the other guy look like a fool.

[drudkh]

Honestly I think the more upset and pushy you are about removing those pictures, the less cooperative he's going to be.

 

Regardless of why your relationship ends, this guy is holding onto the relationship...whether it's because he still believes things can work out or whether he's just using that as a front to the world to act like he's the victim or what not and still madly in-love with you.

 

Whatever happened it doesn't seem like you resolved all the issues of the break-up. Now it's not your responsibility to go over that, especially 1.5 years later...but maybe a conversation about the finally being over and you're done with it might be some good, a mutual adult conversation though...not your little kiddy argument of anger and tantrums.

 

I think in your case it's just best to let it go and cut all communication with this guy and simply go on with your life...eventually he's going to let it go, but as long as you are entertaining him and being involved in his life (why are you even friends with the guy if things were so horrible) then you're kind of giving him the opportunity to exploit that.

 

I think the less you care, the less attention you give it, the better. I don't think it's something you should be all bent out of shape over, sure he SHOULD remove the pics and stop pretending he's in a relationship with you, but you were in a relationship with the guy and you did choose to be with this guy in the past...that's the price you pay sometimes when you choose the wrong people to date, I know a lot of people don't think that way and just want to whine about how someone else behaves, but be more careful in the kind of people you choose to be involved in a relationship with and I guarantee you'll have a lot less drama like this in your life.

 

Let it go and move on...at the end of the day it's just FB, and it's a past relationship, he's the one that looks like a psycho or clinging on, I wouldn't be so concerned if I were you, don't give it the attention and feed the monster.

 

Your new BF should be understanding and not give a damn, as long as you are not associating yourself with the guy...who cares, it just makes the other guy look like a fool.

 

 

He isnt a person you can have an adult conversation with. He is quite the manipulator and sees absolutely nothing wrong in playing games. He has started arguments with me just to "steal some of my time for himself", as he put it. After we broke up.

 

Since we live in different countries we are not really "friends". Most contact was initiated by him, maybe every few months. He has now also decided to try and do his masters in my country (very small country. ive heard some American tourists call our capital city a village). And I kind of dont want him to be holding on to me, be it in the form of pics on social media or something else. If social media doesnt matter, who cares right ( according to some posters) then it shouldnt be a problem to take the photos down for the person it matters to.

 

While it may sound cruel, it is true that he wasnt the best choice for a bf, but its hard to let go once you become attached. However its over, and even though it was not all bad and I learnt a lot I am slightly ashamed what went down in the end and I kind of want to move away from things that happened and I dont want to be answering questions about it. ( For example he threw a 1l water bottle (full) at me leaving a huge bruise on my leg, he never really hit me but i got many bruises on my arms from him using force on me or him threatening to hurt me if he feels i do something wrong, because I deserve it). All the while he is having photos of us up, pretending like it was the best thing ever.

Edited April 8, 2015 by drudkh

[PegNosePete]

Untag yourself, and block your ex.

 

Job done. That was easy.

[Ninjainpajamas]

He isnt a person you can have an adult conversation with. He is quite the manipulator and sees absolutely nothing wrong in playing games. He has started arguments with me just to "steal some of my time for himself", as he put it. After we broke up.

 

Since we live in different countries we are not really "friends". Most contact was initiated by him, maybe every few months. He has now also decided to try and do his masters in my country (very small country. ive heard some American tourists call our capital city a village). And I kind of dont want him to be holding on to me, be it in the form of pics on social media or something else. If social media doesnt matter, who cares right ( according to some posters) then it shouldnt be a problem to take the photos down for the person it matters to.

 

Well you shouldn't be speaking with in at all, zero communication...once he isn't able to get in touch with you anymore he will at some point move on.

 

As far as him coming to do his masters in your country, I wouldn't take his word for it...yes he might show up, which is another matter altogether and you might want to notify the police if you feel he is harassing you.

 

If he's just contacting you and making these threats to kind of scare you or keep you thinking about him, then he's just trying to manipulate you back into a situation and you're falling for it if you're fighting with him over the pics...don't you see that's exactly what he wants to keep your attention? don't be a fool and fall for the mind tricks, he knows how to get your attention, stop responding to his tactics.

 

 

While it may sound cruel, it is true that he wasnt the best choice for a bf, but its hard to let go once you become attached. However its over, and even though it was not all bad and I learnt a lot I am slightly ashamed what went down in the end and I kind of want to move away from things that happened and I dont want to be answering questions about it. ( For example he threw a 1l water bottle (full) at me leaving a huge bruise on my leg, he never really hit me but i got many bruises on my arms from him using force on me or him threatening to hurt me if he feels i do something wrong, because I deserve it). All the while he is having photos of us up, pretending like it was the best thing ever.

 

Well let this be a good lesson to you in the future the next time you want to put "love" or whatever other feelings, before your better intuition or sense. Too many women are just like you, dating the wrong guys and then spending their lives complaining about it...nobody wants to hear about it, nobody cares, stop becoming so easily emotionally involved with it again...use your head now and move on. Because all too often, a woman like you goes right back with the same type of guy even after all that complaining and whining was done...so hopefully you learned a very good lesson here and are really thinking about what you did wrong...too many women just like to paint it with a brush like "oh I made a mistake" and then that allows them to make the same stupid mistakes with a different guy who's almost exactly the same way.

 

Increase your intelligence level and see through his games, stop becoming emotionally involved, stop giving a damn about it...if you cannot do that, then you're just going to go around and around with him and you'll be whining to everyone about it, just stop talking about it, stop giving it the attention and worry about your own. Eventually he will go away.

 

And if he does not, keep track of everything he does just for your records so that you can report him at some point in the in the future if he continues to increase his behavior to get your attention.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Untag yourself, and block your ex.

 

Job done. That was easy.

 

She wants to get on his FB, delete everything and erase the any trace of history because she's embarrassed of herself and wishing she could just lock it away in the past and forget about it.

 

But it's never going to happen that way...hopefully she figures it out for herself instead of wasting her energy.

[drudkh]

Well you shouldn't be speaking with in at all, zero communication...once he isn't able to get in touch with you anymore he will at some point move on.

 

As far as him coming to do his masters in your country, I wouldn't take his word for it...yes he might show up, which is another matter altogether and you might want to notify the police if you feel he is harassing you.

 

If he's just contacting you and making these threats to kind of scare you or keep you thinking about him, then he's just trying to manipulate you back into a situation and you're falling for it if you're fighting with him over the pics...don't you see that's exactly what he wants to keep your attention? don't be a fool and fall for the mind tricks, he knows how to get your attention, stop responding to his tactics.

 

 

 

 

Well let this be a good lesson to you in the future the next time you want to put "love" or whatever other feelings, before your better intuition or sense. Too many women are just like you, dating the wrong guys and then spending their lives complaining about it...nobody wants to hear about it, nobody cares, stop becoming so easily emotionally involved with it again...use your head now and move on. Because all too often, a woman like you goes right back with the same type of guy even after all that complaining and whining was done...so hopefully you learned a very good lesson here and are really thinking about what you did wrong...too many women just like to paint it with a brush like "oh I made a mistake" and then that allows them to make the same stupid mistakes with a different guy who's almost exactly the same way.

 

Increase your intelligence level and see through his games, stop becoming emotionally involved, stop giving a damn about it...if you cannot do that, then you're just going to go around and around with him and you'll be whining to everyone about it, just stop talking about it, stop giving it the attention and worry about your own. Eventually he will go away.

 

And if he does not, keep track of everything he does just for your records so that you can report him at some point in the in the future if he continues to increase his behavior to get your attention.

 

 

Well I do have some issues with "love" and receiving it (starting with school bullying when I was young that changed the way I see myself and the world) and perhaps making bad choices at times. I tend to have a difficult time understand or relating to people in general. However I do not think that making choices about people is that easy since their true personalities unfold in time.

 

With this guy though, I do not feel like I deserve what happened and I felt like I did not want something like that in my life. I just feel angered over the thought that he just doesnt get it and he can go on thinking like everything was just fine. He doesnt seem to show any remorse at all. People always have a lot of ideas about what they would do in a certain situation, however you never truly know till the time really comes. I think I did a pretty nice job leaving that situation behind me, and nothing too awful happened.

 

I did feel that I dont want this bs in my life at all so i blocked him and removed from everywhere but it also kind of makes me feel bad that maybe I was wrong and Ive done something bad. However I do not intend on restoring contact. I dont miss him, and have no feelings for him.

Edited April 8, 2015 by drudkh

[Diezel]

He isnt a person you can have an adult conversation with. He is quite the manipulator and sees absolutely nothing wrong in playing games. He has started arguments with me just to "steal some of my time for himself", as he put it. After we broke up.

 

So knowing this... your solution was to contact him to tell him to remove pictures of you two together.

 

How about instead of worrying about his FB and the pictures, you stop looking at his FB and you stop contacting him. To me that sounds WAY more respectful to your current boyfriend than what your solution seems to be aimed at.

[drudkh]

So knowing this... your solution was to contact him to tell him to remove pictures of you two together.

 

How about instead of worrying about his FB and the pictures, you stop looking at his FB and you stop contacting him. To me that sounds WAY more respectful to your current boyfriend than what your solution seems to be aimed at.

 

 

Im not sure how many times I have to write that I have blocked him now and removed him from places where he could contact me. Im not sure what other solution and whatnot you are referring to.

[PegNosePete]

So. Problem solved. Excellent

[Diezel]

Im not sure how many times I have to write that I have blocked him now and removed him from places where he could contact me. Im not sure what other solution and whatnot you are referring to.

 

So then, what's the problem?

 

You solved the issue, move on.

[writergal]

Im not sure how many times I have to write that I have blocked him now and removed him from places where he could contact me. Im not sure what other solution and whatnot you are referring to.

 

When you break up with someone, you have no say what they post on their social media about the relationship. Well, you have no say in general about what your ex can post on his social media.

 

Leave your ex-bf alone. The more that you complain about him, the more convinced I am that you still have feelings for him. This could backfire on you with your current boyfriend if you complain to him about your ex-bf's Facebook photos. Do you? You claim that you miss him, but don't have feelings for him. That's not possible. You can't miss someone and not have feelings for him. So, I think you have lingering feelings for your ex-bf and are confused about it. That's why you lashed out at him about the photos on his Facebook, because on some level, you still want to be with him I think. If you really don't like your ex-bf then you wouldn't care what he does with the photos from your relationship on his Facebook page. You'd concentrate on your new boyfriend instead.

 

And so what if he does his masters' degree in your small country? You cannot dictate what choices another person makes, to suit your own life.

[drudkh]

When you break up with someone, you have no say what they post on their social media about the relationship. Well, you have no say in general about what your ex can post on his social media.

 

Leave your ex-bf alone. The more that you complain about him, the more convinced I am that you still have feelings for him. This could backfire on you with your current boyfriend if you complain to him about your ex-bf's Facebook photos. Do you? You claim that you miss him, but don't have feelings for him. That's not possible. You can't miss someone and not have feelings for him. So, I think you have lingering feelings for your ex-bf and are confused about it. That's why you lashed out at him about the photos on his Facebook, because on some level, you still want to be with him I think. If you really don't like your ex-bf then you wouldn't care what he does with the photos from your relationship on his Facebook page. You'd concentrate on your new boyfriend instead.

 

And so what if he does his masters' degree in your small country? You cannot dictate what choices another person makes, to suit your own life.

 

 

I think it is better to read the OPs posts correctly before replying with some paranoid accusations. I clearly wrote that I do NOT miss him and I do NOT have feelings for him. And to confirm-I do NOT have lingering feelings for him and I do NOT secretly wish to be with him and I see no absolute point in trying to argue that I do. Surprisingly, some people mean what they say. Maybe your mind is filling in the blanks a little bit too wildly.

 

He contacted me to get some information about the university and this is when I decided to ask him to take the pictures down. You however are making it sound as if I am crawling after him, not leaving the poor boy alone because Im still crazy about him.

[writergal]

He isnt a person you can have an adult conversation with. He is quite the manipulator and sees absolutely nothing wrong in playing games. He has started arguments with me just to "steal some of my time for himself", as he put it. After we broke up.

 

Since we live in different countries we are not really "friends". Most contact was initiated by him, maybe every few months. He has now also decided to try and do his masters in my country (very small country. ive heard some American tourists call our capital city a village). And I kind of dont want him to be holding on to me, be it in the form of pics on social media or something else. If social media doesnt matter, who cares right ( according to some posters) then it shouldnt be a problem to take the photos down for the person it matters to.

 

While it may sound cruel, it is true that he wasnt the best choice for a bf, but its hard to let go once you become attached. However its over, and even though it was not all bad and I learnt a lot I am slightly ashamed what went down in the end and I kind of want to move away from things that happened and I dont want to be answering questions about it. ( For example he threw a 1l water bottle (full) at me leaving a huge bruise on my leg, he never really hit me but i got many bruises on my arms from him using force on me or him threatening to hurt me if he feels i do something wrong, because I deserve it). All the while he is having photos of us up, pretending like it was the best thing ever.

 

I disagree. You care too much about what he does since the breakup. You still want to control what he does, because you think you are entitled to. You seem to be the one who is still holding on here, not him. That tells me that you miss him. And I did carefully read every word that you wrote.

[blackcat777]

A lot of guys will keep pictures of themselves with various women to create the (false) aura of appearing "desirable."

 

The ones that make me laugh the most are the ones on OLD where they paintshop the head off the girl they were with in the photo, but still keep her there.

 

Just another possible slant.

 

More importantly, though, you need to cut all cords with the ex and move on, for your own mental health. This could become future relationship-wrecking stuff if you don't.

[drudkh]

I disagree. You care too much about what he does since the breakup. You still want to control what he does, because you think you are entitled to. You seem to be the one who is still holding on here, not him. That tells me that you miss him. And I did carefully read every word that you wrote.

 

1. I meant someone who cares about photos stuff on FB

2. Yes its hard to let go once you become attached, but I did it, for several reasons, because I did not want him in my life. (first reason was him being abusive among other problems, another reason being that my first love reappeared )

3. It is effing crazy how you say one thing very clearly and people try to convince you otherwise of your very own feelings. What is this odd trend?

4. Saying that it was not all bad is just stating a fact, if it had been all bad from the beginning we would not have been together at all. Just because a relationship ends doesnt mean it makes the relationship all bad. It is just stating a fact not undying love.

 

Lets bring out this piece of information - after the break up he contacted me twice, once some 4 months later and after he found out Im with someone new (some 10 months after the breakup) about how I was the best thing in his life. ever. I felt guilty hearing that because I did not feel the same. All contact after the breakup has been initiated by him. Even when I asked him to remove the photos, it was after he initiated contact. The reason I didnt cut all ties in the beginning because it felt cruel and because I still had a past with him, also because he had no affect on my emotions for other men.

 

He affects me the same way as bad drivers do or hypocrites etc, he has no effect on my feelings for my current bf, or any other feelings based on positive emotions.

 

Now, lets see what evidence you find to show my undying love for him from this post.

[PegNosePete]

Now, lets see what evidence you find to show my undying love for him from this post.

The very existence of this thread suggests you're not over him. If you were, then you wouldn't give 2 short ships what he has or doesn't have on his facebook. Not only that but you're stalking his facebook and finding pics over 1.5 years old. That is not normal/healthy behaviour.

[drudkh]

The very existence of this thread suggests you're not over him. If you were, then you wouldn't give 2 short ships what he has or doesn't have on his facebook. Not only that but you're stalking his facebook and finding pics over 1.5 years old. That is not normal/healthy behaviour.

 

Yes I was interested in seeing if the general public finds this behavior normal or not, refusing to take down old couples photos when someone asks. I find it strange. Im actually referring to a very certain photo in his cover photo folders. It does not take excessive stalking to click the folder and see it there. I stalk numerous people on FB in general.. daily, I can see that being an unhealthy behavior, but not checking his in particular. (However it is not really stalking by looking at info that people have willingly shared online, maybe its a generational difference, or cultural)

 

But I can see how people on this forum have so many problems, you refuse to believe what people tell you. Sometimes there is no need to read between the lines. Im quite amazed to be honest.

[anika99]

Regardless of what you say your feelings are about your exbf, the message you send to him when you contact him to ask him to remove photos is that he still matters to you. He sees that as you still paying attention to him and his life. I have exes who I don't have a clue what they have on their fb or if they even have fb. I couldn't give a hoot what they are posting or not posting because I am over them and I don't care.