Zoolancer Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 First post here. My ex-girlfriend and I have been on and off ...well, throughout most of or relationship. When we began our relationship (unbeknownst to me) she was still hung up on her ex for the first 3-4 months. As a result, she was emotionally abusive, and had anger management issues. Turning small disagreements into fights, and if she didn't get her way, she would break up with me for a day or two.. cool off and ask for me back. Similar scenarios happened literally dozens of times. It seemed like every other week we would break up. It's really worn out my self-esteem. I love her but the relationship had become toxic to a point where I can never give her my all because I had so much resentment. Long story short, we've technically been apart for around 2 months now. She's been begging to get back for the last month, and I've stayed strong. Hadn't heard from her in a few days, and last night my radar was going off, like a crazy sadness that something was going on. We spoke about an hour ago and she told me she slept with another guy last night. Im not sure how to feel. I miss certain aspects of the relationship, and I do love her still, but my mind is a mess right now. She wants to get together in a couple hours to talk. Should I even bother? Or should I just block/delete and move on?
AIJ Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Block, delete, run. Please, for your own sake. She's no good for you, you deserve better. 2
BlackbirdSong Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Efff that...i would run. I'm very immature like that so finding that out would drive me absolutely NUTS and I could probably never get over it. It's the alpha male in me. Maybe you're stronger than me.. 2
TunaCat Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 If she really wanted to get back with you, she would have never slept with someone else. Delete, block & move on. 2
spiderowl Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 She's messed you around and messed you around until you gave up on her. She wants to come back now but do you seriously think she's going to be any different? She is creating drama, that appears to be how she deals with life. That sort of behaviour doesn't just stop until someone has grown up a lot. Re sleeping with the other guy, well if she is not in a relationship she has that choice, as you do too. However, why did she even tell you she did? Again, that causes unnecessary drama. If she wanted you back and she was sleeping with him for affection and sex because she was alone, it would be best if she said nothing about him. Why did she tell you and what reason did she give? Also, you said your radar went off. You are not her boyfriend so really you have no right to know what she does until you are. Both of you seem to be trying to invade each other's space and possess each other again even though you struggle to be together due to the drama. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Don't bother talking to her. Actions speak louder then words. If your relationship has been on & off for it's whole life, there's nothing worth saving. Roller coasters & merry go rounds can be fun at amusement parks but not as relationship models. 1
Author Zoolancer Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Efff that...i would run. I'm very immature like that so finding that out would drive me absolutely NUTS and I could probably never get over it. It's the alpha male in me. Maybe you're stronger than me.. Nah, It's something that would eat at me for a long time. She's done it before. She made a Tinder account during a 3 day break up. When we got back together, we were out for dinner and she told me about Tinder, and how she's been talking to this guy and asked if I would be okay if they hung out as friends. Of course that didn't go over well with me. It's Tinder, the guy doesnt care if you say you have a boyfriend. He's looking to hook up. We broke up for a solid 2 months over that. She hung out with him 4 or 5 times, but they only ever made out...and that haunted me for a good 6 months. Now that she's gone all the way with another guy, I've sort of lost all attraction. She's messed you around and messed you around until you gave up on her. She wants to come back now but do you seriously think she's going to be any different? She is creating drama, that appears to be how she deals with life. That sort of behaviour doesn't just stop until someone has grown up a lot. Re sleeping with the other guy, well if she is not in a relationship she has that choice, as you do too. However, why did she even tell you she did? Again, that causes unnecessary drama. If she wanted you back and she was sleeping with him for affection and sex because she was alone, it would be best if she said nothing about him. Why did she tell you and what reason did she give? Also, you said your radar went off. You are not her boyfriend so really you have no right to know what she does until you are. Both of you seem to be trying to invade each other's space and possess each other again even though you struggle to be together due to the drama. You're right. She's 32 but acts 19. The one positive quality I can say she has, is she has always been honest. No matter how brutal the truth was. Thats why she told me. She does questionable things but is always up front about it. Its hard to call it positive though, as I wish she wouldnt do it in the first place. I'm not even that mad about it, because like you said, we aren't together, and she had been trying to win me back for the last month. It figures, I was okay with it...until it actually happened
Author Zoolancer Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 Don't bother talking to her. Actions speak louder then words. If your relationship has been on & off for it's whole life, there's nothing worth saving. Roller coasters & merry go rounds can be fun at amusement parks but not as relationship models. It definately has been a roller coaster. A constant push-pull, s*** testing, mind games, manipulation. The bottom line is she is extremely insecure, and its hard to be with someone when that insecurity becomes so destructive to both of us. I'm not perfect either, and I've definately become very insecure with her. I already know the answer to what I should do.... but it's nice to write it out and get some feedback. Thanks guys
NoLeafClover Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 You'd be the biggest fool if you are even thinking this. You yourself said your had resentment you could never give your all which is understandable ...but how are you going to get over this on top of everything else. You know you will not be able to..I sure wouldn't. The relationship has taken a toll and she is not good for you. Not because she slept with another man but because she tells you something and does another. You know what those are?? Those are lies and mind games. Lies are a cheater's best friend and mind games are associated in the same blood group with misery... Don't go there and don't even give her the satisfaction to even talk to her. Let her screw whoever..she made the choice for both of you. Never talk to her again. 2
PegNosePete Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 (edited) When we began our relationship (unbeknownst to me) she was still hung up on her ex for the first 3-4 months. As a result, she was emotionally abusive, and had anger management issues. Turning small disagreements into fights, and if she didn't get her way, she would break up with me for a day or two.. cool off and ask for me back. Similar scenarios happened literally dozens of times. It seemed like every other week we would break up. I hope you've learned from this experience, that this is not a good sign of compatibility and a good future relationship! How many "happily ever after" stories do you think begin like this? Seriously in the first 3-4 months she was treating you like that? And you kept taking her back? What were you thinking man? I hope you now have more self-respect and esteem than to repeat that mistake. If someone treats you like that then you ditch them for good. In the first 3-4 months you are supposed to be on best behaviour and evaluating each other for relationship material. If this is her best behaviour then what is she like at her worst... oh wait... seems you've just found out! Tell her that you'd rather remove your eyeballs with a blunt potato, than ever speak to her again. Then delete/block/NC. Edited April 8, 2015 by PegNosePete
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I guess she doesn't know what she wants, and she is being driven by her attractiveness to men and perhaps a drive to find "the one" hence she goes to wherever that takes her. You were the rebound she clung to when she couldn't be with her ex. She needed you, but also resented you because you were not him, hence the anger and abuse towards you. At the moment she is NOT relationship material for you, and trying to have a serious relationship with her is futile, as she will let you down. She, I guess "tries" to make it work, but she soon finds it is not working and breaks up with you, or dives off in another direction like she did yesterday. She likes having your attention but knows deep down you and she are not going to work, and that is why she self sabotaged by sleeping with that guy yesterday. You are in love with her, but that love is not being reciprocated and will drive you to distraction You have to break free for good and stop giving her chances in the hope it will all work out; that is never going to happen. She is still searching for "the one", and that is not you.
Diezel Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 This sounds like the kind of thread Downtown would pop into. My spidey senses are tingling about this one.
Chi townD Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Here's the deal. She always told you that she wasn't completely over her Ex when you first got with her. Then, while in a relationship with her, she would constantly fight with you and then break up and leave. A day or two later, she would come back. Do I got that right? Where do you think she would go to during these fights? Chances are she went to her Ex or some other dude. She fought with you to give herself an excuse to be with this other person. And to justify her actions. It's easier to cheat on someone if you're mad at them. She might have thought, "I wouldn't be here right now if he treated me better!" Funny thing is, she's probably the one that started the fight. And as soon as she done playing, she comes back to what's safe and secure i.e. you. Dude, you were getting played. Time to let this one go and move on.
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