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What is my ex playing at? Thought we had finally moved passed this

HeBrokeMyHeart

By HeBrokeMyHeart
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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HeBrokeMyHeart Established Member

HeBrokeMyHeart

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We ended things back in oct/nov. It was a bad break and we went NC, he messaged me first to apologise in late feb. We've been speaking since & have even met up with a mutual friend. He's crossed the friend line quite a few times and I've had to remind him were only friends now.

 

last weekend I bumped into him while clubbing. He tried to get my attention wayyy to much to begin with. He even told me about how the girl he was seeing asked him to make things official which he didn't look happy with. She later showed up and he wasn't no longer trying to get my attention.

 

 

Later that night he started dancing with me - slow dancing - to hate that I love you of all songs and even sang it to me. We messed around fighting and joking. My friend informed me that he had an argument with his girlfriend though I'm not sure if that was before it happened or during.

 

He soon went off and later messaged me asking where I was. I told him I was at home and he later said that he just wanted to make sure I got home okay. Since then he's hardly spoke to me & all friendly progressed we had made seems to have vanished.

 

What is he playing at? & first off: no I do not want him back, we're not good for each other and he certainly doesn't bring me happiness like he used too. I'm also dating. I just want to know what his deal is.

hamster-girl Member

hamster-girl

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I just want to know what his deal is.

 

He wants you to be his backup plan when things end with his current girlfriend.

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HeBrokeMyHeart Established Member

HeBrokeMyHeart

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He wants you to be his backup plan when things end with his current girlfriend.

He knows that we'll never go down that road again. Every time he brings up the past I tell him to forget about it that we are different people and things have changed. I put him in his place a lot. What I can't understand is the current cold shoulder, yeah sure he's just entered a new relationship but we are JUST friends so I don't see why the change. If we was seeing where things we're going then I would understand but that's not the case what so ever.

Seeker12 Established Member

Seeker12

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Get off the "we can be friends" bandwagon, it doesnt work honestly, i tried with my ex, its the most horrible experience, save yourself heartache and go NC.

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HeBrokeMyHeart Established Member

HeBrokeMyHeart

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Get off the "we can be friends" bandwagon, it doesnt work honestly, i tried with my ex, its the most horrible experience, save yourself heartache and go NC.

Your allowed your own opinion and just because being friends with your ex didn't work for you doesn't mean it applies to everyone. I did go NC 4 months off it and I'm not going to go through any heartbreak because I don't see him or feel about him

Like that anymore. And when you get to that stage you'll understand how great it is. Now why I don't want him back like that at all, I do enjoy him as a friend (we was friends for 5 years before we got together) and all I'm trying to understand is the cold shoulder. I don't want any lectures about how being friends with an ex is a bad idea. It just depends on the situation and the people

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Seeker12 Established Member

Seeker12

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Thank you, but the fact that you are here, asking why, and trying to deal with it and understand, at least may demonstrate that you arent over it or fully recovered because why should he be able to pull on your strings like that. Hence NC is still the best option, the fact that he hasnt spoken to you, all friendly notions have vanished, if you feel you have now recovered, why does it bother you then, should be able to just pick yourself up and carry on like usual.

 

To be honest i think you think you are in a now platonic friendship, but you arent, his behaviour also suggests that even if you arent reciprocating, and yes i can only recall from my own experience and what others advised me, and i do hope i get to that stage!

Edited by Seeker12
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HeBrokeMyHeart Established Member

HeBrokeMyHeart

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Thank you, but the fact that you are here, asking why, and trying to deal with it and understand, at least may demonstrate that you arent over it or fully recovered because why should he be able to pull on your strings like that. Hence NC is still the best option, the fact that he hasnt spoken to you, all friendly notions have vanished, if you feel you have now recovered, why does it bother you then, should be able to just pick yourself up and carry on like usual.

 

To be honest i think you think you are in a now platonic friendship, but you arent, his behaviour also suggests that even if you arent reciprocating, and yes i can only recall from my own experience and what others advised me, and i do hope i get to that stage!

In all honesty you can think what you want, I know I'm over it & I know that I want nothing to do with him romantically. I'm on here because it's not your everyday usual occurance. He isn't pulling on any strings, if I wanted to I could go NC for years and it wouldn't faze me. But the fact is, that's not me. I value my relationships with people and hate to see them to go to waste. I will always care for him and he will always be a tiny piece of me. But in all honesty I'm glad we broke up.

 

At the time I wasn't but now I look back and realise how unhappy I was & I have to thank him for what he did because he's made me into a much stronger, wise and better person. He was a lesson in life & I learnt a lot. So I'm happy for the good and bad. And the fact I can openly watch him be with another woman without wanting to throw up, cry or punch the life out of her goes to show I'm over him. I even congratulated him & wished him luck. I want him to be happy in life.

Diezel Established Member

Diezel

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I don't want any lectures about how being friends with an ex is a bad idea.

 

Because he is your ex, and because you two have an emotional/romantic history together.

 

That's why.

ZiggyZoo Established Member

ZiggyZoo

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Completely agree with Seeker12, you're not nearly as over it as you think, otherwise you'd just shrug it off and not take the time to post on here and seek advice. You can still know that someone isn't right for you, and even have accepted that the relationship is over, and still not be ready to be friends yet. I think that's where you are, so going NC again for a few months would serve you well. You're almost protesting TOO much here, and I wonder where your defensiveness is coming from. We're all just trying to help, and sometimes that comes in the form of hearing things you maybe didn't want to hear.

 

Oh, and before you jump MY sh*t, I am friends with several of my exs, and even was in the wedding party for my first husband's new marriage. So I understand how jumping the gun on the "friends" thing can happen, and also that being just friends IS possible.

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Poppyolive Established Member

Poppyolive

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Why are you entertaining him? Answering texts, dancing with him, singing with him? Strengthen your boundaries.

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NC-Thomas Established Member

NC-Thomas

Posted
Posted (edited)
We ended things back in oct/nov. It was a bad break and we went NC, he messaged me first to apologise in late feb. We've been speaking since & have even met up with a mutual friend. He's crossed the friend line quite a few times and I've had to remind him were only friends now.

 

last weekend I bumped into him while clubbing. He tried to get my attention wayyy to much to begin with. He even told me about how the girl he was seeing asked him to make things official which he didn't look happy with. She later showed up and he wasn't no longer trying to get my attention.

 

 

Later that night he started dancing with me - slow dancing - to hate that I love you of all songs and even sang it to me. We messed around fighting and joking. My friend informed me that he had an argument with his girlfriend though I'm not sure if that was before it happened or during.

 

He soon went off and later messaged me asking where I was. I told him I was at home and he later said that he just wanted to make sure I got home okay. Since then he's hardly spoke to me & all friendly progressed we had made seems to have vanished.

 

What is he playing at? & first off: no I do not want him back, we're not good for each other and he certainly doesn't bring me happiness like he used too. I'm also dating. I just want to know what his deal is.

 

For some reason you are FAR too interested in what HE IS DOING.

 

Hate to tell it to you, but you are still emotionally invested in him and what his life is like, because if you werent, you wouldnt really care about what his actions might imply.You are just too stubborn to listen to the advice given here that being friends with an ex is obviously a mistake AT THIS TIME.

 

Only when you stop caring for him, his actions, then you can be friends. But you took the effort to write a whole topic about it on Loveshack, so you are still curious / caring for him.

 

Who are you kidding here? I think you need a reality-check. Might sound harsh, but it's the truth.

Edited by NC-Thomas
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spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it - a steady girlfriend and a passionate woman in the background who he can mess around and fight with. Do you really want that? What kind of guy talks to another girl like he has to you while he is dating someone else? If he was at all decent, he would have broken things off with the other girl first.

NC-Thomas Established Member

NC-Thomas

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You are making it easy for them to move on from you by remaining in contact “as friends” or “exes with benefits” while they pursue others, and harder for you to move on, heal and mend your heart, and be open one day to someone who actually wants to be with you. By choosing to remain in contact and settle for being in limbo, you are reaffirming your ex’s belief that they can find someone better because if you can’t walk away out of self-love and out of recognition of your own value, then you must not be someone worth having. It’s basic human psychology.

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ZiggyZoo Established Member

ZiggyZoo

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Posted
You are making it easy for them to move on from you by remaining in contact “as friends” or “exes with benefits” while they pursue others, and harder for you to move on, heal and mend your heart, and be open one day to someone who actually wants to be with you. By choosing to remain in contact and settle for being in limbo, you are reaffirming your ex’s belief that they can find someone better because if you can’t walk away out of self-love and out of recognition of your own value, then you must not be someone worth having. It’s basic human psychology.

 

This idea right here is what has saved my self-respect so many times. I can't begin to tell you, OP, how important it is that you understand this.

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Seeker12 Established Member

Seeker12

Posted
Posted
This idea right here is what has saved my self-respect so many times. I can't begin to tell you, OP, how important it is that you understand this.

 

I didnt do that this time and pleaded down to the wire, but for damn sure il be doing it next time.

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