user_name Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post, but it deals with me coping the break up. Its been a while since we broke up, almost 9 months. It was a very rough break up for me. Cant really type everything I went through and all of the pain I went through. But I did go through major depression that required medical attention. I feel much much better than I did those few months after the break up. Still get sad, might shed a tear every now and then, but I feel better. Anyway, I started talking to the ex again maybe a couple of months ago and we've been talking regularly. Actually we hang out a lot. We act like best friends. We decided to stay friends and hang out and talk because he is moving away in a few months to grad school. So we are just taking advantage of the time we have left "together". However, this has been difficult for me because I am still attached to him in every single way, and I have feelings for him. I don't know how he feels, but sometimes we act like were still together and it feels like things never changed. He'll show so much affection sometimes. But other times we go back to just being friends. I know the initial response is to cut the contact with him, duh right. But I want to keep it cool, its only til he leaves. I just need to be able to be around him without those feelings still lingering. The thing is that its just me, so I try to think positively and think about myself and just see him as a regular friend. Like, if he wont text me the whole day I'm just thinking and thinking about him, instead of like carrying on with my day. Its those little things, I don't know how to make it stop Its hard because we complement each other very well and get along great... Any feedback is appreciated. I also kinda just wanted to talk about it.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Well, you already know the best thing to do is cut all ties... Him being around and being a constant fuel to your desire to be with him, you aren't going to heal that way. The only issue is you not ripping off the bandaid now, instead of waiting for him to leave for grad school. The only thing you are doing is pushing back your own healing. 2
SycamoreCircle Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 OP, I'm going to send you my bank routing number. I know we don't know each other but your post solidifies that you are a giant doormat and sucker, so I'd like to start taking advantage of you monetarily. I promise to ask for money when I want it. I also promise to give you a few bones here and there. By the way, that dress you're wearing looks amazing on you. If you ever need anything from me, don't hesitate to ask someone else. Cheer up! We'll only do this for a few weeks, then you can start to have money of your own again. I bet you don't even remember what it feels like. I'm just looking to boost my own bank account until I have the energy to get a job or I meet someone else who will give me free money. By the way, that dress you're wearing looks incredible. 061888806 Chase Manhattan SycamoreCircle 2
Itspointless Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 This is going to stay hard as you want something different than him. That won't go away this way and the question actually is if you want it to go away. My bet is you don't. Therefore this a unhealthy agreement for you. I am sorry.
Author user_name Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 Ugh I know, the answer is to let go once and for all. Its just so difficult. Like, I don't secretly hope that he changes his mind and wants to get back together, I just know I'm attached to him. Maybe that doesn't make sense and its contradictory but that's how I feel. Also, I think I'm just attached to our memories and our old selves. I need to build up courage but don't know from where. Right now I tell myself to start slow and limit the amount of communication we have.
Itspointless Posted April 9, 2015 Posted April 9, 2015 Ugh I know, the answer is to let go once and for all. Its just so difficult. Like, I don't secretly hope that he changes his mind and wants to get back together, I just know I'm attached to him. Maybe that doesn't make sense and its contradictory but that's how I feel. Also, I think I'm just attached to our memories and our old selves. I need to build up courage but don't know from where. Right now I tell myself to start slow and limit the amount of communication we have. It does make sense, because that is exactly what it is, you are attached: Why Break Up Hurts Also we give meaning to our lives through stories, your ex played a large role in your life-story and expectations of the future. It takes time to grief and adept. Acknowledge your loss and feel the emotions. At a certain moment the memories will become something you will look upon with a smile. But for now it unfortunately will hurt. 1
ZiggyZoo Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 So you're planning on hanging out with him, constantly re-breaking your own heart, until he leaves for graduate school? And then what? He'll drop off the face of the earth and you won't be able to follow him on FB, Instagram, call or text him? You're fooling yourself if you think this whole mess isn't going to continue on after he's gone too. You know what you have to do. Just explain to him that you're not ready yet to be just friends (because no matter what you say, you're still hoping for more or else this wouldn't hurt so much) and that you're going to have to cut communication again until you're over the breakup. Do it for yourself, you deserve better than to follow an ex around and make it all easier for him while hurting yourself so much. If he cares at all, he'll understand. And if he doesn't, then f*ck him, who needs friends like that anyway? 1
Author user_name Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 Also we give meaning to our lives through stories, your ex played a large role in your life-story and expectations of the future. I like that, it just makes so much sense why its so hard for anyone going through heartbreak. Thank you for your encouraging words 1
Author user_name Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 So you're planning on hanging out with him, constantly re-breaking your own heart, until he leaves for graduate school? And then what? He'll drop off the face of the earth and you won't be able to follow him on FB, Instagram, call or text him? You're fooling yourself if you think this whole mess isn't going to continue on after he's gone too. You know what you have to do. Just explain to him that you're not ready yet to be just friends (because no matter what you say, you're still hoping for more or else this wouldn't hurt so much) and that you're going to have to cut communication again until you're over the breakup. Do it for yourself, you deserve better than to follow an ex around and make it all easier for him while hurting yourself so much. If he cares at all, he'll understand. And if he doesn't, then f*ck him, who needs friends like that anyway? Aaaah yes you're so right and I've thought about that! I feel like I AM making it easier for him, like he still has the perks of having a gf. I'm not gonna lie, and I did think that once he leaves I would have some sense of relief. I felt like once he is gone, I would definitely give up on keeping him around cause he would be so far away it doesn't matter anymore, I probably wont ever see him again. This is actually giving me a lot of encouragement, thank you all.
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