Author digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Nope. You told a story about one woman, and you then leap to say "most single women". I get that you're hurt by this ONE woman, but let me tell you, this is the sort of thing that any healthy woman is going to run far, far away from. You said and But these statements are demonstrably untrue, because, you know, I read your OP. You chose and continued to choose, for months, a woman who kept you dangling with the drama and the push-pull and the lying and it made you fall madly in love with her; you even admit you wanted to save her and protect her and so forth. Bottom line: If you want to have a healthy relationship with someone someday, you should probably seek to understand why that behavior is/was attractive to you. Because I can tell you right now, badmouthing a whole lot of people who are probably invisible to you right now is one giant red flag. No woman who is mentally healthy is going to touch a man who cries "why are most single women manipulators??" with a ten-foot pole. So get your own house in order first. Counseling is a good start. Perspective would be invaluable. I need to correct you in a few things. 1st i didn't fall madly in love with her because of her drama or her lying. 2nd i didn't realize things were not real to her until later that year, so i didn't know she was lying. I fell in love with her because of who she is. That being a loving mom, non judgmental, similar faith, excellent work ethic, strong personality, and a positive person. well when she wasn't going through drama. 3rd based on my experience with women in my life most have been very similar to the girl i talked about. if there is healthy women that are single. where are they found? Lol the last question doesn't really matter. you have made it quite clear that no healthy women would have a thing to do with someone like me. I respect that because i know its true. which answers my last question in original post. This will take many years to fix and have already put many years into this issue i have. So the answer is yes i should be content with being alone for the rest of my life. Thank you for your efforts in pointing out where i went wrong. Thanks for and i can only assume for trying to open my eyes. I asked for this and deserved what i received. the only responsible party here is me. Understood now.
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 thanks for your attempts and efforts in helping me to understand. i now know i am not slightly to blame but mostly to blame this life event. Don't be so hard on yourself, next time you will be better prepared.
salparadise Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 you have made it quite clear that no healthy women would have a thing to do with someone like me. I respect that because i know its true. This gets to the heart of the matter. You don't believe you're worthy of someone who treats you well, or believe that anyone would be interested in you just for who you are. So you spot a maladjusted woman and attempt to win her devotion by giving her your soul and expecting nothing, not even a modicum of respect... iow, acting like a doormat and reasoning that she'll be so appreciative of having you to wipe her feet on that she'll become who you wish she would be. The only way to fix it is to learn to respect yourself first. Then when someone treats you badly you immediately recognize that unacceptable behavior equals inappropriate partner... because I am worthy. 1
preraph Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 She can't do anything you don't let her do, so stop letting her do it. You found out early on she has issues and complications and should have backed off right then. You can't stay in a hopeless situation when you know better and then just blame the other person for it. You have a brain too.
Author digdug75 Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 She's responsible for her actions and choices, you're responsible for yours. If all you want to do is vent about how awful single women are - well, there will probably be takers who want to get embroiled in that kind of bitching session. Then you'll likely go and make another poor choice...because if all you do is vent and shut out all advice except that which is tailored to whatever you want to hear, you'll just keep on making the same mistakes. Except that you won't see them as mistakes. You'll just carry on seeing yourself as a decent, caring guy being taken a loan of by all these terrible women. Serial Muse is right....healthy women will bodyswerve all that. The ones who, far from bodyswerving it, will make a beeline for you will be more of what you've just encountered. They'll hear you complain about how you've been taken advantage of, and they'll automatically think "easy target...soft touch." They'll set themselves up as the damsel in distress, recognising that you are/see yourself as a rescuer and bingo you'll be in another drama. Because here's the thing. Dodgy, flaky and downright dishonest women will tell you whatever you want to hear....and from the way you've posted already, I can tell you're a sucker for people who tell you what you want to hear. People with principles and ethics won't do it. They'll tell you what they honestly think, rather than just guessing what you want to hear and feeding it to you. So you'll buy the bullsh*t of the next liar who comes along and pretends to be whatever you want, and you'll get burned and then you'll be back here or on some other forum presenting it as another body of evidence with regard to the evils of single women. Unless you start considering the possibility that you should learn something about yourself from all of this, and make a vow to learn how to recognise and extricate yourself from drama sooner rather than later. The main reason for posting this was to understand why I was treated this way! I was hoping to receive feedback to keep this from happening to me once again, as I am getting to old for this crap! I really don't like it when people lie to me. This means no I don't want people blowing smoke up my ass. I like things told to me in a straight forward manner no B.S. I don't read anywhere that people were telling me what I wanted to hear! All my replies involved questions and clarification of where I was coming from. It is great though that you know me so well that you can judge me right of the bat. If when you used the word "sucker" meaning the same to you as gullible yes I am. I am also Naïve mostly involving relationships, trusting, and easily forgiving. I have been given a few things to read by other responders that caused me to reflect on why I do the things I do and how to correct them. So thank you for your helpful repetitive response. I am impatient and the things that I apparently need to work on will take years to fix. So excuse me if I don't see a future with a soul mate in my life time.
serial muse Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 (edited) I need to correct you in a few things. 1st i didn't fall madly in love with her because of her drama or her lying. 2nd i didn't realize things were not real to her until later that year, so i didn't know she was lying. I fell in love with her because of who she is. That being a loving mom, non judgmental, similar faith, excellent work ethic, strong personality, and a positive person. well when she wasn't going through drama. 3rd based on my experience with women in my life most have been very similar to the girl i talked about. if there is healthy women that are single. where are they found? Lol the last question doesn't really matter. you have made it quite clear that no healthy women would have a thing to do with someone like me. I respect that because i know its true. which answers my last question in original post. This will take many years to fix and have already put many years into this issue i have. So the answer is yes i should be content with being alone for the rest of my life. Thank you for your efforts in pointing out where i went wrong. Thanks for and i can only assume for trying to open my eyes. I asked for this and deserved what i received. the only responsible party here is me. Understood now. Oh, stop it. I didn't say no healthy woman would have anything to do with you. I said no healthy woman would have anything to do with a guy who says what you said about single women. So stop saying it. Stop blaming "most single women", and get some perspective on your choices. Therapy is a good way to do that. The good news is that this stuff is fixable; but you're going to need to own those choices first. I mean, seriously, who said anything about you being alone for the rest of your life? Who said anything about you being worthless? Only you. You really do sound like you need to talk with a counselor. But you should also acknowledge that the minute you start insulting women as a group, you're going to get your wrist slapped. Own that, recognize that you said something untrue and insulting and that it is the specific and exact reason you're getting bad reactions to your OP, and then get on with the business of moving past this bad relationship. Edited April 9, 2015 by serial muse 1
Author digdug75 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 Oh, stop it. I didn't say no healthy woman would have anything to do with you. I said no healthy woman would have anything to do with a guy who says what you said about single women. So stop saying it. Stop blaming "most single women", and get some perspective on your choices. Therapy is a good way to do that. The good news is that this stuff is fixable; but you're going to need to own those choices first. I mean, seriously, who said anything about you being alone for the rest of your life? Who said anything about you being worthless? Only you. You really do sound like you need to talk with a counselor. But you should also acknowledge that the minute you start insulting women as a group, you're going to get your wrist slapped. Own that, recognize that you said something untrue and insulting and that it is the specific and exact reason you're getting bad reactions to your OP, and then get on with the business of moving past this bad relationship. I misunderstood what you were trying to say and thought you were implying other things. my mistake! in reality though it is true there is no reason for a health women to get involved with me! I would have to heal and fix myself first. Look I can only judge things according to my life experience! It has been my experience 9 out of the 10 girls I have been with have either used me or manipulated me. So that is why I say most single women. May not be true about all single women but most can be just 51%! No where in my original post did I say single women but tried to clarify later. The question was why do women treat men this way! Meaning those women that treat men like ****! if any women took offense to my questions. then I do not see how! This women I got involved with to me was heartless, and manipulative. Any women that does not do those kind of things in which this girl did to me should have taken no offence because it doesn't apply to those decent women who read the post. Notice how in the original post I never used the word all nor did I use that word in any of my replies. If I used the word all then I can see how you could see that I was attacking an entire gender. Unfortunately that is not the case! I said that I will be along for the rest of my life. Nobody else said that! I don't remember ever stating that I was worthless. Yes I admitted I do need and have had counseling. Me saying that I will be alone for the rest of my life is my own conclusion. Due to my age and the many years spent in counseling in other areas in my life. It is only through this post did I realize that I have some major women issues. Not because women don't manipulate as men do also. Not because women can be heartless as men can be also, and not because women don't lie because men do also. It is because I really don't have boundaries when it come to being in a relationship with a women. I am the "door mat" Those issues will take years to overcome. I could have said some women or some men, but I chose not to because a person that this doesn't apply to wouldn't take offence. IF your main problem with what I wrote is because I used the word "women" then sorry for offending you! I believe the reason why I received some not so good replies. Is because some people believe that a women would never act in a manipulative, heartless manner, and that it must have been the man's fault. I take full responsibility for my actions and would agree this last years event could be mostly my fault. that is pretty much end of story.
elaine567 Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Listen to this, which some other poster posted here yesterday:- Wounded animals.
Author digdug75 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 Listen to this, which some other poster posted here yesterday:- Wounded animals. First thank you for taking the time and effort to help me learn more about my own actions in the relationship. While I agree that some of those things apply to me, there are other things that don't apply. For instance I do not go out and seek these type of relationships they seem to fall into my lap. I do engage them it is the best i have been treated in a relationship sadly enough. I have never been on a date well until this last girl, or if hanging around counts. I do not do things for others for the purpose of receiving an immediate benefit. I have been through a lot of hard times in my life and understand how hard it can be to deal with situations. I help people because i do not like to see others suffer as i have. If it causes them to be happy or feel less stressed then great. If not oh well i did what i could do for them. I help people because it is the right thing to do. I help people because i do care. There is no avoiding the benefits of doing good for others it is the side effect of the action. Everybody receives benefit from doing good for others. When i did those things for that girl it was out of love and understanding of her problems. I have been in an abusive relationship. She was being stalked and abused. yes i had a choice. Let her fend for herself and possible get killed or open my door so that she could feel she had a safe place. Those were the options i saw. At the time i believed she was honest. I have been very open with her through out my time with her. I have expressed my dislikes of how i felt i was being treated later. I have no problems with telling others how i feel. I am an open book ask me a question and i will answer. Most situations i stand up for what i believe in and if i am wrong i will admit once i have seen where i was wrong. I have done lots of research for the past 3 days. The research involved, emotional manipulating, person pleasers, co-dependence, selfishness in a relationship, Toxic love, blind love, low self-esteem, self compassion, narcissism, and healthy relationships. I do not lie. I don't someone lying to me. I didn't think of myself as a manipulator, but apparently there are many forms of manipulation. If i had realized i was manipulating i would have stopped. Only now due to hindsight do i understand more. I am naïve, trusting, and forgiving. I believe it is good to be trusting, but as everything else trust needs its balance or limits. Forgiving is another thing i take to the extreme. i forgive others not so they like me but because nobody is perfect. Yet there needs to be boundaries on that also. i fell in love with this last girl at first and as i researched. It turns out it turned into fear in which i purposely ignored the red flags. True i had a gut feeling that she was bad for me the first time i met her. It was a 30 second judgment. I don't think to be fair to judge someone with out knowing and talking with them first. So i got to know her. It seems that we get into relationships in which we know how to react and deal with. Upbringing seems to dictate the relationship one gets involved in. I make no excuses for my part in the hurt i received. i appreciate the thoughts and judgments about me in this thread. it helped me to think outside the box. As i have said before i like to fix things. i have spent many, many years undoing the affects of my past. This new realization and experience of how i act. Has enabled me to recognize my problems in relationships. I have been given something that is fixable. Even though it may take many years to fix. So once again thank you.
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