Everlastinglite Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 (edited) I have been on the dating site plenty of fish for a while. There is one guy on there who wanted to get my number right off the bat but i said i have to get to know him first like i always do. He said ok thats cool ask me questions...so it was really fun going back n forth asking him question after question after question lol. We did that pretty much every night ..our latest one in one night lasted until 3 in the morning haha. Anyway, i was getting comfortable with him n it was the longest on going convo i think iv ever had on that site. But then out of no where he stopped replying back. I didnt want to be an annoyance n mssg again bc ive had experience with that kind of thing with my ex boyfriend n iv learned a looot about acting desperate n needy like i did with him...long story short it didnt work out. So anyway, i just let it be n thought to myself that if hes not interested, hes not interested ..i wasnt even THAT interested anywayy but it really was fun doing that with him. If it went on longer i would have been more interested i think haha. So yea we didnt speak for a week. Then out of no where he writes back to me saying playfully wow you dissapeared on me:/ and then i wrote lol u were the one to disappear. Then he was like oh u found someone else i guess. I wrote back noo why did u stop messaging me? He said he thought i was the one to stop n he couldnt find my messg thingy so he just let it be n thought i didnt wanna talk anymore. And then said he missed me n all of my questions. Then he just stopped again after a few days of getting back into it. Wow lol. I just left him be n went on with the app ... I upgraded n was now able to see the time n date someone viewed me n i saw that he quite often views me even after stopped responding to my messages. So why do u think he stopped responding yet keeps viewing my profile?! Edited April 7, 2015 by Everlastinglite
Gary S Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Since you feel comfortable with him now, give him your number. He already asked you for it and keeps reappearing, your chance of rejection is low.
smackie9 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 He went ghost on you to gauge your interest, since you didn't bother it answered his question. I wouldn't waste time if you are if-y how you feel about him. Also he is manipulating you by turning the blame on you for not messaging him....you don't want someone who doesn't have confidence and has to "test" you to see if you are interested or you are just friend zoning him or just entertaining yourself. 1
smackie9 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 IMO you get to know someone on dates...one on one. All you are doing is pissing around wasting time. Either you like him enough to meet him or you don't. Go out on a date and decide then. You will save yourself weeks of blah blah blah. 1
Author Everlastinglite Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 IMO you get to know someone on dates...one on one. All you are doing is pissing around wasting time. Either you like him enough to meet him or you don't. Go out on a date and decide then. You will save yourself weeks of blah blah blah. Yea thats true and i totally agree...but the thing is i wanna get to know someone first bc i wouldnt wanna go on a date with someone i just exchanged a few messages with. I know thats the point of one on one dates to get to know someone...but for me its better to establish something beforehand n when its time to meet, it will just fall into place:) i know that works bc it happened with me n my ex boyfriend n it was the best first date ever bc we already got to know each other through weeks of texts n phonecalls. I didnt even give him my number until weeks talking on the app. Lol
d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 I got the sense that he was trying to determine if you were interested in being more then internet pen pals. 3
Vintage79 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 You're interested - just be honest with yourself - you're asking questions about his behavior on an internet forum, upgrading your account so you can see when he logged in, etc. There's nothing wrong with being interested. Regardless, he may be testing you, or may be thinking that you just want to chat online without ever actually talking or meeting - I'd usually drop someone after a couple days if they only want to chat on a website. My guess is, step up and put yourself out there by sharing your number, saying you want to chat live, or even proposing getting together, or you won't hear from him again.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Yea thats true and i totally agree...but the thing is i wanna get to know someone first bc i wouldnt wanna go on a date with someone i just exchanged a few messages with. I know thats the point of one on one dates to get to know someone...but for me its better to establish something beforehand n when its time to meet, it will just fall into place:) i know that works bc it happened with me n my ex boyfriend n it was the best first date ever bc we already got to know each other through weeks of texts n phonecalls. I didnt even give him my number until weeks talking on the app. Lol You should only exchange a few messages before you setup a date and/or give him your number. That is online dating standard operating procedure. If you turn a guy down or want to message more, you're going to alienate a lot of good guys. Instead you're going to get stuck with the needy obsessive guys who like to message endlessly. 5
h0000 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 This is easy. I do that all the time. I will tell you why he does this. He was interested. But you took FOREVER and still didn't give him your number. He has a life outside of POF and also other pretty girls to talk to so he cant be bothered keep talking to you unproductively. One day he got bored, no one was online and he saw your message and decided to talk some funny sh*t to you and tease you and have fun. Soon the fun ended, he realized it was just as boring as he first talked to you so he decided to do something else more worthy of his time. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 .i wasnt even THAT interested anywayy but it really was fun doing that with him. The fact that you wouldn't give the guy your number and simply wanted to pen pal was a pretty big indicator of your low interest level. However, why keep up appearances and waste time chatting on and on and on with a guy you weren't even that interested in to begin with? Emailing on a dating site is not supposed to be used to "get to know" someone. It's simply for making introductions and exchanging a few to get a basic vibe. After that, you exchange numbers and talk on the phone. If the phone call goes well, you make plans to meet in person. That's how you really start to get to know someone and judge chemistry. You don't do it by getting a feel for someone's "typing style". 1
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 OP, how long did you and he keep up this asking/answering questions back and forth messaging? You mentioned that one of your typing back and forth fests lasted until THREE in the MORNING? Wow...I've never done that with any guy, and I actually can't believe that this guy messaged back and forth with you for that long in addition to all of the other days that you guys did this! I mean, I understand that you want to get to basically know a guy before you give him his number and go out on a date with him, but geez, you shouldn't be getting to know him by asking him a gabillion questions online without the benefit of at least hearing his voice and TALKING to him on the phone and without the advantage of asking him those kinds of questions IN PERSON while he's right in front of you. And...after all of that messaging back and forth and all of the questions you've asked him and he has answered, you STILL aren't that interested in him lol. I think you need to re-read most of the replies that have been posted in your thread and consider the advice and information that was presented to you. The longest duration you should be messaging with a guy that you're INTERESTED IN DATING should be about a WEEK and after that, you should graduate to TALKING to him on the PHONE for a few DAYS and then, set up a day and time to MEET him in PERSON to continue getting to know him. Good luck! .
fitnessfan365 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 If you turn a guy down or want to message more, you're going to alienate a lot of good guys. Instead you're going to get stuck with the needy obsessive guys who like to message endlessly. This is a great point and I've said the same thing many times in the past. A guy that's confident, and sociable knows the value of real life interaction. He won't waste his time pen palling with a woman. He goes after what he wants and cuts to the chase. But by rejecting guys like these and insisting on guys that will agree to message endlessly, you're actually attracting the very guys you want to avoid in real life. They want to message endlessly because they lack confidence and are most likely socially awkward. This is why the women online who insist on "getting to know" men online keep meeting the "nice guys" and socially awkward creepers. Guys that actually date in real life and are good with women don't waste time on women who jerk them around.
Mjm1014 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 First off, you need to close with him meaning give him your number and plan a date. He's obviously into you. After using dating sites for a few years I've realized you only have a short window of opportunity to do this before the person invests more energy into someone else. Thing is, especially on dating sites, if someone is attractive they obviously receive a lot more messages than just someone average, and because they don't know who you truly are it's easier to lose interest than if you met that person in person. My guess is he got bored thinking you're just looking to chat, and started talking to someone else...remember competition can be fierce on there for attractive people. They are the few that everyone messages. As a guy, I can get that way if I talk to someone on there and don't feel like we are progressively working towards an actual date. I've talked to too many on there that wasted my time for weeks or months that wouldn't set a date or give me their number, and I'm def not looking for pen pals...unfortunately a lot of people only go on there because they are lonely or need an ego boost. Usually I will talk to someone for two or three days MAX before my interest starts to drop...if a week goes by I usually assume they aren't interested or are wrapped up getting to know someone else. You can still easily salvage this though. Send him a message that you would like to get together and give him your number. Remember it's a numbers game so focus on closing with him and going on an actual date. Good luck you'll be fine..
Gary S Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Yea thats true and i totally agree...but the thing is i wanna get to know someone first bc i wouldnt wanna go on a date with someone i just exchanged a few messages with. I know thats the point of one on one dates to get to know someone...but for me its better to establish something beforehand n when its time to meet, it will just fall into place:) i know that works bc it happened with me n my ex boyfriend n it was the best first date ever bc we already got to know each other through weeks of texts n phonecalls. I didnt even give him my number until weeks talking on the app. Lol - You got lucky that time. With the next guy you exchange 50-thousand love letters, you might meet and discover within minutes you are not attracted to him. You are wasting a lot of time. Part of smart online dating is efficiency. exchange 3-5 messages and if you are comfortable, go meet. We are strangers until we meet. Some people have to learn the hard way, I hope you are not one of those. 1
Peachland Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 This is a great point and I've said the same thing many times in the past. A guy that's confident, and sociable knows the value of real life interaction. He won't waste his time pen palling with a woman. He goes after what he wants and cuts to the chase. But by rejecting guys like these and insisting on guys that will agree to message endlessly, you're actually attracting the very guys you want to avoid in real life. They want to message endlessly because they lack confidence and are most likely socially awkward. This is why the women online who insist on "getting to know" men online keep meeting the "nice guys" and socially awkward creepers. Guys that actually date in real life and are good with women don't waste time on women who jerk them around. This is so true. When I first started with online dating I never gave out my number. I insisted on the emails back and forth before agreeing to meet. When we did meet the men who looked great on paper were timid and socially awkward in person. It was a complete waste of time. Now when a guy is insistent on getting my number I'll give it to him if I like the profile and our brief interaction via messages. I've had much better results with the quality of men I met as a result. 3
Poppyolive Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 He could be messaging with a few other girls, just like your conversations. Take old, especially POF with a pinch of salt. Meet up sooner rather than later. That's the best gauge.
sharp9 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I have been on the dating site plenty of fish for a while. There is one guy on there who wanted to get my number right off the bat but i said i have to get to know him first like i always do. He said ok thats cool ask me questions...so it was really fun going back n forth asking him question after question after question lol. We did that pretty much every night ..our latest one in one night lasted until 3 in the morning haha. Anyway, i was getting comfortable with him n it was the longest on going convo i think iv ever had on that site. But then out of no where he stopped replying back. I didnt want to be an annoyance n mssg again bc ive had experience with that kind of thing with my ex boyfriend n iv learned a looot about acting desperate n needy like i did with him...long story short it didnt work out. So anyway, i just let it be n thought to myself that if hes not interested, hes not interested ..i wasnt even THAT interested anywayy but it really was fun doing that with him. If it went on longer i would have been more interested i think haha. So yea we didnt speak for a week. Then out of no where he writes back to me saying playfully wow you dissapeared on me:/ and then i wrote lol u were the one to disappear. Then he was like oh u found someone else i guess. I wrote back noo why did u stop messaging me? He said he thought i was the one to stop n he couldnt find my messg thingy so he just let it be n thought i didnt wanna talk anymore. And then said he missed me n all of my questions. Then he just stopped again after a few days of getting back into it. Wow lol. I just left him be n went on with the app ... I upgraded n was now able to see the time n date someone viewed me n i saw that he quite often views me even after stopped responding to my messages. So why do u think he stopped responding yet keeps viewing my profile?! There should only be around ten TOTAL messages back and forth or less. Otherwise it's a total waste of time. People don't join those sites for pen pals, they join for dates. Just go on a date already. What is there to lose? Meet in a public place and drive yourself.
Author Everlastinglite Posted April 8, 2015 Author Posted April 8, 2015 OP, how long did you and he keep up this asking/answering questions back and forth messaging? You mentioned that one of your typing back and forth fests lasted until THREE in the MORNING? Wow...I've never done that with any guy, and I actually can't believe that this guy messaged back and forth with you for that long in addition to all of the other days that you guys did this! I mean, I understand that you want to get to basically know a guy before you give him his number and go out on a date with him, but geez, you shouldn't be getting to know him by asking him a gabillion questions online without the benefit of at least hearing his voice and TALKING to him on the phone and without the advantage of asking him those kinds of questions IN PERSON while he's right in front of you. And...after all of that messaging back and forth and all of the questions you've asked him and he has answered, you STILL aren't that interested in him lol. I think you need to re-read most of the replies that have been posted in your thread and consider the advice and information that was presented to you. The longest duration you should be messaging with a guy that you're INTERESTED IN DATING should be about a WEEK and after that, you should graduate to TALKING to him on the PHONE for a few DAYS and then, set up a day and time to MEET him in PERSON to continue getting to know him. Good luck! . We had been messaging back n forth for maybe about 10 days until he all of a sudden vanished. But honestly im really listening to all this advice aboutmeeting in person asap if im interested. Mostly iv just been taking my time bc i dont wanna run into an awkward first date i guess...i dont exactly have much experience in the dating world so i figured i really had to find someone i could instantly connect with n to me that meant over a period of time getting to know someone. But this advice is really helpful:) I should change up my online dating tactics n try to set something up in real life lol... I wanna meet someone special n who i could be with for the long run. This guy was deff on the top of my list, n yea i guess i do like him if im asking questing on here about him lol...
fitnessfan365 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 (edited) This is so true. When I first started with online dating I never gave out my number. I insisted on the emails back and forth before agreeing to meet. When we did meet the men who looked great on paper were timid and socially awkward in person. It was a complete waste of time. Now when a guy is insistent on getting my number I'll give it to him if I like the profile and our brief interaction via messages. I've had much better results with the quality of men I met as a result. Exactly. It's funny because my GF claims that I made her break multiple "rules". With every other guy she met online, she wouldn't give out her number for at least a few weeks. With me, I had it after one email a piece. With all the other guys she met online, she would either hug them or cheek the guys that tried to kiss her. With me, I could tell she wanted me to kiss her 20 minutes into the date. But I purposely gave her space and waited until the end. Needless to say, she was very receptive when I did. On our second date, when she told me about these rules, I said that rules are made to be broken, and started kissing her again which she loved. Haha But when I talked seriously with her about it, I pointed out that none of those other guys had the balls to cut to the chase. That's why they were so awkward in person and why she had no desire to kiss any of them. That's when it finally clicked with her and she admitted that focusing on all those guys that wanted to email endlessly was a huge mistake. Edited April 8, 2015 by fitnessfan365
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