Author pictureperfectlife Posted April 7, 2015 Author Posted April 7, 2015 Now that doesn't have anything to do with hair color. That has everything to do with you BF acting like an ass. Yea.Thank you for understanding.I kept thinking i have issues and somethings wrong with me but any human being would feel hurt if their partner kept mentioning how hot others are.It really damages you.
elaine567 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Don't dye your hair red, you will come across as insecure and the red may not suit your skin tone. I guess he likes you the way you are. 1
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 I don't think you should be hurt, I think you should be annoyed and aggravated. I read somewhere once that when we feel sad in moments we should feel annoyed, mad, frustrated, that's when we know we have emotional problems. Ok back to your topic. Here is the solution to your problem. Next time you hear your boyfriend make a comment on loving red-heads, look at him and ask him dead serious: Who scks your d*kc at night? and how much do you wish for it to continue? He will get the message. 4
Gary S Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Here is the solution to your problem. Next time you hear your boyfriend make a comment on loving red-heads, look at him and ask him dead serious: Who scks your d*kc at night? and how much do you wish for it to continue? He will get the message. - Let's not beat around the bush now 1
Tayla Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 OP,been in your shoes, it does touch a nerve... silly that we want to be "the one" for them , only to sense they have other "ones" they appreciate too. You needn't allow him to decide your virtues and assets. Speak to him and ask him to have consideration as you absorb some of his preferences.... keep it simple . Putting the concern out there lessens it ... and allows you both to openly understand one another. We each have tender spots that deserve regard...
Wombat88 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 (edited) I wouldn't think anything of it. My wife once told me she hated red hair and thought "Kyle" was a stupid for a guy. Two strikes against me, yet I never worried that she was going to leave me over it. In fact, it's kind of flattering that she picked me anyways, and that's how she intended it. This is a complete non-issue. He is dating you because there are a million other reasons he likes you. But you don't have to take my word for it. Ask him. Edited April 8, 2015 by Wombat88
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Because hair colour is such a small thing. I kinda know how you feel, I'm brunette and my boyfriend said once when we were talking about 'types' he likes red hair on a girl the most, I felt momentarily awful because his ex is a redhead and it made me wonder if he found her sexier. Then I realised that we all have an 'ideal person' in our head, physically, but it very rarely matters as long as you're attracted to the person you're with and fall for their personality. For example I prefer long hair on guys, but I've had relationships with guys who've had short hair and fancied them just as much. A guy with long hair will get me looking on the street more than one with short hair but it's a physical preference. Nothing else. Does your boyfriend make you feel loved and sexy and desired and tell you he thinks you're gorgeous?
Auspecial Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I wonder about the insecurities of the bf. It does not take a rocket scientist to know that saying things about a hot woman in front of ones' SO is not appropriate and potentially hurtful. Why would anyone purposefully try to hurt their SO's feelings? I wonder if bf is saying these things trying to keep OP "in check," because in reality, he is worried about all those other men who find her hot. I mean really, what do you think would happen if OP started commenting on hot packages all around her, and looking at porn of guys who had features that BF does not possess? (I am assuming) OP does no do this, because she knows it would be hurtful and unnecessary.
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I wonder about the insecurities of the bf. It does not take a rocket scientist to know that saying things about a hot woman in front of ones' SO is not appropriate and potentially hurtful. Why would anyone purposefully try to hurt their SO's feelings? I wonder if bf is saying these things trying to keep OP "in check," because in reality, he is worried about all those other men who find her hot. I mean really, what do you think would happen if OP started commenting on hot packages all around her, and looking at porn of guys who had features that BF does not possess? (I am assuming) OP does no do this, because she knows it would be hurtful and unnecessary. She said he mentioned it once. Other than that, she's basing this on a) a facebook post from the past she found that mentioned his fondness for redheads b) her noticing that his exes were redheads and c) knowing he looked at redhead porn (which presumably she snooped and found, or came across when he didn't realise she would). So o can't see any way in which the boyfriend is to blame on this one. She has extreme self esteem issues. If my boyfriend mentions that he likes refheads I should be able to see it as just one part of what he's into, and rationalise that he's with me so must find me attractive too. If he goes on and on about it, rubbing it in my face, he's a jerk. But it doesn't sound like that's what's happened here at all.
Auspecial Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Wisest words!Yes!My bf also used to talk about how hot other women were right in fron of my face an that hurt so much an i resented him for it.You can think that stuff but why say it outloud???!Just never made sense.So immature... This is why I think his behavior goes further into inappropriate territory, than what the first posts seemed to be saying.
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Oh I see. Didn't see that! Yes if that's true then he's being a bell end. But who knows? Is it possible that with the OP being as fixated as she is on the redhead issue she's once or twice overheard him say something she interpreted wrongly, or she's asked him whether he thinks someone is hot and pushed him into a corner? Or maybe he does treat her disrespectfully like the stuff you just quoted and she feels so unloved and not desired that she's not fixed on the redhead issue. OP what do you think?
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 This is why I think his behavior goes further into inappropriate territory, than what the first posts seemed to be saying. Yes this is obviously not a one off, it is an assault on her self esteem, if he used to talk a lot about hot women in front of her. It may be immaturity, forgetting that the gf is not just some buddy, but I think some men do it deliberately. 1) as payback for something she said or did. 2) to eat at her self esteem so she sees herself as unattractive and so in his mind unlikely to leave him. 3) to make her feel bad, upset and hurt, so she is easier for him to control. 1
Auspecial Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Yes this is obviously not a one off, it is an assault on her self esteem, if he used to talk a lot about hot women in front of her. It may be immaturity, forgetting that the gf is not just some buddy, but I think some men do it deliberately. 1) as payback for something she said or did. 2) to eat at her self esteem so she sees herself as unattractive and so in his mind unlikely to leave him. 3) to make her feel bad, upset and hurt, so she is easier for him to control. I totally agree with this. For me, this isn't what strong relationships are built on. People make mistakes, they blunder and make stupid errors all the time. They say and do things they regret, some worse than others. But underlying all that should be a strong sense of concern for the well-being of the SO. A desire that person feels comfortable and is experiencing the best of life that they can. To undermine and make someone feel bad on purpose acts in complete opposition to what the relationship is supposed to be providing. These are not the actions of a person in love, or even "in like."
ZA Dater Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 You should be proud of yourself actually. He loves (used to love) redheads or has redhead fetish. Yet, he breaks his own rule/preference to love you and be with you. YOU MUST BE DAMN SPECIAL!! Why takes something so positive like this so negative??? Agree with this, you should feel good about yourself!
ZA Dater Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I wonder about the insecurities of the bf. It does not take a rocket scientist to know that saying things about a hot woman in front of ones' SO is not appropriate and potentially hurtful. On a ranking of stupid things to do, this ranks quite high up on that list.
Art_Critic Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 I happen to love Blondes.. all my past GF's except for one have been Blonde... I married a brunette, and a hot one... go figure... As far as your BF saying he loves redheads in your earshot, I would pull him aside and tell him how rude it is and your not a redhead and if he would like one then you might let him go find one and dump his ass. 1
stillafool Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Yea i am insecure.It's just when you bf doesn't make you feel secure or show you he loves you and appreciates you,makes you feel super insecure My goodness, if he treats you this badly why are you with him? As far as natural redheads go, they are very rare so I don't think you have anything to worry about there. However if he doesn't make you feel secure, doesn't show you he loves and appreciates you, you have more problems than just his interest in redheads. 2
Redhead14 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Bf loves redheads and freckles.I have brown hair,no freckles great body,i'm attractive and many guys hit on me,yet I feel awful about myself and inadequate because my bf loves redheads.He doesn't tell me loves them I know because all the girls he dated in the past were redheads and I found a post on fb where he wrote he likes redheads.Why is he dating me if I'm not a redhead?I feel so awful and cry a lot because deep down I feel like he doesn't find me attractive and always worry that he'll leave me for a redhead:((((( If he is otherwise loving, respectful to you, and wants to spend time with you, you don't need to worry about FB stuff. All those redheads he dated are in the past for a reason. It's not about the hair. Maybe he just likes brunettes even more! Be confident in your own beauty -- the beauty that brought him to you in the first place. More than that, be confident in yourself -- the inner beauty, that's the part he loves the most. Be that woman always.
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Yea i am insecure.It's just when you bf doesn't make you feel secure or show you he loves you and appreciates you,makes you feel super insecure If he is otherwise loving, respectful to you, and wants to spend time with you, you don't need to worry about FB stuff. All those redheads he dated are in the past for a reason. It's not about the hair. Maybe he just likes brunettes even more! Be confident in your own beauty -- the beauty that brought him to you in the first place. More than that, be confident in yourself -- the inner beauty, that's the part he loves the most. Be that woman always. Read the thread, he is not respectful and loving to the OP.
Redhead14 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 ^^^^^Well there's a redhead for 'em LOL, Gary, over the years (and there's a lotta years on this head), I've been a blonde, a brunette and a coupla colors in between But, I'm always me!
Redhead14 Posted April 8, 2015 Posted April 8, 2015 Read the thread, he is not respectful and loving to the OP. Oh, I guess I missed something. If that is the case . . . she should just move on. But, my advice remains the same . . . she should be confident in her beauty, inside and out, always. 1
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