digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 (edited) This is long! Yes I now know how stupid I was. I do hope I finally learned my lesson. this is as short as I could make it to give people an idea of what I went through. I have met this girl in February of lastyear. She was moving into an apartment directly across from me. I met her byshoveling snow that those that were moving her things in would not slip andfall. Knew she was trouble from the beginning. I did not really meat her untilprevious tenants of that apartment asked me to help them with there mail. Atthat point, things took a fast spin forward. I had spent more time learningabout her she had broken up with her boyfriend so I thought. The boyfriend ofhers was abusive to her by the way. The boyfriend took a scooter he had given to her son. He had a bike that wasn't working so I fixed it for her son. Things got more serious in my eyes. I learned more about her and her life struggles.Learned more about her son and realized I was very much like her son when I wasa kid. I had realized that I was falling in love with her. I set her down at my place explained how I felt about her so she could act accordingly. She said thanks for letting me know then left my place. This had happened in a month.She had got back into her abusive relationship and would come over to my placeand drop her issues about her boyfriend on me. She would at my door at allhours of night. She would break up with him off and on for about 7 months sinceI have known her. During those months, we had sex for the first time. The firsttime we had sex I thought I made sure that it was the right thing to do, as I loved her at this point. She said to me “you want to have sex”. My reply was “areyou sure” she said “yes”. I asked a second time same thing received the same response. I said to her "you know this will change our relationship"she said, "I know". Therefore, I had sex with her thinking we wouldget into a relationship. (Note she is an alcoholic whiskey drinker only) 1or 2 days after having sex with me, she got back with her abusive ex. At that point,I felt used. She had sworn up and down that it was not the case and I believedher. Later she had broken up with the abusive dude. She started having sex withme on a regular basis for a week. Telling me things like her heart belongs tome. She loves me on other such things. The abusive dude would continuallyharass her through text messages and stalk her. Therefore, she would makeconstant trips to my place seeking safety and someone to talk with. DuringThose seven months, I had gotten emotionally depressed in a severe way. I had started taking medications to get somekind of relief. (Didn’t help but made things worse) After have sex for 2 weeks she says we need tostop. I say ok. However, she still sleeps and snuggles with me for about 9 monthsof knowing her. She continues to lay her problems on my shoulders and Icontinue to listen as she me as if it is me she is interested in starting arelationship this time. My part was to up lift her, continually show her thatshe is a good person, that she is loved by others and that her kids love her. Iwould give her letters with jokes on them, I would visit her at work, I wouldbuy small things for her so that she could feel that she is a good person anddeserves to be treated better. I would help her with whatever she needed. Watchher son drive her around as a sober driver. She had made a few dinners. Her reasonsfor giving me food 1 she was going to through it away anyways and 2 she missedher kids and wanted to make dinner. She has taken me out to a few activities.Because she didn't want to be alone, due to family issues, or fear of ex.( I amsober driver) She was drunk or drink throughout all thosemoments in which she said was good times. She would have me lie next to her andsnuggle with her, so she was not alone for about 6 months off, and on afterthat. Many times, she would struggle with her abusive boyfriend. She would lienext to me one night then get back with ex abuser or another man. She had toldme that she would date me. She would say and do other things that would lead meto believe that something may come of my efforts. Duringthese 9 months she would go out and meet guys come to my place or ask me tocome over to hers and sleep with me. At one point she had told me that weneeded to stop sleeping and snuggling together because she was getting to emotionally attached. (?) However, it did not stop. Iflipped out a couple of times because one night I am sleeping next to her and she is filling my head with how she feels about me and the next day she is with the ex or another guy. I am in love with her and have hope that she realizethat what she needs is right here. She would tell me that we are now bestfriends plus.(?) I have patched her walls in her apartment. I have doneeverything I knew to lift her up and give her positive feedback. I have donemany things for her ignoring my own emotions. Many things have happened that caused me to do what I did with her. Now it is the end of February of this year. I had hooked her up with facebook forher phone. She started meeting knew guys calling them "friends". In fact,she has many male friends. She is getting facebook text on her phone with guys replying constantly. I am there with her while she is talking with them, and she fully understands how much I love her. She starts dating or she calls it visiting with friends. She dates a new man every other day and tells me she is just keeping her options open. At this point am hoping that she will see that I am the one that would work for her. Well I tell her that she should pick one person to give him a chance to better get to know the guy because one date doesn't say much. She chooses a man dates hima couple more times and instantly she is in love tells me she is going to marry him by December. He breaks up with her a few times. During those breakups, I am with her consoling her lying next to her ect.... The 3rd time he breaks up withher I spend 2 to 3 days and hours listening to her repeat herself over and overagain about how much she dislikes him and will never give him another chance. Duringthose three days well actually on the 3rd day she has court for one of herkids. Asks me to go, of course I say yes because I would do anything for her (Iwas wrapped I guess) She is meanwhile during those three days texting otherguys with me around. I ask if she is hooking up with one man she says, “No”they are just friends and that was all. Ok so I got to court with her spend moretime with her that day. The next day I do my thing. Thinking she was still sadabout the man that had just recently broke up with her. I send her textmessages with jokes and go buy a rose for her with a note saying, “this is justa reminder that people do truly love you even though you may not feel it attimes" tapped to her vehicle at her work place. That day towards the endof work, she has two major seizures. When she is had her seizures that day Iwas at the mall looking for a birthday gift for her. She gets off work at 2:30.I had not received any replies to messages I sent her that day figured she waswith some other man. I did not get home until 8pm. Her daughter gets to apartments at the same time as I do and explains to me that her mom hadseizures. I go visit her that night. I see that she has a lot of support there at the hospital so I do not stay long. Next day I visit her couple of times before lunch. About 30 min after lunch she texted me asking for a smoke.Something you should know about me I am a problem fixer. Therefore, I had researched all I could about seizures. Found out that it could be possible thata cigarette could trigger another seizure. Therefore, I do not bring her asmoke but something that might relief the need for one. I have to leave becauseshe needs to get an x-ray. Before she leaves, she tells me she’ll text me afterx-ray. I had not received one text from her that day. I sent her a few texts throughout the rest of the day no reply. I get to bed. Next day arrives no text. Go on net find out she has gotten back with the man that dumped her 3times the day she had seizures. At lunchtime that day she text me she needs a smoke, and want to know if I can bring her one. I said,” no” that it was her boyfriend’s job. She gets mad with me. She comes home and her boyfriendis taking care of her. She asks me to have a smoke with her 2 days after she isout of hospital. I explain to her that we cannot be friends anymore. She doesnot understand why. She continues to text me for smoke visits. After 2 weeks, I had said to her “it’s not her fault that I love her”, but being friends is not an option. I then continue totell her that everything that happened between her and I was my fault. She then replies that it was not all my fault. Thatif she had not been drunk or drinking all the time. Nothing she had said to meand done with me would have never had happened. Does that me that the past year was a lie? Why do women act this way toward nice men? Is there a decent women out there that isn't married or in a relationship? How did this happen to me yet again? Am I that needy? what signs do I need to look for to keep away from self-centered women? Does my personality require me to be alone for the rest of my life? women cannot even work things out to resolve problems. "SO FRUSTRATED AND HUMILIATED" Edited April 8, 2015 by digdug75 made mistakes
badpenny Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 The reason you edited your post, was that you 'Made mistakes'. I'll say. She didn't manipulate you. You were a willing partner, and nobody held a gun to your head to make you do the things you did. Own your mistakes. You went into this knowing she is flaky, but you persisted. Your contribution to this is not her fault, it's yours. You did things because you wanted to. You could have stopped and got out any time you wanted to, but you continued. The point is not that she is 'heartless and manipulative' (and your title is in the plural, insinuating that all or many women are like this, but you know, a fair and considerable number of men are, too) but that you willingly played into this, and now you are complaining. The simple answer is this. Quit, stop, leave, desist, refuse. Sorted. You have a brain between your ears and the ability to make choices. Make wise ones, not foolish ones. 4
anika99 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Yes, there are plenty of normal emotionally healthy loving women out there who would love to have a relationship with a normal healthy loving man. Now I'm sorry to say that you are not a healthy man and you would not make a good partner to a healthy woman. I suspect that you wouldn't even be attracted to a mature emotionally healthy woman. You have no boundaries and you don't seem to have very healthy self esteem or a lot of self respect. This woman you write about wasn't exactly fooling you or pulling the wool over your eyes. You said you knew she was trouble right from the start yet you pursued her anyways. What exactly do you find attractive about this alcoholic woman who use you while she sleeps around? Why do you want a woman such as this? She sounds nasty but she isn't to blame for this situation as you are the one who has chosen this for yourself. I don't think you will ever find happiness with a woman until you get some counselling and figure out what it is that makes you attracted to these type of women. As I said before, you decided to pursue this woman already knowing that she was no good. That's says more about you than it does about her. I wonder how many nice girls you have overlooked while you have been out there chasing the crazies. 1
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Dig- You set yourself up to be a "doormat" for this woman from the very beginning. She has been more than happy to oblige by wiping her feet on you. She sounds like a mess, and is not capable at this time of having a normal committed relationship. Before you allow yourself to become damaged even more by the dysfunction, please move on. What you are putting up with is not acceptable. 1
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Why do women act this way toward nice men? Is there a decent women out there that isn't married or in a relationship? How did this happen to me yet again? Am I that needy? what signs do I need to look for to keep away from self-centered women? Does my personality require me to be alone for the rest of my life? women cannot even work things out to resolve problems. "SO FRUSTRATED AND HUMILIATED" Why are you blaming "women" in general? THIS woman is a complete mess, crazy, alcoholic, promiscuous, a liar, a manipulator and a cheat who essentially friend-zoned you almost from day one, and you dare to label all women the same... 3
Author digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 (edited) The reason you edited your post, was that you 'Made mistakes'. I'll say. She didn't manipulate you How did you come to this conclusion? You were a willing partner, and nobody held a gun to your head to make you do the things you did. Very true I was a willing person. Due to the fact that I had fallen in love with her. Yes nobody held a gun to my head. At the time I was under the impression that she had strong feelings for me. She had led me to believe that she was trust worthy and genuine. This is what manipulative women do to feed there emotional needs. Own your mistakes. I do own my mistakes and take full responsibility for my actions. My actions were due to love and hope. My actions were do to a women telling me what i wanted to hear. which i know now were lies. You went into this knowing she is flaky, but you persisted. Not true! I did not get into this knowing she was flaky. i had a fist impression that she was trouble. I got to know her better fell in love with the great qualities that she does have and didn't pay attention to the red flags, or didn't notice them. This was due to her filling my head with lies about her feelings towards me. In which i believed to be true. Your contribution to this is not her fault, it's yours. My actions were in response to her actions and words towards me. Mind you before i got into deeply with her she knew i was in love with her. She should have kept her distance if she didn't want me. You did things because you wanted to. Yes i did! She seemed so miserable, terrified, and needed to feel good about herself. I was in love with her and did my part as a loving, caring, kind person would. You could have stopped and got out any time you wanted to, but you continued. Hmmm! How does a person instantly stop loving another? I continued to pursue her while under the impression she had strong feelings for me. Is it my fault she lied to me and deceived me? How is it my fault that she used my emotions that she knew i had for her against me? The point is not that she is 'heartless and manipulative' That is the point! Most single women are manipulative when they want you and heartless when you are no longer need to fill there emotional needs. (and your title is in the plural, insinuating that all or many women are like this, but you know, a fair and considerable number of men are, too) That many women are like what? LOL! i like your use of words. A "fair" and then jumps to considerable number. Being that considerable and many are one in the same. but that you willingly played into this, and now you are complaining. I do not understand how you came to the conclusion that i willingly played into her manipulation and lies that i was unaware of at the time! Looking back yes i can see where i went wrong several times. Self-centered manipulative people do what they do and others reap the destruction. The simple answer is this. Quit, stop, leave, desist, refuse. This has been done has been done already, about a week ago. I am just getting through my pain of being used, mislead, and manipulated in to believing things that in reality were never true. i hope other men can recognized the pattern. Edited April 8, 2015 by digdug75
BlueIris Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 (edited) How did this happen to me yet again? Am I that needy? what signs do I need to look for to keep away from self-centered women? Does my personality require me to be alone for the rest of my life? Read your own questions ^^^. So, how do you stop going for selfish manipulative partners? In general, don't take the bait. Stop when you see red flags. (drinking, drugs, high drama history and circumstances, irresponsible, martyr/victim thinking, etc….) • Don’t go against your gut instincts. You say you knew she was trouble from the beginning. So don’t go there, or if you do go there, own it. • Don’t mistake hormones and lust for love. You say you loved her- but what did you love? Was she sexy or was it something else? • White Knight Thinking- Think about whether you want or need broken women. Do you seek tragic high-drama women and thereby make YOUR life tragic and high-drama? Do you feel better about yourself if the woman you’re with is a mess so you’re superior to her or she needs you to save her? • Stereotyping and black and white thinking. If you believe that women are awful you’re more likely to see individual women as some dazzling exception, YOUR savior, the ONE who stands so far above woman-kind. None of it is realistic. Edited April 8, 2015 by BlueIris 2
anika99 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 digdug, I just wrote out a whole long post to you and then lost it when I hit the post button. Arrggghhh....I so hate when that happens. Anyways, I don't have time to do it all again. But I will say this woman you speak of is not really a manipulator. You knew what she was doing the whole time and you ignored it and continued to be her doormat in some weird hope that this obviously damaged individual would somehow become your princess that you would live happily ever after with. How can you claim to have been fooled by this woman when she paraded a bunch of men right in front of you? When you watched her kid drive her around and you had to drive her around because she was always too drunk to drive herself. She may have told you lies but her lies were never believable as her behaviour made her blatantly obvious. If you were standing in a downpour of rain would you believe someone who said it was sunny outside? Just because they said so? You are one of those guys who laments that you are just a nice guy who gets abused and used by women but I suggest that you aren't really as nice as you think you are. I know lots of nice guys who still have self respect, self confidence and who wouldn't put up with even 1/1000th of the disrespect you accepted. Please check out these links about some guys who call themselves "nice guys". See if any of it rings true for you Heartless Bitches International - Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS The Difference Between Being Nice and Being Kind | Marcia Sirota
Author digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 @anika99 Now I'm sorry to say that you are not a healthy man and you would not make a good partner to a healthy woman. I suspect that you wouldn't even be attracted to a mature emotionally healthy woman. I agree i am not healthy due to the pain many women have caused me. I would be attracted to a mature emotionally healthy single women if she was to be found. You have no boundaries and you don't seem to have very healthy self esteem or a lot of self respect. yes when i fully trust a person i lose boundaries. Yes i do not have self esteem, or self respect when it comes to falling in love with a women. For some reason i lose that part of me. well not the self esteem that has been an issue with me due to the way i was raised. Note: I explained to her in great detail all my faults within the first month that i met her, before i had made the choice to have sex with her. This woman you write about wasn't exactly fooling you or pulling the wool over your eyes. You said you knew she was trouble right from the start yet you pursued her anyways. Not sure how you feel that she didn't fool me or "pull the wool over my eyes". Yes i said my first impression of her was that she was trouble, and at that point i had not learned about her. It was just a gut feeling. What exactly do you find attractive about this alcoholic woman who use you while she sleeps around? I was attracted to her excellent work ethic, her desire to anything for her kids that she could possibly do that would make them have a good life. i was attracted to her desire to quite drinking. I liked her positive attitude that she regains after drama has left. I like the fact that she didn't judge me after all i had told her about my life. I liked at the time her honesty and i thought she could be trusted. I like at the time that she was kind to me even if it was a little amount. I like that she seemed to want to have me around because she enjoyed my company. Why do you want a woman such as this? That is the problem. I do not want women like this. I just want to be in a loving, trusting, and compatible relationship. A women who i can be best friends with for the rest of my life. She sounds nasty but she isn't to blame for this situation as you are the one who has chosen this for yourself. Ok i am very aware that my actions with her were my choices. My choices were based on her actions, words, and the thought that she really did want me. The thought that she really did want me instilled by her. I believed that she just need time to work things out in her mind, and if i would just be patient things would work out. I don't think you will ever find happiness with a woman until you get some counselling and figure out what it is that makes you attracted to these type of women. No doubt i need counseling. I am attracted to women with positive personalities and a strong will. That's says more about you than it does about her. What does it say about me? low self esteem, lack of self worth. Exactly what do my actions in what i wrote say to you? I wonder how many nice girls you have overlooked while you have been out there chasing the crazies. You act as if i go out seeking these type of girls. It is not like i run into many girls and have many to choose from. This women moved next door to me. I had been alone for 5 years before she came along. I have been with one decent women. It didn't work out i had to move to another state for a little while and she moved to another state due to job. Later she got married. it is not like i go to bars picking up women. i have been with 10 women 9 of them had similar traits as the girl i wrote about. Mostly i have been used for sex and emotional support. I have been a rebound hook up. they find me not vise versa.
carhill Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Yeah, you'll run into some of those in life. The good news is, after awhile, it won't matter. Why? No more reproductive pedestal of fantasy. They're just people, as interchangeable and transitory as the billions of others on the planet. Mortal. Imperfect. Just like you and me. Good luck in your pursuits. 1
Author digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 @elaine567 Why are you blaming "women" in general? Maybe i should have said most single women. THIS woman is a complete mess, crazy, alcoholic, promiscuous, a liar, a manipulator and a cheat who essentially friend-zoned you almost from day one, and you dare to label all women the same Where did i write all women are the same? Granted i could have written why to some or most single women do this to nice guys. The question is why do women do these things to nice men. i am Asking other women who don't do these things to men because they have to exist "why". These are my thoughts based on my experiences with women. I have come across one decent women in my life time. I am not talking about those that are married and are in a steady healthy relationship. i am sorry i offended you with the general word "women". I thought that women who were not like the girl i wrote about would understand it wasn't about them. my mistake.
autumnnight Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 @elaine567 Why are you blaming "women" in general? Maybe i should have said most single women. THIS woman is a complete mess, crazy, alcoholic, promiscuous, a liar, a manipulator and a cheat who essentially friend-zoned you almost from day one, and you dare to label all women the same Where did i write all women are the same? Granted i could have written why to some or most single women do this to nice guys. The question is why do women do these things to nice men. i am Asking other women who don't do these things to men because they have to exist "why". These are my thoughts based on my experiences with women. I have come across one decent women in my life time. I am not talking about those that are married and are in a steady healthy relationship. i am sorry i offended you with the general word "women". I thought that women who were not like the girl i wrote about would understand it wasn't about them. my mistake. Most women are NOT like this. But take heart, there are plenty of whiny men who want to blame women for their own dysfunction on the internet. PLENTY This woman is not quality. And she gave off plenty of signs. A mature person doesn't write off an entire gender because of one experience.
carhill Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 OP, understand something. Historically, men dominated women and treated them like second class citizens. We abused them, raped them, murdered them. Women lived in fear. Times have changed. Still, history is what it is. Caring people, in general, if their boundaries are not strong and their responses not harsh, will be trodden upon. Some are caring men, some are caring women. You're seeing things from the perspective of a caring man. Perhaps these interactions will help reinforce the reality that some of the evil in the world is embodied in sexually attractive packages, even if accepting that reality goes against every fibre of your psychology. It is what it is. 1
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 The boyfriend of hers was abusive to her by the way. The boyfriend took a scooter he had given to her son. He had a bike that wasn't working so I fixed it for her son. Things got more serious in my eyes. I learned more about her and her life struggles. Learned more about her son and realized I was very much like her son when I was a kid. I think this ^^^may be significant. YOU identified with her son and somewhere in your brain that means you connected the dots and felt she was a caring person like your mother perhaps, in trouble and someone you needed to save and someone who would save you too. I am not suggesting some oepidus complex here, but something about this woman triggered stuff from your childhood and despite her acting like an idiot, you kept loyal and forgave her, in the same way, we all tend to do when family are involved. BTW I think the alcohol had a lot to do with how this woman behaved. 1
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Work on your boundaries 21 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser | Psych Central https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPmv9_UYpxo - 15 Traits of People Pleaser Syndrome (in 15 minutes) 1
serial muse Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 That is the point! Most single women are manipulative when they want you and heartless when you are no longer need to fill there emotional needs. Nope. You told a story about one woman, and you then leap to say "most single women". I get that you're hurt by this ONE woman, but let me tell you, this is the sort of thing that any healthy woman is going to run far, far away from. You said No doubt i need counseling. I am attracted to women with positive personalities and a strong will. and I would be attracted to a mature emotionally healthy single women if she was to be found. But these statements are demonstrably untrue, because, you know, I read your OP. You chose and continued to choose, for months, a woman who kept you dangling with the drama and the push-pull and the lying and it made you fall madly in love with her; you even admit you wanted to save her and protect her and so forth. Bottom line: If you want to have a healthy relationship with someone someday, you should probably seek to understand why that behavior is/was attractive to you. Because I can tell you right now, badmouthing a whole lot of people who are probably invisible to you right now is one giant red flag. No woman who is mentally healthy is going to touch a man who cries "why are most single women manipulators??" with a ten-foot pole. So get your own house in order first. Counseling is a good start. Perspective would be invaluable. 2
Author digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 @anika99 You knew what she was doing the whole time Why do you keep saying this? i had a first impression that was just a gut feeling. I later took the time to get to know her better a found what i felt to be good qualities and that my previous impressions were wrong. So i thought. Had i known what i was getting into this experience of mine it would have never happened. How can you claim to have been fooled by this woman when she paraded a bunch of men right in front of you? I am not sure where you got the idea that she paraded a bunch of men around me! She would text guys on the phone while i was around in the later 4 months of the year. Keep in mind this is over a span of a year. i tried my best to crunch this message to give a general idea. First 8 months had only 2 guys involved. I was just beginning to realize what was going on and couldn't believe what was going on towards the last few months. yes those last few months i didn't want to believe this was happening to me that there had to be some kind of explanation. If you were standing in a downpour of rain would you believe someone who said it was sunny outside? This is a different circumstance. There is no emotion involved and is beyond obvious. Manipulation is subtle and works at others vulnerabilities. You are one of those guys who laments that you are just a nice guy who gets abused and used by women but I suggest that you aren't really as nice as you think you are. Ok i have only said what others have stated about me in person. i do believe i was extremely kind and loving to her. judge me how ever you want nothing can change your preconceived ideas about me unless you have met me and spent time with me. I know lots of nice guys who still have self respect, self confidence and who wouldn't put up with even 1/1000th of the disrespect you accepted. Yes! lots of nice guys who "have" self respect, self confidence. i am a guy who has neither of those when it comes to women maybe with people in general. I tend to let others walk over me. i do on the other hand stand up for myself when it comes to strangers, and people that don't really now me. it has been told to me that i am a pleaser. I like making others happy. Please check out these links about some guys who call themselves "nice guys". i will check it out, but you are mistaken if you believe i think highly of myself. according to others i am a nice guy. i feel i treated her very nicely as she said so herself. well if you can believe her. so that is why i post myself as a nice guy. so i will read those articles about how you think i am. I will reply later to those articles.
Author digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Most women are NOT like this. But take heart, there are plenty of whiny men who want to blame women for their own dysfunction on the internet. PLENTY This woman is not quality. And she gave off plenty of signs. A mature person doesn't write off an entire gender because of one experience. It has been my experience that most single women that i have encountered are the same. I have not denied that i have not fault in how i let myself be treated. i am responsible for my own actions and choices. Those choices and actions were based on how i saw and felt about her as a person, and what she had said and done with me. I did not write off an entire gender or at least that was not my intention. The thought was that all the good women are taken either married or in a serious relationship. What ever good women that is left that is single is hard to find and those women that are easy to find have shown me to be similar in many ways. Lastly yes she did give off plenty of signs over time. Most of those signs i feel due to my emotional attachment to her were invisible. Only now when i had ended things do i see all the signs that now cause me to feel stupid. So i ask you why? Why do such women treat men knowing that the man feels the way he does in such a hurtful way? If you believe that she is not responsible for her actions and words then don't bother replying.
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 If you believe that she is not responsible for her actions and words then don't bother replying. Since she was drunk or had been drinking a lot of the time, I doubt any one could say she was totally responsible for all her actions and words; she may not even remember half of the stuff that happened.
anika99 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 @anika99 You knew what she was doing the whole time Why do you keep saying this? i had a first impression that was just a gut feeling. I later took the time to get to know her better a found what i felt to be good qualities and that my previous impressions were wrong. So i thought. Had i known what i was getting into this experience of mine it would have never happened. You watched her go back and forth between you and her ex. You watched her get too drunk to drive so that her kid. You watched her date one man after the other while she used you for all you had. She wasn't doing this stuff behind your back. She did most of it right in front of your face and seemed to actually enjoy rubbing your nose in all the men she had. She wasn't fooling you. How can you claim to have been fooled by this woman when she paraded a bunch of men right in front of you? I am not sure where you got the idea that she paraded a bunch of men around me! She would text guys on the phone while i was around in the later 4 months of the year. Keep in mind this is over a span of a year. i tried my best to crunch this message to give a general idea. First 8 months had only 2 guys involved. I was just beginning to realize what was going on and couldn't believe what was going on towards the last few months. yes those last few months i didn't want to believe this was happening to me that there had to be some kind of explanation. That's a lot different than what you said in your OP. It doesn't matter how many guys she was involved with. Any man besides you should have been enough to make you give her, her walking papers. If you were standing in a downpour of rain would you believe someone who said it was sunny outside? This is a different circumstance. There is no emotion involved and is beyond obvious. Manipulation is subtle and works at others vulnerabilities. There was nothing subtle about this woman! It doesn't matter what she said, her behavior was enough to tell you all you needed to know. You are one of those guys who laments that you are just a nice guy who gets abused and used by women but I suggest that you aren't really as nice as you think you are. Ok i have only said what others have stated about me in person. i do believe i was extremely kind and loving to her. judge me how ever you want nothing can change your preconceived ideas about me unless you have met me and spent time with me. I know lots of nice guys who still have self respect, self confidence and who wouldn't put up with even 1/1000th of the disrespect you accepted. Yes! lots of nice guys who "have" self respect, self confidence. i am a guy who has neither of those when it comes to women maybe with people in general. I tend to let others walk over me. i do on the other hand stand up for myself when it comes to strangers, and people that don't really now me. it has been told to me that i am a pleaser. I like making others happy. Please check out these links about some guys who call themselves "nice guys". i will check it out, but you are mistaken if you believe i think highly of myself. according to others i am a nice guy. i feel i treated her very nicely as she said so herself. well if you can believe her. so that is why i post myself as a nice guy. so i will read those articles about how you think i am. I will reply later to those articles. Oh I don't think you think highly of yourself. I think you lack boundaries, you lack backbone, you act like a doormat. None of that is about thinking highly of yourself but none of that is about being a nice guy either. It's about your personal issues.
Author digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Heartless Bitches International - Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS The Difference Between Being Nice and Being Kind*|*Marcia Sirota I have read those articles! I do like helping others and causing them to feel happy. It does make me feel good to know i was able to help someone out in time of need. I do not expect anything in return in most cases. The first article expresses how the nice guy hides his true self. I don't hide who i am! with the girl i wrote about. i expressed to her in great detail who i am, what i believe, what i have been through, and where i want to be in the future. I hid nothing from her! I expressed why i was pissed at times. She had her replies about the situations. Most times i felt i misread her intentions. This is before she told me that everything was a lie. In both articles some things were spot on and some things weren't. I do not purposely seek out these kind of women. I like helping other very much. i don't believe i put her on a pedestal. I knew she had her weakness as i believe nobody is perfect. I continually looked at the good things about her. This is how i was able to give her support during her had times. I am a person who likes to fix things. I knew there was nothing i could say or do to change her. She had to figure things out on her own. She was receiving so much negativity at the time, that i thought the right thing to do was to support her and uplift her. Yes i was in love with her. Not because of lust, but because of her as a person. Thinking that all these things happening to her is not really her fault. Lol i have no ego to fill. i think very poorly of myself in fact. The fact that i think so poorly of myself is what makes those 2 articles true for me. So maybe you are right. i am not a good nice guy. Although i always thought my intentions for my actions was, because it was the right thing to do and i don't like to see others suffer. Maybe i am not a kind person as the second article states. I have been single for 4 or 5 years before i met this girl. i was working on my problems and moving slowly forward. This girl seemed to except me for who i am, i fell in love with her, became blind to the red flags. that i can clearly see now.
Author digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Since she was drunk or had been drinking a lot of the time, I doubt any one could say she was totally responsible for all her actions and words; she may not even remember half of the stuff that happened. then who is responsible for her actions and words? oh never mind doesn't matter. It just like a drunk driver getting into an accident. they have no clue what they are doing or who gets hurt. I think i am almost done with this now. I guess i am more at fault than i thought. I deserved to be treated the way was treated by her, because i am apparently a co-dependent nice guy. So ya you have set me in my place.
Author digdug75 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Work on your boundaries[/url] 21 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser | Psych Central https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPmv9_UYpxo - 15 Traits of People Pleaser Syndrome (in 15 minutes) thanks for your attempts and efforts in helping me to understand. i now know i am not slightly to blame but mostly to blame this life event.
Taramere Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 So i ask you why? Why do such women treat men knowing that the man feels the way he does in such a hurtful way? If you believe that she is not responsible for her actions and words then don't bother replying. She's responsible for her actions and choices, you're responsible for yours. If all you want to do is vent about how awful single women are - well, there will probably be takers who want to get embroiled in that kind of bitching session. Then you'll likely go and make another poor choice...because if all you do is vent and shut out all advice except that which is tailored to whatever you want to hear, you'll just keep on making the same mistakes. Except that you won't see them as mistakes. You'll just carry on seeing yourself as a decent, caring guy being taken a loan of by all these terrible women. Serial Muse is right....healthy women will bodyswerve all that. The ones who, far from bodyswerving it, will make a beeline for you will be more of what you've just encountered. They'll hear you complain about how you've been taken advantage of, and they'll automatically think "easy target...soft touch." They'll set themselves up as the damsel in distress, recognising that you are/see yourself as a rescuer and bingo you'll be in another drama. Because here's the thing. Dodgy, flaky and downright dishonest women will tell you whatever you want to hear....and from the way you've posted already, I can tell you're a sucker for people who tell you what you want to hear. People with principles and ethics won't do it. They'll tell you what they honestly think, rather than just guessing what you want to hear and feeding it to you. So you'll buy the bullsh*t of the next liar who comes along and pretends to be whatever you want, and you'll get burned and then you'll be back here or on some other forum presenting it as another body of evidence with regard to the evils of single women. Unless you start considering the possibility that you should learn something about yourself from all of this, and make a vow to learn how to recognise and extricate yourself from drama sooner rather than later.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Honestly it sounds like a casual **** buddy. You should have known what you were into, there was no relationship or even potential. Enjoy it for what it was - hope the sex was good:cool:
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