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Can you be in love with someone yet push them away and be afraid to have a relation..

pictureperfectlife

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pictureperfectlife Member

pictureperfectlife

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For example you fall in love with someone but start to push them away when you realize the relationship is getting serious because you're scared to be in a relatioship because of getting hurt in the long run?Have any of you guys ever gone through something like this?

carhill Established Member

carhill

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Sure...

 

Google 'attachment styles' for more information on the possibilities.

 

Welcome to LS :)

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pictureperfectlife Member

pictureperfectlife

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Sure...

 

Google 'attachment styles' for more information on the possibilities.

 

Welcome to LS :)

 

 

 

Thank You!Will def check it out!:)

Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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If they are attracted but get scared off, it means they have issues. Love concurs all.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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If you are asking this because you met a man who recently told you he's not ready for a relationship and you wonder if he is just scared cuz he loves to so much , answers NO

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pictureperfectlife Member

pictureperfectlife

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If you are asking this because you met a man who recently told you he's not ready for a relationship and you wonder if he is just scared cuz he loves to so much , answers NO

 

No i'm actually the one pushing away cause i'm scared:( In love with him and scared :(

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I wouldn't say I was in love but at 16 the 1st time a boy called me his GF I broke up with him because the label freaked me out.

 

In college I also preferred the chase. I was probably a female "player" but if anybody got close, I ran.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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No i'm actually the one pushing away cause i'm scared:( In love with him and scared :(

 

If it's the same guy who "loves redheads" you have good reason to be scared. He's not a nice respectful BF who wants a mutual commitment.

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pictureperfectlife Member

pictureperfectlife

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If it's the same guy who "loves redheads" you have good reason to be scared. He's not a nice respectful BF who wants a mutual commitment.

 

Yes:(Thanks.I agree :(

Guitarisgood Established Member

Guitarisgood

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Describes me perfectly :lmao:

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pictureperfectlife Member

pictureperfectlife

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Describes me perfectly :lmao:

 

why do you say so?

Erised Established Member

Erised

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If they are attracted but get scared off, it means they have issues. Love concurs all.

 

 

Love might concur, but I do not.

 

If you feel like that you need to do self work before getting in a relationship. Damaged people hoping for love to conquer all and be fixed do not make good partners.

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Guitarisgood Established Member

Guitarisgood

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Describes me perfectly :lmao:

 

Just the thought of letting yourself be that vulnerable and this is coming from a guy. There's another post that explains me really well in being that 'in-crowd' type of guy with lots of friends, extensive social circle and always about doing things. So people SO and friends alike only see the superficial side of me. I don't think I've ever had that core group of friends like you see in a sit-com or rather I've not let people in. People like us have a past that has influenced us this way. Guys who got too use to dating too many, others who were scarred by woman for life or simply those who had not much experience.

 

I don't know, I find when things are start to get serious, I start self-sabotaging myself and this is without even thinking about it; almost self consciously.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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I think fear when falling in love is healthy...to me it means it is important to me...if you dont have even a little bit of fear to me it would be feeling pretty lukewarm about a relationship and that to me is a sign i shouldnt progress forward in my experience.....it has been true i should not have progressed past friendship with a couple of relationships.........

 

 

if i feel lukewarm and comfortable all the time like a tepid bath i could fall asleep in.........thats a buddy or a friend......i have to have a little fear so i work at it......not coast along thinking yeah its cool im chill he is chill and not try at all.....

 

 

 

 

 

worrying about getting hurt or hurting another or having a healthy dose of fear....to me it says passion incites effort and compromise and whole slew of action words......

 

 

if it is fear however, because something was said by a guy though.like on values or standards or held beliefs..or commitment issues.....and it made me pause for thought....i would explore what was said on a deeper level before progressing any further...through communication to determine compatibility...but honestly the last thing i want to feel like with a guy is no passion or no fear.....good relationships take some leaps before you know where the ground is...lets you know its important to land right and not flatten the other person on your way to earth........deb

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pictureperfectlife Member

pictureperfectlife

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Just the thought of letting yourself be that vulnerable and this is coming from a guy. There's another post that explains me really well in being that 'in-crowd' type of guy with lots of friends, extensive social circle and always about doing things. So people SO and friends alike only see the superficial side of me. I don't think I've ever had that core group of friends like you see in a sit-com or rather I've not let people in. People like us have a past that has influenced us this way. Guys who got too use to dating too many, others who were scarred by woman for life or simply those who had not much experience.

 

I don't know, I find when things are start to get serious, I start self-sabotaging myself and this is without even thinking about it; almost self consciously.

 

I totally understand!Thanks ofr explaining!So overall if you feel like you're developing love feelings for a girl you push her away and sabatoge the relationship?

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pictureperfectlife Member

pictureperfectlife

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I think fear when falling in love is healthy...to me it means it is important to me...if you dont have even a little bit of fear to me it would be feeling pretty lukewarm about a relationship and that to me is a sign i shouldnt progress forward in my experience.....it has been true i should not have progressed past friendship with a couple of relationships.........

 

 

if i feel lukewarm and comfortable all the time like a tepid bath i could fall asleep in.........thats a buddy or a friend......i have to have a little fear so i work at it......not coast along thinking yeah its cool im chill he is chill and not try at all.....

 

 

 

 

 

worrying about getting hurt or hurting another or having a healthy dose of fear....to me it says passion incites effort and compromise and whole slew of action words......

 

 

if it is fear however, because something was said by a guy though.like on values or standards or held beliefs..or commitment issues.....and it made me pause for thought....i would explore what was said on a deeper level before progressing any further...through communication to determine compatibility...but honestly the last thing i want to feel like with a guy is no passion or no fear.....good relationships take some leaps before you know where the ground is...lets you know its important to land right and not flatten the other person on your way to earth........deb

 

Very True!Thanks for your feedback!

loverboy69 Established Member

loverboy69

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I was a quite a bit self centered in my early 20's. I was also very superficial and was always trying to keep up appearances so to speak by having the hottest car and looking GQ.

 

Then I lost my job. My finances were spiraling out of control. During this time I fell in love. But I was so embarrassed of my financial situation that I too self sabotaged any chance at a relationship.

 

The only version of me I wanted to share with the world was the confident guy who had it together. Underneath my plastic exterior was the other part of me I wanted to hide.

 

The thing was this guy was definitely interested in me. He wanted to date me. He wanted to get to know me better. The part of him wanting to get to know me and figuring out I was a recent college grad who lost his job and about to lose his luxury apartment and potentially more was just too much for me to handle so I pushed him away.

Edited by loverboy69
fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

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No i'm actually the one pushing away cause i'm scared:( In love with him and scared :(

 

So that's why you're making excuses about his old preference for red heads. You're projecting your fear and insecurity. It sounds like you just need to relax, have fun, and enjoy the fact that your BF is into you. I mean it's pretty silly worrying about him usually liking red heads. I mean I've always dated brunettes in the past but my GF is a reddish blonde and it has no effect on how I feel about her.

Price2Play Established Member

Price2Play

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Love might concur, but I do not.

 

If you feel like that you need to do self work before getting in a relationship. Damaged people hoping for love to conquer all and be fixed do not make good partners.

 

My ex was introverted & like this. Alway kept me @ arms length & pushed me away at times. Ugh.....live & learn.

markleymassraff Established Member

markleymassraff

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I keep wanting to believe this with the guy in my...not so much my life...but my zone of interest.

 

but i don't know what to think.

 

he acts disinterested but i've also gotten mixed signals. sometimes i tell myself that i scare him. but other times i'm like...ah he has no feelings for you whatsoever.

 

it's dumb.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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For example you fall in love with someone but start to push them away when you realize the relationship is getting serious because you're scared to be in a relatioship because of getting hurt in the long run?Have any of you guys ever gone through something like this?

 

Happens everyday. Sometimes, however, when they do start feeling closer and emotions are growing, the stress overwhelms them. Oftentimes, if the relationship was otherwise a good one and the is no acrimony or fighting and basically ends on a "good note", and they are given plenty of space to process those feelings, they may come back. Don't call or text them at all.

 

While you are giving them the "space", you should be moving on with your life and keeping busy and preparing to move on for yourself. Spend a little time reflecting on the relationship and whether you even want them back. If you do, you should still be moving forward for yourself.

 

When/if they come back, you have to step back a little for a while until you can observe whether or not they are coming back stronger and more "dedicated". Sometimes they come back because they are just plain lonely or want the sex again and are having a hard time moving on themselves but still not wanting what you want. It's a fine line to walk.

amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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It's your gut instinct telling you not to get too close to this guy cause he's not worth it.

oh.so.lost. Member

oh.so.lost.

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Yes is very common and usually stems from some sort of unresolved issue

deep down. Perhaps abandonment issues or a fear of abandonment?

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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No i'm actually the one pushing away cause i'm scared:( In love with him and scared :(

 

What are you scared of? If it's of getting hurt, do you feel he doesn't feel the same and therefore will hurt you?

 

If so, follow your gut. If you don't believe he is as into you as you are ...then you are right to be scared!

 

Pull back!

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Just the thought of letting yourself be that vulnerable and this is coming from a guy. There's another post that explains me really well in being that 'in-crowd' type of guy with lots of friends, extensive social circle and always about doing things. So people SO and friends alike only see the superficial side of me. I don't think I've ever had that core group of friends like you see in a sit-com or rather I've not let people in. People like us have a past that has influenced us this way. Guys who got too use to dating too many, others who were scarred by woman for life or simply those who had not much experience.

 

I don't know, I find when things are start to get serious, I start self-sabotaging myself and this is without even thinking about it; almost self consciously.

 

Classic commitment phobe.....

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